Friday, June 30, 2006

does anyone know when ap exam grades come in?

09:19:51 PM

I've worked as an independent webdesigner for a few bucks, also I co-own a custom costume business. I used to work at a Wendy's.

All these things and this guy has the nerve to turn me down for a Mcdonald’s job.


08:32:28 PM

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Oh man, I've fallen for her. Hard.

But she's got a boyfriend.

But we're going to the same college!

But she's got a boyfriend.


04:06:50 PM


I was driving a few friends back from Laurinburg a few months ago(yeah, curran and sithgirl and rashi), and I saw two guys on the side of the road with their truck stopped. I slowed down to see if they were having car trouble so that I could possibly pull over and lend them the help of a socket wrench or a jumper cable or a jack, but when it turned out they were just looking at something they had seen on the side of the road I kept driving.

The first member of my little traveling group made a joke that because I was slowing down it looked like I might have actually stopped, and when I informed him that yes that had indeed been a possibility everyone in the car thought I was crazy.

"That's how people get raped," or "that's how people get killed" were responses.

I mean seriously, how often does that happen? You know how there are always talks about murders on the news and ESPECIALLY on fictional tv shows. The actual percentage of crimes that are murders are something like .01% Is it really worth someones hour or two hike to a gas station for a jumper cable or a jack or a phone call and that same distance back because we always assume that strangers are going to tie us down in their basements and rape us every day for the rest of our lives?

If I was stuck on the side of the road frankly I'd love someone to stop and help me. My dad's generation (and especially him) hitchhiked all over the place, and of course he has stories of sketchy people that would probably have tried to fuck him over and leave him someone he didn't want to be, but you just really have to be aware of where you're going and make that judgement.

Today we don't hitchhike at all. Today we only accept non-homemade goods for halloween. Today we're afraid of everyone.

Why do we hate each other so much?

(this was actually inspired by the brownie post)

Son of a bitch!!!

She isn't coming. :-(

01:02:38 AM

[Admin Note: Timestamp is off, because PChis is too lazy to convert posts before writing his own.]

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

today i wanted to bake some brownies and leave them on random peoples' doorsteps.

i don't really know why... but why do people think i'm crazy? i just think that i would like it if someone was thoughtful enough to leave me some baked goods.

why's it a crime to be nice these days?

09:07:28 PM

Sometimes I marvel at how the universe seems to bend to my will. Does that make me a sociopath?

03:26:17 PM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

i have hair in my buttcrack... it's sooo gross i don't really feel like bein laughed at when i take my clothes of for someone else. i wish there was some way to remove/shorten the hair without... maybe injuring myself?

01:04:55 PM

Monday, June 26, 2006

The real reason I keep changing is because I'm trying to make the girl he fell in love with disappear. I don't want to be her anymore. If she, the weakest part of me, is gone, maybe I won't still love him.

But how do I stop being myself?

06:59:59 PM

it will be telling a lie if i say i dont love you.

09:14:22 AM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I'm over you.
I thought about you today, but not once was that thought connected with a longing or sad emotion.

Too Bad
Ta ta, Bye bye
Take care, Bastard

09:03:00 PM

why is it that the only decent guys (good looking, funny, smart, nice, etc.) i meet are from at least three hours away from me?

Dammit, God! If you hated me you could have just said so!

07:52:20 PM

i had one of the most perfect days of my life last saturday.
i told some people about it, but none of them seemed to understand why it was so special to me. sure, it was a really simple day, but that night, i felt more happy than i've felt in months and months.

it feels like i made the best circle of friends i could at a summer camp, and i'm never going to see those people again.
i want to break out of this place so badly... but why am i so scared?

Maybe my dad was right: I AM afraid of hardwork. So, as much as i want to be in college RIGHT NOW, i'll probably flunk out.
and that thought itself just depresses the hell outta me.
will i ever be smart enough?

07:45:29 PM

i look forward to seeing you in school everyday from tomorrow onwards but im scared that i'll be left even more broken if you continue to be so hostile.

10:11:52 AM

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I keep having dreams about cheating on my significant other. I love this person deeply and have no intentions of cheating. WTF, subconsious?

11:03:26 PM

I met a boy who changed my entire perception on the male species and helped me recover from my messy, self-pitiful, post-boy-drama outlook on life in a mere four hour conversation.

