Saturday, December 31, 2005

I almost told him I'm in love with him. The only thing that stopped me was knowing he doesn't love me back.

04:34:36 PM

Friday, December 30, 2005

I've become a good enough actress that I can fool everyone with a smile and a laugh, even when my heart is breaking.

09:24:41 PM

how is it that I can get so depressed watching Scrubs?

07:37:45 PM

I think that people who write crappy formulaic fantasy novels in their spare time should be shot.

12:41:14 PM

Thursday, December 29, 2005

George Lucas wrote my love story.

04:16:45 PM

I don't know how to help him... he's in a bad place, and it's very real, but what do I know of his world? I'm seventeen and I still live under my parents' roof, how can I possibly understand?

And this just makes me think all the more, that when all of you leave your cushy lives of financial stability with your families, you might not like that fucking bitch Ayn Rand so much anymore.

12:24:41 PM

I don't brush my teeth twice a day.
In fact, I don't brush at all.
Yet I still don't have cavities and don't/won't need braces.

01:17:52 AM

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Whatever I do, [our mentor] likes her better than she likes me. It's sort of disheartening, but I keep trying. I guess I still hope I can do something to change it.

10:21:22 PM

Monday, December 26, 2005

As much as I tell him that I really did love him, sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I'd never met him. I wonder if I'd be happier, or if I'd be with somebody else. Half of our relationship, I felt like he wasn't good enough.

11:21:04 PM

If I had another last chance, and we met again for the first time; I would listen to your heart. I would start back at the start. There are things I'd like to say. So many things I'd like to change.

10:55:36 PM

whats so confusing about a christmas post? i dont get it.

10:19:58 PM

Sunday, December 25, 2005

[Dagny] clasped the metal bracelet on her wrist. She liked the feel of the weight against her skin. Inexplicably, she felt a touch of feminine vanity, the kind she had never experienced before: the desire to be seen wearing this particular ornament.

Rand didn't say, later, how many times she stopped her work to look and marvel at it, or try it on again, against her nice sweater, against her cotton top, against the stretched edge of her baggy t-shirt she wore with her pajamas. She didn't say exactly how it felt, nestled warm against her skin, engulfed in the heat that, surprisingly enough, came from her own cold body (that her fingertips, even in summer, were always silly bits of ice). She didn't mention how strange it looked, atop the papers and stacks of crumpled music on Dagny's dresser, how incongruous with the reality that was not a dream, could not be a dream, would not ever stretch so far into reality that the last trace of doubt that it was, in fact, a fantasy would disappear.

She probably didn't mention this because it would have ended up longer than the Galt speech.

Also, I bet the acting vice president of the Taggart Transcontinental Railroad had cooler pajamas.

09:19:32 PM

Should I tell him I like him? How should I tell him?
Merry Christmas. If you're not Christian...Merry fucking Christmas.

fed up with this bullshit
01:00:25 AM

Saturday, December 24, 2005

I know it's Christmas Eve, and I should have the warm fuzzies, loving my fellow human beings, etc.

But right now, I really wish people would leave me alone. Because really, who wants to think about school and academics tonight?

08:49:40 PM

Big boys don't cry...

Now I understand the Middle East problem.

07:02:42 PM

Friday, December 23, 2005

I gave you my music,
I made your song take flight.
And now, how you've repaid me,
Denied me, and betrayed me.

He was bound to love you,
when first he heard you sing...

That song perfectly describes my situation. I took my dearest friend, lifted her from her depression, made her stop cutting.

Now she's turned on me and left me alone in my own darkness.

03:49:34 PM

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I'd marry him this instant if he'd ask me. Coz he's the closest to perfection that i've found in a guy. I love him and don't wanna live without him.

08:07:36 PM

Just being around him makes me happy.

06:57:56 PM

I finally know for sure that I'm in love with him, but how do I tell him that? I don't know if he's still in love with me, or if he's moved on. He might even be dating someone right now but I'm too scared to ask. Either answer would put me even more on edge.

We already tried the dating thing and it's my fault we failed. I kept thinking of what if questions. The most recurring being "Can we still be friends if this doesn't work?" He's such a pivotal part of my life. I really can't picture my life without him in it. I pushed him away to keep him close. Wow, that's so messed up sounding.

