how do you decide if it is time to break up with someone? Its not love but perhaps its better than being alone... but then maybe there is something better waiting for me...


Anonymous
6/06/2010
01:15:00 AM

I'm so lonely and sad. It's past six o'clock and I've done nothing but check my email and lie on the floor reading for hours. I might go drink some of the whiskey in the pantry just for something to do, but even that seems pathetic. Fucking cold and cloudy summer days.


Anonymous
08:13:00 PM
7/26/2009

Sometimes I want to die so badly that my wrists feel like they are begging to be cut.
I am so lonely.

Anonymous
10:08:00 AM
7/10/2009

Ladies: The first several times you had sex, was it bad? Did you feel anything pleasurable? Did it kind of hurt? Did it take you a long time to figure out how to make anything feel good down there?

Please don't let me be the only one experiencing this. I already feel so alone.


Anonymous
12:53:00 AM
7/08/2009

I'm so stressed. so stressed. I'm ruining this relationship. I don't know how to handle it. Who to ask for help. I can't breathe.


Anonymous
11:57:00 PM
6/14/2009

I've gotten drunk by myself more times this week than is socially acceptable or reasonable.


Anonymous
10:14:00 PM
5/30/2009

Deprivation, In Three Parts (also titled, 10:31am)

I.
Restless / breaking / from lack of sleep
Dying / but from lack of You
Slowly, draining, tossing, turning
Nothing coming for the weary
Nothing, headed nowhere
Fast.
I am far gone - and
I am done.


II.
I have thoroughly given up on sleep tonight
today, this morning?
As I lay here, thoughts drift to you
Asleep, peacefully snoozing (snoring) across the ocean
exactly 5 hours and approximately
three thousand one hundred fourteen miles
(five thousand twelve kilometres)
away
I miss you terribly, awfully, completely
There is always the phantom feeling
of you at my back
bare skin, full body
Arm wrapped around my torso
ever protective, ever caring
Every shift mirroring the other's
Remolding to the nooks of our bodies
sticking together, gliding against
the largest organs
the most sensitive organs

I want to fall asleep to sound of your breathing

I want to wake up to your smile


III.
Every caress of the breeze through my window (the drapes)
lifting my hair, baring my neck
The air (the cold) a contrast to your breath (the warmth)
with which I am unfairly (surprisingly) familiar (intimate)
The wind (like your cane) cracks the cloth (like my ass)
making it taught (tense) before easing back (the next stroke?)
On and on the pattern drags, lulling (relaxing) me
into sub -consciousness (-space).


Anonymous
02:25:00 PM
5/04/2009

A few weeks ago, I sent him a message telling him how much our relationship meant to me. Both the very short romantic portion and the awesome friendship prior to that. I told him how he helped me through the worst months of my life and thanked him for being there. He never responded to that message.

Since we broke up a little over three months ago, I can count the number of times he has initiated any kind of conversation with me on my fingers, despite the fact that we eat lunch together every day. Casual side-conversation, where we act like we're okay with each other, is usually the extent of our interactions. Today he casually asked how I was doing. When I responded with a "been better", he wanted to know what was wrong. I wanted to scream at him that there was no point in trying to pretend like he cared about me now.

But before all this, he was the only one that helped. When I was around him, I didn't feel like I was putting on the same show of being happy as I was with everybody else. It was genuine. Now that things have only gotten worse, I feel like I should be distancing myself from him, instead of trying to get back what we had before. But I can't. I'm afraid I'll lose the one thing that could maybe help me again someday. So I'm taking this awkward, fake civility over nothing. Not being over him is bad enough, I don't think I could handle losing him forever.

Anonymous
3/05/2009
08:18:00 PM

sometimes I feel like I'm the only nineteen-year-old virgin in the world.


Anonymous
11:50:00 AM
4/11/2008

What do you do when you get lonely?


Anonymous
11:18:00 PM

Last night I cut myself 5 times on my wrist and I never cut on my wrist always my arm or leg.

I have no one to talk to because I'm the one everyone spills to


Anonymous
11:59:00 PM

this room feels so...empty

what is wrong with me


Anonymous
07:27:00 PM

N.C. State said no.

Which means I'm going to Appalachian... hours away from evryone I know. It's not like many of them even talk to me anymore, but it's not any better knowing that now I'm losing everone I know.

Everything my father ever told me about me failing to suceed in this world is now proved true. I wanted so, so badly to prove him wrong...

