Tuesday, October 31, 2006

How dare you tell me that my relationship, with a girl I am completely in love with is "lust" and that yours with some whore that sees you only as "hookup #21" is "love"?

That takes some balls, my friend.

Oh, well. I think you were just kidding, anyway.

09:21:54 PM

So this is how things are, then?

We were friends. We promised to be best friends forever, remember that? Remember all the nights we sat awake, eating candy and talking of out future weddings? Remember?

But you...you dropped me like a used kleenex for her friendship, and now, where are you? Friendless, ugly, and overweight, failing your classes at some prep school for rich republicans. And I? I have friends, good ones who care about me and would never hurt me like you did. Even at the public school, I have done well, better than you. My future is bright.

I can't say I hate you, because somewhere inside of you is the girl I was friends with, the sensitive, beautiful girl who I idolized and would have followed anywhere. The girl who drove away the bullies, gave me her protection.

But I do pity you. I pity you, but more than that...

I miss you.

06:49:32 PM

Monday, October 30, 2006

I feel like I'm a zit, and if anyone knows I'm here they'll pop me. I feel like a blemish on the face of society.

I am a girl. I like girls. Is there really something tremendously bad about that? If so please TELL ME WHY PLEASE!!! I truly want to know why society has pumped into me so much that sraight is the way to be that when I accept what makes me happy I feel like a pervert. Thinking about females makes me HAPPY, it's not like I'm thinking about raping young children.. so why does society give a damn!

Ok so I'm not in the social norm. Do you really think that I don't know that? Why does everyone have to rub it in my face? A majority of females think about malees when they have sexual fantasies. I diviate from this pattern. But 10% (studies say) of people are like me and deviate to, in the same way that I do. So it's not like it's an uncommon deviation or anything. IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO THINK ABOUT GIRLS. It may make you happy to think about the oppostie gender, do you want me to ruin YOUR happiness??

Please, please just think about it when you say "that is so gay" next time. Think of the person around you who is weeping inside because you are using their orientaion as an insult. Please.

11:40:10 PM

why does everything have to be so goddamn AWKWARD?

i'm so sick of it.

09:09:15 PM

i almost called the cops on that party last night, right after the sophmores showed up with six 40s and a ziplock bag of pot. maybe i shouldn't have stopped myself.

07:31:00 PM

How do you get over someone that you love so deeply? He has a girlfriend already, but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get over him. To me, he is just so perfect. I don't think I will ever find another human being as wonderful as he is. Perhaps I should let him know that, then move on.

05:07:52 PM

i want him to love me like i love him so very much

11:33:04 AM

Sunday, October 29, 2006

this is the stuff of the legends of enloe. im so excited.

11:58:25 PM

Sometimes I fear what I post on Tangst, because I dont know who reads this, and what if those who im talking about notice it. I refrence events and it could easily be traced to me. God I hope she doesnt read this blog.

11:28:11 PM

Ive met her a few times before, but we never talked that much and it was always in a group. Today she met some boy for the first time and flirted alot with him. Later that night she and I seemed to connect and we started flirting and getting close. I realized that I was quite attracted to her, but I'm confused about the situtation and I think she is too. I suppose I'll just let things play out...

11:26:32 PM

I have Dermatillomania, and it disgusts me.

I pick at my scabs, peeling thm off in one piece, and eat them. I pick at my pimples compolsively, even though I know it just makes them worse. I bite and eat my fingernails, and when they're too short, I peel away the skin around them and eat that.

A dentist could tell how stressed out I am by th condition of my cheeks and lips- the more stress I have, the more I bite, and suck on them to make them bleed.

I think it's so gross, but I just can't stop myself. Today I tried to go the whole day without picking or biting: I made it to third period. I need therapy, or something.

10:57:29 AM

I just realized how much I look up to you guys. Our friendship means everything to me, everything that you stand for in my mind is aboslutly amazing. I wish I could tell you this in person without being awkward, yet I know that you guys embrace awkwardness. I'm learning though! Someday I'll reach your levels. Thanks so much in the mean time, your friendship means the world to me.

01:00:53 AM

A ticking time bomb
Insomniac and a slippery soap salesman
Channel primal male agression

into a shocking
new form of therapy

their concept catches on
with underground "fight clubs"
Forming in every town

until a Sensuous
and mysterious woman
comes betwen

the two men and
ignites an out of control
spiral towards

12:52:55 AM

I've stopped caring about being successful or unique or beautiful or having friends or being remembered or finding someone to care about.