Why do I always let my fear keep me from being completely happy?

06:41:40 PM

In the past day, I have told serious, boldfaced lies to two teachers and one friend. I hate who I've become.

06:39:54 PM

Winter break begins later today.

Tis the season for holiday giving,
But not the friendly kind.

A week before lax dormant reprose,
The work piles on, coming in droves.


Why am I awake and working at 3:30am?

Oh right, its Enloe.

How silly of me.

03:32:12 AM

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I hate it when people claim they hate the Harry Potter books. I'm not the kind of fanatic who dresses up and watches the movies over and over, but I do think that they are good books and you should at least read them before deciding that you are and individual and therefore will not like them. You probably couldn't concentrate, anyway.

11:50:57 PM

Nostalgia Wears Red with a Black Belt

I am six.
But first I am a Power Ranger.
My friends and I protect imaginary lands from
Imaginary things.

I am six.
But first I am watching Aladdin.
I see with wild-wind eyes the tale of
Bravery and beauty.

I am six.
But first I am a LEGO architect
Constructing illustrious castles which
Are reserved for long dead kings

I am six.
But first I am a student
School is out, let summer sound, for I am
Forever free from duty

I am seventeen.
But first I am alive
And finally I understand that
Imaginary things
Bravery and beauty
Are reserved for long dead kings
Forever free from duty.

11:39:41 PM

Well, I told him that I liked him.
Lot of good that will do me.
Why are guys so ridiculous?

09:27:11 PM

I hate people who complain about how little time or how much work they have.

If you have time or energy to complain, you have enough time!!!

09:12:34 PM

It sucks when you start wanting to go out with someone and then they start going out with someone else.

Then it sucks worse when it happens again

06:16:11 PM

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

So I've got work to do like whoa, and I don't have any time to even try for you, now that's pretty bad.

11:14:42 PM

I like you so much it drives me crazy. You like her--SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. When will you see me as more than a friend?

10:58:59 PM

The reason I can't like you is because you're ugly. I wish to God I was kidding, but I'm not. You're a wonderful person, don't ever doubt that. I just can't make myself overlook your obvious lack of um... attractiveness and concentrate on who you are under that. I'm sorry. I hate myself for this.

04:01:29 PM

Monday, December 19, 2005

Here are some words


Would her eye blink,
The sound would be a whisper to her frenzied footsteps
So black a blanket she wraps ‘round her ancient Mother
The waves (both shoes and shore) hurl her masochistic tears toward heaven.
And Grendel’s teeth do gnash in kind

Second hand smoke echoes second hand shine
Bidding apocalyptic turpentine
And that same fire, that brilliance, that ire
Blinds the sky with blood of dawn
And Hyperion’s gaze so fierce flares on

Accelerated ambition, shadowless and brave
Mature both in lens and length
A whisper to the grave
This is the din in your mouth
And this is the double helix spiraling towards the sky

11:31:49 PM

If you love Tangst, post this link in your profile:

<a href="">I'm feeling tangsty</a>

Do it. Now. :-)

09:03:57 PM

I’m tired of feeling like I’m fucking invisible to you. But when I leave, when I turn the corner and I hear the silence in front of me, it’s one of the most relieving things in the world.

08:53:45 PM

I went into the woods and I asked God what I should do about him, and God told me to see this relationship through.

...funny, that God would tell me to fall in love with a pagan...

05:57:41 PM

Gosh... talk about the holiday season cheering everybody up.

By the way, I hate having to be so PC all the time. It's a disease.

On that note, Merry Christmas everyone.

04:14:38 PM

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I love love, and I love loving love.

I suggest all those who can love, love.

I suggest all those who can love loving, love.

And I suggest all those who arent in love to start breathing again, for comatose is only cute in the soap operas.

11:54:48 PM

I think I love him and I think he loves me. Why am I not sure? Why do I feel there might be someone else there for me, if at the same time I know he might be the one?

He's my best guy friend and also my boyfriend. Am I with him because I like him or because I've just grown used to him?

He has talked about marriage and babies (not for now) but how do I know for sure he's the one? I only ever have these doubts when I'm far from him... when I'm next to him I just feel so free... away from all my problems... with someone I like and I know likes me back...

