Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I use Tangst as the ground upon which I experiment, upon which I can build the frameworks of postulates and theorems on the human race.

09:53:26 PM

i think i might have ADD.

i can never pay attention in class. I'm physically there but my mind always seems to be somewhere else.

what are some symptoms of ADD?

09:31:05 PM

. . . - - - . . .

. . . - - - . . .

. / -. . . -.. / ... --- -- . --- -. . / - --- / ... .- ...- . / -- . / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- -.-- / - .. - .- -. .. -.-. / ..--../

. . . - - - . . .

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09:25:12 PM

Why hasn't she fallen apart yet?

09:02:04 PM

I thought I was free - take it once, at the end of my sophomore year, and be rid of it!

But no, my scores aren't good enough. They've told me I'll be taking the SAT again. (And maybe even again and again and again until I hit 2400.)

2180. What's wrong with that?
(I think it's good enough.)

08:02:31 PM

I pity myself for having such a dumb and simplistic world view.

barry bonds
05:07:46 PM

I pity Barry Bonds for having such a dumb and simplistic world view.

05:02:10 PM

I thought Rashi's article in the newspaper today was almost completely ridiculous.
Saying the women make good "homemakes and commitee leaders" is such a generalization. Sure, there are women who are good at those things. There are men who are good at them too. Also, to say that women shouldn't be president becuase we are more likely to have personality disorders is completely irrelevant. Men are much more likely to kill someone, does that mean they shouldn't be president? Personally, I'd rather have a bi-polar president than a murderer. It's true, you did list many women who are in political power right now who would be unfit to be president - but that doesn't mean no woman should ever be president! Who knows who'll come along? Also to generalize all women as not having sufficient "charisma or popularity " makes me question the quality of the women in your life. Basically, it's impossible to say that no woman ever would make a good presdent, especially in comparison to the one in office now.

With that said Rashi, I did think you had a valid point in terms of middle east relations. I agree that a woman leader would probably not be taken as seriously as a man, and that's a sad thing. Still, I don't think that's a sufficient reason to say a woman would make a poor president.

03:30:31 PM

i am falling in love with somebody and it is the most exciting thing i think that has happened to me.And everyone knows how people say theres someone for everybody and im convinced this person is the one for me. I love my life

01:59:21 AM

As of this moment, I hate my english teacher. When you looked over a couple of chapters you gave me a hundred percent. Well guess what Honey, I did the rest of the book exactly like those two chapters. And what did a get? A "D". That doesn't even make sense. I was so close to an "A" in the close. Why do you hate me so that you are condemning me to a "B". How can you be so mean?

12:45:11 AM

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

you check someone's profile and you realize...they go on tangst.

and its like your own little secret. only you know you know. they don't know you know. and no one else knows what you know.

and its kindof cool to discover something about a person like that. or maybe i'm just a retard.

11:54:14 PM

People are selfish. We can only focus on one important thing at a time. Why is it that that is always the self?

11:08:44 PM

Even though I'm graduating, I can't think of a time when I won't check tangst.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I'm supposed to resent you guys and build a whole new life free from Enloe and my parents and everything that made me a kid, but...that grand transformation just won't come.

What if I -never- change? In a few years the "t" in tangst will be gone forever, but what if I can't live up to it?

10:28:50 PM

1 in 4 americans feel that muslim-americans should be required to 'register' themselves.


10:16:42 PM

my AC broke and i got a virus on my computer that i just can't get off. everime i open internet explorer it gives me offers for some stupid malware stuff. anyone know how to get rid of it?

09:49:49 PM

I dread tomorrow. If we could skip through time and just wind up at Thursday, that would be great.

Scratch that: If we could skip through time to the day after finals, that would be perfect.

09:47:21 PM

I love that there are only three days of school left. But I hate that that means that I will only have three more opportunities to see him, and to talk to him. I wish I wasn't so shy. I wish I could just do something about this...

08:56:43 PM

Hate + Jazz = Non-Hate?

08:00:10 PM

I rub lip balm under my eyes to make them get puffy, red, and teary so I can get my way with my pushover parents.

07:32:43 PM

Finding a sub for work is the bane of my existence!

07:00:50 PM

I'm sad. Lonely. And under a pile of school work - work I DONT have any energy for. I want some lip action.

05:14:34 PM

Oh man, I like her very much. Too bad I asked her out a few years ago and she said no.

Sure it was a few years ago, but for some reason I'm sure it holds. Hmm.

I gotta wonder if I always get crushes on the hopeless ones as a form of self-destruction.

03:57:57 PM

If you were offered $90,000 in bribes, would you take it? If so, where would you keep the bills?

03:28:45 PM

Yo B!
Hope ya know everyone's laughing at ya over this deal with T. Including me.hahahahaha hilarious

03:23:05 PM

I close my eyes and imagine it's you.

09:37:48 AM

I don't think I like him. I know I don't like that girl who keeps trying to pay me to break up with him (she's a psyco, no joke. I think she might kill me). Today he said I owed him a kiss. The idea of kissing him grosses me out. Why am I dating him at all? Because it gives me something to do? Maybe I should just take the $50 dollars she offered me. No, I could never do that. He said he loved me today too. Rather, he wrote it. That creeped me out, yet I still can't stop thinking about it. I'm losing sleep over him. Every love song I hear on the radio makes me think about him. We call each other 3 times a day, at least and we talk for hours. How is it possible he can be so wonderful and so completely not my type all at once? If this is a lie, I guess I'll keep on living it. At least I'll stay entertained.

01:00:53 AM

I feel very, very tiny and very, very insignificant right now.

12:46:57 AM

Just out of curiosity: Are sithgirl's sleeping patterns really that bad?

12:19:07 AM

Monday, May 29, 2006

I am a pathological liar.

11:05:34 PM

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?

10:44:26 PM

My god I love her.

10:27:44 PM

I am confused about what I want to do and have no clue what to do. And if I say exactly what I'm confused about then my friends will know that I'm the one that posted this and I REALLY don't want them to know . So basically some of my friends want me to do some things (not sex/drugs/ anything that is degrading to my health or the health of others) and I really don't know what I want to do. And I can't ask any of my friends because they all pretty much have either a strong opion that I should do the things or won't really give me an opion. And I'm crazily FUCKING CONFUSED and I have no fucking clue how to get unconfused.

I even tried to think of a list of pros and cons to changing and doing the things that they want me to and I can't think of any pros or cons at all. Sometimes I really hate being indesicive.

09:42:40 PM

Must I continuously ostracize myself from everyone and anyone who attempts to get to know me better? Am I really that much of a loner?

This really needs to stop. I need to reinvent myself. Or my personality. Or both. Preferably both.

09:12:46 PM

Today I hung out with a good (male) friend of mine for about 7 hours. We've been friends for maybe 6 months, but we always hang out in groups. Today we just hung out with each other for no reason really, we just both needed something to do. He has a girlfriend who is a good friend of mine, but I'm afraid he's starting to be interested in me. We had so much fun today and I really want to keep hanging out with him outside of a group, but I'm afraid I'm going to break them up. They are a really good couple but I just have a bad feeling about it.

07:56:27 PM

They may not be my posts, but that doesn't mean they're not my secrets.

03:52:02 PM

If I cannot find navy blue, non-denim, non-dumb-looking, camp-dress-code-passing shorts in the next week, there will be Hell to pay.

that stupidass project in mergenthaler!!

I really, really, really dont want to do it. you dont even understand.

03:25:10 PM

I really want to make out with him.

02:21:15 PM

can i just suggest something? i feel like as the site becomes more and more popular and more of a public forum, every post is getting more comments. as a result, we have a ton of posts becoming "popular posts", when they really arent any more popular than most.

can i suggest that we increase the number of comments necessary to get on the popular posts list? atleast to like...18 or so?

just a suggestion. admins can debate that.

11:08:37 AM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Drinking and playing DDR is a highly amusing but ultimately weird experience. Not reccomended.

11:41:38 PM

The canes won.

11:06:54 PM

more than 300 muslims died in the twin towers

09:04:50 PM

If love is a decision, why can't I let myself be loved?

02:24:49 PM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

my legs smell Fantastic!

but no one will ever know...

11:38:32 PM

She didn't pick up the phone.

11:12:19 PM

this break-up makes me glad i never told my parents about us

10:53:32 PM

i need to find a job. gah i just did like 20 applications.

10:19:18 PM

I'm scared to insert a tampon.

07:49:00 PM

If I was small, cute, and Asian... maybe then you'd love me.

02:22:21 PM

When each of us posts on tangst we do it as an individual expression with individual aims, but in the end this site as a whole has become something greater than the sum of its parts. We're creating an art project, a socialogical experiment, and a historical journal all wrapped up in one by feeding and sustaining this creation that in its own way feeds and sustains us in return. We've created a timecapsule of the loves, joys, and (above all) angsts of a particular set of people grounded in a particular period of time, with a level of honesty and truth that would have been impossible previous to this amazing point in history.

Post and post proudly. We're doing something amazing here.