It feels like I'm floating.

12:26:30 AM

Saturday, October 28, 2006

I just almost burned down my house trying to do a wiccan love spell. I also am sporting several blisters on my right hand, a slightly ashy spot in the bathroom where I ran with the papers I accidenly set aflame, and am searching for an excuse as to why I set off the fire alarm. I never tried to do this before.

God, I'm such a freak. I may as well let myself go 'cause I'm dying alone.

11:56:05 PM

I shouldn't have freaked out so bad about that one little thing. And now your friend thinks I'm a controlling nutjob.

If only he knew all the other shit we've been through. And how apathetic you've been about those things as well. The little things just build up.

01:24:44 PM

You let me down. YOU let me down. Thanks, for staying such good friends. I hope all your mistakes catch up with you and your life sucks. You deserve it, o great friend of mine.

02:22:32 AM

You really hurt me. I can't stop wishing you cared.

12:53:32 AM

Friday, October 27, 2006

I have finished my app for Early decision. Praise the lord, now maybe I can chill a little bit.

I was finking about it, at least.

I don't want a relationship. I'm not ready for one and I probably won't be for a while. But I still find myself longing for that sense of physical intimacy. I want the broad chest to rest my head against while I'm curled up in his arms. Shoulders to lean on and rest my head against. A person I can go to when I'm upset and will just hug me and not ask questions I can't answer. Someone who accepts I'm a mess, can deal with it, and not really care.

I know how unfair that entire situation would be, but I can't help wanting it. I'm ashamed that I feel this way because I always thought that I was better than this. Apparently not.

01:41:30 AM

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I promised you that I stopped cutting but I lied

10:47:34 PM

senior year is really stressful. college apps are due in less than a week, and i'm not done yet.

09:33:52 PM

i work out and i try to eat healthy but i'm not losing any weight.

and i HATE it. i don't want to lose the weight to get attention from guys, no it's so that i can finally feel comfortable with myself again. the last year has been pretty rough and i put on a couple of pounds... i'm by no means fat... in fact most people just shut me down when i try to talk about my weight. but i hate that i'm trying (apparently not hard enough) but everywhere i go people are just shoving food down my mouth thinking that it's okay.

07:13:29 PM

the student teacher in my enviro class is really hot

06:30:05 PM

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

people say that i'm a compassionate person... and i think i am. no... i know i am. i love with every part of my being and i'm willing to trust that there is good in people. but lately i just keep getting walked all over. i keep getting hurt and i'm not sure if i keep remain the person i am. i want to be able to love with every fiber of my being. but the relationships i have keep tearing me away from this person i used to be.

05:20:06 PM

Let's just say that life isn't exactly turning out well for me. I'm in love with my friends boyfriend who i was going to ask out the day she asked him out. And he seems to like me more saying things like "*****... do you think **** would be happier without me?" or "Sometimes I think you love me more than **** does!" or "***** I love you so much... You need a good guy in your life." He's always all over me in our classes... and teachers have told me we're a cute couple... the problem lies in the fact that we're not.

Another way my life sucks... There's this boy from another school who keeps trying to get with me... and so do a lot of other guys. And i'm not talking about in the relationship kind of way... i'm talking about every other way. Ew. Plus... I really only have eyes for one guy... the guy who is already taken by my friend.

He acts like he really does like me...

what should i do?

05:17:52 PM

[Admin note: Names have been censored in compliance with Tangst policy.]

i haven't posted in a long time. i've been too busy with
and boys.

typical right? well, it's hit me so hard. and like everyone else, i want to break down. now. and i'm in school. where there are plenty of people around. but they're hopefully not looking at what i'm doing.

but i'm worried about failing
and getting bad grades,
which to my perfectionst parents,
are anything below A's.

i'm worried about losing my friends because i'm becoming annoyed with everyone. every single little thing annoys me. or i'm so worried about if my actions are what's good, so they don't get angry at me.

and boys.
well don't get me started.

tangst here.
longest post ever for me.

12:09:09 PM

fuck you, perfect people. fuck you.

i may not have a 4.5 gpa and be taking eleventy bajillion APs and i may not even be that good at the sport i'm in or the activities i'm involved with. my test scores may not be high, and i probably won't get into the college of my choice.

but you know what? i'm a good person. i'm nice, funny, and friendly--to everyone. i can make people feel comfortable, i can be the one to stand up and say what needs to be said, or be the one who has the extra large ear for people to talk to.

i'm a damn good person. i'm just not perfect.
so why do i constantly bring myself down, compare myself to other perfect people, and curse how dumb i am?

