yes.
no.
yes.
no.
ahh, my head hurts.
Anonymous
10:13:00 PM
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
I have major rage problems. When I get really frustrated or angry I react and usually end up hurting myself or breaking something around me. I never act this way when someone else is around - and it is usually just a brute explosion then I curse myself for reacting. I need some way to not break things when I get angry.
Anonymous
09:56:00 PM
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
would you give your father a second chance?
a father who hit you and your mom when you were little. an alcoholic, who had an affair and left another woman pregnant. who divorced your mom and when you stayed at his house when you were little...left for two days leaving you all by yourself.
he wants a second chance now.
Anonymous
09:19:00 PM
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I was in a bad mood and arguing about little things (but not in an angry way.. I just do that when i'm tired and unhappy). He stopped talking to me because he argued with his parents last night and didn't want to deal with anymore drama. He didn't feel like dealing with me... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel.
Anonymous
07:31:00 PM
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
I definitely put myself out there last night and, surprise surprise, there wasn't much on the other end. It actually WAS kind of surprising because I thought he liked me too. This is just one in a string of almost-something heartaches. I'm not bitter (well, yes I am, but it's not so bad, because I "learned" from it) but I just wish something would come my way.
All people can say is "at least you have the guts." Yes, yes I do. But it hasn't gotten me very far, has it?
Anonymous
02:54:00 PM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Guys, stop calling me a "WoWAddict." Yes, I play World of Warcraft. I also get my homework done on time, shower regularly, hang out with friends, and get better grades and more sex than you do. So don't call me a lifeless shut-in just because I like killing virtual trolls in my spare time. Thank you.
Anonymous
10/30/2007 07:39:00 PM
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
I had a dream recently where my brother tried to kill me by crushing me against the bottom of a swimming pool.
The thing is he's pulled me underwater and held me there before. He's stronger than me and I know he hates me for some reason. He calls me "fat" and "stupid" every day. Neither are true. But I know he could kill me with his anger that he has towards me.
Was it just a dream? Or was it a premonition...
Anonymous
04:49:00 PM
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
My older brother told me i was adopted when i was 6. i didn't believe him. My mom died when i was 7. my dad died two months ago. I found out my brother was telling the truth a week ago.
I feel like if i go looking for my parents, it'll be like im replacing my "parents". But if i don't then Im right back where i started.... an orphan....
what do i do...
Anonymous
10/20/2007 01:58:00 PM
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wow, I really haven't figured this out yet at all. I hung out with you in a group of mutual friends recently after not talking in months. We barely know each other. All of a sudden, you act very nice to me. And you pay a lot of attention to me. And you don't act that way towards other people. Which, on its own would make it obvious that you had a crush on me. Except that, one, I'm nearly positive you have a crush on someone else and, two, even though you're unusually nice and attentive, you act that way in a way that seems completely platonic. And I usually know whether a person has a crush on me as soon as I talk to them. Which begs the question of why anyone would be nice and pay a lot of attention to anyone else unless they wanted love or something else. I don't have anything that you want. I don't get it.
Anonymous
11:13:00 PM
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Damn. I couldn't get up the nerve to tell her, and what happens? She starts dating someone. Just like what I was worried about. And I have nobody to blame but myself because I'm such a coward. Maybe this is a sign to move on.
First time I felt genuine attraction to someone that strongly, too. Damn, this sucks.
Anonymous
09:36:00 PM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
I miss seeing my sister every day. It's lonely at home without her. I find myself crying when I think about her because I miss her so much, but I can't bring myself to talk to her through any means because I feel too awkward and that I could burst into tears at any moment.
It's only the fifth week. What will it be like in the years to come?
Anonymous
09:46:00 PM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I just found out that a good number of people cheated on a test today. The people I heard saying it were glorifying it, saying "I wish I had cheated as well."
I am so angry right now. Normally, I would probably just let it blow over, but I am seriously considering emailing the professor.
Only problem is, I have no real evidence. No names, nothing. Just hearsay.
Anonymous
05:57:00 PM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
i sort of almost kind of asked this guy to see greece with me this weekend. in an awkward and well awful fashion. its the first time i've ever made the first move of any sort. and it is slightly scary. i dont know anything about him. or he me. but i did anyway. and i know he didn't take it romanticly but i did... it was intresting.
anonymous
06:17:00 PM
I liked this guy on and off since 7th grade and now he's starting to show a lot of interest in me. Quite honestly, I don't think I ever stopped liking him... I just never saw him, so I forgot it, for a while. Now he's kind of back in my life. And I hope things go somewhere this time. Wish me luck!
anonymous
05:14:00 PM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Aaah. Stress stress stress.
