Friday, March 31, 2006

I'm taking the SAT tomorrow. A test that will greatly impact my future.

Why is all that i care about writing you a message that will make you smile? and hoping that you'll send me a reply by the time i check next?

11:48:56 PM

My hair finally looks something like Emily Browning's hairstyle in A Series of Unfortunate Events... and this makes me very happy.

11:29:50 PM

I like a girl in my class, and I know she's single, but I can't muster the confidence to ask her out.
Any Advice?

a desperate guy
11:13:01 PM

Thank you for proving me right. Even though I didn't know it at the time, everything really does turn out for the best. :D

09:09:26 PM

i don't know why, but i really like indian girls, and no im not the person you think i am.

07:26:56 PM

The doctor prescribed three new medications to add to my current four today (it only took slight emphasis on certain things on my part, some of them I actually need). That's ten or eleven pills a day (plus vitamins). He also gave me two shots that I probably need. It made me feel so powerful. I take medication at the slightest sign of defect, and I always take at least three more than the suggested doseage.

Being pumped full of substances gives me a thrill of sorts.

I am a pill-popper, and you know what?I like it.

06:44:57 PM

Thursday, March 30, 2006


while i'm on the phone w/ you

10:26:14 PM

I have a crush on a contributor....

09:56:31 PM

I have a crush on Ben Tan.

09:32:43 PM

I wanna learn h ow to fall out of love.

09:07:30 PM

sometimes i feel out of place in comp sci, because i don't hate microsoft. Everyone else makes fun of windows constantly and talk about their linux systems or whatever... but i have windows, and i'm prefectly happy w/ it

07:40:58 PM

Wow...I don't have a crush on one of the admins. I feel so different.

04:07:58 PM

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

What on earth does "OTP" stand for?

the watcher
11:22:40 PM

i have a boyfriend. and i'm happy with him. why do i wish atleast one other boy had a crush on me?

10:27:14 PM

I think Detached is the best word for it. Everything that's happened in the past few days has just been odd and fakey. I don't like it. These really crucial moments that should be all poignant and emotionally charged (flirting, serious arguments) all feel flat.

Snap out of it!

09:17:50 PM

Can I just fuck you senseless right now? Please?

08:16:56 PM

so there's this guy.
and i sit next to him in English.
and we're...friends.
we make each other laugh.
so OF COURSE we don't "like" each other like that.
but for some reason, our elbows...
always seem to run into each other.
after the first bump we always move the elbows quickly apart.
and hurriedly say sorry.
but somehow those elbows
keep magnetating towards each other
and the second time they touch...
we don't pull them apart quite as fast...

if only we could have the courage to tell each other in human-language what those elbows have been screaming in that weird elbow-language of theirs...

07:37:15 PM

I left my digital camera on the flight from san jose to chicago and American Airlines is doing SHIT to get it back for me

06:45:07 PM

I used to have sex with all my guy friends. It was great!

05:12:53 PM

Are good deeds expected these days?

picking up shifts used to be a nice thing to I feel it's expected of me.

What happens when I finally run out of energy, or patience?

04:34:55 PM

If I learn enough about a disease...I think I have it. Unless it's like a disease strictly for the opposite gender. It's weird. I will never become a doctor because it will be too freaky. I think there's a name for what I have but I don't know what it is.

04:27:38 PM

What to do, when you have nothing to do, and you have no intrest in doing anything

02:25:51 PM

I can't win, everything I try to do blows up in my face, whether trying to help myself or others.

02:03:44 PM

I miss her. I didn't think I'd ever care this much about a person.

01:26:47 PM

I've liked you for five years. FIVE. You've known him for less than one. It's not fair! I always have to be the good guy-friend instead of the boyfriend. Why can't you just give me a chance? We're best friends...


12:20:05 PM

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

man, fuck limo companies.

bait and switch at it's finest.

10:40:55 PM




give me ben nowwwww

11:24:58 PM

i have a maaajor crush on one of the admins ;)

10:25:53 PM

i just thought of this and i know it's been done before but i couldn't resist:

frashi+fragi = otp.

haha, the names are too cute

06:19:04 PM

"Hello and welcome to the poingnant agony of the Wait List. Stow your hopes and dreams in the overhead compartment and please get comfortable - you're going to be here for a very very long time.
Anxiety will be around shortly with your drink orders, please enjoy your wait."


06:15:11 PM

This does help.

I hate being bi-polar, the swings, you guys caught me on a bad day, bad week, whatever.

I needed to get that out.

i wish i had something to contribute to the site.

01:35:28 PM

Imagine that you are in a world where your social life is nothing imagine a world where the people that are your beest friends never call you up imagine a world where your friends get openly invited to other people's houses in front of you every day where you your reason for living is moving away after this school year. Why would you continue to go on?

12:05:55 AM

Monday, March 27, 2006

pchis made me do it, i swear!

but i have no hottness or coolness to bring to the table, pal.

11:58:43 PM

"We wear the mask that grins and hides our cheeks and shades our eyes"

I posted so much because I wanted you all to hate me as I hate force you to see me as I see myself. To give me one more reason to try to rip myself and my life apart.

I've never seen me.....I've acted since I was 3 years old.....and now I'm trying to just put on another mask for you....

I'm sorry

people listen here.....I tried to use that against me....I guess it worked

I'm sorry means jack shit, doesn't it? especially when you don't mean it

just wanted to get t know how school's been affecting everyone, i know for me, like the most noticable thing is that i'm never real tired or fully awake, i'm always somewhere delightfully in between now

09:19:51 PM

Ailill_Angra_Mainyu...stop it. I think it's great that you are posting your secrets but six in a row? I dislike you. I don't think you have to post 6 in a row...all less than ten minutes apart...put a reign on your thoughts or gather them into something meaningful before you post.

03:34:36 PM


02:59:02 PM

I don't know how I'm going to get through 4 days without talking to him at all...

Not having an internet connection or good cell phone reception is going to be a really interesting experience for me.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Knowing most of the admins in RL, I find it hard to believe that people on this site think of them as godlike. (This stems from the post a couple posts back about the characteristics of the various admins.)

But mostly, I just find it pitiful.

11:42:35 PM

u need ta stop callin me late at night n let me go to sleep

11:10:48 PM

i wish someone in the world had a crush on me. even just a tiny one.