02:14:06 PM

My dad's body is totally deteriorating. He's having brain surgery soon which is supposed to help him a lot but he keeps talking about who gets what when he dies. He is trying to prepare me for his death but the truth is i faced the reality when i first saw both my parents rolling around the house with walkers. That was the worst moment of my life and i will truthfully say that i cried about it. I can't talk about this stuff with my girlfriend because i don't want her to see me in that state. i don't want to tell my friends for the same reason. The school counseler can only nod her head and basically think that the situation sucks. i cloak my emotions so no one knows what is going on, and its working very well. Its hard to even look at my dad anymore and to just think that in a few months he may not be there for me anymore. gone. forever.

02:54:21 AM

i've been acting fake so long i have become who i was trying so hard to be. i took a step back from my new life back to my old life and found something that has made me happier than i've ever been before. embrace who you are.

02:40:07 AM

life you might as well swallow

02:32:04 AM

X-Men 3 sucked. It sucked like a girl on prom night, it sucked like the implosion of a dwarf star, it sucked like a hoover on crystal meth. Shame on all involved.

01:49:07 AM

What I hate the most is that everyone puts this one guy I am friends with up on a pedistal. Then when he does something wrong, everyone just chalks it up to being, "His way..." I feel like if I were to say somethig about it to someone else, they would be horrified that I could ever feel like that.

God, I just wish I could just shake him into being a real person.

12:56:43 AM

haha when your posts dont get any you ever add your own comments to make your post seem more popular and make you feel good about yourself?

12:18:29 AM

Friday, May 26, 2006

i like sex

10:41:21 PM

I thought I made him fall for me. All I really did was convince him I was actually the girl he wanted. But I'm not as sweet or shy or delicate as the girl he wanted.

09:23:20 PM

I think they were fighting today.

they=the guy i USED to like for a very long time and his g/f.

07:52:35 PM

the internet needs a notation for sarcasm.

07:01:46 PM

today is the most friday-ey friday ever. it's 4th period now, and my day has been more or less over for an hour. it's fun, but painfull at the same time. This is so great because this is effectivley the last day im going to do any learning this year.


Thursday, May 25, 2006

I was having a perfectly fine day at school. Then i'm walking to my locker after class and I see them talking. Not doing anything, just talking. All of a sudden i'm filled with this jealousy, that contines on until 7th period. He was just talking to her, that is all, but I couldn't take it. I know he doesn't like me back, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

11:33:13 PM

I'm loathin' it.

11:25:14 PM

Suddenly I am confiding my innermost thoughts in a girl I met only a week ago.

What does this mean?

10:23:35 PM

You think you can just become popular by simply changing your clothes. You think you have friends, but they really talk behind your back. You go for the most popular girls when you know you have no chance. You think you've changed and have a better personality, but you're still the same annoying kid, who asks retarded questions, and tries to show off, when you have nothing to show off. Please stop acting like that, grow up, and face reality.

09:20:51 PM

Thank you, whoever discovered laxatives.
Because I was constipated today, and trust me without your discovery, I would be in great pain.
Thank you.

06:44:18 PM

I guess you could call me the "mastermind" behind the computer crisis at enloe. I helped organize and fix computer problems around the school so they decided to give me a password and re-enable my account. What I really want to know is...who actually cared that the whole thing happened? I mean beyond the extent of getting new passwords (which I personally think is hilarious).

06:35:40 PM

Wow I totally don't know her and have barely seen her at all, why am I obsessed?

06:23:56 PM

Why doesn't anyone like PChis anymore? Did I miss something?

04:24:21 PM

Notice they wait to announce that they're drilling in the alaskan nature preservations until the day the Enron verdict comes out. I suppose if I worked for the Republicans I'd do the same, it just seems sort of underhanded.

04:12:36 PM

Are you a bad person?

11:37:33 AM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

You have two seperate houses. Two places you are expected to call home. Two sets of rules and responsabilities, two rooms to clean...

Every week packing a suitcase and living out of it. Keeping a closet in a bag and all your favortie toys get left behind. Dividing them up. Leaving it all behind.

Living two seperate lives. Two lies, in which you pretend like you were never the child of your parents, just so you don't have to remind your mother, your father of what a mistake it all was.

Imagine not being able to talk to one parent about the problems of another, not being able to ask permission to go out to buy birthday presents, mother's day, father's day. Not being able to mention the name of the other or love for the other without the yelling starting. The anger. The throwing things. Almost as bad as before they were divorced.

Your parents running around with weekly girlfriends or boyfriends like kids at school. Imagine parents being children. Imagine the holes punched in the wall and the tight money and the guilt.

Imagine parents fighting over who gets custody on holidays that should be times of togetherness.

Imagine being seven years old and watching your mother throw all the ornaments into the fire christmas morning because they reminded her of your father. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to her crying.

Image how scared you'd be.

You're seven years old.

I was seven years old.

10:25:35 PM

whenever people talk about their parents being divorced, i feel sort of weird because i have No Idea what that could be like. i never know what to say or do and it makes me uncomfortable. can someone give me a general idea of what it's like, in a way that someone with still-together parents can understand? it would be much appreciated.

09:16:09 PM

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal"

04:42:58 PM

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

you know who you are. 'i wish i could just find a way to pause time and spend a forever or two with you. it would make everything unimaginably better'
i just wanted to announce that to show that with all the sorrow in life, there is still the rose that buds 'neath the thorn.

11:21:43 PM

how many times do you post a day?

11:16:45 PM

I dont know what to do with my life.

10:52:10 PM

There is always someone better than you.

No matter how special you might seem, no matter how unique you think you are, whatever thing you are most proud of in yourself there are hundereds of thousands of people who can do it better. Not only are they better at it, they don't even give a damn and are going to become a famous neurosurgeon instead. Did I mention they're also rich and much more attractive. Did I mention you suck?

Becasue you do.

10:31:23 PM

Alias series finale made me cry?

is that weird?

10:18:08 PM

What is the thing you most regret about your last relationship?

10:06:35 PM

This is an official Thank You to all of the Enloe Tangsters who submitted their poetry (and prose and artwork) to Enloe's Stone Soup magazine.

The magazine is being printed right now and (hopefully) will be finished and arriving in pretty cardboard boxes at Enloe sometime this week. Some of the poetry that was posted here on Tangst (and the Etc. Clause) is in the magazine, and I am honored that you took the time and effort to submit it. It is amazing work, and the magazine is a better production for you having submitted.

So thank you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for your courage. Thank your for your time, your effort, the use of y0ur creative mind. Thank you (if I know you personally) for not killing me for yelling for the millionth time "Have you submitted yet?". For those of you who submitted and are not in the magazine this year: thank you as well. We still appreciate it, believe it or not. Thank you to everyone who bothered to put something on paper or send out an email and braved judgement from unknown (or perhaps known) eyes.

I want my ring back. Please let it still be there.

09:23:05 PM

"In this moment we were infinite"
[from a postcard sent into PostSecret]

I love that sentence. It captures the way I want my summer to be.

09:18:24 PM

Do you feel this black tulle sky between us? Like the dividing line between a paper moon and the tissue ground. I feel the sky that's between us.

Do you?

08:47:49 PM

On Friday June 2nd, Krispy Kreme is having national doughnut day. This means that any customer who walks in may have one free doughnut of their choice.

08:19:24 PM

I wish I could violently rip your internal organs out with rusty metal tools and leave you empty, broken, and in excruciating pain on the side of an abandoned road so you'll have a small idea of the way you've made me feel.

Whenever I see you, I think about how much I would enjoy smashing your face in with a large rock and listening to the melodious crack of your nose cartilage lodging itself into your cheekbones.

Alas, whenever I lay eyes on you I also have to tell my heart to stop beating so fast and for my face to please, if it would, stop turning an excited flirty red.

I hate/love you.

08:04:37 PM

hehehe the new status thingy in facebook has so many opportunities...

05:00:28 PM

I failed the driver's test and I failed him. I thought I could grow up and I was wrong.

You're not the editor-in-chief anymore.

And you couldn't have ordered me around even when you were.

Go graduate already; if I confront you with this issue, you'll just spread it around the staff that I'm "having a bad day."

Look, why can't you just let me make my own decisions and not have everyone going off and having conferences about how awful i am.You've done it before to other people, yet some how you guys just dont understand when we all tell you how assholish you are being. Well now you are doing it to me, and you ask "why didnt you tell us?!?!". You, my friends have answered your own question. Why would I want to tell you when you are so mean to everyone else who does similar things. Stop alienating me among my friends. You guys were supposed to be friends (well most of you) but know you are just being assholes. You wonder why I don't hang out with you guys at lunch, the reaesons are staking up higher and higher. I want to be your friends but, golly jee wilikers!!!! stop attacking me behind my back because you know ill stand up to you if you say the stuff to my face!!!!! If you want to curse me out, isult me, beat me up, please , do so, but do it to my face!!!!

12:01:17 AM

Monday, May 22, 2006

It is 9:44 PM here, and the rainstorm is beautiful- I just went out to run in the driving rain.

It smells so good, and it's so wonderful.

I wish I could bring you all here to see it.

a TWHE Contributor
11:49:17 PM

Sometimes I fantasize about being shot to death in the west gym lobby before school one day. I play out how it would happen, what people would say, which people would run and which people would stay to watch me bleed. I wonder who else would die. I wonder how the school would handle it, how kids would handle it. What would my funeral be like? How would individual friends or teachers respond? Would there be a memorial on Tangst for me?