12:56:19 AM

so I was bored. This is what I did last sunday:

The house smelled like the elderly
which is the blunt way of saying it smelled
like mold, and mildew, and the dark earth, covered
lightly with a veil of potpourri and perfume. I entered
second to last, behind my grandmother and father and
grandfather and mother. my brother was behind me and
there were stiff, cold hugs and strained smiles of bodies who
had never met, before us--it was walking in to a wall.

the afternoon stretched on in bars of light that fell
through pink and purple curtains: how the dust motes
were silent and leaden. the words were punctured by
little holes of silence, the kind of hush that settles in a car
when passing by a graveyard and the children hold their breaths.
the hush as she tells us how her daughter died last spring
she was making pancakes as her the aneurism hit her brain . . . the little
boy woke up to find them burning on the oven.

the old woman, my grandmother’s friend, not seen
and out of mind for these 50 years. her eyes were strong, so
strong that I could not tell if the cancer was in her lungs
or if it hung in the air; the cause of it? her radiation. her presence.
I dare anything to come for her. I dare anyone to speak down upon
the human race.

she wrapped her husband in a quilt, a soft bed. she kissed him as he
died! that is to say . . .
he was hit by a car, and she was trained in mouth-to-mouth—
not very well. he was dead before the ambulance arrived. the quilt she
laid him in was
warm and just right
or maybe just covered in flowers. yes, the flowers of all 50 states
richly embroidered and she had been offered Six Thousand and
Three Hundred Dollars for it, and it had won First Place at the fair.
Such a bouquet will not fade. Is that a moth’s wing falling to the floor.
We will have to buy more mothballs. We shall have to stay and eat.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Tomorrow I'm going to put myself out on the line, I'm going to do what I've been draming about for a long time. I've decided that I just don't care what other people think know and I am who I am and they will just have to accept that. I am gay/lesbian whatever you want to call it. I am in love. I am going to ask my significant other out tomorrow. and tonight I am most likely going to tell one of my goodfriends who I really am. I'm tired of living a lie. Good luck to me tomorrow. Good luck to all of you on all your journeys in life.

09:37:04 PM

Relationships have to be the most confusing and stressful events that have ever taken place in my life. Even when it isn't even that serious the moment you're "dateing" i becomes awkward or feelings on both sides become confused. Ugh! Maybe all these random hookups are what people really need? (I wouldn't know, I havent ever had one)

09:04:13 PM

he told my friend that he wanted he didnt want to go to winter formal with me b/c he was afraid if i went to wf with him i wouldn't want to go to prom with him.

but then he still likes some other girl.

so how does that even work? if he liked someone else wouldnt he want to go with them to wf and prom? am i like his second choice or something?

06:02:47 PM

Weird. Her parents like me more than she does. And my parents like her more than i do. Something tells me this just won't work out.

03:34:54 PM

Monday, October 23, 2006

him:tells a story about some girl in raleigh who he could possibly have something with. says "what do you think"?
me: well you know im opposed to long distance relationships...they are basically always bad ideas
him:well thanks
him:so youre saying that me and you could never work? becuase i disagree

This is the first time he has EVER mentioned us in a romantic way...ever. I'm (secretly) in love with him...how am I even supposed to respond to that?

10:35:24 PM

I knew I didn't want a relationship

I still don't know what you want.


yes... we hooked up... yes it was fun. but all my friends like you and i like him.

yes... i'm confused

yes... i don't know what i want

but neither do you.


Stroll in

He’s with her




Find a room

and sit

in silence


lights out



His hand finds mind

We move


Hearts pound

Arms wrap around

Eyes close



warm breath

hands glide up and down back

lie down





on top

moving slowly

then faster


quickly, panting, moaning,

SCREAMING, gasp, sigh



“Don’t worry…I won’t tell her.”



Hearts beat as one

Sweaty palms

Looking into his eyes

knowing what i want


Longing to be held

he does it




I wish i was her


[Admin Note: I'm still futzing with the margin codes and trying to decide if it's more important to have the lines right or the stanzas right.]

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I hate you two together. It's fucking annoying. I want your relationship to crash and burn. I want it to go to hell. Yeah, you're "perfect for eachother," whatever. What fucking ever. I miss you being a best friend and I miss him being a good guy friend. The only time I can talk to you now is when you're alone since you turn into an octopus around him.
Fuck you. This is a general consensus. Everyone thinks this- I know since we talked about you when you wandered away with him.
Ugh. Now I have to go be nice to your face.