10:43:55 PM

You broke my heart so I fucked the hell out of all those exs you were so supicious of. Oh, and I fucked your little sister too, and she's a better lay than you.

10:33:44 PM

We're not going to prom. Sorry.

09:34:52 PM

Three nights ago I had the dream where I was trying to teach you to cook and you were throwing dirty dishes everywhere. The night after that I had a dream we were fighting, and last night we were trying to hang a sign up in the middle of the highway. I don't get it. I think I'm vaguely disturbed because in real life you're very competent. I also think I enjoy dreaming with you because I'm vaguely in love with you and you're creeping into my subconsious. This frightens me. Should I even bother with the whole thing when we are both in all the same stuff after school and will be looking at each other's faces every day until the end of senior year?

Who am I kidding? I'm rambling and you need to stop being serious and competent and throw some dishes around. Damn you. You make me neuratic.

09:11:53 PM

I hate where I'm living, but all my stuff is here, and I have no idea how to change this all.....

nor do I have the money

08:46:55 PM

Today was one of the best days that I’ve had in a long time.

Laughter, tears (the happy kind), even a little embarrassment...Yes. Today was good.

Damn near perfect, as far as I’m concerned.

07:59:30 PM

I'm scared all I've ever wanted is slowly falling apart, that I'm going to ruin anything and everything I've ever worked for in life....I'm scared that I'm insane

06:51:10 PM

I'm scared there will be no world left for our children

06:33:34 PM

I scare myself, often...I'm out of control, and no one knows how to help me

06:27:42 PM

I don't know who I's like I'm being filled up by other peoples dreams...but none of mine can come true but one

06:26:41 PM

I'm not a teen anymore....I need to grow up, but I don't want to

06:25:08 PM

I'm cheating on you, and strangely...I don't feel sorry at all.

01:18:46 PM

Ah.. to go to prom, or get (re-get) a quick 30 bucks.

11:51:11 AM

Saturday, March 25, 2006

So, this is what I know about the contributors, after nearly 4 months:

Sithgirl- Smart, possibly asian, has "Mistress Tangst" jeans

PChis- Real name is Peter, very opinionated

CajunExplosion- Not afraid to post as him(?)self

龙年- 17, Real name Dan, also known as box box

knight_racer979- Kind of weird

Maverick- Very into poetry, especially the dark kind

DoctorAnonymous- Very romantic

JagMax-um, yeah

TintedFragipan- gay, liberal

Hannah- smart, pretty hair, plays flute

thewordofrashi- ...?

Tabula Rasa- see above

SD- I have no Idea who this person is

Nanotyrannus- Hot

SwalesT'shooth- very into the S&M thing

09:25:57 PM

I hate the way she told him so many stupid lies about me, how she tried to bait me into saying I hated him so she could run off and tell him, how she made sure she was always hugging him when I walked by, how she got all of her slutty friends in on it too, how she acted like she thought it was so great that we were together. But the only one I'm really mad at is him for breaking up with me because he believed her word over mine.

And now? Now, she is still his friend, he broke up with me ages ago (a month), I pretend she never did anything awful, he says plenty about me but since then not single word to me and I'm just tired of it all.

Life goes on. (maybe)

09:03:22 PM

Jackie is making me be bisweptual...

and I'm loving every minute of it.


Freaking HOMEWORK!!!!!!!

auggh... Sombody save me... I'm drowning in it!

I'm dro- *glub glub glub*

03:39:26 PM

i really want to know if i got into honors all-state, but they haven't sent out the results yet! it's been 5 weeks, damnit!

03:34:30 PM

oh, spring break. a time of joy.

anyone feel like anonymously sharing any crushes they've had this year?

03:18:38 PM

Is it twisted if you imagine getting raped, and want it?

01:35:13 PM

I'm really worried about one of my friends. He's pretty depressed, and I just recently found out that there's only a few people still keeping him alive at all.

It's scary.

10:43:45 AM

Friday, March 24, 2006

Happy Spring Break!

Congratulations to all of you Enloe Tangsters. We finally made it. Let this glorious week of rest expunge your souls of all of your heartfelt Tangst, and we will see you on the fourth!

I told everybody that I was okay. Maybe if I kid everybody else, I'll start to believe it.

09:33:54 PM

I really want to drink right now. I used to get drunk pretty often, at least every weekend, but lately I haven't been able to aquire that much I'm not of age and need someone to purchase it for me. Some of the people I know think I have a drinking problem. Its really unsettling that I can't get drunk tonight, or any day during this coming spring break week.

09:31:26 PM

what characteristics do boys actually find attractive?

07:36:59 PM

I'm in COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

05:17:17 PM

I want to talk to her, i've been trying since February I really have, I know she cares about me, I need to tell her I need to unload my problems to someone human, I know that she'll care about me as much or more I know it's in my best interest I know she would want me to talk to her if I needed to- yet I lied to her yesterday about calling her house, and I can't seem to get out the simple sentence "Can I please talk to you?" I have told my self over and over and over "I'll talk to her tomorrow, just one more day, just one more day, just one more day..."
what's wrong with me, I can see only pros to talking to her, I've had many chances to, yet I can never get it out. Maybe if I told someone else that i would talk to her then i actually will. So tangsters, you are now that someone else. I do solemly swear that I WILL talk to her tomorrow. I will NOT put it off any longer. It will make things tons better. I have no reason not to, so I will.

12:22:36 AM

Fuck Art History.

I don't care about your stupid painted bibles anyways..*sniff*

12:15:46 AM

Thursday, March 23, 2006

aww hell yeah

09:25:34 PM

It simply isn't fair. seriously. I don't understand how once we've established there is something seriously wrong with me this year, and I'm obviously having problems with you, with school, with extracurriculars,i don't get how you can just say "fix it."

Obviously I can't fix it on my own. If i could, i would have by now. Did that ever occur to you? of course not. is it not clear that i need your help in this? im only 16 years old.

why would you threaten to take away my boyfriend, the only thing that has made me feel the least bit good about myself this entire year? frankly, he supports me and loves me more than i've ever believed you to.