It's not that I'm suicidal or anything. I just think about it sometimes.

11:27:30 PM

ok i give up ill just not do my english project. Its just to big and im just that lazy.

11:00:59 PM

PCHIS. RASHI. WHY haven't you sent us your answers yet?? I sent mine as soon as I got home to avoid this crap.

10:45:32 PM

Does everybody know how much I am LOL right now? I hope you do; then you'll realise just how wonderful I am (& how crap you are, simply by implication).

"LOL" has never stopped looking funny to me.

10:35:26 PM

I have a serious phobia of being a burden to people, especially my friends. Unfortunatly this mean's that when I ask them for a favor, or they do something on my behalf and I am unable to recieve this favor after they put their effort into it, I feel like a truly horrible person. I seriously feel lower than dirt and that is why I am severely depressed at this moment in time.

So, to all those people whom I let down, or wasted their time, I am truly sorry. No, really, there is no one more sorry than me at this time. Please forgive me.

Does this make me feel any better, not really.

10:35:00 PM

dude, maverick im sorry about being a jerk, im done i swear, i didnt know what i was thinking, hope were still cool

10:25:53 PM

Welcome home, Maverick.

09:32:01 PM

To person/people who decided that it is a rule that women need to shave their legs or else they will be shunned by society, and considered an ugly, non-sex-having ever, hairy-legged freak:
I also hate every person in this world for wanting and having to follow this rule and sticking to it for centuries, including me. If not, life could have been so much easier and better. I have to waste 15 minutes of my life EVERY DAY to shave my legs. This means in my full lifespan I would have wasted more than 2 years of my life devoted to shaving my legs. I could have learned a new language, learned to play an instrument, so many other things, instead, I HAD TO SHAVE MY FUCKING LEGS.

07:01:28 PM

I hate how the people believe anything they read on the internet and how fallacies are so often spread as facts.

06:08:45 PM

I'll be here...
I'll be 'waiting'... here...
For what?
I'll be waiting... for you.. so
If you come here...
You'll find me.
I promise.

thats the most beautiful saddest thing I've ever read.

05:22:04 PM

When I eat Nutella from the family jar, I lick the knife and yet still use it to spread more Nutella on my crackers/bagel/bread/pretzel/fingers. It is disgusting, but at least I'm not sick or anything.

03:42:11 PM

I cant beleive they haven't blocked this website from school yet.

08:53:27 AM

[ironically enough, I'm uploading this during AP Enviro. :D]

I just can't change the "relationship status" box on facebook.

01:09:27 AM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

im getting sodomized by school work. Its really quite painful.

11:46:00 PM

I hated all of those girls today. they were being so bitchy about everything. and they were bringing drama into everything.

but i know tommorow, they will be my best friends.

11:29:44 PM

A picture is worth a thousand words, a word is worth a thousand pictures, but how much can I get for a measure?

11:25:34 PM

We have been best friends for 3 years. We call each other a lot. We hang out with just each other at least twice a week. We hook up a lot. We like and trust each other more than anyone else we know. We don't date though, and I don't really understand why. Like, we've talked about it some and I know he just considers our friendship more important than anything else, but I still don't quite understand it. What's his deal?

10:34:08 PM

There's a reason for the 21st Century.

10:06:46 PM


And boy do I have stories to tell, though unfortunately none of wild experiences of love. (I was so close, but just not quite!)

I will tell the NC buddies tomorrow, and will post more as comments once I am more awake and feel like it.

Someone tell me to do my essay.

07:45:04 PM

i just lookd at the postsecret page, and decided to post here because i have the same secret

i have hairy nipples too.

07:09:32 PM

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

04:14:49 PM


10:15:01 AM

bah. everyone is too wigged out to be rational. myself included...

there has been SO much relationship, "i want to tell them but can't!" tangst recently. this is neither good nor bad. but it has gotten me to wonder: would it be a good or bad thing if in situations such as this we could just be completely honest, frank, and sincere with one another?

12:45:40 AM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

"Post anything that you want in comments, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Including what you think of me. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like."

I suppose this was originally an exclusive sithgirl blog, but I think that things have changed to the point that the "Including what you think about me" doesn't really apply anymore. I move that we should get rid of it. Any seconds?

11:47:29 PM

Where the fuck is -my- magic lamp?

11:45:00 PM

Never in the history of mankind has religion created a free and tolerant nation. Seemingly by definition, religious fervor and fundamentalism infuses men's lives with bigotry, insensitivity, and violence. By marrying politics and religion a society is only inviting disaster.

That friends, is why I am pissed of at Islam at the moment.

11:25:57 PM

Say it's only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me.

10:26:18 PM

I've been thinking (I know, a bad sign) and I'm stuck against a wall again.

Pick a person. Any random citizen of the earth. If you could control every moment of that persons childhood and beyond, mold perfectly all the childhood traumas, the parental suggestions, the friends, the lovers, the totality of their external experiences you would, in essence, control that person.

Now pick an unspeakable act. Any random atrocity of humankind. If you were in change of all of these external switches and carrots of a man's life you could lead him to commit this act no matter how heinous, no matter how "unnatural" or "inhuman" it appears. As long as the outer conditions we ripe, our subject couldn't help but comply and do so willingly.

Now here's the wall. We all accept (especially as Westerners) that we are in control of our own destiny, that we are the prime mover of Jim. But really we would be very different people if we had, say, been born in India instead of the US. We would be completely different head-to-toe if even more drastic changes in our environment occured.

So if I'm just a function of my outisdes (plug in an x and get a y) then where does freewill come into play? What makes me unique and special if merely changing my family situation, or my teachers, or the color of my room affects what type of person I am in the end? If I'm just the sum of my surroundings then where does the "I" come in?

Anyhoo, just needed to get that out. Thanks for reading.

10:09:43 PM

We were taking half an hour to hug goodnight yesterday, and he said:

I want you to go inside (pause) because this isn't what our relationship is about.

And now I love him all over again, and even more.

♥ (learned that from the post earlier today)

06:19:17 PM

I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to set you free.

04:42:00 PM

can someone PLEASE tell me how to do those cute little hearts on facebook and myspace?

i just cant figure it out.

03:15:00 PM

I think the thing I miss the most is being able to talk to him about everything.

I miss actually being friends, instead of just being friendly. There's a discernable difference.

12:37:59 AM

It's not that I can't take a hint, I just don't have feelings for you. at least I don't think so.

12:16:52 AM

wow im a freaking jerk i am constantly flirting w/ my friends girlfriend. even though hes going to colledge and theyre going to break up i feel like shit

12:02:25 AM

Friday, May 19, 2006

*long sigh*

10:44:07 PM

I guess you could call me a traitor to my own ideas. It's sad that I can't stay loyal to myself. And yet, I can't help what happenned and want it to happen again.


10:00:23 PM

I AM DONE. I cannot handle you anymore. I thought today would make it better, but it didn't. It only made it worse. I had high hopes for tonight, but you basically crushed them. You need to get over it. It is so pathetic that you can't get over this person. Stop talking to her if that is the only way you know how to get over her. Just do it, so that my life will be sane once again.

09:45:10 PM

STOP trying to guilt me into it please!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:57:36 AM

if that movie would of been about how the holocaust was a scam or how muhammad and the caliphs tried to hide something from the world and it claimed to be based on wouldnt of gone to watch it.

12:14:36 AM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Okay, so I have a problem. Maybe it isn't so bad, but it bothers me. I have this friend, see, whom i like a lot, but her personality is frustrating sometimes and she can be embarrassing to be around...even when there aren't any other people around either. I eat lunch with her often, but I want this to stop so I can get on with my life and hang out with people that I feel like I connect with more. Problem? I'm so bad at these things without being hurtful, and I'm afraid she'll be lonely.

11:30:54 PM

i wish you had time to love me... just me... only me... why do i get so crazy.. wow

is it so bad to want to be the only girl a guy dreams about, kisses, loves?

wow your so wonderful, but both of us are leading hectic lives... well maybe just you...

besides... you don't want a relationship with crazy me, or anyone really...

11:03:23 PM

[Admin note: Grammar edited, as requested by the original poster.]

Why do I feel the need to take on every problem that is handed to me, even when I know that I'm completely incapable of solving them? I must have cried five times today for people other than me. What's my fucking problem? Maybe if I just hated life and love and people and everything in between I wouldn't be so messed up. Wow, I've never though of caring as a curse before, and I never realized I had it. Maybe I'm a good canidate for the peacecore after all. Thanks for listening tangst.

10:55:42 PM

I am trying to say what I want to say without having to say "I love you."

Woe. Life.

10:11:47 PM

My work sensors are telling me that im going to have a massive workload that is going to all pile up onto the weekend. This is very troubling.

09:16:58 PM

I feel guilty flirting with other guys because I'm still in love with my ex.

09:10:01 PM

This past weekend I resolved to ignore him. I resolved to not get on aim, not check facebook, just so that I can stop myself from talking to him. So I did. He left me a facebook comment...he talked to me first on aim when I finally got on...and it made me start liking him all over again.

damn him for being so likable.

08:52:52 PM

I'm not so sure that the future I'm heading towards is a future that will benefit me, those around me, or the society in general.

How do I stop it?

08:52:34 PM

awesome band please.