I'm extremely nervous about an in-class essay test for APUSH tomorrow. It's been a tiring week for me in particular, and I've always had a bit of an issue with timed writings. (I'm always the last person in the class to finish a test or an essay and I often end up scrambling to finish after the bell has rung to mark the end of the period.)
:(
At least writing about it helps. A little.
Anonymous
9/13/2007 10:58:00 PM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Right after I went off for lunch with you we finished Hitchcock's "Notorious" in class. When T.R. Devlin crooned "I couldn't see straight or think straight. I was a fat-headed guy, full of pain." It hit me HARD how much I want to kiss you. Every time I even think about it I have to stop what I'm doing to concentrate, then a lump arrives in my stomach from longing. Oh Oh.
Anonymous
03:24:00 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
College is fucking amazing.
A word to the wise my pretties, take AP Chem your senior year. Much more useful in college than Physics.
Sigh... This is the first time I've been on here in about a year.
You poor things.
I'm off to go to parties, join "real" clubs, hit hookah bars, not have parents, go to class at 12:30, live in a place more aesthetic than your local park, and forge the rest of my life in a place offering the most opportunities one will ever find in one place.
Sigh. High School is a joke.
Anonymous
11:31:00 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Lunatic love thought without thinking and through
I ask you not to leave for thousands of reasons, for example for me, I am a reason, I might even be the reason, but there are thousands more, without counting me I can name countless reasons, like for example us, because that reason is twice as important as me, that reason is two, but not any two, it is us two, you and I, us as always, the ones from the pictures, from the walk on the afternoons, from the kisses, from the discussions on the telephone about the thousands of reasons that exist for us to be together, form yesterday’s night, from today’s morning, but there are more reasons, lots more, like the cold space that’s left in the right side of my body, or the left one, either one is the same, they are still really cold, still there are more reasons, and there are so many that I don’t know which one goes next, I’m afraid I could go on forever, and if I never stop giving you reasons then I would never know if you’re staying or not, and that frightens me, I don0t want you to leave, because if you leave millions of dreams will become orphans, and if you have ever seen an orphan you’ll know that’s very sad, almost as sad as if you leave, but I hope you don’t, I need you for tons of things, like having someone I can give stupid nicknames without getting hit or starred coldly as a answer, or to enjoy lots of movies from which I’ll only remember a few scenes because I’ll be busy on the other ones, because those scenes I don’t remember are stuck in my mind, and they burn and burn when you’re not here, that means that if you leave they won’t stop burning, and will make way through my brain, and will make way through my chest, and there’ll be thousands of wounds, one for each reason I have for you to stay, so you’ll know what I say is true, someday you’ll hear about the poor bastard that walks with a thousand open wounds and that won’t stop muttering one name that only he can understand, and you’ll know it’d me, because only a person who knows how it feels to lose someone even if there’s thousands of reasons would understand, so I ask you not to leave, all your stuff is here, or at least what matters, what matters to me, except for you, there’s no you, but I know you’ll be here, because there’s a thousand reasons for you to come, and those reasons will pick you up in a horse wherever you are and bring you to me, so will be together and it’ll be as if you never left, because if there’s something easier than leaving it is staying, it requires of less than half the work, specially when there’s a thousand reasons to do it, for example the knife you left, the blood must be dry by now, it was long ago, but I know you’ll be back, even if it is only to know what happened to the knife, or to me, they say that I’ll walk again soon, so I’ll soon go looking for you, because maybe you don’t come because you can’t, or they won’t let you, but if a can walk I can pick you up, and I’ll tell you not to worry, that I’m fine, that there’s nothing to forgive, that life can give us another chance, only if you don’t have another knife. I think I don’t like knives.
Anonymous
01:46:00 AM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
I just found this blog by hitting the "next blog" link (which is actually kind of a sad hobby) and thought maybe I could give it a try. I’m from Bogotá, the capital of Colombia for those who don’t know it. All that is just to give a little background of all this…
I’ve always waited for that girl. Don’t know her name, or her looks. Don’t know her age, or her eyes’ color. And actually don’t even care. Still I’ve just waited for her. Every night still I dream of her, in that foggy silhouette kind of dream, and even though at the morning I can’t even remember her voice, I still remember how she make’s me feel. I know that as soon as I meet her I will know that she’s the girl I’ve been waiting for so long… maybe I’m just a pathetic guy that hopes for something impossible… but if she doesn’t exist then life’s just not worth living it. That’s why she has to exist… there’s no other way… I'll just have to… wait.