I tell you I need help, but frankly even I don't know what's causing this so i can't tell you what i need. it's your JOB to work through it with me and figure out what the problem is and help me with it. but you just wipe your hands of it and tell me "well, we can't help you until you tell us what to do." and then you go into your fucking speech about what GREAT parents you are because you came from such disadvantaged families and you dont want to subject me to that.

somehow, i think you arent sparing me from anything. when i tell you how im feeling, you scrutinize me and mock my feelings and tell me i cant feel that way. i have no right to be depressed? how can you say that?

i can't fucking handle this on my own. why won't you get over yourselves and realize it probably isn't healthy to want to swerve into oncoming traffic just for the love and care i'd get recovering from the injuries?

08:49:58 PM

I slept with him.

and it was worth it.

...every time.

08:20:59 PM

It happened. It finally happened. He'd warned me it might, though he'd try not to. I guess I sort of expected it to happen, sooner or later. And I had wondered how I would take it, sooner or later or whenever it happened. I've never had any experience with this kind of thing before, after all.

Maybe I'm too forgiving. Maybe I should kick his ass. Maybe I should leave him.

...but, I don't want to.

I feel no jealousy at all, I don't feel as if I've been betrayed. I feel no differently towards him... I still love him just as much as I did before. Everyone has weaknesses, and this is just his, I suppose. And he was sincerely sorry-- that counts for a lot.

I probably am too forgiving.

One more day, just one more day of hell to get through...

...and then I'm free!

06:53:35 PM

Instead of writing notes about extremely important subjects (that I happen to have a big test on tomorrow), I often find my pencil drawing rough outlines of your face and writing your name and my current train of thought about you allll over my notes.

Today I just zoned out completely for a good ten minutes during a test and daydreamed about just being with you.

You're invading- no, you're hostily taking over my brain,

and I love it.

03:46:03 PM

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I havent "poeted" anything worth anything for awhile. Its quite gutwrenching

11:34:29 PM

I choked. Not on food, the moment was there, it could have been great, but i watched the moment fade away in front of my eyes.

10:36:03 PM

I'm so glad how much happier I am than most of you. Seriously. This just like made my day.

10:25:29 PM

Audiocassette tapes were created so people in cars would stop talking to each other.

10:12:10 PM

im sorry for you that im waging this battle in my head. i think after my last relationship im just afraid to commit. i dont think anyone realizes what a big deal that was at this age. i hope i work this out for both of our sakes.

10:11:19 PM

i'm sorry if i hurt you! i'm just afraid of boys liking me at all, and i reacted on impulse. i didn't mean it like that. are you ok?

09:40:49 PM

i hate that the rest of you tangsters hate me. why has everyone become so mean lately?

07:03:59 PM

I did not cheat on the President's Test this time. I am proud of myself.

06:18:51 PM

I put three more things on my "Goals That Will Never Happen List" today:

1. Get Billy Bush to be elected president.

2. Find someone to seduce George Clooney for... capitalistic reasons.

3. Say "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" without laughing.

04:58:00 PM

i gave up on you today, after liking you for 3 years. i decided it wasn't worth it anymore.

04:01:26 PM

Whenever my girlfriend and I start kissing or petting I think of the girl that I used to be with and I loose my mood. She wants to have sex and I have her (my girlfriend) convinced that the right time hasn't presented itself, but I don't know how much longer she'll accept that... How the hell am I supposed to be in the mood for sex when all I can think about is my ex? Why can't I stop wishing it was still her I'm cuddling with?

12:22:17 PM

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My parents just yelled at my sister for spending an hour on her cellphone with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, I just tied up an hour on the home phone line with mine, and they haven't said a word.

10:26:31 PM

i was joking when i said it, but in retrospect i would have made out with him right then and there on that charter bus. i hope that doesn't make me a ho-bag.

10:18:18 PM

This one comment she made today....I think she was hitting on me. But I'm probably just blowing this out of proportion like I usually do. One of the side effects of being lonely, I suppose.

10:05:47 PM

You key club mass emails bother me. And i don't appreciate the thinly-veiled caustic tone when regarding stuco. matters.

10:04:11 PM

i used to like PCHIS the most, but now i think i like rashi the most

09:26:58 PM

Tonight was hell... I just want to crawl into a hole

09:02:34 PM

i met the creator for the first time today. she's such a bitch. i liked not knowing her alot better.

08:26:15 PM

I don't care about high school.
I don't care about college.
I don't care about a career.
I don't care about living richly.
I don't care about nice cars, social status, networking..

I just want to be a stay at home mom. Too bad it's a waste of a 170 IQ.

08:12:50 PM

The way your eyes glaze over when people compliment you drives me insane. You're the most beautiful, skinny, luminescent friend I've ever had. Our conversation today drove me to the brink of tears. How can you not think of yourself as beautiful?! America has corrupted your mind! You're the one person I know could be a serious model. You're so absolutely gorgeous, but so absolutely broken. The way you get uncomfortable when people tell you such things, the way you cover yourself from head to toe to hide your beautiful body, the way you get self-conscious about even the tiniest bit of skin showing. You just can't accept the fact that you're pretty. Why?
I know so many people wishing they were you right this instant. How dare you wish you were someone else?

08:02:39 PM

I think i got the shaft on my tisdale position paper grade. I suppose maybe the grade i got was what i deserved, but the comments lead me to believe otherwise...

on my paper... there were few corrections... one said "how" next to my thesis, like i didn't list the reasons for why my statement was true that i used later, but i showed her my thesis earlier and she said it was fine....

but in addition to a few minor mistakes, the last comment was "wonderful - this is about all i can say"

05:34:48 PM

Would you please get over yourself and talk to me? What the FUCK.

04:59:18 PM

Monday, March 20, 2006

i miss the sexual tension so damn much. i miss seeing him staring at me and feeling that warmth when his side accidently pressed into my hip and stayed there for a bit too long... i would never date him but not dating him was soo much fun :(

10:52:45 PM

Despite my bad day, I'm happy. I love this giddy excited feeling.

10:11:24 PM

I am in the class of '07. About three days ago I realized that i only have one year, and one half, before i leave this place. This place where i am known, where i am comfortable, where i am safe, and the place that i have grown to love. This year i have finally realized that for the first time in my life i am truly Home, when i am here.
In all probability I will also leave behind the friends and family that I love. I will return a changed person, and will not be able to relate to them as I do now.
I also started to think on what I have done here. I've done a lot of things, and I'm pretty happy with it, i just have a few more things to do. a couple resume things, a couple sport things, one spiritual thing, and 2 or 3 romantic things.
At first I was afraid of leaving. It's a big thing to leave the place where you have come of age. Over the past couple days however, I've realized that I've about reached my peak here, and that it's almost time for me to move on, and that made me cry.