11:26:50 PM

it is
the person you most
be responsible
for all your happiness
be the
of your

10:51:41 PM

I'd like to get to know you better. Take the hint.

08:51:54 PM

Why do people feel so unaccomplished without a significant other?

08:04:26 PM

How do I get a guy to like me?

07:38:32 PM

i want to work for it.
i really do.
but i just...can't
i try to motivate myself and i can't do it.
at all.

i want a boyfriend and good grades and to make people happy but i just can't.

maybe i'm trying but i just suck.
or maybe i'm not trying.

it's just, i want to. but i can't.

04:45:31 PM

nope i'm not gonna think about him.

cuz then it'll ruin it.

01:13:06 AM

how could i have been so hearless.

i wasn't there for you when you told him you didn't even want to be friends anymore.

i wasn't there when you cried.

i wasn't there for you when you b on a test happened.

no i am to caught up in my own world to help.

to caught up in my own reality.

to caught up in wanting a boyfriend. no hun not him. the JE**.

to caught up in english reading (the chosen) to listen to my friends needs

i must be a total witch.

its no concidence that witch rhymes with B**CH.

12:44:58 AM

Saturday, October 21, 2006

My anger is a sign of disgust with myself.

11:52:16 PM

Remember this guy?

"I'm the guy that most girls look for, I know this because they tell me. I can make them laugh and cheer them up and be there when they are most in need. The only thing is IM POOR! not just a little, ALOT. I live with my mom and she doesnt work, so I work to pay partial rent for our place. Its so embarassing, that I dont tell anyone where I live or what I do after school.
I never get close to a girl ever and have her find out how pathetic my life is, so ive never had a gf because of that.

If you were in my situation what would you do?

That was me, ever since the day I posted that, i got so much positive feedback from you guys, that I finally got the never to ask out the girl that I really liked, and turned out she really liked me too, and all the other stuff really doesnt matter. I am the happiest guy on earth tonight, because we kissed for the first time. I never thought tangst would help me fix anything, but it really did. Thank you, so much!

11:51:58 PM

I feel a sense of impending doom daily now. I am a teenage girl and I don't believe I will live to be really old. I feel like I will get in a bad car wreck and possibly die or will be murdered. How many others sense this?

07:29:16 PM

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I didn't really know him very well. Our AP Bio class only has 12 people in it, though, so I did know him even if only as an acquaintance.
He moved here this past summer, from a nearby school district but he was born in South Carolina.
I was the first person to say hey, and find out his name, the first person to reach out and be his friend instead of treating him as the "new kid" (i know what it's like to move and know no one)... at least in our class. He was so courteous and nice--from the very beginning, I noticed that he was a gentleman and so tranquil, calm and gentle in his manners. There are so many little things about him that you wouldn't expect people to remember... but lately, they keep surfacing.

On Tuesday night he was driving back from Ames, from his girlfriend's volleyball game, and was hit by a drunk driver (37) who was on the wrong side of the interstate--he swerved back and forth between the median before hitting his car head-on. His car was spun around and then hit by a 70 year old couple from the back. He was prounounced dead at the scene. He was a senior.

He was taking four college level classes, and working 30 hour weeks at Toys R Us, to support his family. His dad, a pastor, had recently been let go. He had twin brothers in ninth grade, a younger sister in junior high, and a brother in fourth grade.
Not many people knew him because he was new, but the people who did were truly affected by his kind, considerate, and huge heart.

I never knew him well, barely as an acquaintance. He went out of his way to say hello to me in the hallway, and always had a smile on his face--even with the pain of a broken ankle (and crutches).

I'm sorry, Jon. You were loved. I hope you're at peace.

07:59:52 PM

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I hope you never come back. You suck. Call me if you want me--'cause I'm not paying you anymore mind.

10:45:47 PM

This year is inconsiderate, considering I've actually bothered to consider a relationship with someone and can't find the time to do anything about it.
I don't feel any of the stuff taking up my time has a point either. It's just keeping me here a little longer 'fore I go off.

09:39:06 PM

Maybe what I need now is random hook ups. *** ***'s been looking pretty good lately.