He went back to Texas two days ago. I'm quite positive I'll never see him again.

Attachments suck.

08:24:06 PM

I view therapy as a weakness. And yet, here I am, about to tell my mom that I need an hour a week with the good old Doctor. Another round of psychology for me, and make it a double.

08:19:21 PM

im sitting alone on a friday night

the last day of official school

senior year

and im stoned

and im on tangst.

how late does 1800holyshitineedalife still take calls

04:37:39 AM

Im scared of death/rape/kidnapping/being buried alive more than anything in the entire world...and thats why i wont watch scary movies or walk alone at night

12:17:42 AM

Friday, June 23, 2006

umm, how long does it take mono to show up?

09:45:19 PM

I will never be able to get married because I will never be compatible with other human beings.

(They're afraid of me, just because I'm crazy.)

04:13:18 PM

i'm afrad if i hangout with her i might fall back in love with her...and i don't think my girlfriend will like that.

01:10:10 AM

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I dont know how to maserbate (im a girl) does someone please wantto tell me?

05:48:40 PM

I really hate my extensive song knowledge right now. I woke up with "Torn", by Natalie Imbruglia in my head - that's undoubtedly because I listened to it on repeat for half an hour last night. Then, after about five minutes of singing it in my head, I realized I was hearing "Here With Me" by Michelle Branch.

I never will forget the look upon your face
When you turned away and left without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you

I know you had to go away
I died just a little
And I feel it now you're the one I need
I believe that I
Would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me, here with me

10:12:55 AM

i've found my passion in life.
band and my dearest french horn. ((:

08:39:29 AM

Im having an ugly wonder i dont have a boyfriend

01:29:04 AM

I shall see you all on the other side.

I've found my escape!

It's waiting!

Don't hold me back now!

(In other news, I'm going to BAND CAMP for six weeks, and shall promptly re-join in the Tangsting when I return. Until then, I'll just have to complain about things to myself, without the aid of a blogger- (and box-box-) run message board. Sigh.)

Much ♥ to the remaining population, however. See you later!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

i wish i could entrance people with my singing, in a good way. too bad ill never get proper time, id have to take up music as a career, and of course being asian, no way will parents allow that. besides im good at school, id be throwing it away if i became a musician.

01:26:07 AM

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I have gained no weight this summer despite my grossly unhealthy eating habits and my lounging around the house.


10:57:55 PM

Parents dropping subtle hints about not liking my boyfriend: for the lose.

08:39:30 PM

there's an art teacher in Austin that's going to get fired because her g'friend posted a semi-nude shot of her on FLICKR. i've looked through each and every picture (there's 4369 of them) and see nothing but real/legitimate photography.

question: do any of you feel that a semi-nude picture of a teacher would in any way influence your actions/behavior in class?

i don't know if i'm breaking a rule by posting a link to the FLICKR i'm referring to, but i'll give it a shot. sorry in advance to the admins if this is breaking any rules:

Barry Bonds
03:37:18 PM

This thing still poisons my mind, and yet I "recovered" from it thirteen months ago.

That is, until my first relapse. And my second, and third, and tenth.

I doubt it'll ever be all the way gone.

Ana and Mia are my worst friends ever.

01:05:46 PM

they've been the 'big girls' for so long. I admire and look up to them so much. the joy, tears, drama, we've been through is incredible. they are seriously like my older sisters and the best friends in the world. they danced with us for the last time and i'm so happy i was able to be part of it. i'm so happy for them because they are moving on to college, but i'm so sad because i want them to stay with us forever. its so bittersweet and i want to cry everytime i think about it. next year my best friend will leave. and the year will be my turn and now I am the 'big girl' and everyone is looking to me. but soon everything about my dance studio will be a memory. a memory i started when i was 8. thats where i grew up. its my home. i just want to stop time and hold on to my girls forever. i love them so much.

its my secret. my complicated emotions of joy and sadness i cant even express in words. that last performance with them i will cherish forever.

but not even writing this is satisfying. I dont know how to make this undescribable emotion go away. two more years and it will be all over. someone please stop the time.

01:37:08 AM

im searching fro a job does anyone happen to know anybody who is hiring?

01:14:22 AM

Monday, June 19, 2006

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out!

I love it. Congrats Canes!