09:18:15 PM

i hate that one of my best friends is totally shutting me out, meanwhile I'm over here feeling shittier than ever before for other reasons but I can't tell my friends because when I do they think Im self-absorbed, trying to get attention, fake emo, etc

08:41:32 PM

Sometimes Tangsters really annoy me, with all of their seemingly vain emo-ness. I don't know what it is, it just bugs me. I just want to scream at them "Get over your stupid problems and stop whining about everything"

But here I am, doing exactly that. And I love it.

07:52:41 PM

does anyone have the movie analysis paper thing for Achenbach cuz i have to turn it in tommarow b/c im leaving for the rest of the week...GAHHH stress consumes me

Iced T
07:40:25 PM

I get extremely jealous whenever you talk about her, even though I know for a fact you two are just friends.

07:22:59 PM

I'm afraid that when we finally talk again, it won't be the same as before.

06:08:59 PM

I don't care how serious you are all the time. I'm not an idiot. I have more fun than you and I'm still smarter. Get over it. I'm spastic, not retarded.

04:21:38 PM

just a couple questions about the tangst convention pics.

who is Mistress Tangst Butt?

and who is that insanely cool looking girl in the purple tshirt w/ the red hair?

and where are all the hot tangsty guys?

11:50:54 AM

I've been so horny lately it's rediculous. It's been going on for days. I'm afraid that if I ever have sex I'm going to become a nympho.

12:08:45 AM

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Heh. I'm wondering what tomorrow will be like, if they'll do the whole "Oh yeah, we didn't invite them..." thing and not talk about it, or just ramble on about it anyway.

Judging from the rest of this year, it could go either way.

11:31:17 PM

I haven't posted in a while. I should feel bad because I'm techinically involved in this, or something.

I'm tired. I'm writing an essay. I'm around 30 pages behind for tuesday. It's bad story writing time.

10:44:12 PM

To The Fine Young Person Who Put Together the Study Guide for the APUSH Essay:

Words cannot describe my gratitude. If you would be so kind as to reveal your name, I would like to give you something tomorrow. And of course, I'm curious as to what kind of person has that much time on their hands.

at least i pray a night to something other than the ceiling.....

09:35:17 PM

I don't know why anyone would ever want to cut when with just a pair of tweezers releives the stress.

06:51:46 PM

UNC just lost. I wonder how he's holding up? lol.

04:29:14 PM

whenever I'm feeling down about myself and my appearance (which is very often) i look back at my post on the popular posts list and read the comments people posted for makes me feel better for about 10 minutes.

12:21:57 PM

I hate my life. I even hate the plans I’m making to change my life. I hate how everyone hates me. I hate how I intentionally make them hate me. I hate where my life is going. I hate how I procrastinate. I hate everything about myself, and my environment. I feel empty, and unfulfilled. Even with the feelings, and hate for some reason… I wouldn’t have it any other way…. Is it crazy to love hardship, thrive on rejection , lust for pain?

Underneath my pain I feel happy, and it’s not a drug, or a pill doing it. I wonder why?

10:10:03 AM

Saturday, March 18, 2006

I just had one of the most cathartic experiences I have ever had while watching a movie - because my real life doesn't have that kind of drama

10:41:15 PM

Is anyone else wearing a short (ie, not floor-length) dress to prom?

10:03:22 PM

She didn't get a scholarship, and she's better than I am. It's not angst--it's quite factual.

Will I even get waitlisted?

09:12:10 PM

Like the gaudy vase
You can't help but be the center-piece
You soak up attention
You demand it
Detracting from the important
Because you are sensitive and prideful
And take pride that we indulged ourselves with you
and yet you do not give way
to the finer, yet still important details
that you were said to compliment
But you overshadow them (intentionally or unintentionally?)
With your glory.

Should you ever forget
I might not stay to remind you, I apologise
Love is not a contest
There is no need to compete for my attention.
I will always love you
So don't blind me

06:08:06 PM

If it turns me on to no small degree when he ties my hands to the bedposts and makes me call him "master," I suppose that makes me a sub, no?

04:36:27 PM

I'm being shut out and I can't figure out why.

03:43:51 PM





03:27:55 PM

i asian fail. at life.

02:33:07 PM

Friday, March 17, 2006

My ideas are no one else's, my thoughts are no one else's. I am young, alive, creative, beautiful. I am a superhero, I am Captain America, I am America. I AM THE FUCKING AMERICAN DREAM.

Who are you? Who do you think you are? You are nothing, vapid, petty, shallow. I am everything, and you are nothing, and you cannot touch me.

Ah, I fear death. Death is a waste.

I'd like to think life is beautiful.

Wouldn't you?

03:52:00 PM

I'm tangsting from school, eighth period, in the library that I got into by putting my name on a pass made for someone else by a teacher I don't have while I'm skipping the class that I should be in on the other side of the school with the teacher who doesn't give a damn.

And getting away with it.

Rock on.

02:08:28 PM

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I consider myself to be a pretty healthy person. I'm happy with my body image most of the time.

But then I look at photos of myself and go "god! I'm pretty ugly after all."

09:59:48 PM

You know, if I had asked him before prom tickets sold out, I wouldn't be in this delimma.

Can't blame anyone but myself.

05:03:44 PM

I wish Harry Potter were real for about half an hour.

04:02:34 PM

I'm not mean enough to say no, but I desperately want too. I wish I were a slightly meaner person.

04:00:07 PM

you've heard it before. but as one who has been-there, almost-done-that, i can affirmatively tell you that SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. meaning that the problem(s) can get fixed. but if you're dead, nothing can be fixed. you're gone. 1abc 2def 3ghi 4jkl 5mno 6pqrs 7tuv 8wxyz 9o

if you have ANY issues regarding suicide, whether you're seriously considering it, have a friend who is struggling with it, or are just depressed and want some reasons to live, call 1-800-SUICIDE.(i'm pretty sure that's 1-800-784-2433)

i hope that helps you. it helped me <3.