Someone once told me you love someone if you'd give your life for theirs. But I don't think I would. How do I know if I love him??

10:52:42 PM

I celebrate this text box.

10:21:58 PM

Its funny how angst here is no longer chaotic, but versed and rhymed into coherant glory.

09:17:17 PM

At the peak of my pendulum I
felt the flash in your soft, indefinite
colored hair. And your lips burned
at the corners (I could tell) where
the spittle had leaked out of your con-
temptuous smile and froze.

The phoenix left your throat as you
yawned wide your facial chasm
and streaked into space like quick
fire. For a moment I hung at the bottom—
inertia is not—and saw the meaning of
your burning song in my ear, the nuance
of your vocal penetration.

Wet sand on my feet, friction melting
me like glass and then I stopped and stood
under the blue fluorescents and glanced at
you: male form in relief against the green-red
diamond field. I said “let’s get some nachos” and
you laughed, not understanding. You paid for them.

07:58:08 PM

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I am the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life. I think I've found the man I want to marry. We love each other. My family doesn't hate me. I didn't break curfew tonight. I'm getting good grades and the future is so exciting that I just can't wait.

Because of all this, I am guilty. I feel bad that my life is this perfect when others' lives are not. Perfect. Seriously, this is all perfect. This is all Beautiful.

11:36:57 PM

I'm too happy to complain.

Sometimes I wish I had dark secrets to air here.

But right now, definitely not.

10:08:30 PM

I’d Sooner Date Your Shadow

If only Fate would commit
To what irony would see fit,
But then you’d be smothered by your own wasted breath.
So in honor of your perfection,
And to prevent a resurrection,
I’d love to mark your time of death.

You would want that right?
For me to pay attention to details?

You were always right.
You were always right.
You were always right.
You were always rightfully ignored by all of your imaginary friends
Despite your desperate attempts to impress them.

I will support you.
I’ll be the couch you’re laying down on
When the psychologists announce that
You’re clinically insane.

I will heal you
I’ll be the surgeon for your heart transplant
Because studies show that black holes
Fail to give adequate circulation
Fear not. As always,
The bill’s on me.

I’d give you the best care.
I’d give you the best care.
I’d give you the best care.
I’d give you the best charismatically aggressive anthem that my vocal chords ever would have dared to recite.
With a tone that could reach your elegant ears
and words that would ignite the airwaves ferrying them.
And your eyes will see truth.

You have the most beautiful eyes.
You have the most colorful eyes.
You have the most sobering eyes.
You have the most sadistic isolating stare that would cause God Himself to cry…
Out of self-pity

We are both train wrecks
But I will stop dead on my tracks
And in a shower of sparks and deafening din
I will shout to the world of mice and men
“I am no Jesus”
And I will proclaim to the cities
“I am no Caesar”
And I will tell to the people
“I am no James Dean”
And I will whisper to myself, most quietly of all:
“I am no better than you”

02:52:12 PM

She loves him. She sees him and smiles at him everyday. She sees him at school and after school, sometimes even after after school. He most likely returns her feelings. He doesn't know that she goes home every night and lives a different life. She goes home to depression and fear. He doesn't know about this, but I do. I know that she throws up after meals on occassion, though she tries hard to stop. I know that she thinks she's ugly and stupid. I know how to love her. He doesn't. I appreciate her company, as does he, but he wastes it. I think she's beautiful in every sense of the word. He just thinks she's pretty.

She doesn't even know who I am, but I know everything about her.

12:55:46 PM

I quite honestly cannot just deal with things anymore.

01:48:38 AM

I'm such a dork. Instead of writing my position statement for the MUN thing tomorrow, I'm archiving Tangst. Oh well.

If you didn't notice, I made an e-mail specifically for tangst-related things: Everything from this site goes there now. Hooray.

Friday, December 16, 2005

i just masturbated

06:16:15 PM

Does anyone else ever imagine that those "I wish I could have him/her" posts are about you?

04:06:39 PM

Confession: Multitasking is a very important skill when balancing Webassign and cybersex, and I'm not a very good multitasker.