More than anything though, it means that I'll be far away from whom I love. It didn't matter that it wasnt' returned, just as long as I was close...

But now like everything and everyone else in my life, I have to leave that, too.

I don't even know why I'm going to college, now. Not like this. Not so alone.


Anonymous
05:41:00 PM

after closing down at work at night, i go outside and start acting like im texting, so when my associates pass me by they'll think im important.

for once i wish i actually had someone to text.

lame.


Anonymous
12:44:00 PM

In that dark room I lay on your chest and listened to our heartbeats together that one last time. Our breathing grew quickly together, too, together. From the shadows I watched the graceful arc of our dreams as they fell.

I was calling down those stars. In my blindness I thought I saw a way clear before me. From a distance I couldn't see the horrible flaming meteorite those falling stars would become.

The tears came down our cheeks in terrible agonizing slowness and as they fell I knew the mortar of our relationship was washed away, all our future was burnt out like a fragile ash, and blown away on the breath of the whispered word 'no.'

A hurricane of words, a maelstrom of thoughts, and a torrent of tears cannot wash away the solemn power of that word!

What sin! What regret! Is there no peace, no penance with which I could change that past? I would do anything, anything. Slay a dragon, walk on fire, swim a river, or die trying if it meant I could be with you again! I would bleed, I would die. I would and I mean it. I never thought I could fall in love so hard, so true, so brutal that it lay like an open wound before the world.

Oh how I HATE the world that let me be this way. How I Despise the God that made me so broken as to reject the only part of me worth anything.

Thsi final year, the applications, the work, the stress, the family that rejected me, the friends that left me, my last floundering attempts to get it under control were voiced in my small request for time.

TIME.

Not forever. Never forever.

But from that moment it was broken. I stand now at the mouth of the gaping abyss and am torn RAW by the openness and the nothingness and the meaninglessness of that forever without you.

Please.

Please come back to me. I'm sorry I ever left you and I'm sorry the stress and the goals and all the stupid frivolous things that don't matter kept me from realizing how important to me you were.

I needed that lesson. I did. I needed it because I would've never realized how dear you were to me before this. I would've never known how special or pure or beautiful and all those things I should've known the INSTANT I laid eyes on you.

Now I know, I know them and they settle in my stomache with a sickening finality.

Please. Please, oh please, I am so sorry.

Any way that I can help you, I will. Any aid you need, I'm there. A shoulder to lean on, a hand to lend, an ear to listen... My mind, my soul, my body belongs to you.

You won't accept it. You shouldn't. You should fidn someone who cantreat you the way you deserve from the very beginning...

...
But I want that person to be me.

The thin thread of hope is wrapped around me, cutting off my blood and air and thoughts and holding me in a tentative agony of uncertainty and a deep, deep fear of never.

Its cold, cold, so cold to be so alone, and the only thing warm is the way this heart burns for you.

Please...

Be happy. My selfish hopes have hurt you enough.

((but really, in my core, in the depths of my bones, I want you to be happy with me... to see you smile at me again... to feel your embrace...))

Give me the opportunity to prove myself to you or let me die trying....

My mind is forever caught in that hour of darkness, in that one moment I so long to change...

...

Please.


Anonymous
03:08:00 PM

I'm so alone I can't stand it.

I really can't. I've never thought this hard before about what it takes to end the pain of it.

I'm never going to be loved.


Anonymous
06:39:00 PM

i miss you a lot sometimes (as a friend). i hate that you replaced me so easily and left me with no one. i hate that you ever felt the need to replace me at all. i'm still here. i was never mad. were you?

what happened to us?


Anonymous
10:41:00 PM

My parents divorced when I was 8 and I have had an awkward living situation with both of them since then. I have to pack my stuff and alternate houses every two weeks.
It's an okay arrangement, I guess.
But I've never felt like I had a home, and since I have never lived with either of my parents for a long period of time, it never felt like they were parents to me. I had to mostly take care of myself.
I mean, I've been doing my own laundry since I was 8. What 8-year-old does laundry?
I'm used to it now, but I just feel like I was established as an adult way early, and I really wish I had been mothered at some point when I needed it because I never was.
Actually, I still want to be mothered.
I've heard it's a nice feeling.


Anonymous
09:18:00 PM

I sent a carnation to myself.


Anonymous
06:03:00 PM

is it better for a guy to go to the prom alone or not go at all?


Anonymous
08:18:00 PM