11:19:09 PM


11:17:11 PM

who follows hockey and knows what the "shift" thing means that shows like the captain i think, and a time

09:45:51 PM

Dearest Tangsters,

I have a small request for all of the wonderful Tangsters out there. I am currently in a George Washington University political simulation program, and would appreciate if you all pledge your support for our cantidate, Aryeh Stein-Azen, a good jewish boy from Connecticut. Just go to the site and just say "I, your name, pledge my vote to Aryeh Stein-Azen, your name, date"

Thank you,


Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have a humble request from all of you.

That request is, please do not post the "YAY WE WON" or "OH NO WE LOST WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE CANES DOING OUT THERE" post again, if no other reason than for my sanity's sake.


this sucks i just got a job and it starts the day that im leaving for a week so now im going to have to keep searching. well fuck

06:56:56 PM

Does anyone ever get the feeling that they're retarted and the world just hasn't told them?

06:39:26 PM

summer is wearing me out...

11:38:14 AM

I'm about to leave for Europe, and there is gonna be some serious heavy drinking.

08:15:16 AM

It probably shouldn't matter very much to me but I'm glad you actually had fun on Father's Day this year. You always look so miserable when you're around us.

02:32:21 AM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

College is so fucking confusing! I've got orientation tomorrow and it had better damn well be orienting or so help me....

11:59:11 PM

Why does summer have to be so lonely?

11:39:55 PM

Happy 64th birthday, Paul McCartney.

...if you really are still alive, that is.

11:32:56 PM

Just to let you know, box-box, the computer im on right now shows the characters. you have been exposed.

if only i knew what they mean...

and this is when i get hurt
when i put all of me into helping and comforting someone...
only to have them not need comforting anymore
and not need me anymore
and not love me in the least

09:15:26 PM

You know who pisses me the hell off? Cindy Sheehan. Discuss.

I would post my reasons right now, but I have to go. I just saw a story about her in the news, and it made my blood boil. I shall enumerate them tomorrow.

Damn. I am going to be cleaning flour out of my hair for the next week.

I realized today when I was painting and listening to a Tracy Chapman tape that I've had it since second grade...and I still like it.
What's the oldest cd/tape you own that you still listen to regularly?

Note: NOT a scheming plot to get on popular post list..I'm genuinely curious.

Queen Sekaf
12:30:50 AM

it is now officially wrong to wear a shirt that is pro-america in any sense. you will be labeled as a conservative, bush-loving republican, and maybe even a fundamentalist. anyways, heil pope, and get on with your lives.

12:10:27 AM

Saturday, June 17, 2006

5 to 0

11:00:48 PM


I just got back from camp today. I had a great time there and made some new friends, and I had their addresses written down in a little booklet thing. I can't find the book.

It might not sound like that big of a deal, but I'm about to cry if I can't find it soon.

10:25:43 PM

I didn't get my Stepfather anything for Fathers' Day for the first time in my life.

And it feels So Good.

06:57:12 PM

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking, feeling

spin me 'round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the take over,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears
they were here first

mmm what'dcha say,
mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
mmm what'dcha say,
that's all for the best?
of course it is
mmm what'dcha say?
hmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
what'dcha say?
what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
bitsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling
no, i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
bitsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling
no, I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Imogen Heap

06:22:20 PM

you know, posting on tangst might not always be the best idea to, um...release your emotions. what if nobody comments, then your post just goes to waste and draws no attention, meaning that your pitiful life is a worthless piece of shit nobody cares about.

03:53:16 PM

I can't beleive you. You said that you hated it here, but we are the ones who try to make you happy when you come back. You think you're miserable? I'm not the one who hurls insults at you, treats you worse than dirt. And the worst part about it is, I have to cover up my surprise when I go to my friends' houses and watch them acting like a family, having their sibilings actually do things for them. You treat me like dirt. You're the one with the attitude problem. Nothing we do is ever going to be enough, is it? I can't believe I am constantly seeking your approval. You always disapoint me. I know I'm sensitive, but damnit, some of the things you say to me are just downright cruel. Its not like I ask for it, but then, I guess I do, every time I ask for your opinion, every time I ask for a favor, hell, just being born was enough offense enough for you to hate me. Do I give offensive answers to your questions? Do I act offended when you ask me a favor? No. I have always done things for you, even when you don't ask, you demand. But can I ask for the same? Hell no. I'm not asking for love, I know you hate me, but do you have to be so hostile? I just want to go to your room where you are crying and shake you, scream "what the hell is wrong with you?" But I can't. I'm not that cruel.