12:05:11 AM

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Im tired of studying and restudying a dead language that I'll never use or care about.

11:09:10 PM

i'm not sure i even like him anymore.

damn, what bad timing.

10:29:30 PM

Owed to Love

Oh Love,
Rear not your hoary head.
Wander not with wretched rags
From plagued paupers bought.

How faithful are you, Love,
To leap and jump from
Couples to couplets,
Never staying longer than a last breath.

Were you so noble Love?
Selling your soul to
Patrons and patriots
Under the eyes of eagle, souls, and sun.

Where is your saga now, Love?
You launched a thousand ships,
Drove souls to drink poison
And propelled odysseys

Men once died for you, Love.
Now they but spit and grind roses in your name.
Have you sunk so low as Hell,
To do all but obsess o’er Heaven’s gate?


08:48:53 PM

I want out.

07:36:45 PM

Ever watch the rain?

06:44:43 PM

Ugh, why does she have to live in Florida.

06:40:38 PM

why do you insist on hating someone that you like?

06:01:50 PM

Dear you,
I want you to stay away from me, or at least to stop trying to get ever closer. I know what you're up to and I don't like it. Stop your advances right now.I'll only hurt you for the good of our relationship. I don't understand what I'm doing, so there is no way that you possibly could. I've known you for what seems like forever. We're the best of friends, or...we were. Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!!! I hate myself for this. What happened to buddy-buddys? What happened to just friends? You've taken over my mind. I dread seeing you. I rip you apart and find small things about you that I hate and I magnify them to keep me from loving you, but I don't think I can stop it. I know I'll just end up falling in love with you in the long run- we're perfect for eachother, but for right now leave me the hell alone! I want to like other people! NOT YOU. NOT NOW.

Sincerely, Me

What do I do?

05:56:55 PM

I swear, one of my brother's friends is hitting on me.

He's nice and fun to talk to, but he's 3 years older than me, and I am not sure how to tell him that I am not really interested in a relationship right now?

05:50:53 PM

I feel it necessary to post because of the past slowness.
I think I'm leading someone on. We talk a lot, and we get along really well, but it's only a friendship. I hope this person doesn't think it's something more.
If he/she do I make my intentions clear?

05:30:35 PM

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

What is Life but a Perception of Action?

I wake up every morning realizing that I am living a lie. I hide my true self, my true feelings, from all but a few of the people in my life. There was a time when I became someone I wasn't in order to impress people I wanted to accept me. The people passed, and my friendships are no longer shallow, as once they were. But the self-created image has remained, building itself until I feel I am living two lives.

I have created around myself a tough-guy, devil-may-care persona, the person everybody knows me as.

Most who know me would never guess my true self, an introspective, quiet and reserved person fashioned in the style of hopeless romanticism. A fan of soft classical music and watching the stars on a clear winter night. Nobody knows me for who I truly am, and it is my fault.

The worst part is I can't let anyone know. Being burned in the past has made me reluctant to open up at all. If I could have the opportunity to change one thing in my life, it would be my sixth-grade decision, a new kid in a strange and unfamiliar school, to try and become something I wasn't. I often wonder what my life, friends, and relationships would be like today had I not made that choice.

Ok, wow that was a really long post. Think I'll take a break now.

Has it ever occured to you all that this blog could consist of 4 or 5 people (plus the admin board) who just like to argue with themselves? I know I have done that once or twice.

12:17:08 AM

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I may have just sent her to her death... so why don't I feel guilty?

10:12:06 PM

Just a Random Query

Are any of the people that post on this site from a school other than enloe? sorry for being nosy, but i really would like to know. so speak up, anonymously of course.

PS...I don't really want to know what school you do go to, unless you want to post it. just whether or not there are any non-enloe posters.

thanx everybody

Why do I always fall for the wrong guys? I mean, he is so beautiful and considerate and nice, but (a) he has a girlfriend and (b) he treats me like the little sister of his best friend that I am.

And here's my best friend: her crush talks to her and treats her like he really enjoys listening to her opinions, even if said opinions are a bit wacko at times. He stares at her too, like he can't figure her out, and wants to know what she's really like. And he is quite handsome, in that dark and liquid-eyed way.