Anonymous
01:27:00 AM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Hey, remember the girl who was excited about the guy adding her on facebook and none of you thought it was a big deal? Well, that's me (duh) and we're now friends again, on speaking terms and we talk every night we can on MSN. I was right, it was the new beginning with him I was waiting for. Maybe he's seen the light?
Anonymous
11:07:00 PM
you know how people say that you shouldn't like a guy just because he's cute, and not just because of his looks.
everyone likes to think that they do that, and they're not shallow. but we know that most people are that shallow.
i've always been one of those people, until i met him.
he's definitely not the attractive one, and if you just showed me in a random group, i would never think a second thought about him.
but we're in a class together. and we spent most of a day together. and he's one of the most charming, charismatic, and non-jerky guys i've ever met.
Anonymous
10:33:00 PM
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I'm so fucking angry about parking spaces. I mean, I understand if your parents say you can get a car if you get a space, but people who don't have lisences or even permits got spaces because they entered their names into the lottery. Ugh. Fuck you guys. Now I have to park with the Juniors who don't know how to parallel park worth horseshit.
Anonymous
06:36:00 PM
Monday, August 27, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
today was one of "thoes days" the kind you just wish would never, ever happen. not cause something bad happened. today was my first day in public school and i, yes actually i am, i am so encredably scared i could scream!!! i cant figure out how to open my locker, and i dont have time to go to it anyway, my binders for my classes take up a messanger bag and a backpack, and thats WITH OUT text books. speaking of text books i haven't really ever had them....and i dont know ANYONE who goes to school with me. really at all, i have one class with this girl i knew years and years ago, and my path crosses sometimes with people i've met... once or twice...
can ya tell i'm kinda flipping out?
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
A week before I was supposed to go to college my college sent me a letter saying my acceptance was void because of a lower grade at the end of the year than I started with. In a hard class. With no time left to transfer or apply to another school, even community college.
Fuckers.
I've had to go live with my sister. My mother wouldn't stop crying and I haven't spoken to my father since before the letter came.
I'm going to burn it to the ground.
Anonymous
05:10:00 PM
i've always been an outspoken opponent of long-distance relationships and even though i refuse to believe i am in a "relationship" this is so ridiculous. i haven't seen my "boyfriend" in over two months, haven't spoken to him for over a week, i am not even sure i like him anymore, and i don't know what to do. should i "break up"? it's not even a breakup, we haven't even done anything, not even seen each other. and he's going to college anyway... i just feel bad because i know he likes me a lot. but how can i change what i feel?
dammit, this year was supposed to be easy.
Anonymous
11:28:00 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Saturday, August 04, 2007
I just lost my virginity to someone I told I was not a virgin.
Imagine his surprise.
I lost it knowingly, but unwillingly. I told him no, but I let him keep going.
It's not his fault I led him on.
Shit. Now I have to explain myself.
Please please please tell me this doesn't count. :[
Anonymous
11:56:00 PM
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Its odd how people overestimate the extent to which events in there own microcosm reach. In other words people think things important to them and their crowd are more universally important and known than they really are.
I don't know if my wording made much sense to anyone else, oh well.
Anonymous
10:39:00 PM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I know hope is only going to hurt me more, but I can't help thinking this will all end in that asshole from MTV showing up saying "You got punk'd!" and me noticing all the cameras. How can I make it through these next couple weeks when I don't even know how I'll make it to tomorrow?
Anonymous
1:26 AM
7/18/2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.
Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity?
Spock: Yes.
Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
Anonymous
10:58:00 PM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
I've always been close with my mom. She's always shared her problems with me and I of course have confided in her too (even when I don't plan to). But now, with all this crap happening in my family, the time when we need each other the most, I can't be there for her. I've purposely detached myself in order not to get sucked in and completely stressed out. I'm scared of her problems. I'm scared of feeling what she's feeling. I don't really know what to do. I wish I could just run away and have it be better. But that wouldn't help her much, would it?
Anonymous
07:34:00 PM
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Note:
If you sent in an admin application and have not gotten a response, please send it again. The address is my.tangst@gmail.com.
I'm the older sibling. My younger sib is constantly talking about how restricted they feel. I honestly want them to follow their own path and interests, but they insist that I subconsciously force them into doing what I want. I WANT THEM TO DO WHAT THEY WANT. MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION PLEASE STOP BLAMING ME. Yes I acknowledge that I am influencial as the older sib, but I am here actively encouraging you to find out what you love. And what you love is not necessarily what I love, and vice versa.