06:39:39 PM

A Letter to the Editor

Dear "A Certain Newspaper Advisor:"

I am tired of your constant, bitterly-voiced reminders that you "only have X days left." I don't think a single day has gone by where you have not said that sentence to me in some form, normally when I'm asking you for your opinion (or, dare I say it, advice). I would like to point out that this is not valid counsel for any of my problems--let's just get that on the table right to begin with.

I am becoming annoyed with the lunchtime meetings in your room: you and a few other teachers sitting around and making smirky faux-superior comments about how administration is trying to suppress the good teachers. Here's a newsflash for you: my english teacher and my history teacher this year were better teachers than you were (I would daresay more intelligent, but that is much more subjective and debatable). And guess what? They have no problems with administration. If you have lame little jokes, make them where I can't hear; if you're as sophisticated and as intelligent as you think you are, don't debase yourself to the level of a petty highschooler in front of me. I might not agree with the way everything is done, but my god this is still my school and it's still a good school.

Finally, I am SICK of you comparing me with A Certain Editor-in-Chief. This is why I'm most glad you're leaving in X days. I hate the way you come in (sneering dirtily at one of your cronies' latest jokes about administration, no doubt) at the end of lunch, and while I am sitting at the computer working ask, "Did you get ANYTHING accomplished today?" No thanks. If I didn't care so much about the paper, and if it didn't mean so much to me personally (and if I didn't care so much about the aforementioned Editor-in-Chief) I would sabotage this issue. Not because you would be particularly hurt, I guess, but because it would be a very fitting fizzle to the end of your wet-blanket career. The symbolism would please me... the last tinny tinkle of your miserable Symphony of Whining. Give me a freaking break. I do things my own way, and it doesn't have to be his way. Go off and have your love affair with him; give him the article I want to write and make up a half-baked excuse as to why I didn't write it (you could have just told me the truth!); you can tell me I'm in charge this time and criticize everything I want to try a little differently to the point where I just say to myself "only x more days" and suck it up; for god's sake, just get off my back.

Let's see if we can go X days without talking to each other. That's fine with me.

When I grow up I want to be exactly like the Crazy Piano Guy that is camping out at our school. He is so carefree and funny. I wish I had that much joy in life.

04:00:25 PM

I spent the last hour trying to fall asleep. It didn't work.

All I did was end up sobbing into my pillow with the solitary thought of "Why doesn't he love me?" running through my head. I'm all cried out and I still don't have an answer.

But this has to stop. I have too many other things going on right now. I can't waste energy on this anymore. Everything else should be more important. They are to him.

I can't do this anymore. I just can't take it. I'm breaking down. I know that I'm hurting myself with my futile caring.

Yet the foremost thought in my mind is, "I wonder if he'll know it's me when he reads this tomorrow."

(And now I'm sorry if that makes anyone feel paranoid.)

01:32:19 AM

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I feel like I am taken for granted.

11:55:08 PM

I just want to be there for you. But I've been around long enough to learn that being there for you is being absent. It's somewhat difficult to back off sometimes, but I am trying to respect how you want to deal with it all and face everything with understanding. It's not too bad and no, I am not mad/upset if ever you think that. I really want to be all prepared for this summer. To love myself and feel confident and independent. I'm still just concerned about you. It's not that suicide watch concern of course, but a sort of cliche' "want to see you happy" sort of deal. I want to make the most of the situation. I am, however, very sorry about it all, my love. Believe me, I can relate. You know you have me. Have fun the next few days!

te amo

11:49:35 PM


11:45:41 PM

I feel like a man, imprisoned inside a woman's body.

11:35:34 PM

It's a Placebo kind of day.

11:28:52 PM

i know we're completely wrong for each other. i love him anyway.

11:20:24 PM

I feel like there's nothing new or exciting on tangst. But I'm still addicted. This is sad.

10:54:41 PM

my tivo cut off the last five minutes of alias.

I'm so pissed off.

10:51:58 PM

I just can't believe that they picked HER to be America's Next Top Model. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

09:56:58 PM

"If you can't figure out HOW to post on tangst, then you're really the only one who NEEDS to be posting on tangst."

-John ***

too true.

09:23:25 PM

Tomorrow, I travel to West Virginia on a USY convention. My parents met at a USY dance, and something very similar to this. They met, they dated for several years, all through the latter years of high school and all through college, despite the fact that they were in different states. Then, they got married and had me.

Do you have any idea what kind of pressure I find myself under. They haven't said anything, but I know they're thinking it. Quite frankly, there are not very many Jewish girls in NC. I mean, there seem to be quite a few freshmen, but I don't ever see them, because they are in the much more inferior BBYO, and most of them are only titular Jews anyway.

Argh. Sorry if that didn't make sense. I was just ranting.

I do hope I find someone though. I have already been told that someone saw a picture of me and said that I didn't look too bad (perhaps they were either on drugs or saw a really good picture?). Ah, but just wait until I open my mouth. I am the epitome of loser. Hardcore Torah reader? President of Latin Club? Effing member of FPS? Maybe I should just not talk at all.

Once again, my apologies if this makes no sense. I just needed to vent a bit.

gah im so bored gah

08:52:23 PM

School is going to be out in a few weeks, and for some odd reason I'm not too excited about it.

07:52:55 PM

I watched him play an afternoon of basketball. He looked so sexy. When he sat down next to me, I was so attracted to the smell of his sweat. What is wrong with me? I think I love him.

07:50:20 PM

i had a long discussion with a good friend about smoking marajuana today. after the talk, i felt impelled to do some research to reinforce my opinions on the drug...

-Joints and blunts may be laced with other substances, including crack cocaine and the potent hallucinogen phencyclidine (PCP), substantially altering effects of the drug.

-Effects of smoking are generally felt within a few minutes and peak in 10 to 30 minutes. They include dry mouth and throat, increased heart rate, impaired coordination and balance, delayed reaction time, and diminished short-term memory. Moderate doses tend to induce a sense of well-being and a dreamy state of relaxation that encourages fantasies, renders some users highly suggestible, and distorts perception (making it dangerous to operate machinery, drive a car or boat, or ride a bicycle). Stronger doses prompt more intense and often disturbing reactions including paranoia and hallucinations.

-Most of marijuana’s short-term effects wear off within two or three hours. The drug itself, however, tends to linger on. THC is a fat-soluble substance and will accumulate in fatty tissues in the liver, lungs, testes, and other organs. Two days after smoking marijuana, one-quarter of the THC content may still be retained. It will show up in urine tests three days after use, and traces may be picked up by sensitive blood tests two to four weeks later.

-Marijuana use reduces learning ability. Research has been piling up of late demonstrating clearly that marijuana limits the capacity to absorb and retain information. A 1995 study of college students discovered that the inability of heavy marijuana users to focus, sustain attention, and organize data persists for as long as 24 hours after their last use of the drug. Earlier research, comparing cognitive abilities of adult marijuana users with non-using adults, found that users fall short on memory as well as math and verbal skills. Although it has yet to be proven conclusively that heavy marijuana use can cause irreversible loss of intellectual capacity, animal studies have shown marijuana-induced structural damage to portions of the brain essential to memory and learning.

-Although U.S. law classifies marijuana as a Schedule I controlled substance (which means it has no acceptable medical use), a number of patients claim that smoking pot has helped them deal with pain or relieved the symptoms of glaucoma, the loss of appetite that accompanies AIDS, or nausea caused by cancer chemotherapy. There is, however, no solid evidence that smoking marijuana creates any greater benefits than approved medications (including oral THC) now used to treat these patients, relieve their suffering, or mitigate the side effects of their treatment. Anecdotal assertions of beneficial effects have yet to be confirmed by controlled scientific research.

-Chronic marijuana smokers are prey to chest colds, bronchitis, emphysema, and bronchial asthma. Persistent use will damage lungs and airways and raise the risk of cancer. There is just as much exposure to cancer-causing chemicals from smoking one marijuana joint as smoking five tobacco cigarettes. And there is evidence that marijuana may limit the ability of the immune system to fight infection and disease.

-Marijuana also affects hormones. Regular use can delay the onset of puberty in young men and reduce sperm production. For women, regular use may disrupt normal monthly menstrual cycles and inhibit ovulation. When pregnant women use marijuana, they run the risk of having smaller babies with lower birth weights, who are more likely than other babies to develop health problems. Some studies have also found indications of developmental delays in children exposed to marijuana before birth.

-Although dangers exist for marijuana users of all ages, risk is greatest for the young. For them, the impact of marijuana on learning is critical, and pot often proves pivotal in the failure to master vital interpersonal coping skills or make appropriate life-style choices. Thus, marijuana can inhibit maturity.

-Another concern is marijuana’s role as a "gateway drug," which makes subsequent use of more potent and disabling substances more likely. The Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found adolescents who smoke pot 85 times more likely to use cocaine than their non–pot smoking peers. And 60 percent of youngsters who use marijuana before they turn 15 later go on to use cocaine. But many teens encounter serious trouble well short of the "gateway." Marijuana is, by itself, a high-risk substance for adolescents. More than adults, they are likely to be victims of automobile accidents caused by marijuana’s impact on judgment and perception. Casual sex, prompted by compromised judgment or marijuana’s disinhibiting effects, leaves them vulnerable not only to unwanted pregnancy but also to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
i think that this pretty much says it all. if you can come up with an argument for what good pot has done anyone, feel free to post against this opinion. i know where i stand.

ps- to the friend from this afternoon: you are too smart and have too much respect for yourself to smoke up knowing all of this. because i care about you very much it would really dissapoint me to be forced to believe otherwise. take care of yourself.

