Sunday, September 30, 2007

my homecomming is this comming weekend.
i've never been to a dance that my school has held.
well except the one in third grade where me and my friends ditched to go swing on the playground 'cause the place it was held smelled bad.

i'm nervous.

We're all off having a fantastic time at college, and you guys are still here posting high schooler's problems on a webpage? grow up!

9/29/2007 05:03:00 PM

You don't know what it's like when nothing feels alright. You don't know what it's like to be like me.

9/29/2007 12:44:00 PM

Friday, September 28, 2007


06:18:00 AM

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I just want A LIFE. That's it! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. True as hell.

11:33:00 PM

Mmm I haven't dated someone in two years. Am I still hung up?

Being at NCSSM has really killed my love life.

10:59:00 PM

i'm a senior.

should i start a relationship with someone right now? (I really really really like them)

10:55:00 PM

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I hate pot. I think it's stupid, and I think anyone who uses it is stupid too. But I can't express that opinion, because as a Democrat student at a liberal arts college, it's about the most non-politically correct thing I could say. It's very frustrating.

10:07:00 PM

Damn. I couldn't get up the nerve to tell her, and what happens? She starts dating someone. Just like what I was worried about. And I have nobody to blame but myself because I'm such a coward. Maybe this is a sign to move on.

First time I felt genuine attraction to someone that strongly, too. Damn, this sucks.

09:36:00 PM

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

What do you do when you get lonely?

11:18:00 PM

Monday, September 24, 2007

I'm an asshole and I love it love it love it.

10:56:00 PM

Sunday, September 23, 2007

to all enloe graduates:

does the workload get any easier in first quarter? I know i didnt take the easiest classes but this is ridiculous. I'm trying to apply to college, do scholarships and school keeps getting in the way!! AHH!!

02:12:00 PM

Do you know what I do at college? I get absolutely *loaded* and I love it.

03:26:00 AM

He held my hands while we danced and I felt safe.

07:56:00 PM

Friday, September 21, 2007

I miss seeing my sister every day. It's lonely at home without her. I find myself crying when I think about her because I miss her so much, but I can't bring myself to talk to her through any means because I feel too awkward and that I could burst into tears at any moment.

It's only the fifth week. What will it be like in the years to come?

09:46:00 PM

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Holy shit.

I just learned that Tangst is older than LJSecret.

Go mods.

01:34:00 AM

he said the sweetest thing to me today.

06:13:00 PM

I just found out that a good number of people cheated on a test today. The people I heard saying it were glorifying it, saying "I wish I had cheated as well."

I am so angry right now. Normally, I would probably just let it blow over, but I am seriously considering emailing the professor.

Only problem is, I have no real evidence. No names, nothing. Just hearsay.

05:57:00 PM

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

i sort of almost kind of asked this guy to see greece with me this weekend. in an awkward and well awful fashion. its the first time i've ever made the first move of any sort. and it is slightly scary. i dont know anything about him. or he me. but i did anyway. and i know he didn't take it romanticly but i did... it was intresting.

06:17:00 PM

I liked this guy on and off since 7th grade and now he's starting to show a lot of interest in me. Quite honestly, I don't think I ever stopped liking him... I just never saw him, so I forgot it, for a while. Now he's kind of back in my life. And I hope things go somewhere this time. Wish me luck!

05:14:00 PM

Saturday, September 15, 2007

There's a fine line between being funny and being awkward, and I usually end up on the awkward side.

9/15/2007 08:41:00 PM

So the homecoming game got canceled...

9/15/2007 07:57:00 AM

Aaah. Stress stress stress.

I'm extremely nervous about an in-class essay test for APUSH tomorrow. It's been a tiring week for me in particular, and I've always had a bit of an issue with timed writings. (I'm always the last person in the class to finish a test or an essay and I often end up scrambling to finish after the bell has rung to mark the end of the period.)


At least writing about it helps. A little.

9/13/2007 10:58:00 PM

I can't bring myself to talk to him. How stupid. Seriously. What's the big deal?