Anonymous
08:54:00 PM
FUCK YOU, MOM.
You say that all Bennett and I talk about is quotes from websites and you don't see how we can't carry on that relationship over the phone? FUCK YOU. You say that it's not really communicating at all to talk to my boyfriend on IM and I'm silly to get upset over news from him that comes over the internet? FUCK YOU. You've trivialized my relationship with my brother, you've trivialized my relationship with my lover, FUCK YOU. You don't know shit about Bennett and me and you never will. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU!
Friday, July 06, 2007
To add to the list of shit I seriously regret but will probably laugh about later:
So apparently last night, the final night of our cruise, I decided to get really fucking drunk with the cutest boy on the boat. I remember being super excited about it. I remember the rum. I remember chugging it just to impress him, and I remember it worked. I remember talking to him and being so entranced by him. I somewhat remember crying ALLLEXXXXXXX alleexxxxx aaaaaaaaaallex while on the floor as he walked away.
Wake up this morning in my bed, found out I passed out on the promenade deck sprawled face down on the floor, someone found me, security called my mom.
Hah. What a way to have my first blackout from alcohol, security in my face and a scared mother.
He LEFT me there.
I think I will add him on facebook.
Anonymous
04:28:00 PM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
so basically i'm trying to handle my new-found addiction to celebrity gossip. is it real? is it fake? it's exciting. screw you.
yeah, it's basically all i talk about these days and i really feel like i'm starting to get annoying. but it's really hard to resist when you see something funny or really surreal.
the spice girls might be getting back together?!?!?! what?!?!?!?!
ugh.
Anonymous
12:38:00 AM
Friday, June 22, 2007
I hate her so much that now I'm having dreams about hating her. This sucks. God, I wish I could just shoot her in the face with a shotgun full of napalm and get it over with! Thank goodness that the politicians she didn't vote for advocate gun control. Otherwise, that whore'd be dead.
Anonymous
09:21:00 PM
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Yesterday, my companion to the foreign nation of Japan, his uncle, his uncle's fiance, and I were walking through the harajuku district of Tokyo up towards the Meiji Shrine when I saw a Japanese kid holding a "free hugs" sign. After humoring him he asked me, albeit in broken english rather hard to understand, if I would like to join him in his cause, but let's be real, I'm in Japan, I'm trying to take it all in, I only have two weeks, and the rest of my party is waiting for me, I don't have time.
On the long walk up to the shrine, however, this logic began to bother me. Why shouldn't this be a part of my experience in Japan? Why is anything else more important than this? On the way back down I got my friend to speed ahead of the two others with us back down to where the free hugs people were. We stood there for about an hour giving out hugs and talking to the people around us.
It was beautiful.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
I'm being consumed by this stupid website (not tangst) and I can't stop it. It's not the porn, definitely not the porn, I don't really care all that much about the porn but it's more the fact that I'm a part of this living, breathing entity that is the festering spawn of the intarwebs. I understand the meaning of An Hero and Do a barrel roll and slowpoke and Anonymous and Grinman. I spent four hours on the website without even noticing time going by. My sense of humor is narrowing to almost specifically what is posted on /b/ and I feel this sense of importance and superiority.
Fuck yeah seaking.
Fuck yeah 4chan.
I hate myself.
Anonymous
05:19:00 PM
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Recently, I've started taking care of myself more: making myself a hearty breakfast instead of giving up and eating cereal; spending some of my own money to actually buy things that i like and enjoy; making time for myself; realizing that i can be beautiful. You know what? I really like it. I like myself. Not in a weird narcissitic way, but in a "I'm comfortable with myself/I'm growing up" kind of way.
I feel good.
Anonymous
01:14:00 PM
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I should have told you the truth when you asked. Now it's definitely too late for that and I'm terribly sorry for it all. Maybe if I admitted I was in love with you, you wouldn't have gone back to her. Maybe you wouldn't be miserable now. And maybe I wouldn't hate her as much for treating you so badly. I'm sorry for my weakness.
But I'm even more sorry that we are too much alike for anything to have worked anyways.
Besides, we both need friends more than significant others right now anyways.
Anonymous
02:01:00 AM
Monday, June 11, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
I've lost my confidence in my ability to be sexy for you. I don't know if I can ever get it back, knowing I'm nowhere as good as your lightning strike lust affair was... how can I ever compare to all the other people who've fucked you before? And I know there's so much more to our relationship than the sex, but still. I want you to want my body, not just accept it as an okay consolation prize that comes with my love. But without confidence, I can't be sexy.