6:17:07 PM

there's a girl in my younger brother's class who wants him to ask her to the 8th grade formal. he is oblivious, and doesn't even really want to go to the dance. she has liked him since kindergarden. how the heck to i get him to ask her???

-concerned older sister

05:55:26 PM

My god that idiot made a hate group about me on facebook, just because I like different music from him.
What an uppity, ashole moron.

05:48:09 PM

i go to humble h/s in houston tx. my friend died of rabies a couple of days ago. i know none of us have it, but we still have to take the vaccine because the school district is covering their ass. my heart aches for my friend. i'll miss you zach.

08:23:08 AM

I was with my ex-boyfriend for about a year & a half. Once we broke up, I was so excited about going out & finally getting some action.

Problem is, I possess the inability to just "hook up." I had a few opportunities to, also, with some really hot guys. Sometimes I wish I had the balls to be a slut every once in a while, just for some different experiences. I suck at being single.

It doesn't matter right now anyway, I have an amazing boyfriend & I'm keeping him.

01:51:10 AM

It's been two months since we broke up, and I'm still crying myself to sleep over it.

I want just want him back, even though I don't think I ever really had him to begin with.

01:40:09 AM


I have just self-actualized

12:02:54 AM

[Admin Note]: Edited to make the Wahoo! not be on one line, sprawling across the page and screwing with the menu bars.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I know you'll never go on this site but you really hurt my feelings today. I barely know you but that doesn't make it okay asshole. Now I've vented. I won't hold a grudge. Aren't you the lucky one.

11:22:21 PM

I am waay too nice to people.

so this girl that is the most attention seeking person EVER and I hate talking to her but I feel bad b/c she has no friends and she has so many problems...I talk to her anyway.

So she's like...lets hangout. and inside I'm screaming no. and I smile and say sure.

10:53:39 PM

We broke up a long time ago. The first 6 months we were apart, you found a new girlfriend and ignored me. It hurt so much then, but now I realize what you did was for the better. She and you broke up. The past few months we've been friends, but that was easy since we were both single. Now that you have a girlfriend again, and I was afraid she might take over your life and you wouldn't care about being my friend anymore. However, the past couple days you've proved me completely wrong - I can tell you still care about me and that she won't change our friendship. You have no idea how much that means to me - thank you.

10:12:34 PM

I can remember the last second I saw him in the hall. I was walking past with a friend. Neither of us said anything. My friend stopped to talk to someone and both of us turned around to look back. Our eyes met for that instant with a spark. Then it was over. My friend pushed me forward. I want him.

09:59:36 PM

my milkshake is better than yours.

08:49:43 PM

fuck all of you

08:40:33 PM

I don't think I would be this bitter if she called him once in a while. He's perfect of her and she doesn't know how good she has it. He's a perfect friend for me,nothing more. Why is it that the people who know what they want never get it when they need it and the people who get what they want never realize how good they have it?

07:10:08 PM

You left your smell, you left your taste
You left me here with my mistakes
And I can't relate to what you say I've done
But just for you, I'll bite my tongue

Those words are what finally made the tears fall.

05:01:32 PM

I miss her so goddamn much. She's only been gone a little while, and already I'm worried to the point of panic. Why do I care so much?

She told me, in no uncertain terms, that she didn't think I was interested. Why didn't I speak up then, when I had the chance?

Ahh! Curse the nerves that fail me when I need them most, and manifest themselves when I need them silent!

04:51:18 PM

I know it hurts to see proof that proves evolution wrong, but is that science to ignore it to keep God out of the subject?

04:17:45 PM

So who graffitied?

she has the dual powers of being both the most lovely and the most aggravating girl i know.

why the hell do i love her so goddamned much?

12:11:15 AM

Monday, May 15, 2006

jesus christ "gimme the mike" is so lame what a terrrible tv show . Absolutly terrible.

11:28:56 PM

This could come crashing down around us, and then what fools we will have seemed.

Sometimes when I grow weak I think that perhaps that's the only reason we remain one.

11:04:14 PM

I feel AWESOME. In a way that requires every letter to be capitalized.

10:52:28 PM

I don't want to go back to that class. when we were alone in the room today, you wouldn't take no for an answer. you wouldn't take your hands away from me. you wouldn't leave.

I'm afraid of you.

and I doubt I'll find the courage to tell anyone but tangst.

09:42:15 PM

You are just not 'hardcore'. okay?

08:51:14 PM

i go nowhere on my own. i have to be driven. & when i'm driven i go. & when i go i fucking go!

07:26:08 PM

im sick of being tired.

and tired of being sick.

i like complaining.

rashi and his wiiiiiife
01:07:25 PM

One year ago today, we stopped saying "I love you" to one another.

Six months ago, we stopped talking altogether.

I shouldn't expect you to remember. Or care.

07:02:04 AM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I hate it when I read books where the main character is female and evey eligible male falls in love with her. I know it's jealousy because nothing like that would ever happen to me.

11:29:51 PM

argh the 70's show is going off for good. This is most unexcellent

11:24:08 PM

i am now officially over him.

I hope?

whats the best way to get over somebody you liked a lot?

10:48:51 PM

i've noticed sithgirl has been posting on here a lot lately. angsty, are we?

10:41:09 PM

i learned my lesson: never rely your happiness, your everything upon one person...because once that's gone, you have absolutely nothing left...

10:22:15 PM

No wonder it was storming today.

...I hope it keeps up late into the night.

08:07:38 PM

When in the world is Stone Soup coming out? Can any Tangst-savvy ELO member help me out?

07:47:01 PM

dyou think he'll respond to the comment i left him on his facebook?

06:16:40 PM

So, I think he's amazing. He's a great dancer, he's cuteish, and when we Waltzed he literally swept me off me feet.

...But I have a boyfriend.

So where does my dance partner fit in?

06:11:53 PM

its such a wonderful day. the birds are chirping, the grass is green, the neighborhood is lively and awake in the early evening requiem.

and yet i feel like shit.

04:52:18 PM

i am so hungry but i dont know what to eat. What should i eat?

12:23:34 PM

I hate months like these where every love song, every couple, every story my friends tell me about the cute thing their boyfriend did makes me want to throw up. Where's this boy I keep dreaming about when I need him? I can see him in my head now. Why am I last to get everything? I'm not that hidious and I'm not stupid. I think I'd make a fine girlfriend. To bad the only kids that have ever liked me are the ones I'm not intrested in. Life. Someone stab me.

01:26:49 AM

Effing PAR-TAY! There is nothing like going to your own/your brother's Bar Mitzvah party, seeing the family, and having a few drinks too many. Ah, what fun that was. It certainly wasn't prom, that's for sure.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Would it be bad if I snuck off to that Tatoo Parlor near Meredith College and got a tatoo without telling my parents?

11:09:32 PM

I don't like you like that. I repeat, I don't like you like that. For the love of God don't pretend you're all cool and modern by bringing it up at the last minute. You're only going to make a great friendship really awkward by forcing me to tell you that I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Don't make that mistake. For both our sakes, please.

10:05:07 PM

i'm addicted to sudoku.

09:44:15 PM

it's always awkward when 13-year-old boys check me out. especially because this one seemed to have a thumb-sucking problem.

i chose to ignore the old men.

09:10:10 PM

i feel like shit

09:02:48 PM

fuck i love myself, and i love being an asshole even more. i told a wicked religious family friend that i got a jew pregnant out of wedlock... fuck i was drunk and had so much fun.

06:02:41 PM

Notice to users:

Please stop double posting. It's getting freaking annoying. And don't comment on double posts - the admins will get rid of them. But if you make a comment saying "^ZOMG DOUBLE POST!!!! N00B!!!!" we can't take it off because it ruins continuity and everyone else is like, "what? o_O"

Just learn to refresh the page.

You are my best friend. When you call my house and tell me to come over I normally expect you NOT to be having sex with your boyfriend when I walk in the door. That's just one of the rules of best-friendom. If you could get in control of your sixteen-year-old hormones for two seconds we wouldn't be having this problem.

No, I didn't like it when you said "Oh sorry I forgot about you!" and when your boyfriend said, "Holy shit! What is SHE doing here?!", it just added insult to injury.

Maybe being the third wheel for the past month has gotten to my head, but this doesn't sound like best friends anymore. I'm sorry if I've been a pain in the ass for you to drag around lately.

It's either me or him.

And I could never ever tell you this.

01:59:32 PM

Friday, May 12, 2006

Thanks a lot for letting me know that I am not, and will never be, good enough for anything or anyone. That when I go to college, it will just be a waste of your money. That I have no drive to do anything. Except when I try to say anything to help my case, saying that there's kids at Enloe that barely do any work and at least I'm better than them, you say I'm just making excuses. And that my attitude "problem" will hurt me in the future.

And saying that "God won't help you either based on your attitude" just takes the cake. I mean really, what is that about?
Being Asian sucks sometimes.