Damn. There must be something wrong with me.

06:54:07 PM

Monday, December 12, 2005

dealing with the ex will be interesting. we've already had a confrontation...and we just began...

10:16:52 PM


Life is so underrated.

I just felt I'd throw that one out there.

Hurray for most things!

Cynisism...It never fails to Satisfy.

09:54:13 PM

She and I used to be decent enough friends but I really resent her now. She has no idea.

I just want to yell at her "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DAMN SPECIAL?!?!"

Sometimes, I really really really just want to smack her.

09:46:55 PM

im growing away from this site because its getting so many posts, which i find quite weird. but at the same time, it makes complete sense.

08:30:49 PM

Sick sick sick sick sick sick sick.

Being sick sucks.

05:09:38 PM

Oh and by the way, Heather.

Is there a way for me to put this blog on my dashboard so that I can post directly to it?

04:45:56 PM

I'm glad I found this site, because I am not a person that willingly shares personal feelings with others. Plenty of people confide in me and come to me for advice, but I tend to hold my own counsel. Hopefully this site will give me a place of release.

04:42:24 PM

My greatest fear in life is that one day I'll regret every missed opportunity I was too afraid to take a chance on.

04:35:15 PM

Sunday, December 11, 2005

My english teacher got a stiffie talking to me last year.

Thing is, he's really hot. (and the same hight as me!) I would have gladly taken it further if it weren't illegal, etc.

10:53:04 PM

I sleep naked.

-not in a perverted way... I just like it cause it's so much more comfertable. My mom would freak if she found out.

10:39:02 PM

I really hate that I've fallen in love with him now. It's 4 months too late. And I know he's moved on. My life is just one giant mess of missed opportunities.

09:50:42 PM

Is paranoia based on reality?

Because I have a constant and never waning fear that everyone I talk to thinks I'm a one track asshole.

And I think I know what the post 4 or 5(?) post before mine was about, but I'll ask later

08:17:22 PM

I use drugs!

08:05:50 PM

i have no self-control. i give in way to easily. i feel like im a whore. i think my two best friends think i am a whore.

04:50:55 PM

I might be a telepath. I might be insane. I might be crazy or loosing it. Uncertanty is my bread and the butter is my doubt.

All things are aroudn me like circling vultures and my mind is a morsel they wait for, the fight to keep waoiting making irt more tasty.

04:17:57 PM

basically, i'm willing to give sexual favors to any guy who asks me.

04:04:04 PM

Saturday, December 10, 2005

She and I have become good friends over the last year. I keep thinking about whether its worth pursuing that friendship to a different level.

Then I realize I have hardly got time for a "life" around the deluge of work that consumes me.

And yet, here I sit, taking time to angst on Tangst.

What's a guy to do?

08:37:58 PM

I'm really getting tired of everyone yelling at everyone else. I've left the comments enabled on all the posts to generate discussion, for everyone to support each other, not attack everyone else and leave comments that degrade the value of the site. Comments like "You're a sick fuck" don't do anything except make people alienated. If you actually think that, fine, I can't stop you. I'm not even going to delete your comment.

I don't think we should all be hippie, love everyone, the world is your friend types, but the comments could be a bit less harsh. Not nice, necessarily, not even supportive. Just less harsh.

One last thing - don't post as the original poster unless you are. That completely violates the inherent trust involved in the site.

So yes, continue to visit, leaving your thoughts, etc. Just know that I really hate intervening in the workings of the site. I don't like censoring your comments, but as you've seen, I will if I have to. The fact that I feel like I have to write this post makes me sad. Don't make me do it again.

Friday, December 09, 2005

I really want to bang Ms *****. I just imagine getting her alone in the teachers lounge. MMM!

08:34:22 PM

Okay, here's my rant, which is fair because of its nature.

The people who post comments on other people's threads, on the main site, etc, saying stuff like "Um, there are people posting things not secrets" need to get a grip.

This is, for most purposes, a public forum, only where everyone is anonymous. Nothing more, nothing less. If I've never said "I like the color red" to anyone, why, then that's my secret and I can post it in the spirit of the site. If I have said it, you won't know! Because it's anonymous!