03:05:07 PM

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

My band director is the most socially challenged asshole... If I didn't love the music I'd be out of there today

08:59:20 PM

I'm futilely trying to do my homework.
It is an effort wasted.
You're always on my mind.

And I don't think you'll ever get out.
In fact, I hope you don't...

08:45:41 PM

He always makes me smile. I love it. And I think I'm starting to love him too.

08:17:49 PM

I got a little thrill today when you said, "I hate you."

There was a time when that would have devastated me, even though I knew you were joking because of the smile on your face when you looked up.

I love being free.

08:15:06 PM

Have you ever been so happy that you seriously doubt your existence?

07:43:05 PM

Erik Satie is a genius. end of story.

07:29:32 PM

One thing that bothers me every time is when people ask me about arranged marriages. I understand that it is hard for people to know how modern arranged marriages work and I try to not get annoyed but I still do. Yes, I am going to have an arranged marriage. No, this does not mean I will marry a person that I have never met in my entire life. No, this does not mean I have no say in the decision. No, this does not mean i have been promised to someone since i was 5.

What it does mean is that when i'm at the right age for marriage (anywhere from 22 onwards) my parents will start looking for a guy for me. They will ask other families if they know anyone etc. They will receive information about any potential guy like their job etc. and then if it is a possibility then the families meet. If I do not like the guy for any reason I can say no and they keep looking. If I do like him we can "date" for awhile and then decide.

I, personally, like this process a lot. It takes off a lot of the stress of finding someone. If I do, by some chance, find someone I like on my own then I could marry him. It might be more difficult to convince my parents but it is possible.

Yes, some "traditional" arranged marriages still take place where the guy and girl have never met etc. but rarely, or only in rural areas.

07:03:36 PM

So, is it just me... or does everybody like the smell of their own farts?

06:18:43 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I cannot accept a god who would damn half the world

11:09:10 PM

Love at first sight only works for pretty people.

10:55:39 PM

I'm sick of facebook. I was forced to join and no one posts on my wall so now I just look like an idiot. Please. Please post on my wall.

10:53:42 PM

I would go with him. If I was going at all. But I'm not, so it's no use wishing for what I can't have.

10:44:01 PM

I'm depressed all the time and no one notices, not even my friends. How long will it be until no one notices me at all? I try and I try but I'm never good enough to be more than a distant friend to anyone. I need a hug. And some chocolate. I gave up soda for Lent and now I have a headache all the time.

10:39:31 PM

I need someone to rescue me. A knight in shining armor able to slay my metaphorical dragons.

Prince Charmings need not apply.

10:26:57 PM

i was using the bathroom and all of a sudden i noticed a sharpie "tangst" right above the urinal

10:16:01 PM

With me and his religion...

I don't know what I fear more: being the fool taken in, or the fool left out.

09:47:31 PM

why do i feel so empty if i have a great boyfriend and i love my friends?

07:16:50 PM

Dress? Check
Shoes? Check
Dress alterations? Check

Maybe I got my priorities wrong.

07:09:01 PM

Apocryphal Revelation

The horizon exhaled her final hues
While night did don her blacks and blues
And as prismatic wards did purr
Summer awoke new adventure

You peered up at that dark sheet of night then,
Far too young to criticize anything beyond the phosphorus fields of fireflies
And how they hovered like fallen glitter from the Milky Way’s arts and crafts table
But that was too far from your driveway, a white spine of suburbia

I talked to you yesterday, when the air resembled blurry things of shadows (and their shadows)
You told me of how you looked into the eyes of stratospheric patchwork.
You told me of how you saw eternity.
You told me of how you screamed.

Now you sleep with a ceiling of above you,
No longer lofty ambitions.
And a blanket of restless sleep and panic,
Alarm clocks instead of teddy bears.
You sleep knowing where Adam came, and how far Adam has to go.

i need some answers, and Tangst is probably the best place to get them. so here are my questions:
1. how can i tell if a boy likes me?
2. if he does, what should i do to let him know i like him too?
3. most importantly, how do i not scare him off?


05:49:46 PM

i only use patterned little-kid bandaids because they make me feel like i won't have to grow up so soon. i'm really afraid of growing up.

05:30:53 PM

I thought I'd always believe in love at first at sight, but I'm not as sure anymore. The romantic in me is weeping, but I can't.

12:11:04 AM

Monday, March 13, 2006

remember the 'Loe Down song from last year? it's playing on the radio Right. Now.

and i am so happy.

11:17:30 PM

shit. you brat. am i going to have to find a new prom date now?

09:57:59 PM

strangely I find that I remember history better when I study while masturbating.

(I am a girl, btw.)

09:47:51 PM

I just met the most intriguing guy and for the first time in over a year, I opened up to someone completely. Not even my boyfriend has gotten that candid of a look.

It feels so nice to have such a strong platonic connection. Hopefully he feels the same about the platonic part.

06:07:49 PM

right now nothing matters except getting on that bus and going to Boston, and i know there are a hundred other people at Enloe feeling the exact same way.

05:37:09 PM

Statistics have shown that the more older brothers one has, the more likely one is to be gay, but only if they are a right-handed male.

There are theories that when the mother encounters the Y-chromosome for the first time, it is taken as an invader of sorts, and she builds up anti-bodies (a term used very loosely), which causes later male fetuses to turn out differently.

Indeed by altering rats in the equivalent of their third trimester (through hormones), scientists have been able to make male rats conduct sex like a female, and are currently wondering truly to what extent the womb has to do with development (as they've discovered homosexuality is not completely genetics, from cases of identical twins being one gay and one straight).

When I learn things like this it just makes me amazed at how amazingly intelligent yet completely ignorant we are.

I'm starting to wonder if he actually does care about me. I thought he did, but now I'm not as sure.

01:02:32 AM

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I know they're just made-up characters, characters that have interactions with my made-up characters, but I still get a pit in my stomach when I think about the drama that they're going through.

It's quite lame, when you think about it.

11:32:23 PM

I missed the tangst con and it makes me sad... But also makes my identity still secret. Mwahaha!

Thus, in this vein, I plan on bringing sharpies to Enloe tommorrow and Tangsting anonymously. Oh Tangst, I whore myself to you... and commit acts of defacing public property!

Lookout, world.

09:56:55 PM

I fear the tangst-ers are getting mean!