Anonymous
09:59:00 PM
I'm getting sick of the seniors thinking they're better than everyone else just because they're done with high school. In all of my classes, when my junior friends and I would get excited about being seniors next year some senior bastard would come along and say "Oh yeah we'll we're going to college, suck it bitch you have one more year ha ha". Look, I realize you're excited. Good for you. We're excited too and being rude about it just makes you look like an asshole. I want somewhere to be excited about being a senior without someone reminding me that I'm not the one going to college. Have your graduation parties and have your college and have all the other shit you want, all I'm asking is that you stop peeing on our parade. If you feel you need to put us down and brag about yourself please just shut up and have your fiesta somewhere else.
Anonymous
07:50:00 PM
Monday, June 04, 2007
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Saturday, June 02, 2007
I really like this article. It makes me feel much better about my own relationships:
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships
/36/is-the-one-youre-dating-the-one
Anonymous
06:19:00 PM
Friday, June 01, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
my moms making a big deal about graduation, inviting all my relatives family friends and everyone I've ever met. I really wish she wouldn't and I've told her so but she just keeps planning. It is really quite bothersome. extended family really annoys me at least if I'm expected to make idle chitchat. So what are you people doing after graduation?
Anonymous
11:21:00 PM
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this;
"I just came to say goodbye.
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine."
But I know it's a lie.
[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
"It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine."
But I know it's a lie.
[Chorus]
The last night away from me
[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,
Tonight.
[Chorus]
I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.
The last night away from me,
Away from me.
The Last Night-Skillet
I think the "I" might be God.
I hope so...
Anonymous
07:01:00 PM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I have gotten to the point now that I consider any joke about death to be extremely bad taste and not at all funny.
I just had a very good friend of mine die, totally unexpected, and yes that factors into this, but that's not all.
For everyone else, the Virginia Tech Massacre, the countless third world deaths, how can you say "i want to kill my English teacher" or "blah blah blah I have so much work, kill me now"
This also goes to suicides, cutters, etc. Life is always better than death. Always. And people aren't aware how much death can hurt everyone around them. If they are, and they do attempt suicide, they are sicker than just about any form of sick I can imagine.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, maybe I'm not. The point is: Life is always better than death. If only for the reason that you're alive. It's all you've got. It's all you've ever really got.
Anonymous
08:43:00 PM
Monday, May 21, 2007
I can not deal with, or know how to deal with, people that are filled with self hate so much that it consumes them. I have run out of things to say or try. I have tried everything i can think of, I have evne mentioned it to authority that can do somethign about it. It has begun to annoy me (which i know is horrible, but i cant figure out what to do for them and im facing 100% resisitance at every step). what can i do? what should i do? nothing i say helps. nothing ive done helps. they refuse to get better on thier own, or with my help.
and it isnt like they avoid it. it is all dumped on me, so it is obvious that they are seeking something (it might just be a vent) but...what to do?
Anonymous
10:33:00 PM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
I'd like to see a therapist but I worry that my parents would be annoyed at me or disappointed that I couldn't deal with my own problems.
So instead I am thinking I will just try to get through college and get a decent job so I can pay for my own therapist. Only, if I can make it that far without offing myself or dropping out I probably won't need one as much.
Anonymous
06:46:00 PM
Saturday, May 19, 2007
My parents are perfectly capable of paying for the entirety of my colege with no loans.
My parents have decided they are not paying for my college. At all.
They did it because I started skipping the class that gave me panic attacks.
When I was younger father told me I was faking them, even as I tried to explain why he frightened me so. He ignored me and it was "for my own good."
Now as he denies me this, possibly the most important thing I've ever needed in my whole life, I feel like nothing they've ever done for me in life could've possibly been "for my own good."
This will set me behind years financially, this has set me back a lifetime emotionally... As my mother cries and tells me what a dissappointing daughter I am, and how much they loved me when I was younger before I ruined it all...
I wasn't the one "faking it."
Anonymous
02:57:00 PM
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
is it really possible to get over your first, real, serious crush??
I've dated other guys. even liked other guys. but whenever I see this guy when he comes back from college or I see him randomly on facebook...its like I never forgot about him in the first place.
why the hell is he so perfect?
Anonymous
11:51:00 PM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
why are people so messed up?
I know so many people who have so much darkness and sadness inside and it makes me want to scream, WHY CANT YOU GET BETTER? I NEED YOU TO BE OK! PLEASE! but I know I can't just make them better and that it's something they have to do for themselves and that is one of the hardest feelings I have known.
everytime I see your cuts and burn marks I cry. HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF? PLEASE GET BETTER! I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH!!