07:33:39 PM

[ Admin Note: Name censored in compliance with Tangst policy ]

I met what seemed to be the most absolutely perfect guy over the weekend. The chemistry was instantanious, we just kind of clicked together. We spent 90% of the weekend together flirting and he initiated all of the relationship-ish stuff that happened between us. HE kissed me first. HE held my hand first. HE put his arm around me.
I went pretty far with him over the weekend- the furthest I've ever been with a guy.
The next day he told me that he was extremely confused about his actions over the weekend and that, while he "liked me", he wanted our relationship to be real but deep down inside he knew his feelings were false because he's gay. He stopped talking to me and kind of drifted away.

I'm still in the "Wait... What?" phase and I've been tearing myself up over it ever since.

Guys are dumb.

07:29:01 PM

I don't want your disorders.

04:38:30 PM

i think i just want a boyfriend, just for the fact that i would have one. =/

12:04:22 PM

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I am worried about you. You say you're "fine" and I shouldnt worry about it..but I sense differently. I hope everything works its self out.

I am here for you

10:28:03 PM

sometimes i think i need a boyfriend just to stop freaking out about what my friends do with their boyfriends.

any advice?

10:07:50 PM

So you're "siding with me" even though I'm being "completely unreasonable?"

Hahahahahaha. Hahaha. Ha.


07:33:12 PM

So, hickeys. hot or gross?

07:14:01 PM

Monday, October 16, 2006

there's this guy that sits next to me in one of my classes, and he's pretty cute... the whole school year we've had this friendly flirting-joking sort of relationship... and i know he has a girlfriend, but he doesn't really talk about her that much. and hes SO nice, and just a wonderful guy. well just today i realized that he kind of might be into me and that he isn't necessarily joking around... he actually is flirting.
and then he was talking about how he got out of this meeting early so he went to go hang out with his gf and i asked what they did, and then said "wait do i not wanna know?" and he said,
"oh no, we didn't do anything. we never do. yeah, the relationship's pretty lame."

and then continued to flirt with me.

what do i DO? what does this MEAN?!?!

10:12:45 PM

Indifferent she seems,
Aloof in her beguilement.
Somehow I am vexed

That I find myself looking,
Hoping for another smile.

09:56:11 PM

my soul is so afraid to realize
[how very little bit is left of me...]

and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you

you are the perfect drug

without you everything falls apart.

09:30:26 PM

[Song: "The Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails.]

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I cant tell if you like me or not. Sometimes its obvious, other times its passive.

Does any other relationship go through this?

11:47:53 PM

To whomever played the gravedigger in hamlet, <3.

11:14:41 PM

you sit there rubbing my leg
making it seem like there's nothing wrong

... when everything is wrong.

You are HER boyfriend
NOTHING can make this right.

And I was going to express all the things i feel
But that was the day you and her became the couple
the day you said you'd never been happier

All of our friends feel uncomfortable
All of our group know
Except her
You hold ME not HER
You clutch my hand

The worst part of it is
everytime i see you my heart stops,
and everytime you hold me against you
i feel pure bliss
at peace
like the most beautiful girl in the world

you are one of my greatest friends
we understand each other
and i would be lying if i said that
she didn't seem happier when she's not around you

but until you and her are through
you will never know

how much i have loved you
and how i am dying inside

07:49:23 PM

before you leave i wish you'd make it all up to me and show that you care

06:31:35 PM

You make mountains out of molehills and I respond in a way that makes you want to hit me.

It is getting harder and harder to convince myself that we're worth it.

05:20:21 PM

Are drunken hookups bad if you have allready hooked up with the same person when you were both sober?

05:12:17 PM

i just hit a mailbox.

05:10:18 PM

i lost my v-card

oh, wait, here it is

in my purse

03:12:58 PM

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Downstairs I can hear my parents screaming up at each other.

I wish I didn't care.

I wonder what just broke.

I hope they don't come up here.

I can't tell what's the tv and what's my family.

09:59:19 PM

I had no idea everyone was a sex feind

12:55:58 AM

man, i was so sure this year was gonna be different and i was gonna clean up my act and get down to some hardcore studying.

i just wasted a night watching tv and halfheartedly taking "notes". FUCK, i am so screwed.

12:15:50 AM

Friday, October 13, 2006

SAT tommorow...to hell with it. goodnight.

10:34:06 PM

my right boob is totally bigger than my left one. it's really freaking me out. i mean, what the hell?!

am i just a freak of nature or has this happened to other people?