09:53:34 PM

fuck school. i do not want to go there and see those same faces AGAIN. i really hate it. people are annoying the balls out of me. fuck them. fuck enloe.

09:15:08 PM

I can't believe that the idea of cheating on him is actually plausible. Everything is going so well. If I fuck this up, I will kill myself.

03:14:50 PM

i'm drunk and high right now, but i only do it to cope with my loneliness.

01:02:34 AM

It is an ugly, ugly feeling that I harbor inside of me for my fellow man. And I cannot get rid of it.

12:13:15 AM

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I looked into the eyes of one of my friends and had a huge burst of love for them, and frankly i'm afraid, they are the same sex as me and i live in a VERY liberal town, but i am just afraid. I wish so much that they could feel the same about me as I do about them but I doubt that they do. I am scared.

11:41:09 PM

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..."

Mr. Rogers is my hero.

10:22:35 PM

Why aren't you talking to me? Have I done something wrong again? Or maybe it's just as you said: we are completely, totally and utterly incompatible...

To the point of which a decent conversation seems to be asking for a little too much.

07:53:28 PM

What is the point of this site?

07:11:27 PM

Friday, March 10, 2006

I really enjoyed riding with the Doctor today. Thank you for your humor and conversation...I needed it at the end of a long week!

10:40:13 PM

He is so damn selfish now. The good thing is that I now strive to make myself a better example. I love how people teach you these little lessons along the way without their knowing. Remember that the little things do count!

10:28:00 PM

i just completed my first act of bathroom graffiti. and would you like to know what the graffiti said? it said:

i'm spreading the word :)

05:36:34 PM


05:34:52 PM

I ran a red light today. By accident. As in, I stopped at the light. Then I kinda dozed off and just drove right through it. I'm so lucky there was no one around.

05:13:46 PM

just realized why absolutely nobody is updating Tangst... the're all at the TangstCon.

04:42:41 PM

Thursday, March 09, 2006

I saw a girl on the bus today reading the Bible (or the Mormon text, I couldn't tell which). She looked so serene and content. She had the most lovely smile on her face, and I desperately wanted to ask her how she found such peace and happiness in something that couldn't be proven scientifically or has any real proof at all. I know the answer is faith, but I have no idea how one comes to that.

In that instant, I envied her more than I've ever envied anyone. I never thought of her as more than a nice person and religious zealot, but now I understand. Maybe one day I'll find God too.

11:33:09 PM

I'm so tired of trying to keep my life together. I'm tired of a manic depressive mother who's always out and neglecting her family, a father who's always busy (at least for a good reason), and having to cook, clean, do grocery shopping, whatever else needs to be done around the house, and try to hold down grades. Which might not even matter because there's no guarantee that my mother isn't spending my college money on clothing, plastic surgery, and a new sportscar. I can't blame her because it's part of her manic depression, but I also can't stop her, and I feel so powerless.

I can't stand the various health problems that are related to all this stress. Migraines, anxiety, depression, etc. I can't say that watching a mentally unstable mother for the first few years of my life and having my earliest memory being awoke by the paramedics in the middle of the night to witness my mother's mental breakdown and her being carried out on a stretcher didn't profoundly affect the way I view the world. I don't want to be a victim in the least...I can't stand pity and that's why I rarely talk about it, and although I want to move past it all, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a big influence in my life. The physical abuse I got from my father because of the stress of my mother's breakdown and his crappy work situation didn't help either. Thankfully I've forgiven and moved on, but I'm still afraid of loud noises and sudden movements. I've spent my entire life fighting through these problems, and just as things start looking up, even more is piled on.

I especially wish I could explain to my teachers who I've let down that I truly am passionate about the subjects I'm not doing so hot in, and I really do care. Some things are just more important, like the small amount of serenity I have left.

This was a long-winded post, but I haven't told many people about this and it's been hurting for a long time. I'm not the type of melodramatic kid people would expect this from, but I'm tired of that strong and unaffected front I put up. In reality, I'm scared shitless.

11:27:06 PM

I don't even WANT to come to your convention.

10:53:25 PM

When I was little my mom would always read to me. When we read poetry and it was anonymous she would tell me it was by a nonny-mouse. I suppose this isn't really a secret but I thought you nonny-mouses might like to know what I called you.

10:31:27 PM

it was so hard to sit there, in the dark, across the most immaterial table i've ever encountered, and not lunge across it and kiss him. i don't know how long we sat there with our eyes locked, but the moment i tore mine away i regretted it.

10:21:00 PM

I don't know how to get rid of the things you gave me. I can't throw them away because that would be too cruel to your feelings. I think I'm going to set them in a playground so that a little kid will find them and be happy. (They aren't dirty or harmful things btw.)

09:57:37 PM

I'm an Enloe junior, but not an overachiever like most of the people there... I fall so, so far behind. I feel like I've got no future and that I'll be sent off to App. State far away from everyone I know and love because I won't get in to N.C. State...

I want my life back.

07:19:52 PM

my dad punched me multiple times in the back and now i am having serious back pain... he was completely sober... my dad is a great guy and dad... i guess im too much to handle.

they don't ask alot, why can't i obey them?

05:11:19 PM

So, the doctor was not a pleasant experience today.

Besides getting three vaccines (Hepetitus A, Meningitis, and Pertussis) he used the terms "horribly obese" and "hideously overweight" about 10 times each. Apparently I'm going to fat camp. Aka, I'm on this strict exercise thing. He's like "It would be best if you could lose 50 pounds, but we'll shoot for 10 in the next 6 months"

Finally, when he was checking for testicular cancer I got I big erection (he was a young guy, pretty attractive) and he had to awkwardly work around it while checking stuff...

then later he was like "be sure to use a condom when having sex with a female... *pause*... or a male.. *suspicious look*

I'm still so uncomfortable when stuff like that happens. I wish it didn't.

I've set her on fire enough times in my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if she bursts into flames in the hallway today.

05:46:08 AM

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Sometimes I wonder if he has the same thoughts as I do; if he knows about the unspoken between us that I might have made up. I wonder if the reasons he has are the ones that I give him in my mind.

11:12:47 PM

I am afraid that one day I will wake up and find out that all of the promise that my peers show has somehow been completely wasted, and that the world will be no better off than it is now.