9/12/2007 09:10:00 PM

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Poll: would page eighty-seven of your autobiography be before or after high school graduation?

11:37:00 PM

ummm senior year right now is harder than junior year.

what the hell?

10:40:00 PM

Right after I went off for lunch with you we finished Hitchcock's "Notorious" in class. When T.R. Devlin crooned "I couldn't see straight or think straight. I was a fat-headed guy, full of pain." It hit me HARD how much I want to kiss you. Every time I even think about it I have to stop what I'm doing to concentrate, then a lump arrives in my stomach from longing. Oh Oh.

03:24:00 PM

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It's very odd not seeing her everyday. Her presence is very comforting even if I don't talk to her. Phone calls and email just can't replace that feeling.

9/10/2007 11:20:00 PM

I'm a little worried about pregnancy just from genital contact, but it just so happens I'll be starting the pill this week. How will I know if I'm pregnant since I'll be on the pill?

9/10/2007 11:07:00 AM

Monday, September 10, 2007

College is fucking amazing.

A word to the wise my pretties, take AP Chem your senior year. Much more useful in college than Physics.

Sigh... This is the first time I've been on here in about a year.

You poor things.

I'm off to go to parties, join "real" clubs, hit hookah bars, not have parents, go to class at 12:30, live in a place more aesthetic than your local park, and forge the rest of my life in a place offering the most opportunities one will ever find in one place.

Sigh. High School is a joke.

11:31:00 PM

So... I think I gave my boyfriend a handjob yesterday. Maybe. It was my first time and I don't know if I was actually any good.

09:25:00 PM

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I wonder how a person ever ends up both in love with a person and being loved by that same person. It seems like the odds of something like that happening are terrible.

01:44:00 PM

We both look at midnight trees the same way. I'm lost.

03:50:00 AM

Saturday, September 08, 2007

leave your past emotions behind,
all of that emotional damage behind.

i don't want to listen to you anymore.

11:35:00 PM

his roommate totally walked in on us. OUCH.

09:01:45 PM

I hate college. I don't know how to meet does everyone else manage to meet people? Where?

08:01:00 PM

I hate hate hate being sick.

05:53:00 PM

I'm farsighted.

I'll probably have to get glasses. Damn.

01:42:00 PM

Lunatic love thought without thinking and through

I ask you not to leave for thousands of reasons, for example for me, I am a reason, I might even be the reason, but there are thousands more, without counting me I can name countless reasons, like for example us, because that reason is twice as important as me, that reason is two, but not any two, it is us two, you and I, us as always, the ones from the pictures, from the walk on the afternoons, from the kisses, from the discussions on the telephone about the thousands of reasons that exist for us to be together, form yesterday’s night, from today’s morning, but there are more reasons, lots more, like the cold space that’s left in the right side of my body, or the left one, either one is the same, they are still really cold, still there are more reasons, and there are so many that I don’t know which one goes next, I’m afraid I could go on forever, and if I never stop giving you reasons then I would never know if you’re staying or not, and that frightens me, I don0t want you to leave, because if you leave millions of dreams will become orphans, and if you have ever seen an orphan you’ll know that’s very sad, almost as sad as if you leave, but I hope you don’t, I need you for tons of things, like having someone I can give stupid nicknames without getting hit or starred coldly as a answer, or to enjoy lots of movies from which I’ll only remember a few scenes because I’ll be busy on the other ones, because those scenes I don’t remember are stuck in my mind, and they burn and burn when you’re not here, that means that if you leave they won’t stop burning, and will make way through my brain, and will make way through my chest, and there’ll be thousands of wounds, one for each reason I have for you to stay, so you’ll know what I say is true, someday you’ll hear about the poor bastard that walks with a thousand open wounds and that won’t stop muttering one name that only he can understand, and you’ll know it’d me, because only a person who knows how it feels to lose someone even if there’s thousands of reasons would understand, so I ask you not to leave, all your stuff is here, or at least what matters, what matters to me, except for you, there’s no you, but I know you’ll be here, because there’s a thousand reasons for you to come, and those reasons will pick you up in a horse wherever you are and bring you to me, so will be together and it’ll be as if you never left, because if there’s something easier than leaving it is staying, it requires of less than half the work, specially when there’s a thousand reasons to do it, for example the knife you left, the blood must be dry by now, it was long ago, but I know you’ll be back, even if it is only to know what happened to the knife, or to me, they say that I’ll walk again soon, so I’ll soon go looking for you, because maybe you don’t come because you can’t, or they won’t let you, but if a can walk I can pick you up, and I’ll tell you not to worry, that I’m fine, that there’s nothing to forgive, that life can give us another chance, only if you don’t have another knife. I think I don’t like knives.