06:34:08 PM

I'm a lesbian. but I haven't come to terms with it. all my life i've tried to be more towrds "normal" b/c I'm very odd without adding homosexuality to the package. then one day I was at wendy's and one of my "friends" was like " I totally look down on girls who say they are bi/gay cause they are only looking for attention and its "in style" to be gay now" so basically this happened when i had beasically come to terms with my sexuality but it pretty much sent me rocketing back to square one. I try to hide it when my friends are talking about hot guys i generally pretend i think they are hot too-but I don't. and now I have no fucking clue what the hell im supposed to do. I live in a "liberal" town - but one of my best friends is super christian and so are a couple of my other friends. i wish i knew anyone wlse who was gay.

01:45:49 AM

Thursday, October 12, 2006

God, I've let you down. I dont know if I'll ever rise in your eyes again..this hurts.

11:21:06 PM

so mrs. nelson. discuss.

05:11:16 PM

Oh shit oh shit oh shit...

I screwed up.


01:34:55 AM

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

.. .----. -- -. --- - .-- .... --- -.-- --- ..- - .... .. -. -.- .. .- -- .-.-.- / .-. .. --. .... - .... . .-. . .- -... --- ...- . -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- / -... . / .-. . .- -.. -.-- .-.-.- / . ---.. ..--- . .--.

10:18:51 PM

i saw him today, and it freaked me the hell out. just last night i was thinking about him, how much i just want to say hi to him and even though i know we can never go back to the way it was--i've moved on from that, really-- i just want to be able to say hi and not have it be so fucking awkward. i just want to see how he's doing and not perk up like a fucking dog everytime i hear his name mentioned.

i saw him in the hallway today, i knew i was going to see him but i wasn't expecting him to be right there in front of me. on a day when i looked so stupid, too. and i mouthed "hi" and all he did was walk right by, staring right into my face and not a muscle moved and there was no recognition in his eyes... i felt dead.

and then, sick to my stomach, i walked around all day inwardly cursing myself for making such a grave, grave mistake.

i'm back to square one, and i'm the loser... again.

05:02:47 PM

you're sick today, and not at school.

i hope you get better.

12:14:58 PM

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I like skeeting on your face

11:26:17 PM

If I understand this correctly, more or less, the Chaos theory comes in and disrupts an otherwise peaceful life?

Why is it everytime I think it's all settled and I can relax, you seem to stirr everything up again, one way or another?!

10:23:30 PM

.-- .... . -. -.-- --- ..- - ..- .-. -. --..-- / .. .----. .-.. .-.. -... . .-. .. --. .... - - .... . .-. . -... . ... .. -.. . -.-- --- ..- / . ---.. ..--- . .--.

09:58:07 PM


how many of you are in a realationship?

and how many of you are wanting to be in a realationship?

08:23:50 PM

So Hamlet? I thought it looked good and am excited about seeing it. GP (and any other anonymous tangsters who happen to be in it), you guys did good.

Queen Sekaf
07:56:33 PM

i'm becoming so violent....

and most days i want to say 'to hell with this' and do what i have to do to get what i want.

but i'm too lazy...

is that even fixable?

07:54:27 PM

Sometimes I feel like beating up everyone I see. I can't pretend I'm a loving, caring person if I look in the mirror and all I see is a hulk of girl.
Please Delete ... Now.

07:35:49 PM

when it comes to guys, it's always the best friend who gets all the ones that she wants.

07:22:31 PM

(His name's not really Scott, but...)
This whole Scott thing kinda scare me sometimes.
Here's the deal : I am in love with him.
I mean, I LOVE HIM.
As in, he means more to me than any human being on the planet.
I love him, and I can't deny that.
As far as I can say, I love Scott, and I cannot deny that.

And this love has got to be the most dangerous place I can be.
It is in love where I become the most exposed, honest, and vulnerable.
Once I am in love, how can I possibly get out?
I have been in love. And hard as I try, I cannot find a way out. I am at the very bottom of the pit of "I love you forever" and there is absolutely no way out of it.

THEREFORE, Scott can hurt me. He has more power to hurt me and KILL me than just about anyone else. Scott can completely tear me apart. Scott can destroy me.

This is what love does to you.
The way I see it, love is toxic, love is a curse, and it was one of the worst things you can fall into.

You've gotta be careful when it comes to love, you know.

12:13:48 AM

Monday, October 09, 2006

just that fact that I can't have him and I can't be with him...makes me like him that much more.

so i'm 17, and I've still never had a b/f. not that that bothers me. it doesn't. i've always liked the boys i can't get. and never like the boys that like me.

its just getting annoying. and I don't know how to change it.