03:49:21 PM

My absolute favorite thing about the summer other than no school is the sleeping in to whenever I want to...

11:34:23 AM

Does anyone else stand up to wipe their ass?

12:44:00 AM

Friday, June 16, 2006

Not to start a hubub, but the end of the Daily Show I just watched had a wonderful debate on gay mairrage and the conveniently timed proposal for a constitutional ban, all of which I found very intriguing.

John was saying that following the fight to end slavery and to give women the vote this is the next grand step in providing Americans with freedom and equality. Guy two refuted that this case was completely different, but didn't really have any reasons why.

I call out to you guys for some hard examples other than "Jesus said so" and "Well it's just disgusting" why it is a detriment to america to allow gay couples to build sancitified and socially positive family units.

11:50:52 PM

Now if you want to do the Steve Urkel Dance
All you have to do is hitch up your pants

Bend your knees and stick up your pelvis
I'm tellin you baby, it's better than Elvis


Do it
Do it
Do the Urkel Dance

Now point your fingers up to the sky
And talk through your nose way up high
Spin and dip and jump and cavort
And finish it off with a laugh and snort
Heh Heh Heh (Snort)
Heh Heh Heh (Snort)
Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh Ohhhhh


Do it
Do it
Do the Urkel Dance

Do the Urkel
Do the ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-Urkel

Do the urkel
Do the ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-ur-Urkel

Do it
Do it
Every body
Do the Urkel Dance

11:45:56 PM

i like animal ohkay. why is it wrong. they give us the stuffed ones and tell to love it. why not love the real one. real love better! rabbits so hot!

11:45:55 PM

My mom told me yesterday that she had an eating disorder in college. I now understand how she saw through my excuses and attempts to cover my own.

Maybe brokenness runs in my family?
Or my lack thereof.

11:39:15 PM

To all of you thirty-minute-long-hug-goodbye-enders out there, I salute you.

11:11:02 PM

I vote we have a flood of non-romance-related secrets!

I still sleep with a stuffed animal!

11:08:39 PM

I LIKE to eat my vegetables.

11:06:33 PM

It's weird, I haven't seen him in over 6 years, but for the past couple days, he's preoccupied my thoughts. I can't even tell what triggered this sudden recall.

05:51:55 PM

I should have seen this coming. I was too happy for too long. I should have known that it would all come crashing down around me.

04:55:19 PM

gpa ist not fair. its baised towards ppl who donot need to eat.! down with the system.

01:54:50 AM

I feel like we keep dancing around the issue, talking about every subject under the sun (beyond that, even). Except the thing that matters the most - us.

I just miss you lots and lots. Trillions of billions of tons (or should it be billions of trillions of tons? I'm not sure, I'm not a math person). I would have left it at "lots and lots" but I felt the need to quantify something for you. Imperical evidence always holds more sway.

01:52:52 AM

span has our grades, and our new ranks. :(

12:35:10 AM


I am so sick and tired of posts like "I love Him" "I don't love Him" "I wish He and I were an Item 4Eva"

"Oh if I could forget his sun-blown hair" let me post some emo lyrics by some trashy third-rate band, only more-or-less in my own words, about the gaping void of my FREAKING MIDDLE CLASS HEART.


12:25:07 AM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I know now that the deepest wish anyone will ever have, even if they don't know it, is just to be understood.
It is profoundly human.

but I guess I am understood....

So I will wish now that he was right when he read the cards for me.

11:39:47 PM

I don't love him and this isn't middle school.

11:31:42 PM

My goal this summer is to find an effective way of forgetting about you.

10:36:57 PM

I had always thought one of the worst parts about being a guy is that you had to automatically fill the role of provider later in life. Whereas women can usually find a husband that will be willing to support them just in case their career aspirations backfire (as a sort of contingency plan), a man has no room for failure and has to center his formative years around making enough bucks to support himself and a future family.

Now that I think about it though, it's a sort of blessing. If my gender were switched I would be so tempted to choose an easier course of education (knowing that I probably wouldn't have to step up to the plate and actually use the stuff I learn in college). This way I'll sort of be forced to make a contribution to society (not that childrearing isn't a contribution) and stick in there no matter how difficult college gets. Thanks future wife! I'm doing this for you.