Anonymous
08:45:00 PM
i liked him in seventh grade and he turned me down after i wrote him a note asking him to the sadie hawkins dance. we didn't talk for two years and it was really awkward. then we got to high school and it was okay for the most part. i've always kind of been into him, he's exactly what i'm looking for in a guy and he's just so damn nice. we don't hang out with the same crowd but every time we talk it feels like there's a spark... or i could just be making this up.
dammit! i don't even know if i like him! i don't know what to do.
Anonymous
06:49:00 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007
I am sooooo upset that Rory didn't accept Logan's proposal, even though I understand her reasons for refusing it. She is only 22, after all, and marriage is a big decision. ...and I'm really embarrassed to say this even to my mother, who's watched every Gilmore Girls episode with me since the series started. I'm ashamed to be so obsessed, and I can't wait for the last show tomorrow night-- Luken'Lorelai, here's hoping!
Anonymous
09:30:00 PM
Sunday, May 13, 2007
For all of you APES veterans,
I'm freaking out like wtfomg about the AP exam on tuesday. Is it really thaaaaaat hard or should I be relatively prepared if I studied my review book and had Mr. Ogren?
Remember, don't tell me anything about the multiple choice questions because you aren't allowed to talk about those EVARRRRRR.
Anonymous
05:26:00 PM
Saturday, May 12, 2007
One week after your girlfriend broke up with you you start calling me to "hang out". It's been two years since I've even talked with you. That was when I liked you. You sort of crushed me back then, I'm not bitter anymore but I still remember how it feels. I'm not attracted to you in the least, I have my own boys to like.The one time I did agree to "hang out" with you made it awkward and kind of obvious that you just wanted to hook up.
Stop calling me plzthx. I'm over you and very proud of it.
Anonymous
12:49:00 PM
Friday, May 11, 2007
I love the fact that on a 12.5 hour drive to the most southern tip of this country I will come across about 350,000 cars. And in each of these cars there are people with just as many memories of how their cousins tormented them during those ageold family reunions in the middle of nowhere. With fears of the future coming forward and the past coming back. With allergies to pollen, cats, and assholes. With some opinions of religions, where Humanity is going, and how great an impact we have. I love the fact that its not all background noise. And the grit of growing up is fully romanticized (and justly so!).
I love the fact that "love" itself isn’t entirely bullshit. Sure, I hate how the word has lost a lot of its glory from being thrown around all the time, but the fact that the concept hasnt been swallowed up entirely gives me a bit of hope. I really hate tossing that word around though...when you say it, you should know the weight it carries. And if you do mean it, and know the weight it carries, say it to who deserves it...too often people forget...
I love those iconic things that people have. One of my close friends wears a beanie almost as often as he wears skin. My sister will always have a guitar in her hand and a grin on her face. My arch-nemesis has a cigg on his ear, plaid shorts on his legs, and douchebag rolling off his tongue at any given nanosecond. I have this map of New York about 1.5 feet from my keyboard right now...because one of these days this scene will cave in and smoke me out from NC, and put me in a car or (if summer pays well) on a plane to JFK. Hopefully I'll go with someone I hardly know, like one of those people on a 12.5 hour road trip. Or someone from college I know only through that ridiculously distancing head nod of acknowledgement that guys are famous for committing. Or maybe even you, whoever the hell you are, and whatever the hell you stand for/against.
I love the brutally honest. The "spill your guts" people. Mind games are a bitch for both sexes. The extent of my detective skills stops at mastering "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" on my computer in 4th grade, I cant decipher what your cat-and-mouse games mean. Too much communication is caught in redtape and caution. Though I'm being hypocritical, because I do it a lot, I get tired of playing verbal diplomacy like it was a card game. It seems sometimes you're sacrificing trust for personal safety. And it seems that the older you get, and the more convoluted your problems become, the more valuable trust gets. So for those of you who speak your mind, congrats, my red, ace-of-spades wielding Fedora is off to you.
Anonymous
11:46:00 AM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I'm obsessed with picking scabs. Sometimes I even cut myself to make them, but not because I want to hurt myself, just to let them heal over and pick the scab it makes. I mostly do it on my chest, but whenever I'm with a boy and we get hot and heavy I always stop before he sticks his hands up my shirt. I'm not a prude, I just have this strange obsession.
I've always told myself that the day I get into a stable relationship I'm going to stop.
Anonymous
05:08:00 PM
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Will you stop fucking claiming how you do no work whatsoever, don't study, etc...yet you still do so well. You even claim you are a failure, and this seems like it is under the guise of "I'm better than you". You use every opportunity you can to tell me how well you did and how you didn't study for it at all, when you knew I worked for it, but still did not do as good.