01:46:00 AM

There's a boy who is very nice. He likes me very much. We are interested in the same things, watch some of the same shows, read some of the same books, and have a similar view of the universe. He's everything that I ever wanted. He told me last night that he was glad he finally had someone to talk to about all this stuff. My mind/soul/spirit/whatever is screaming: this is the guy who embodies everything you think is good, morally and intelectually! If anyone could be "the one" it would be him.

Except I'm not attracted to him.

And then there's a boy, who is extremely cute. I have one class with him and I try to sit next to him whenever I can. I'm too shy to talk to him, even though I know he's single. Whenever I see him I think "damn, I want to have his babies!" For him my sexual intincts kick in and make me realize that human is animal.

The soul seeks perfection
The body seeks a fuck buddy

09:37:00 AM

Thursday, September 06, 2007

I just found this blog by hitting the "next blog" link (which is actually kind of a sad hobby) and thought maybe I could give it a try. I’m from Bogotá, the capital of Colombia for those who don’t know it. All that is just to give a little background of all this…
I’ve always waited for that girl. Don’t know her name, or her looks. Don’t know her age, or her eyes’ color. And actually don’t even care. Still I’ve just waited for her. Every night still I dream of her, in that foggy silhouette kind of dream, and even though at the morning I can’t even remember her voice, I still remember how she make’s me feel. I know that as soon as I meet her I will know that she’s the girl I’ve been waiting for so long… maybe I’m just a pathetic guy that hopes for something impossible… but if she doesn’t exist then life’s just not worth living it. That’s why she has to exist… there’s no other way… I'll just have to… wait.

01:27:00 AM

Hahahahahaha a frat just punked the hell out of me.

Damn, I feel like an idiot.

I want to cling to someone who will listen to all my foolish problems until I'm done and not think any less of me for them, but I'm too afraid to open up to anyone.

This seems to be a first step in some direction, though.

01:04:00 AM

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Let's do this thing.

09:31:00 PM

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Hey, remember the girl who was excited about the guy adding her on facebook and none of you thought it was a big deal? Well, that's me (duh) and we're now friends again, on speaking terms and we talk every night we can on MSN. I was right, it was the new beginning with him I was waiting for. Maybe he's seen the light?

11:07:00 PM

you know how people say that you shouldn't like a guy just because he's cute, and not just because of his looks.

everyone likes to think that they do that, and they're not shallow. but we know that most people are that shallow.

i've always been one of those people, until i met him.

he's definitely not the attractive one, and if you just showed me in a random group, i would never think a second thought about him.

but we're in a class together. and we spent most of a day together. and he's one of the most charming, charismatic, and non-jerky guys i've ever met.

10:33:00 PM

umm everyone in my family dissaproves of my future major and the college I want to go to.

umm wtf.

09:22:00 PM

For a fraction of a second I almost thought maybe I had a hope of getting over her eventually.

As much as it hurts (and it does hurt, more and more by the day), I'm glad I was wrong.

I am so mixed up.

03:29:00 PM

I still love a stone. So unfortunate.

Plus -- How forward can we be with people of the opposite sex in college, and how quickly can we be that forward? Thank you.

its 1222am on a friday, with a 3day weekend ahead. i could be out with my friends all night having a good time.

instead, i sit at home bound by my culture and tradition.

i want to be free.


9/01/2007 03:24:00 AM

Junior year survival tips, anyone? It's the first week of school and I'm already dead.


8/31/2007 08:17:00 PM