08:30:23 PM

What do you wish when you throw pennies into fountains?

08:14:03 PM


I just hate saying goodbye.

08:06:20 PM

He is so amazing to me <3

06:48:03 PM

I used to hate sewing, and now I know I can make a small business off of it. The business is picking up, but I still sometimes hate sewing. There are good things about it, but... I believe the only reason I'm still sewing is because I... need money.

Should I find a real job, and quit sewing, or should I keep a half happy-half not business which is getting me a lot more than minimum wage.

10:55:21 AM

i have lost the trust in anyone.not the closest friend you ever have nor the person you met through a friend.its way too guys all appear to care and understand but behind my back,you actually talk all sort of it about my actions or the stuff i actually bother to tell you guys cause i trusted you.i cant believe it.this is how much i mean to you shattered.the closest friends around turns out to be the talking about you at the back and the ones who dont trust you at all.they say to believe all that you say and be able to relate to but in actual fact,they take me as an immature brat who thinks that the world revolve around closest friends on earth.the ones you tell them everything.they are the ones who blogs about you in the most hurtful sounds really lame here but you all truly made me realise what kind of world we're living in.deception.nothing anyone say now will i ever ever ever believe.the friend i need's in's in japan.i cant cry.i cant let my parents see me like shocked by the little i know.i've been too naive.

i really need to talk to someone right now.

10:54:21 AM

don't give up on your life.
the person you are looking for will always be there for you if you just asked him/her

why don't you talk to him/her
tell him/her how you feel

the world isn't perfect and you aren't alone. you just are not accpeting the people around you.

people want to understand you too but you need to allow them to.

08:58:07 AM

[Admin Note- Im not sure if this is a post to itself, or if it was a comment on the last one. Im going to leave it here, becasue you should know by now not to comment on things untill they're on the main page. -SD]

im tired of my life.
all i want is you to be there when i need you and not staying up all night hoping that you will IM me on msn.

you killed that hope in me.
right now,i need you the most and im left alone here.

if this is a perfect world,why am i sitting here alone?i just want to understand you and have that mutual feeling between us.

08:21:03 AM

You know who you are. You know what you have [not] done.

And, goddammit, if I have to freaking walk across the country to find you, I am going to make sure you bloody do it.

If those pictures from this year's prom do not show up on facebook soon, I think I shall fly into a murderous rage, and none shall be safe from my vengeance.

In fact. :D

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

i just got braces :

11:58:45 PM

Hockey Game: What the fuck was that about? Short-handed goal???

Damn those Oilers. Damn them to hell.

So, it's not revised. I'm not really sure where this feeling came from.

Oh, to reach a venerable old age!
To get gray hair! To have lived a thousand
years and yet have no regrets! To remember
a time, on the crest of a hill, when looking down
the entire gray-green spread of pines fell out against
red clay and it all belonged to me, I was its creator.

to know the pain of every person! to feel the infinite weight
of every sorrow! what can be more recklessly alive?—I tremble as a
woman does, from the middle east. Now, I am a young black man in America,
black and impotent, confident in the strength of my limbs and my
voice and my mind: disdaining the wise, their constant motion, on this
smoke-shrouded street. the beautiful sprawl of urban America! a tired
Chinese woman hanging out the gray-green laundry against red neon lights.

and the feeling of a party! the half-unspoken dread that every action
brings the evening closer to its climax! never again might I regain this moment,
never again these same people or these same thoughts . . . the indefinite stretch
of every second, the burning fire just below my throat, the manic twist of my
eyes with my thoughts . . .

time is what I can’t understand, is it a river (probably electric blue, like
the ones I drew in kindergarten), or is it a forest (Frost was a fool to call
death “sleep,” as if it were something natural!) or rather is time a relative
fabrication of our needy minds (here is what I mean: imagine the rice farmers
of Cambodia, tilling the gray-green paddies, forgetting the red blood of civil war,
forgetting the primitive days of the rain forest, the yellow stone temples to the
monkey gods –surely they existed, right?). but either way it will bring me
to an old age.

05:10:14 PM

sometimes i wonder if graffiti will turn out to be gay.

04:32:11 PM

I keep driving the one I love away.

02:47:54 PM

We had our band summer rehearsal last night and it is going to be an interesting senior year for me. There are two new junior guys in my section who need to be taught that they truely aren't the shit that they think they are. They'll see when we have tryouts. Its sad, three girls and five boys in a section and the first and second chair players are girls.