It seems to me like people resort to that argument when they're reading something that's uninteresting to them, that they're bored with, or that makes them upset. Fine, great, whatever. But don't accuse people of breaking the rules, just because you don't like what they have to say. It's whiny and obnoxious; no one makes you read any of the posts on here.

Of course, I can't tell you not to post those things. That would be hypocritical. I just thought it was fair to let you know that you're idiots, whether I can tell who you are or not.

06:35:58 PM

I love you so much. All I want to do is confess to you and live happily ever after.

But I know that will never happen. I know that telling you what I really feel will destroy us both, and everything we've worked for.

I tried so hard to be who I am not. I spent years building my reputation. If I were to tell you, all of that could be destroyed in the space of three words.

It would be worse for you, I know. It would break her heart, and she would ruin me, my family, and my friends. But I wish I could tell you.

I'm so sorry.

Good things come to those who wait
06:29:36 PM

I'm never ever ever ever ever going to be thin enough for myself. I starved myself last year and didn't learn a single lesson.

The worst part is that I'm okay with it.

04:48:07 PM

Thursday, December 08, 2005

heather, correct me if i'm wrong, but...

i was under the impression that this site was like postsecret, where you simply post your secrets as a way to get it out.

but recently it's turned into "i hate school." "i hate being a virgin." etc.

those aren't secrets. that's complaining.

how about we go back to what it's supposed to be? i liked being able to tell my secrets to someone without being judged as a person.

11:17:29 PM

heather i don't understand how to post my own. help me if you could

10:40:40 PM

I don't understand you pro-choice people.

I mean, you're killing babies...

oh yeah, and please don't bring up the rape argument, something like .01 abortions are conducted because of that.

07:25:36 PM

I miss when I was ugly and strange. Back then the people who said they cared about me actually meant it. Back then I had actual friends instead of casual aquaintances, and my relationships with guy friends were never awkward. I don't want to be another ugly-duckling-turned-something-else. I don't want to be easily accepted like I am now.
I miss when people didn't like me.

06:09:46 PM

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Maybe it was the other recent post that made me think of this, but I am really, really afraid of sex. The more I read and see and hear, the more it seems like I will inevitably end up A)rushing into sex too fast and against my will to please someone else or B) living a cold frigid life and becoming a cloistered nun. I used to think that option B really wouldn't be too bad... but I really like him now... I don't want to lose him just because I can't give him what he wants.

Those stupid sex ed videos-- they make saying no look so easy.

10:22:55 PM

I still don't know what to get him for Christmas. Maybe this isn't angst, just a pitiful plea.

What do you get a boyfriend for Christmas?

09:48:33 PM

I'm a sex deprived teenage boy.

06:37:49 PM

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

***** Fucking ***** is a senile bitch.

That's all I have to say.

10:29:29 PM

I may not know how to spell voyeur, but I am one. And it's getting harder to respectfully turn away when friends start kissing at the bus loop or on the breezeway.

06:24:23 PM

why does he have to like the girl i can't stand?

03:59:48 PM

Monday, December 05, 2005

OMFG Tangst is Down!!! My life is over!!!

10:13:15 PM

I think that many of you will take comfort in the fact that I will not be posting anymore.

05:15:13 PM

If it's really important, I always put it off. I'm gettin' real good at it.

04:42:25 PM

I'm not who my parents think I am. I'm not right. I may have an extraordinairly high IQ, but I'm broken. I wish they could see that. I try so hard to fit in, to make them proud, to uphold our family pride, but I am the cracked pillar in the temple. Why don't they see? I need help. Help, before the stone crumbles, bringing everything down with it...

01:17:44 AM

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I think my history teacher is the hottest redneck ever.

11:23:44 PM

when did this site turn in to bitch central? any time anyone posts anything, granted some of them are silly emo stuff, they get shot down immediately. i mean i know who the main person doing it is...but he can't be the only one. this is a place where our secrets are shared and accepted...

10:38:59 PM

I love anonymity. So far, I've argued three different viewpoints in the class rank thread, and nobody's the wiser

10:20:43 PM

im sorry for the pain ive caused you. i know youre more hurt than ever before.
im sorry for getting your hopes up. i thought it would work out too.
im sorry for the wasted time. so much to do, so little time.
im sorry that i have to let you go.
im sorry.