10:35:13 PM

I wonder sometimes whether or not I'll ever find someone who I can love without trying... who can really keep me interested without all the little hesitations that hold me back sometimes..

10:06:17 PM

i've been reading the creator's blog, and i feel real bad about the problems she's going through, and i feel even worse because we used to be fairly good friends, but now we never talk or anything

08:12:46 PM

I wish I could meet Idina Menzel

07:41:47 PM

I wish he would talk me.

07:39:24 PM

I have never been asked out in person. I think technology has made it too easy for people to be cowards.

07:36:01 PM

I feel terrible. My boyfriend and I are really happy, but he's still paranoid about this other guy. And to be honest, there is still chemistry there on some level. I don't want my boyfriend to be insecure. But I don't wanna lie to him either.

07:35:57 PM

hey tinty, i have a question. can you explain to me your article in the eagle eye? honestly it didnt even seem like an article, so i wasnt sure what its point was. besides, you've posted things here that have led me to believe no one would think you two were together.

05:25:38 PM

"This makes me feel terrible. When I got in the relationship everything was fantastic, and just seemed to flow right. Now everything looks like it's flowing good on the outside, and for the most part I guess it does. But when I'm not around this significant other, sometimes I feel really.. I don't think trapped is the right word.. but sometimes almost repulsed by this other person. When I'm actually around said person everything is sun and peaches, but when I look at pictures or just think about it... my vanity gets the better of me and I can't help wishing that I was still with my fabulously attractive ex-significant other. This is unfair to the other half of this relationship, and I'm just being a selfish fuck. But it's hard to change how I feel about it now."

The person who posted this deserves to be harassed on tangst.

Why disable the comments?

I don't actually know who posted it, but I must say that that is so low.

04:45:41 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Ash wednesday is my favorite christian celebration.
The thought that I will die, no matter what, is comforting to me. It takes away the fear of dying for me, because it's going to happen, it's just a matter of how.

11:27:02 PM

Before you know it, you're going to die.
Life is passing you by right here, right now. You're in high school, the shallow end of the swimming pool of life. While you're studying for your test, while you're counting the number of things that matter in your life, you're dying. Each cell is previewing what it will be like. The cessation of consciousness. The world could end tomorrow. It could have ended today. And yet we waste our time in meaningless struggles against each other's intransitive ideals... against immutable nature. Why doesn't anyone see the big picture?

I feel like we're all stuck in a bubble and one day the bubble will pop and while everyone is gasping and crying out, we'll all be falling slowly. We are the future and yet right now all these children are being micromanaged by the College Board, or our parents, or the administrators. Maybe it's not like that for all of you, but for a large part of this generation it is. How are we going to be the future if we keep getting raised by the past. Why does it even matter when we're just going to die?

Carpe diem. Seize the em-effin day because it could be your last. One of these days it will be. If anything really matters in the long run (nothing does), it sure isn't schoolwork. It's not going to be where you go to college or how much money is in your bank account when they play "Amazing Grace" at your funeral. It's going to be something else: love or friendship or some sort meaningful activity... if such an activity exists.

Someone out there better be hoping that we aren't just sock puppets in some eternal farce, because I'm fairly sure we are.

I just emailed my ex-boyfriend who I haven't talked to in over a year to let him know that I'm not going to a mutual friend's party so he shouldn't worry.

The "I hope you're doing well" probably wasn't necessary considering how bad he screwed me over. But it's hard to continue to hate someone who was so close.

My current boyfriend wouldn't understand, so I doubt that I'm going to tell him...I kind of feel bad about that.

10:14:04 PM

I just want to do other things. I'd like to live, ya know?

09:03:12 PM

I hate feeling I have to live to everyones expectations to be considered good. I hate knowing I'm good no matter what but can't help feeling I'm not.
Fuck expectations

08:48:54 PM

WHY do I always like guys who don't like me. And when they do start liking me, I stop liking them. I guess it's because it stops being a challenge. But it sucks because then I'll never be in a relationship with anyone. What's wrong with me?

08:34:23 PM

Everyday when I put on my makeup, I think to myself, "Today is the day he will eat his heart out."

06:18:06 PM

I'm not coming to school today until after the writing test is done.My orthodontist appointment took approximately 20 minutes of that time.:D

10:20:12 AM

Monday, March 06, 2006

Slowley my reasons to live are being taken away. I feel like running away and leaving all my problems behind. But I am too weak.

10:39:46 PM

Why does everyone call Long Nian (or whatever he is called) box box? I don't understand.

09:30:55 PM

I think hating is fun.

06:01:41 PM

In all probability, barring a miracle of Biblical proportions, I will not have the DBQ for Hoffman by eighth period today. I managed my time unwisely, and screwed myself to the wall by doing nothing on it until the last minute.

And unconsiously, or consiously, or subconsiously, I connect my recently plummeting grades with my recently fallen virginal state. I don't blame him. I blame myself for this. And God, I wish I could wish I hadn't had sex, or that I could swear I'd never let it interfere with my schoolwork again, but it will.

So much for the Hermione Granger I used to be.

03:24:30 AM

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The guy I'm talking to right now is the only guy to ever apologize for not being in town on my birthday. We barely ever talk to each other.

10:56:47 PM

it is sad that we both really like each other (i'm almost positive you like me back) but are too afraid to do anything about it. i wish i wasn't such a wuss so i could tell you, but instead i just sit around and wait.

10:35:05 PM

I started training with my coach when i was 11, that was 5 1/2 years ago, since then i've attained a level of competition that he never reached in his prime and i've begun to coach many of his students. He still treats me like i'm 12. It's beginning to taint my love for this sport.

08:58:46 PM

I'm setting my past on the ground, burning. I'm going to walk away, and let it burn itself out.

I can walk away from the past.
I can leave it all behind.

Does anybody out there hear me? Can you hear the excitement, the new leaf that's being turned over as you read this comment?

08:55:33 PM

I'm beginning to feel more and more like tangst is becoming an admin forum instead of an anonymous blog. I liked it better when I didn't know who the admins were. I won't be attending the tangst convention because that would ruin the whole "anonymous" expirience that I get on here. Stay out of the way, admins. You're ruining it. Tangst is selling out to you guys.

08:40:47 PM

I hate the fact that one letter means so much to me, that I'll honestly be dissapointed if I don't get one when I'm sure that hundreds of other people also won't get a letter.