Just shows you that guys aren't the only ones who can drum

12:29:46 PM

I found it in her drawer of scarves today.
She sorts through my trash, tapes together the broken bits of paper memories that I've torn up and thrown away in an effort to forget.
She always used to peer into my personal life, into my poems and my journal and my art. I thought it was a habit she had lost, but evidently, this twisted curiosity is the poison that gives life to her hateful soul.

Aren't mothers supposed to be kind?
(Nobody kind would keep a written record of the horrible memories I was trying to break free of by tearing up all those old things.)

11:27:46 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I feel like my life is being wasted-- but what else is new? I'm a junkie who can't get at her junk.

God I need a book. A million things to do and a million things to see and a million things to read right at my fingertips and I'm bored. God I need a book.

10:52:53 PM

guantanamo bay ticks me off.

09:31:23 PM

so what exactly is considered cheating on your girfriend?

05:09:03 PM

i just wana say I MISS YOU LOTS and it feels like like you dont care anymore.

09:57:40 AM

Monday, June 12, 2006


11:58:32 PM

sometimes i really get sick of myself.

i even hate the fact that i'm admitting this.

i wonder if it will help.

11:53:53 PM

This is part of a letter to a friend. I thought I’d share it with you all, who have become a sanctuary/second family to me. =)

I found loneliness upon a shelf today. Its guise was a carousel, a music box, a capsule capturing the memories of my childhood. I remember staring at it for hours on end whenever Christmas time rolled around, as it would take its honorary place upon our mantelpiece. The tinkling, crystalline refrain of Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake” would resound as the image of solitude, of seclusion in the dead of winter, would revolve continuously upon its base. It held a quality of utter desolation I have never experienced since. Enrapturing, encompassing, was this little trinket. It was a mirror of my fascination with emptiness stemming from my far and young past. Encapsulated within this small glass globe, forever in its evolution, spinning right before my wide-eyed innocence – taunting, tempting, and yet denying.

I still cannot describe the emotion and passion that arose within my young body whenever I wound up that music box. It was a receptacle for my greatest fears of being alone, and a sepulcher where I laid those fears in peace. The sense of utter forlornness, detachment, and isolation expressed by the scene of the secluded house on the wintry hilltop is haunting. I had nearly forgotten about it until today. In spirit, I had placed this vital fragment of my youth onto the highest dusty shelf in my mind in an attempt to never think of it again. Why? Because the ritornello was too haunting, the theme too transcendent, for my young mind to comprehend.

I found and opened up the untouched shelf today. Literally and metaphorically. I’m leaving for a new high school next year. One that is not too far from where I attend now, but far enough to raise my fears of loneliness again. Having nothing to do today, I searched through my shelves and cabinets looking for memories to keep as a memento of my meager two years of high school thus far. I found so much. From the clubs to student council to schoolwork and pre-junior year stress, I had somewhere in between found myself caught betwixt numerous regrets, love(s), and success. I had done what I feared most in the world: become attached.

Now I’m leaving this hallowed sanctum, and I have to start over again. I have to detach myself again from the red string of fate that bound me here after two years, so I can begin anew. I fear for myself. I fear for what is uncertain. The capsule of my childhood fears of loneliness and forlornness unlocked again with a hesitation equivalent to Pandora and her box. I took this symbol of my youthful apprehension off of the shelf today. The years of accumulated dust were wiped off, as I viewed – for the first time in the nine years since I moved to North Carolina – the same familiar scene of despair. The windmill above the house still turned, the snow still fell upon the hilltop as the destitute strains of “Swan Lake” played once more. My future and my past suddenly went into a crescendo that breached the wall, overcame my uncertainty, and made a head-on collision with each other. I found loneliness upon a shelf today.

And I realized, that in that moment, I was strong enough to face it alone.

06:24:10 PM

"I sure wish someone could tell me pseudo-in-depth about what lies behind my problem or problems. Copy-pasting from Wikipedia preferred. Amateur psychoanalysis not a must, but strongly appreciated."

I wanted for the entire year to get out of school.
So why do I miss it so much?