09:21:36 PM

WHY oh WHY do all my teachers have to have like 8 things due every day this week.

07:12:10 PM

Whoever was posting earlier got his or her wish. The one who was like "I want dramatic emo angst"

06:44:37 PM

Sometimes, I feel like grinding my teeth and stomping like a toddler. I want a boyfriend! I want to have someone who calls me all the time and annoys me on my cell phone. I want someone who I can revolve my plans around. I just cuddle in his arms and sweetly kiss him and feel his breath against my neck. I want to have endless conversations with him about absolutely nothing. I want so much and I give and give and have COMPROMISED so much in my romantic life, only to amount to nothing sustainable that I can think of.

I hate to leave it like this, but...sigh...good things come to those who wait. No one ever said how hard the wait actually is.

04:59:23 PM

Sometimes I think I'm insane. Just last week, I sat in class and and I saw a hand on my desk. It was moving, grabbing my pencil. I wanted to scream and then I realised that it was my hand. I never know what's real anymore. I'm broken inside, and I hold up a mask of paper to stop the other's from seeing the real me. I want to be normal, but I'm broken, imperfect, damaged. I'm terrified of what they'll say when I can't hold up the mask any longer.

03:32:44 PM

Sometimes, when you open your mouth, I want to kill you. I hate you and everything you stand for and everyone who follows you. And when you talk, I know that you're right and that you'd beat me to the ground in an argument of logic, and that just makes me want to kill you more. I bet you hate me too sometimes. But we'll never tell each other that.

12:19:37 PM

And I stomp stomp stomp in my big red boots. And I go to my room and I cry cry cry because my mom mom mom told me me me that I can't can't can't go stomp stomp stomp in my big red boots. So I'll cry cry cry in my big big big, red red red, boots boots boots until I can stomp stomp stomp all day long in big big puddles in my big red boots.

09:59:37 AM

Since this is all "Teen Angst" and everything, I find myself wondering why nobody posts saying "I'm going to kill myself". Instead, we get things like "Wah, she/he didn't call me. Boo hoo hoo. Wah wah wah. Cry cry cry." I'm not saying people should want to kill themselves... but if we're going for the whole.. emo angsty thing... well...

09:57:25 AM

Friday, December 02, 2005

He never called me back.

07:04:03 PM

Now we turn on the tv
But it’s so embarrassing
To see all the little people
I don’t know what they mean
And it was magic at first
When they spoke without sound
But now this world is gonna hurt
You better turn that thing down
Turn it around.

Well it wasn’t me says the boy with the gun
Sure I pulled the trigger but it needed to be done
because life’s been killing me ever since it begun
You can’t blame me cause I’m too young.

You can’t blame me sure the killer was my son
But I didn’t teach him to pull the trigger of the gun
It’s the killin on this tv screen
You can’t blame me it’s those images he sees

You can’t blame says the media man
Well I wasn’t the one who came up with the plan
No I just point my camera at what the people wanna see
Man it’s a two way mirror and you can’t blame me

You can’t blame me says the singer of the song
Or the maker of the movie which he based his life on
It’s only entertainment, and as anyone can see
The smoke machines are making man you can’t fool me

It was you it was me
It was everyman
We’ve all got blood on our hands
We only receive what we demand
And if we want hell then hell is what we’ll have

Now we’ll turn on the tv, but it’s so embarrassing
To see all the other people
Don’t even know what they mean
And it was magic at first
But let everyone down
And now this world is gonna hurt
You gotta turn it around.
Turn it around.

05:41:47 PM

Thursday, December 01, 2005

I think someone just suggested having sex with me. In a semi-serious manner.

...that's a new one.

09:44:26 PM

And all at once it hits me: My life has become a boring pop song and everyone is singing along.

06:26:44 PM

I've never understood the touchy-feely Ya-Ya Sisterhood-type lovey teary lifelong friendships that females create between each other, and I don't want to share this kind of relationship with anyone, especially not with her, no matter how much I mean to her or how much she loves me or how much like a sister I am to her. The feeling is not mutual.

But if I tell her that, she will probably kill herself.

04:53:08 PM