10:42:53 PM

i think i like you more than i let on, and i want to say thanks for being so wonderful to me. but i can't do it in real life because then you'd know!

09:50:53 PM

My life would be so much easier if I was better-looking.

09:38:26 PM

I'm really bored and I've done what i normally do when I'm bored-read Tangst. Any ideas?

08:20:37 PM

I love Pchis.


(umm, no, not in that way. He just rocks, ya'know?)

08:04:55 PM

Whoever signed R. Mutt on the upstairs waterfountain in the west is my hero forever <333

03:48:23 PM

Gah I hate Enviro. It’s fucking pointless. All I’m doing is sitting here wasting time that I could have spent doing something else, something way more productive. Instead, I’m posting on Tangst. This is stupid.

Even the star of the class isn't doing anything Enviro-related. He's playing playing slime soccer, or something like that. I can see the game play from here.

It's so sad that my classes have been reduced down to nothing. The intensity of things before AP exams is in stark contrast to the mindless drivel we're wading through now.

I repeat: This is stupid.

The large amount of foreshadowing and symbolism in my life is getting to be just a tad too ridiculous.

Hindsight really is 20/20.

09:43:56 AM

I feel bad for feeling jelous, but you never take me shopping. Maybe I like spending time (and money) with you too. But I know why you took her. I don't have time, I don't have money, and you haven't seen her in sooooo long. I know I shouldn't feel jelous, but I do. I feel left out.
I tried to tell you, but I felt so selfish. So I told you something else instead. Maybe you got the point, maybe you didn't, but either way, you were so nice about it that I don't know whether I feel better or worse now.

08:43:22 AM

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Is there anyway to get rid of a period short of surgery, getting pregnant, or getting old?

11:37:34 PM

remember the anon who hated confrontations?

i told him the truth today. he said he didn't see it like that. that he just wanted to be friends with me because he thinks i'm a good/cool person.

he also told me that he tells his g/f everything, when he buys me lunch and takes me home. and she's totally cool with that.

she's leaving next year and he's going to be girlfriendless. i feel like i'm being setup.

is it just me, or am I supposed to beleive him?

11:33:20 PM

I'm glad it's over and done with. It made this week hell.

08:17:59 PM

I've just been tired alot lately, and have headaches alot...I mean; it's been weeks and I've been getting at least 8 hours of sleep every night...why?

07:54:04 PM

why are boys so blind to what's right in front of them?

06:35:35 PM

When you fell asleep next to me, i whacked-off over you.

05:51:29 PM

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

04:14:02 PM

Please do not touch me. Please do not poke me. Please do not give me lengthy hugs for insubstantial matters (ie, I walked into class today alive). Do not grin obnoxiously and stare when I try to talk. Do not pat my head--I will not find it cute, only condescending--and do not quip about the way things used to be.

Don't brandish your social shortcomings in my face; conversely, I don't care if you have another girlfriend--or if you've acquired a fucking harem since our month-long "relationship" ended two years ago. Likewise, don't suggest the veiled hints, don't drop the times, the places, the things we found important back then in front of me on that Prufrockian "platter." I will not eat them.

And do not mention him. Do not vaguely assess your similiarities, for it will tempt me to point out the differences. Do not push me to the level of mean, that sadism I find frequently emerging. Because I can tell you. And it would hurt.

I don't want to hurt you, in fact harbor for you a great pity. But if you don't keep out of my personal space, one of these days I'm going to go off the deep end. And end some sentence with, "and this is why we're not dating anymore."

03:09:53 PM

AP exams make me throw up.

02:46:26 PM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

censorship is !@#$%^#!#. terrible. just look away.

11:54:24 PM

I can't stop looking at him whenever we're together. I sit behind him in orchestra and can't stop thinking about kissing him behind his ear, right below the end of his shaggy hair. I'm so obvious, he probably knows I like him. I can't but blush every time I see him. He's the only guy who says hi to me in the hall. I like laughing at his jokes and staring at his lips...

11:47:51 PM

I really, really want to call Hopeline.

I am feeling really depressed right now, but if I did, my parents would find out, and then... well, shit, it's not worth it.

I just want some one to talk to, someone's shoulder to cry on, someone to tell me that it's all ok, and suicide is not a solution.

11:42:51 PM

Is it unusual to honestly not have a crush on anyone (or to have a crush on everyone depending on how you look at it)?

11:30:07 PM

he would NOT leave me alone today.

why dont you understand the OBVIOUS hints from girls. a no is a dont keep asking. I meant what i said the first time when i said no. I'm not going to change my mind if you ask it again.

and if you dont want me to lie. dont ask why I said no. because the truth is that I DONT want to be and spend time with you. by myself...while you supposedly have a girlfriend.

but of course you ask why so I lie. I dont want to hurt your feelings. if you do this another day again....I'm going to have no choice but to tell you the truth.

and I HATE confrontations.

11:28:14 PM

I think facebook and myspace are super lame and I'm sick of people telling me I need one, or making references to it in conversation. Yes, they are good ways to meet people but so is TALKING.

11:22:53 PM

I don't know why I have such a hard time talking to him now. It's never been like this before. I want to tell him so many things, but everything important never seem to want to leave my head or come out of my mouth.

I wanted to tell him how incredibly important to me he is. How despite the changing state of thigns, I'm glad he promised to always be there. That no matter what I'll always have at least his friendship to fall back on.

That one night, a couple months ago, I wanted to tell about my attempt at suicide. It happened over 5 years ago, before I even knew him, but I thought it was something he should know about me. He kept talking, and I kept my silence. He remarked that to him, I'm fairly close to normal. The moment had passed and I revelled in the thought that perhaps I actually was.

Oddly enough, a couple days later, I was reminded of my suicide attempt again, this time by a movie. I talked to almost all of my close friends about it, but when it came time to tell him, I didn't. I figured, well, that's not something to introduce over IM or the phone. It's an in-person type of conversation topic. So when we talked, I mentioned that I'd had a bad morning and some stuff had come up that made me want to escape the world for a bit. He didn't question that mentality at all, I get that way sometimes and everyone knows that.

He went out of town a little while ago, just for a weekend, but still. I probably should have called instead of waiting for him to call me. It's not like I'm completely emotionally dependent on him (I'm trying really hard not to be). I should have called, I wanted to talk to him. I should have called. Next time, I think I might.

But I probably won't. That's one of his complaints actually. I don't initiate things. I won't because I'm afraid, and I can't because unlike him, I won't force myself to do things. I've got to have someone else push me or make me feel obligated. It's always been that way. I don't think a lot of people realize that about me. I thought he had.

We don't talk anymore. And it makes me sad while it frustrates him.

I don't understand how I can write all this out, how I can post this for the entire world to see, but I can't open another window and talk to him first for once.

10:25:18 PM

I don't feel like I deserve to be with him. He's just so much better a person than I am. I don't know why he lets me hold him back.

10:22:56 PM

The reason we don't have conversations anymore is because we're always touching.

I can't think when you touch me. My brain freezes and the only thing I can concentrate on is you, your touch, and my body's reaction. I go on autopilot and things occur as they will.

You can't expect a girl to be brilliant/witty/insightful when that happens.

10:22:48 PM

So: weird post time from everybody's favorite admin.

How important does everyone find odor to be in the process of attraction? Because there have been some gi.rls I've known that have smelled so good -- not even by the socially accepted definition of such, but only to me in my craziness. And now aromas are becoming more and more tied to the I've known and the experiences of my life. (SB -- cigarette smoke!) Anyway, I keep hallucinating smells and it reminds me of g.irls and other things in my life I connect to smells... Does anyone else find such a positive connection between attraction and odor? And does anyone else hallucinate smells?

What does salt look like to you, because I've got a definite picture of saltiness in my head and I want to see if anyone corroborates that image. (I'll take "Synaesthesia for Life" for 400).

im hooked on it and i cant stop. I just want to stop but its so hard why cant anyone help me get over my addiction. I say i will stop but i find my self back on it every day. I just cant stop posting on tangst.

10:07:22 PM

i simply DONT like you, nanotyrannus. as a person. why can't you get that?

10:07:02 PM

If f(x)= how much of a sex life I have, f(0)= me.
If only, if only...

09:56:07 PM

I lie compulsively to my parents. It costs me privileges, and the trust of my parents. I think that part of what keeps me doing it, is that my parents are so kind and understanding. They always tell me horrible ramifications will follow, but soon lighten up and just speak with me seriously but lovingly of how proud they are of me, and that I don't need to lie. But I do it anyway, and I always end up feeling guilty and confessing... eventually. I don't lie to anybody but my parents. Not to teachers, not to my peers. Just my parents. Constantly. I want to say that I love them, but my actions say differently.

09:08:21 PM

I love Barnes and Noble with all my heart and soul. I love the psychology book section most, but not entirely for the books. I wonder if he'll be there next week...

08:58:02 PM

To say "i don't love you" would be another lie.

08:28:53 PM

I hate being a girl. I always get really bad cramps.

08:20:21 PM

Lately i've realized how fragile life really is. I mean, how do you know that you're going to live until tomorrow? No one knows. Yet we often waste our lives everyday, hold back our feelings, and just so afriad to be free. By the time we actually realized what we have done, it's too late.