11:47:35 PM

wow every go to post something and someone else has done the exact same thing but a couple minutes ahead,

God this Lake essay is kicking my ass out the window.

11:40:40 PM

She seems so wonderful. But am I ready? She is also brutally honest, it might be while I am drawn to her. Is this just because I needed some honesty? and could I live with it?

Is flirting bad?

11:38:55 PM

hart of dearkness sux

11:37:56 PM


im in love with some 1 i have seen once....
i want to see them again....
but idk how?!

they were so.....completely......*searches for word to describe it*....oh never mind....

i want to see them again..

07:26:22 PM

"THE ONE" (assuming he actually exists)

-- Musical / Artistic
-- Tallem
-- Honest
-- Not of the world (not attached to all the shit out there)
-- Confident but not Cocky ...and slightly shy around me
-- Funny ( can make me laugh, really laugh, laugh hysterically!)
-- Sees something in me that I do not see myself
-- Respects me -- Doesn't try to kiss me, even hold hands, for a while. This is all he wants to do but he doesn't show it. And he doesn't act, because I am more than just pussy. I am [my name withheld] and he doesn't even deserve me. (OOh but he does. He deserves so much more.)
-- I can tell him everything, and I do.
-- He'll hold me and whisper in my ear when I'm a crying emotional wreck.
-- He'll know all my weaknesses and love me anyway.
-- He will tell me when I'm being stupid.
-- He'll give the best advice.
-- He'll give me up if he thinks it's better for me.
-- Knows how to reach me through art, music
-- Respects my parents
-- Tells me to do the right thing, rather than the fun, wrong one
-- Is a best friend before he becomes anything else.
-- Doesn't hit on me all the time
-- Sees no one else but me
-- Comes to me (initially) unexpectedley; when I'm not looking
-- Takes initiative
-- He makes me happier than anyone else
-- and there are NO regrets

Tell me you're out there....I don't want to settle for anything less!!


Sunday, October 08, 2006

I swear, I do it for the adrenaline rush of getting caught in a lie.

It's ruined a friendship now, but I can't stop...

can't stop...

11:49:00 PM

How would you tangster's define love?

(Note, if you are not a teenager, please say so. I am curious as to how these opinions change in age.)

10:20:11 PM

Shit... what if I have HPV?

10:03:26 PM

first loves are important. so important. you really will always stay with me. no matter how stupid that may sound.

07:20:19 PM

To be honest, i'm still not over you and i don't know if i'll ever be...

01:16:01 PM

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I hate how people get so swept up in propaganda.

09:55:45 PM

Damn it!!! why does he have to live so far away??


08:47:15 PM

when you go to winter formal or prom with someone....are you expected to be with that person 24/7?

11:58:50 AM

I have lost five pounds since school started.

a bit scary, really, as I haven't been trying to lose weight.

01:10:47 AM

come back and see me when you're lucid and not a jerk!

12:41:40 AM

Friday, October 06, 2006

You have such high expectations of me. I am so afriad that I will fail you...

07:09:48 PM

I really want to yell and scream. Tear something to pieces. Just so agrivating. I don't even know what to do with myself. Everything seems so annoying and dull. *spams random letters*

05:23:21 PM

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I don't know who Graffiti Pastry is, but they post very kind and considerate things.
Thank you.

10:18:10 PM

Sometimes I look around and all I can think is...

Who the hell are these people?


I talk to all of you everyday, but I have no clue who you are.

10:04:40 PM

holy crap, dopewars is soooo addicting its driving me crazy!

09:50:13 PM

I wish I had a chance with her, but I don't. So what do I do now? Go gay, duh.

09:14:29 PM

Ever had that "Oh shit, he actually might not like me like I thought he did" epiphany?

I hate convincing myself that the boy I like likes me back then facing harsh reality. I feel like I need a hug or something.

08:24:14 PM

Since the day I met you my veiws on life have been changing. Everyday I slowly come to hate the very beleifs that once served as the gule holding my world together. I don't feel like me anymore. I'm rude, proud, and unaware of the beauty that once existed in everything I was lucky enough to be a witness to, including myself.

And here's the funniest part-
Whenever I'm around you, I don't think I could feel be more perfect.

06:35:23 PM

I wish I was the kid in Paris Hilton's "Nothing in this World" video. I bet he gave Paris the boom boom clap after the shooting was over.


I wish I could get laid. By Paris Hilton, preferably.