Why don't you consider the way i feel? You know I work my ass off and try my hardest, because I'd be failing if I didn't. And yet you still fucking gloat. Stop.
Anonymous
04:47:00 PM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
to the tune of "So Long, Farewell"
so long, farewell
our wiener dog will bite
the fish has died
so flush him out of sight.
So long, farewell
our wiener dog will poo
he poos hes poos on you and you and you
so long, farewell, our weinerdog
made mudpie , he cries and cries and cries and cries goodbye.
Goodbye
Anonymous
10:19:00 PM
I finally decided: I will spend the next three months weaning myself away from him. No more talking unless he initiates it (the only exception is when I actually have things to talk about). No more emails. No more calls. No more favors. No more movies. No more late night talks until four in the morning.
He's leaving and there's nothing to stop it. I might as well prepare for this now.
Oh well. It's not like he's mine anyways.
Anonymous
07:53:00 PM
i'm so tired of being unattractive. i think a boy likes me and then i realize, wait, he wouldn't like you. i don't want to think that anymore.
it would help though if you asked me out sometime.
i mean, i can actually see if you're calling now since i can see the screen of my phone.
so really, there's no excuse except for that unattractiveness. but do you really see me the way i see me?
Anonymous
05:46:00 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
there are two potential guys that i could have a "thing" with, and i kinda/sorta have had a thing for them in the past. neither of them seems likely to make a move any time soon. i'm not even sure if they both like me.
the only problem is, i'm leaving for two months. should i even try to start something? i'm thinking it's not worth it, considering i'll be a continent away. but it'd sure be nice... =)
Anonymous
12:25:00 AM
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Lately, I've been having a really hard time and wanting to get back into some old habits. So in attempt to purge thoughts from my system I'm going to do some self therapy and identify issues (I know it's being posted on here...but on here I kinda feel like I'm talking to someone...lame, I know).
Reasons I used to cut/feelings that make me want to again: Self punishment, lonliness, helplessness, hopelessness, attempt to escape emotional distress
Reasons I stopped/Reasons I won't (can't) start again:
1) Theatre- 5 shows per year...I'm always in my underwear around people...they'd notice
2) Fear of ruining my parents' perfect image of me
3) Trying to stay strong and be there for other friends...I'm the group therapist.
4)Vanity..don't want scars
5)Summer's coming...and I don't wanna have to hide it
6)If I start again...it'll be 300 times harder to stop.
Reasons not to outweigh reasons that I want to, right? Let's just hope I can maintain this self control.
Anonymous
08:56:00 PM
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
You have done more in the past three months to help me heal from my sexual assualt than I did for myself in the past three years.
You found me attractive, and approached me, which no one has done since that day, and you've let me go as slow as I needed even though you're much more experienced than I am.
I feel beautiful again. Not used goods, not a victim. Beautiful and a woman in my own right.
Thank you.
Anonymous
11:20:00 PM
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
mostly i'm pretty modest about it, but i really am a good person. it's not even that i necessarily go out of my way to do things, but a lot of times i will. (like picking up trash from the ground, or that time i helped that poor soph kid puking into a garbage can to the nurse.) i'm not trying to gain anyone's approval (i don't think), but it's just part of who i am.
i think i like it the best.
Anonymous
12:17:00 AM
Thursday, April 26, 2007
So, I was searching through some old files on my computer, and I came across this. This was the beginnings of what was originally to be a chronicle of all that had happened on Tangst over its first few months. While I did originally start elaborating on these topics, I never did finish, and if I posted them, it would take up way too much space. So take a look, enjoy, and remember the good ol' days.
1. Tangst forms as an extension of Sithgirl's blog, The Idiosyncratic
2. The teacher posts
3. True Tangst
4. The Great Class Rank Debate
5. The Teacher Posts
6. The Maverick Poems
7. The Christmas Posts
8. Enloe Midterms
9. The Great Homosexuality Debate - With a Tangst Record of 82 Posts Before It Left the Main Page
10. The 300th Post
11. "I fucked my neighbor's dog" - Tangst growing pains, censorship debate
12. Tangst appears on Wikipedia, and is not long after deleted
13. The First of the Cutting/Addiction to Various Things Posts
14. The First Admin Crush Topics
15. The 500th Post
16. thewordofrashi gains Contributor Status. I had to...