07:50:42 PM

Several of my good friends read this blog and are probably going to read this post. It's sort of embarassing.

06:53:54 PM

I need to meet some new women any advice?

05:25:46 PM

I have a decent sized crush on one of the admins and they have no clue. I feel almost positive that they would be interested in me if they knew, but I have good reasons for not telling them: mainly I don't think it could ever work. Ahhh.

04:32:00 PM

im lukes father

03:11:34 PM

I'm glad my neighbor's rose bushes have bloomed. Its hard to stop and smell the roses, when there aren't any roses.

08:40:55 AM

The person I am closest to is myself. This should be so obvious that it's not worth saying (and maybe it is) but I'm the best company I've ever had. I'm my best friend. That's why I'm never lonely. That's why I'm okay standing "alone".

12:28:41 AM

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I have absolutely no homework

11:20:13 PM

My mom randomly came up to me today and asked if I wanted a therapist. I'm kind of surprised and I asked "why?" To get along better with her and her 'boyfriend" and deal with "stress" and finding out what I want to do. Great. So we pay this person to listen as I babble about school, boys, friends, my future?! It's a complete stranger! But, secretly, I'm kind of intrigued...

10:18:17 PM

*le sigh*
I love Love.

But why the hell is it that once you're "taken" you get hit on, called, or flirted with by other members of the opposite [or same...whatever you like] sex??

This is frustrating.

10:13:38 PM

wow...i've just been reading some old posts, and damn! people can be mean in their comments.

i guess that's because they're anonymous and unafraid to be honest...?


10:00:56 PM

I've haven't ever been kissed, and I'm afraid I might never be.

09:25:36 PM

is it worth risking a friendship for a (maybe) new relationship? this has probably been asked before, but i have no idea what to do. from past experience it's always worked against me, so i guess my question is why should this time be any different?

08:13:18 PM

is this how you leave a post?

07:51:06 PM

I am really addicted to CSI. I mean really. I love GSR (haha you guys probably have no Idea what that is) and I get a kind of high once I get online with my friends in the afternoon or during lunch. I knd of think my online friends are like a surrogate because my friends at school don't have the same period off. I'm safe online, but my mom freaks out so I have to do it behind her back and not metion the forum. (she thinks they're all pedophiles) I get so excited about an upcoming episode that I can't sleep for several hours after I go to bed sometimes. I also hate how my brother *has* to play Runescape so he kicks me off every hour. Why can't he like something else? I don't want to give up my addiction it's not like it's hurting me.

07:52:32 PM

the most romantic memory i have is not of my boyfriend. just some guy i had a crush on briefly last summer.

06:45:52 PM

where the hell do i feel 'safe, loved, comfortable, and secure'?

06:37:49 PM

I just gave box-box a hug.

Aren't you jealous!


Yes, yes I am a dork. But that's been decidedly unsecret for a long, long while.

01:02:10 PM

"roses and raindrops."

dear god, rashi, you're SO good at singing.

rashi's wife
12:58:03 PM

Monday, May 08, 2006

sometimes you post something that means so much to you or that is so important you check back like facebook to see if anyone's left you a comment.

11:25:22 PM

I can't wait for the one thousand, three hundred thirty-seventh post.

I'm a loser.

10:22:59 PM

I am so materialistic it is unbelievable. Yet, I have less posessions than my friends. All I can think about is what I want to buy and what I want.

I care about other things, but not as much as materialistic things. Maybe its a side effect of growing up in a family that was so money conscious that it was scrutinized everyday of my life, and still is today. I grew up thinking that my family was poor, my parents always argued over money. I thought we were under-priveledged, my parents made me bring home the reduced-meal forms at the beginning of every year and seeing if they could finally "qualify" for them this year.

Now I find out we have over one million saved up in the bank for no serious use. Their retirement is taken care of, both me and my sibling's college tuition is taken care of. Why have my parents deprived me and not my dear younger sibling? Everything I buy is a big deal. Every $10 shirt I buy seems to pain my parents... What is wrong with my parents. They let my sibling have everything, then they turn around and act as if the world is ending when I buy something a fraction of the price.

I am not the favored child.

Life is unfair, and I doubt I will get any nice comments in response to this. Because once again, I SOUND like a selfish brat...

10:08:43 PM

Look both of you can fucking suck it because i'm tired of trying to impress you and i'm tired of trying to be something i'm not. that's all i've ever done for you because i wanted to be your friend.

here i was rejoicing in how great it was to have friends, and suddenly you turn your backs on me within a week. thanks.

10:02:04 PM

i wish my life were perfect

09:57:31 PM

im a loser. but dont tell anyone cause no one knows that i am a loser they all think im popular just with other people.

09:43:43 PM

somehow we have always come to believe that our first love is our last, and our last love our first.

09:34:27 PM

I crave attention. I will do just about anything to get it. Sometimes what I do is despicable. Sometimes that gets me into trouble. Sometimes what I do doesn't work at all, and I end up looking like the biggest idiot the world has ever seen.

Once, I lied and told everyone I had sex with someone just for the attention. My parents found out about this, by some unfortunate circumstances, and so they basically grounded me for eternity. As time progressed, I was losing touch with the story, making mistakes in my lie I guess, and I wanted to get myself ungrounded. So I had to tell the world that I lied about having sex, I was in fact, a virgin and I had invented to the lie just to get attention. I ended up just looking like a fool.

All I wanted was for people to notice me...

09:30:36 PM

everybody needs someone to tell secrets to, someone who understands.

well, I have my dog.

09:27:38 PM

I sat there in psychology, and for 30 minutes, wrote out a Tangst post on notebook paper.

When the bell rang, I was kind of upset that I hadn't finished getting all of my thoughts down. But as I started walking to my next class, I realized that a weight had been lifted.

I didn't feel like I could fly, but I felt freer all the same.

09:12:24 PM

What about your most romantic memory? Care to share?

08:40:29 PM

It was a cold Febuary night and the stars were like bits of frost scattered on the darkness of the sky. It was cold, you could see as we exhaled (perhaps a little quicker than usual?) and the great clouds of white made it look like we were breathing the dreams our minds were wrapped in.

I leant in to kiss him on the cheek in that painfully friends-only way. I'd done so many times before in spite of the wild rebellion in my breast, I thought I was resigned!

But I wasn't the only one. He'd leaned in also, naturally, unexpectedly, accidentally...

Startled we both pulled back with the look in our eyes of startled creatures, that same animalistic magnetism drawing up closer again (or was it the cold?) I didn't care.

"I'm sorry" came the mist-wreathed reply, hot embarassment melting chill away.

"It only matters if you do it again." Was his quiet response. (an invitation?)

The cold night turned fire, our lips did collide, and the dispassionate stars seemed all the brighter with our flame.

08:40:29 PM

I can't help but feel that all these polling questions are cheap, sure-fire ways to get on the "Popular Posts" list.

I wonder if other admins feel that way too.

08:34:33 PM

WHY?? WHY?? boys drive me crazy!!!

08:25:41 PM

If he doesn't love me anymore, I can't really say I blame him. I'm cold and distant alot, and I don't even know why he loved me to begin with.

08:09:14 PM

He made me realize...

I want to be seduced.

06:55:36 PM

Whoever invented webassign needs to die in a fire.

06:46:51 PM

i masturbate so much its ridiculous.

06:21:12 PM

We made love in an empty house as the rain poured down outside....

06:02:18 PM

How many different people actually post on tangst? Reply by counting off a number. I would be number 1 to start off with.

05:57:11 PM

dont you feel like sometimes you have to omit parts of your stories because if you really tell all you know that your friends that read tangst will recognize you?

03:39:23 PM

What he said today made me realize something. The time on the stopwatch is running down and I've got to figure out if I want or need him as my dom.

The biggest problem is making him see this too before time runs out.

03:22:20 PM

We are part animal and part devine -the soul of God forced into beastly flesh.
We cling, however, to one or the other. Some fight impossibly to be devine, and many fool themselves into thinking that they are devine, and thus with the power to condemn others.
And some do not fight at all, but rather condemn themselves by allowing no resistance to the sensual pleasures.
Most are simply caught in the battle between the two. They fight towards one and then the other, hoping to find some equilibrium.
Is any catagory wrong? We are, afterall, given the choice. There is no wrong choice, unless you go for some ultimate goal and choose a path that will not lead you to it.
It is thus in human nature to contridict itself. To fight against itself. Human nature is not a truism, it is a battle.

06:50:06 AM

Sunday, May 07, 2006


I have fleas again. This is such an embarrassing problem. I'm a clean person from a well-to-do family, but having fleas makes me seem like I'm some homeless person living in a box under a bridge. I can't help it if my cat gets infected and I pet him!

damn I'm itchy.

10:56:30 PM

What's the best method or way you've ever stalked someone with?

10:56:16 PM

What is your favorite possession?

10:40:18 PM

I've just had sex, and chances are you haven't.


09:20:37 PM

All I want is to be your friend. Thats all. Just talk to me once in a while. Not everyday...once a month is good for me. I'll probably never see you again. But I dont mind. Just dont pretend that you dont know me.

08:52:24 PM

Love Poem #2

i do not know you but i know your hands.
i know fingers flowing along lines of touch discovering sandstone ridges of fingerprints i know joints and the curve of knuckles
i know the creases underneath the way i know the layout of my childhood home and thus i know that the bones beneath your skin could be my own.