01:05:58 PM

even a simple hello from you can make me smile for the rest of the day.

feeling really upset now cause i didnt make it into the annual dance event.i tried really hard and i had less practices than others.who were you to judge me! i really want to be in the much as i want to,i cant.
feel like a total failure right now.

i guess a part of growing is learning to cope with failures and all the ups&downs in life.

somehow i wish to dance in the event,i want you to be proud of me.

05:26:56 AM

I loved him for not caring and not trying too hard. I also loved him for breathing in and out, and walking upright, and a million other things that are pedestrian and mundane.

01:27:58 AM

It feels like flesh eating maggots are eating out my brain... I know you are shy, but jesus, is holding hands or hugging me or putting your arm around me too much to ask??? I mean we have been going out for 1...2...3 months now, and we have held hands for roughly 2 minutes.. and I might add that you pretty much freaked out.. and have hugged either 2 or 3 times total. Am I the only one in this relationship that wants to ravenously make-out with the other? If this relationship is going to continue, then please, give me some signal that you want to eb with me. I don't know if you read Tangst, I have a suspicion that you do (world champions of indesisiveness) then know that i want to make out with you and would be super happy if you did. sorry i couldn't say this to your face. (to all tangst im sorry about the miss-spelled words, bad grammar, and incorect capitilization and run-on sentences if they exist in this post, i am very tired)

01:19:43 AM

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Everyone's a Poet

This is put together in honor of the "brilliant" poem creation. A labor of love, I'm sure, it stands at 43 comments. I'm not going to update this if the other gets more comments. I mean c'mon... Also, there are some editorials for those geniuses who didn't know that articles, verbs, and nouns of any kind also constitute as... words.

I have assembled it at my own discression, taking into account syntax, imagery, symbolism, diction, and the cadence of the phrases.

^ Not really true, so please don't go ape-shit on me, Tinted ;)

Please enjoy. Or don't. But you guys wrote it.


The blue shadow we-
Chicken, emptiness, hollow inside.
Yeah, good one.

Rain pours blood

Mutilation drains downward through,


Again the soul laments
And its wounds howl. <--*editorial* That’s not one word, you cretin.

Like that cow, swamp-donkey jello-
Fetus flies in wind.
Eviscerates dénouement pookie tits-

Plot to get on the favorites list

Oh sorry that was more than one word.
Cock worked this isn’t poetry. This is a random assortment of words.
There’s a difference, people.

Love Rashi has never heard of DaDa.

I see no difference.

What a beutiful poem next time I have a poem for school
Im turning this in <--* Nice grammar too!*

You see no difference between poetry and a random assortment
Of words?

That, my friend, is why you wouldn’t know good poetry if-

Walt Whitman beat you over the head with it.

And I don’t even really like poetry!

You misunderstand.
I see no difference between this and poetry.

-By the masses of Tangst. Some better with written expression than others, some just plain rebels for disregarding the "one word" limit. Stand at attention, and... Salute!

I like going into AIM chat rooms and pretending like I'm addicted to methamphetamines.

10:39:24 PM

i'm scared of the thunder outside.

09:15:38 PM

hmm should i grow mutton chops?

08:01:56 PM


a german teen-punk recently got bashed up by neonazis for the second time for the same reason: wearing a tshirt that said "against nazis". last year he lost his right eye due to a bottle to his face at a local fair. the family moved. now he felt safe again, went to a a fair with friends again, wore the same shirt, got attacked again and lost a tooth.

makes me wonder...

03:06:09 PM

a crazy student actually falls in love with her teacher and all she feels is being so near yet so far.
suicide might just be the best way out .not as if i did not give it a try before.
he's a real bastard cause he got his wife pregnant even before they got married but still,there's something special about him.

01:30:28 AM

i guess i had a lot of emo-things on my mind today. it was really rainy and depressing, and taking a standardized test is no way to make anything better.

i want so badly to be able to let myself go to camp tomorrow and hook up with someone (or multiple people, but i'm not really like that), but i know that's not going to happen.


he's still on my mind. and probably will haunt me forever.

sweet! i'm going to be an old lady with sixteen cats while he is living the life he wants, fucking every beautiful woman three times over. and he probably won't even remember me after high school.

future prospects... oh, so bright.

12:15:48 AM

Saturday, June 10, 2006

noooooooooooo we lost.

10:55:53 PM

I promised myself never to cry over a boy.

That was before I met you.