07:29:08 PM

what's going on between us is horrible, it only ever causes trouble to the both of us, but we just can't.. stop, it sucks

07:05:02 PM

If I took beta-blockers I'd never freak out at an audition again.

I'd never hate myself for playing less than my best because of nerves.

God, and they're legal with prescription.

Isn't the New York Phil all hooked?

I could just ask her and she'd probably let me.

She apparently takes them.

But Mua'dib chose to blind himself rather than be fitted with robotics.

I should be writing my position paper but I'm on Tangst instead. Who's with me?


03/05/06, 12:13:36

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I laughed more tonight than I have in a long time, including during lunch (because lunch only lasts for forty-something minutes and this was over the course of several hours).
Thanks, guys.

"Sithgirl's Party" Post:

Really good, and I had a lot of fun. On the other hand, I wanted to do one guy in particular. Hard. This was due to his constant innuendo and flirtatous manner. Not nice, not nice at all. I really am that desperate.

Excuse me while I go relieve myself.

Also, Sardines is a weird game. I always think it's hard to find whoever's hiding, especially if they move.

But "Mean Girls" was a good movie. And I'm sad Hannah left early. But I'm glad I got to talk to a certain girl. I'll be calling her.

Overall: A+ experience. Even the arousal wasn't that bad, because I could discuss it openly. It was nice to do that for once, though it may have been awk for others.

Dear RoadRunner,

I want the freedom to download all the movies i want. i want the freedom to browse as many web sites as I can. I want to talk to my friends as much as I want on aim.

i want all of this At one time1!!

speed me up yo.


Too Damn Slow in NC

03:16:59 PM

Every time that he talks to me seriously I want to just grab him and kiss him but i can't and it makes me so sad...

01:19:34 AM

Friday, March 03, 2006

I'm putting my O-grin "Born to Recycle" tattoo somewhere scandalous.

You get to guess where. >;)

11:27:45 PM

It's tomorrow and they're all going to be there warming up and checking their slides and reeds and mushing cigarette paper between their sticky keys and breathing--in and out, in and out, concentrating on whatever to quell their nerves, practicing that piece over and over, quizzing their friends with early numbers--"what excerpt are they asking?" "how's the sightreading?" "Do they make us tongue that fucking Db scale?!"

And I'm three seats too low to even audition.

Three seats too low, because they only take the top four from each stupid district to and don't realize that central district has the highest competition, the highest scores, the highest number of people competing on each instrument . . . and that getting to be one of those top four from some district out in the middle of nowhere, Hickland, requires the simple skill of blowing into the right end of your fucking instrument, whereas getting into the District level at Central is too much for most first-chairs of competant high school bands.

I suppose this is the most blatantly un-anonymous thing ever posted. So, let me suffice to say: Hi, my name is Hannah. I can't audition for All-State tomorrow, and that is my angst.

The NC Bandmasters Association can go suck it.

06:51:28 PM

This crush on you is a rollercoaster.
I've just recovered from that sinking, hopeless feeling that you all-to-often give me, and now I'm at the top of another hill. I'm so absolutely happy with you right now that, well, I could throw my hands up and scream at the top of my lungs. I can see the end of the ride from here- over the next big hill, If I'm careful we'll make it- but if I'm not then I'll probably fall out of the car and break my neck.

05:48:03 AM

I hate sleeping alone.

03:01:26 AM

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I wonder if he ever has these kinds of conversations with his girlfriend.

09:39:36 PM

Dear Tangsty,

So let's pretend that I have a in my life that I very much so want to start dating. However, she is difficult to reach through conventional means, and our only opportunities to talk come when we are walking together at school or in some sort of after-school activity. I like this a lot but I'm afraid that she may not want to date, or she might not want to date me.... The normal jittery things. I've heard, also, that she doesn't like to rush into these things. The only problem is that she's a senior, so we have approximately three months and a bit of school, then perhaps summer. Should I even bother trying to date her, and how should I go about it?

Anxious in North Carolina

09:22:35 PM

I'm an admin, but I still post most of my secrets anonymously.

08:38:14 PM

I submitted it awhile ago and now I go back to reread it and it's so godawful. I mean, what in the world made me think that this was good writing? I cringe now when I read over the lines.

08:37:42 PM

I'm so sick of feminists wanting to have their cake and eat it too.

06:58:58 PM

Every life is either a mistake or a descision. You were either concieved accidentaly or with forthought to serve a specific purpose.

Neither sounds very miraculous to me.

04:37:27 PM

In my life there have been two (2), just two, things I've really and truly regretted:

1. In 5th grade I (accidentally) kicked a girl. I'm not really sure what happened to her leg, except that it must have been pretty bad because the entire week after that she was on crutches. Conveniently enough, that girl who I kicked was the best friend of someone who had been my best friend the year before. The girl was certain I'd done it on purpose. I hadn't. Her mother came in and yelled at me during class. "Why did you do that to (girl's name)? Do you hate her? Why do you hate her?" My ex-best friend did not believe me. My family did not believe me. No one did. I still regret it

2. Last year I found some photos of my mother from 5 years ago. She looks so much younger, so much happier there. I've often wondered what could cause a woman to age so quickly. I’ve also wondered if my brother and I might have had something to do with it. I’m sorry, Mom.

01:07:02 AM

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I'm sitting with ice packs on my knee and both ankles from dancing...

and I'm very happy about it!

I love dancing

(just thought i'd post something happy :) )

10:16:38 PM

I don't want her to go.

I can't tell myself that she might.

09:05:20 PM

I keep hoping that I'll see him this weekend; that he'll defy the authority figure and drop everything to be with me.

But I know this wishing is futile. He is not the kind of person that openly rebels. And I am just not that important to him.

08:32:10 PM

I wonder if he even noticed I wasn't there today.

07:20:16 PM

i think i might be pregnant. i can't afford an abortion...

yes, i go to enloe.

06:15:59 PM

She left me. I can't believe it. I mean, here we were, having a perfectly nice conversation, nothing too deep, nothing to meaningful, but it was still something. And then, out of the blue, she comes up with some bullshit excuse and then she just left.

So now I'm sitting here, eating leftovers from last night's dinner, and wondering what went wrong.

03:07:31 PM