8:23:42 PM

Just the fact that you came by a second ago to give me a kiss and a hug makes me glow. I guess it's these little things that have me falling for you more and more everyday.

08:21:16 PM

he's senior and i'm a sophmore. he doesn't even go to my school. he just went to prom with someone else and I dont even know if they're going out. when I do see him, I dont even know how to go and talk to him b/c he's always surrounded by people. but when he does talk to me I feel like I'm the only person in the world that matters to him.

08:09:34 PM

thank you for "braving the elements" and getting soaked just to get me that rose. it was the first really kind thing anyone did for me all weekend.


06:48:07 PM

I met him today.
I'd actually dreamed of him months before, even before I actually saw him for the first time. Whe came in my dream he was beautiful, wonderful, better than whatever I could hope for.
And today, when I saw and met him for the first time in real life, he was just as wonderful, but I didn't know what to do or say.
Is it common to dream of certain people, and then find they actually exist months later?

12:59:12 PM

Fakeness is the latest trend and everyone seems to be in style.

10:06:17 AM

Saturday, May 06, 2006

I just finished watching Match Point. Ahh! What a good movie. Though, the ending kind of struck me as being a bit off. Scarlett Johansson is beautiful, by the way, and Penelope Wilton was in it (the same person that played Harriet Jones in Doctor Who), and that made me happy as well.

Ahh, well. Goodnight, everyone. And for God's sake, don't cheat on your loved ones!

Edit: I just finished watching the new epsiode of Doctor Who, as well. If anyone wants a copy, I would be more than happy to oblige.

why do I always get so attached? people just leave and forget, anyway.

10:58:02 PM

why are enloe's girls not as hot and sociable wakefield's girls?

10:25:38 PM

i wish all of you could see me right now. despite my sunburn, i actually feel /truly/ attractive right now for the first time in a long time.

too bad im home studying for APES.

09:48:24 PM

When your significant other is willing to go out of his/her way for you...(i.e. go to your house late at night to make you feel better when you're upset--even though his/her parents told him/her not to--bring you food when you're hungry, leave you nice messages on your cell phone, stop whatever he/she is doing to be with you...etc)...even when he/she knows he/she "doesn't have to" he/she just wants to...

(Damn, that is a lot of he/she's and him/her's...oh well. You'll get over it. Just use the substitution property.)

That's love.

09:09:28 PM

Why don't guys shave their privates, the hair is absolutely a turn off?

07:41:04 PM

I don't know whether to bail out now, or stick it out until summer when things will hopefully get better. At the moment, things are just too hard.

I'm really hoping that this is just finals/APs/IBs stress plus hormones that's making me freak out.

07:09:14 PM

i dont know how to masturbate

03:57:56 PM

I am not hungry. I'm bored, so I eat. But I'm not hungry.

...And no, I do not have an eating disorder. But eating when I'm not even hungry is pointless, so I'm not eating.

01:08:41 PM

I despise Box-box. He is rude, presumptuous, imperious, and condescending

I don't know why I even hang out with him.

12:40:31 PM

god its so hard being perfect. I just make way to many A's in school. I have way too much money, too many friends, all of my relationships are perfect. Im just too damn confident and physically attractive. God some days its so hard being me

12:13:15 PM

I wish I could get along with my parents.

11:40:39 AM

I hate getting bad news on Saturday mornings. It tends to ruin the entire weekend.

11:13:26 AM

I wish I liked someone.
I don't even like anyone at Enloe right now.

09:29:07 AM

I want no strings attached sex with my ex-boyfriend. Too bad he still has feelings for me, and it would complicate things and end up hurting him. He said no one has ever turned him on more, and the feeling is reciprocated. He was just damn good in the sack. The...uh..above normal size didn't hurt either.

12:42:45 AM

I keep "down there" nice and tidy even though I'm not getting any in hopes that I'll be prepared for that spontaneous sex that I've been wishing for my entire pubescent life.

12:34:07 AM

cant stop cutting.

chhar; <3
12:09:21 AM

i spent half of 8th grade sitting behind you in math, wanting to bite you, but i never did. sometimes i still want to.

12:05:02 AM

Friday, May 05, 2006

Why do I masturbate when I can just get the real thing.

11:22:15 PM

You looked really nice tonight. And I'm really glad that I made you laugh.

11:06:19 PM

I am waiting for the day
when goodbyes will cease.

(11:00 is curfew,
curfew is death.)

11:03:20 PM

I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling. Some combination of the exhaustion of AP exams and the constant loneliness I feel late at night. It is at once incredibly soothing, yet unbearably depressing.

10:21:35 PM

I only pretend to have an eating disorder for the attention

8:36:00 PM

I'm sick of them blaming me for everything... I wish they'd shut the hell up

08:26:39 PM

how dare you! i looked at your profile and you haven't been here THAT long so where do you get off calling me such things and copping such an attitude? Get off your high horse and come to the party already. geez

04:46:27 PM

Thursday, May 04, 2006

who/where was your first kiss

10:28:10 PM

He worried about me being pregnant before I did. I wasn't. I'm careful, so the worrying itself does not matter.

What matters is that he cared.

09:50:24 PM

The word "bed" looks like a bed.

09:48:42 PM

Okay really. You need to look past her, she's not into you and you know that. And I'm right here. And I seriously can't wait forever. It's not even like I haven't told you I like you. Because I have, pretty directly I'd say. And for some reason you think you still have a chance with her I guess. And I guess I like you too much to give up. I wish you'd just open up to me more.

09:35:39 PM

I wish I understood you.

09:27:09 PM

ap ush test angst

09:20:45 PM

What is the best movie song you can think of and which movie (like "dont you forget about me" from the breakfest club, etc)?

09:11:40 PM

ok so you keep flirting with me. i like you and we are buddies. you probably don't mean anything by it i mean it's fun to flirt. but i have a boyfriend. please don't complicate things. im flattered all too easily as it is.

08:39:47 PM

i am thoroughly /appalled/ by this website, it's a /game/ modeled after the crisis in Darfur where the player is this girl going to fetch water for her people but is being chased by some sort of militia...

apparently it's supposed to raise awareness about the situation, but i think it's grotesque and completely misses the point.

i'm pretty sure it's sponsored by reebok and mtvu, and i really want to write a nasty letter to them. (there was an article about the game in today's life etc section.)

07:57:06 PM

That wasn't funny, dad. I understand you were just making a joke, but it wasn't funny. Don't you realize that any college education for your daughter is going to be a waste of your money?

What would I do with a liberal arts education? What use is an English degree? What niche will I fill in this blasted economy? What job can I possibly get with my paltry, nonexistant work skills?

You and mom both call me a writer. Writers fail high school. Writers have no money. Writers live in hovels. Writers starve. Writers become alcoholics. Writers die in lonely misery, cursing the world. I wouldn't have minded a life like that, really. I could have been okay sinking into the background, becoming another useless member of society and then fading away. Woulda sucked, but it would have been okay.

It's not anymore. Someone depends on me. I've got a future, now I have to live up to it. And I know I can't.

Good students make bad citizens once they leave the happy academic bubble of utopia where parents foot the bill and world issues seem so important and the greatest crisis imaginable is failing a class. There's no air outside that bubble. Past graduation, life ends.

Wow, life sucks when you're looking at colleges.

I haven't had an actual conversation with you in over a month. Neither of us are doing anything about it, either. I wan't this to work and I'm assuming you do too, but I guess we both have to realize that something like this isn't going to materialize because we say it should. We have to make it come into being. I don't want to have a "thing" with you (as I so eloquently described it to a curious friend today). I want at least a miniscule amount of commitment because, sorry Hun, but what we have right now isn't a relationship.
It's bullshit.

07:02:35 PM

quite frankly graffiti, im getting entirely fed up with you.

06:45:36 PM

Here's an excellent poem from the 12th grade AP exam. Hehe, I'm supposedly breaking all sorts of rules by posting this, but that only makes it more fun. Enjoy.

We'd rather have the iceberg than the ship,
although it meant the end of travel.
Although it stood stock-still like cloudy rock
and all the sea were moving marble.
We'd rather have the iceberg than the ship;
we'd rather own this breathing plain of snow
though the ship's sails were laid upon the sea
as the snow lies undissolved upon the water.
O solemn, floating field,
are you aware an iceberg takes repose
with you, and when it wakes may pasture on your snows?

This is a scene a sailor'd give his eyes for.
The ship's ignored. The iceberg rises
and sinks again; its glassy pinnacles
correct elliptics in the sky.
This is a scene where he who treads the boards
is artlessly rhetorical. The curtain
is light enough to rise on finest ropes
that airy twists of snow provide.
The wits of these white peaks
spar with the sun. Its weight the iceberg dares
upon a shifting stage and stands and stares.

The iceberg cuts its facets from within.
Like jewelry from a grave
it saves itself perpetually and adorns
only itself, perhaps the snows
which so surprise us lying on the sea.
Good-bye, we say, good-bye, the ship steers off
where waves give in to one another's waves
and clouds run in a warmer sky.
Icebergs behoove the soul
(both being self-made from elements least visible)
to see them so: fleshed, fair, erected indivisible.

06:32:30 PM