17. The Honor Code
18. Prom Posts Begin/Valentine's Day
19. The First Real Cutting Topic (More follow in the coming weeks)
20. Preparations for TangstCon
21. The Uncertainty Period (What if I fail at life?)
22. TangstCon (perhaps merge with preparations?)
23. People Begin to Criticize the Actions of Admins and Contributors
24. Spring Break
25. Ailill_Angra_Mainyu Makes His Consecutive Posts, thus Annoying the Hell out of Tangsters for Weeks to Come
26. The Very First Admin Crush Post, Plus some OTPs (Many, many more to come)
27. April Fools - The Most Disgusting Background in the History of Mankind
28. The Rashi Posts Begin - Both criticizing and loving him
29. The 1000th Post and the Admin Responses
30. Prom
31. "I love _____" Posts Run Rampant
Last night something really bad happened to me.
I called you crying, and all I said was "Can you do me a favor?" you said "of course" and then I asked you to just talk for 10 or 20 minutes about anything. I could tell you were in your dorm with your friends. You might have been drunk, but you always hide it well. But you walked out of the room to where you could hear me. After about 20 minutes you asked me would I be OK and I said yes and then you asked if you were supposed to ask me about it. I hesitated and said no. Then you said "because I want to ask, you know that right?"
I hadn't known that. I said I really didn't want to talk about it, which was true. We hung up and I was able to go to sleep.
You have no idea how much I needed someone to distract me last night. The fact that you dropped what you were doing and talked to me means so much more than you know. And that fact that you wanted to ask what was wrong means the most. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I couldn't. I hope you don't worry.
Sometimes I get frusterated with you when you are too busy or too wasted to talk. I get angry when you are in town and I'm too busy to see you. But I have always known and now I know even more, that you are there for me more than anyone else when it counts. Thank you.
Anonymous
02:55:00 PM
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Talking to you so often, I sometimes feel really guilty. I wonder if, had I not lied months ago, you would be happier, or at least less sad and stressed. That maybe your current and persistent misery is somehow my fault. If only I had admitted things, maybe you wouldn't have gone back to her, maybe you'd be able to be your own person again.
Maybe I wouldn't see the life being sucked out of you on a daily basis.
Anonymous
12:21:00 AM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
some days
I feel like a
dried up carcass, weathered and worn
hardened like a human jerky stick
as my soul is
gone
stifled.
and I realize that what I want out of life
us not the same thing, that
life wants out of me
as this society swoops in like a flock of overbearing vultures
ravenous
they pick me apart
To be.
I can’t.
a heavy sponge of chloroform over my nostrils
until my body functions
but there is nothing left within
Anonymous
10:03:00 PM
We're going to laugh together and be silly. It wil be relaxed and wonderful.
It's exactly what we need after we've put ourselves through so much empty angst over each other.
And it's just what I need. Slow and simple.
Thank goodness I said something.
And thank goodness he cares enough about me to do what I ask. Slow down.
This isn't even a sad post, for once, probably the first time it hasn't been.
I was courageous enough to say what needed to be said. Now I'm going to be happy for a while. If I get any negative comments or whatnot--know this.
I'm happy and I have little to no reason to care if you have something mean to say.
Anonymous
08:07:00 PM
I understand completely how you are feeling. You 'hate' me but I understand. Maybe you like him... I am just guessing. I understand what that is like. I really don't have anything against you. I don't know why you think I do. I didn't make an obscene gesture at you or call you any names. I am not that girl. I am sorry if you miss him and I am sorry if I took him off the market and out of your arms. But he did want you and you didn't want him back. So he moved on. Every time I see you coming I dodge in another direction but as my favorite adult said: "It's your school too" and he is mine too. He does really like me. I am so lucky for that and grateful and I am not looking to hurt him. I understand if you are protective. But things between him and I are good. We really have a good thing going. I think that as 'needy' as I am his desire to fix every problem is comforting. BUT I do agree with you... I have to solve my own problems. But you are missing the point. He wants me. He wants to be with me. So I am not using him for his support. We are supporting each other, feeding off each other. We care about each other. How long is this relationship going to last? Well I don't know but it sure isn't ending tomorrow. I don't understand why you are going to lose your friendship with him over me. But what I realize... is that this isn't about me. This is about him and how much you care for him. But think... if you really cared about him you'd let him be happy. I am sick of seeing him upset over you treating him horribly. I understand how hard it is ... I've been through this. I am a nice person ... get to know me before you hate me. Try to see what he sees. I am not trying to push you out of his life. In fact I want you there just as much as I want my former best friend in my life. Don't be silly. Please talk to him.
Please treasure these last two months and don’t spend them hating on someone whose company you enjoy.
Anonymous
04:25:00 PM
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