04:36:31 PM

I think people with low self esteem really need to get over themselves.

12:42:04 AM

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Am I the only person who is sorely disappointed with the new Enloe sports anchor?

He's not a bad guy... he... just... lacks... personality. Like... completely.

Well, shit on that.

I know who 龙年 is and i really dont like them much.

10:09:50 PM

"Tomorrow, go out of your way to hug a stranger, flick off one of your teachers, and flash the shocker.

All because you can.

*Discounting underclassmen... who eats in the cafeteria anymore?"

~Graffiti Pastry~

08:55:14 PM

what does permalink mean?

08:41:46 PM

is it strange that the day i look forward to most is my wedding day?

08:22:34 PM

i get so freaking horny right before my period starts, seriously, right now, I would screw (practically) any guy who asked me.

08:22:12 PM

I think I'm falling for my best guy friend. We went to prom together last year as friends and I thought there might be chemistry there but I didn't push it. We've been hanging out and I'm falling hard... What should I do? I don't want to ruin a friendship

04:26:08 PM

she's my best friend, and i love her for that. i apprciate her so much. and i'm trying to be close with another girl. but it may be for the wrong reasons.

12:00:02 AM

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

hey, i have a challenge for you.

tomorrow, go out of your way to smile at a stranger, and sit with someone you don't know at lunch tomorrow--or invite someone who looks a little lonely to sit at your lunch table.

give a hug to a friend you haven't talked to in a while, and tell the people you care about how much they mean to you.

all because you can.

11:05:56 PM

can anyone tell me what i need to do in terms of setting up counseler interview and such for college admissions.

10:43:07 PM

Why are people so considerate around the other own gender and then complete assholes around their own? Does everything have to be a competition for sex?

02:02:31 AM

do guys care if a girl is fat and ugly and generally unattractive if she's willing to give them pretty much whatever sexwise?

12:37:27 AM

Monday, October 02, 2006

Stupid essay(s).

10:15:04 PM

Monsieur? I need to poop!

09:07:34 PM

ever agree when you want to puke? ever say "sounds cool" when you could care less? ever just put on that happy face when someone talks to you, hiding your anger, fear, or depression?

i wish i could just take down my walls.

08:40:49 PM

Sometimes I wonder, if I were single, and you were single, would we be more than friends now?

07:57:08 PM

Other people are bitches.


05:12:12 PM

Is anyone else reminded of a certain ok go song every time they look at this site.

03:54:58 PM

I post on people's facebooks...just to try and get them to post on mine.

01:10:11 PM

I'm the guy that most girls look for, I know this because they tell me. I can make them laugh and cheer them up and be there when they are most in need. The only thing is IM POOR! not just a little, ALOT. I live with my mom and she doesnt work, so I work to pay partial rent for our place. Its so embarassing, that I dont tell anyone where I live or what I do after school.
I never get close to a girl ever and have her find out how pathetic my life is, so ive never had a gf because of that.

If you were in my situation what would you do?

12:58:43 PM

i stopped myself from doing something i would regret a lot later. i finally have control over my penis haha.

06:10:00 AM

We've been hooking up for over 6 months now, but tonight was the best ever. After we were done we just laid dizzy and naked in each others arms for a long long time. It was so beautiful. When we got to my house and it was time to say good night, I just couldn't stop kissing him. That's never happened before; I've never felt quite like that. He's so amazing, and I don't know what I'll do without him next year.

12:05:47 AM

Sunday, October 01, 2006

freshman year is starting out strangly. ups, down, all arounds. what's it supposed to mean? can i really stand the rest of high school with these people?

10:02:33 PM

I haven't felt this depressed since my freshman year... I just keep getting worse and worse and I'm scared

10:00:13 PM

i feel so fat on my period.
and it just so happens that i've broken out worse than ever before... on my forehead, okay natural... and only on the right side of my face. am i the only one afflicted with this?! i feel like dr. jekly and mr. hide with my awful, horribly inflamed, red, and disgusting looking side of my face and the other side that isn't much prettier but certainly devoid of the terrible zits.

god i feel so ugly. inside and out.

08:18:59 PM

emergency : what kind of tampon do i use, how often do i have to change it, and can i use them at night or do i have to get pads to??????

04:33:53 PM

I had a dream last night where you asked me out. There was a carnival. Also we ate lots of bacon sandwiches.

03:08:40 PM

I have a fantasy of telling you all the dirty things I want to do to you when you come back.

01:11:08 AM