10:50:03 PM

so i love that i have the ability to make it 4 years through high school, but as far as using a spoon and fork go, im screwed.

i cannot deal with relatives who that it is still ok to show me the proper way to eat food.

05:03:15 PM

i'm thinking bin laden gave abu musab al-zarqawi up (covertly) since al-zarqawi was turning muslims against muslims in iraq. bin laden would focus on the big picture of the US and western society first, then get after the infidels in the islamic world.
wouldn't it be ironic if the $25 mil reward was funneled into al-qeda...

barry bonds
01:00:45 PM

God, but I cannot keep a pair of panties clean around him!

12:24:08 AM

Friday, June 09, 2006

I wish I could pour butter all over your sexy body and lick it up all clean.

08:45:46 PM

zed's dead baby, zed's dead

04:28:21 PM

I have the most unusual craving to paint hairy, brown, active monkeys on a hundred billboards.

10:04:04 AM

Thursday, June 08, 2006

hey lets make a poem every one add just one word to the one before you

11:24:35 PM

Oh, my F**CKING GOD!
well, you still have a better GPA than me, but still I BEAT YOU IN ONE LITTLE THING!
Have an awesome summer, you guys

11:24:29 PM

[Admin Note: Post signature was edited off the message of the post - we include it automatically as post info, along with the timestamp.]

hey can someone invite the email to face book

11:16:41 PM


I never realized how hard it is to tell a girl that likes you that you're not interested, that you've set your sights on someone else.

And that was on top of a really shitty day. And worst of all, she heard it from her best friend.

I feel like such an ass. I've already discussed this with her. I don't know if she'll read this. But I'm sorry, and I feel terrible. I hope you find someone. And I hope that I can make this up to you.

10:46:41 PM


10:24:57 PM

he really thinks i'm that easy.

oh he is so wrong.

10:05:58 PM

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members

10:01:59 PM

I should not have subjected myself to a romantic comedy marathon.

The pain had stopped, but I just tore off the bandaid really quickly. I hate the sting.

09:40:45 PM

I'd rather have a better grade than a guilty conscience because I cheated on an exam. Sorry?

05:59:47 PM

i'm done :)

01:00:40 PM

I finally figured out that the reason I can't concentrate while studying is that I haven't listened to any music in days. Its probably too late for my math grade though. I've never failed a class before, but I am worried.

03:53:55 AM

Sigh, Why are gay marriage and abortion only issues during even numbered years?

12:21:51 AM

5-0. We are kicking some serious ass, up 2-0 in the series and only two more wins until we've got the Cup.

Yeah, I love my team.

12:05:23 AM

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Every picture I see of you is like biting curbside concrete and having a steel toed boot stomp on the back of my head.

I hate still liking you even though it's over. I didn't even get to sign your yearbook.

09:27:19 PM


thank god...

I failed the driving exam.

and I wasn't even driving bad. stupid anal dmv officers...

06:32:36 PM

I can't believe he asked me to sign his yearbook. We broke up yesterday... and he wanted me to "write nice things"?

05:58:07 PM

you will never know who I am.


12:13:33 PM

America's got a secret.

Read the PDF file.

Yay for tolerance!,

11:05:08 AM

[Admin Note: URL modified for fit. No hyperlink was added by the poster.]

damnit i just failed my math exam.

10:52:30 AM

this morning i woke up thinking, "crap, i wish you were beside me right now."

10:43:27 AM

is it necessary to see oneself as loving or beautiful or clever or interesting or funny or nice or friendly or gentle or strong or good?

lately, i don't see myself as any of those things.

i loathe myself.

Barry Bonds
08:28:04 AM

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

12:19:39 AM

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The other day I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine that started about her smoking habits (about a pack a day). She was lighting another one up and I guess she read my expression because she said something like "yeah, maybe some day I'll quit". I asked her why she doesn't now and she said it was because she didn't care what happened to her. I asked why she didn't love herself and she said "well it's kind of difficult to love yourself when your own father doesn't". And I realized then that it's true, he really doesn't. All this time I'd thought he was so cool for always letting us stay out late and giving us a a ton of money and leaving us alone, but I suddenly realized that he does that because he doesn't want the responsibility of being a Dad. He might be 50, but he's got the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. He figures if he just lets her do her own thing she'll be happy. But her Mom's a total wreck and she doesn't have anyone to support her. And she really needs it, and the kind she needs isn't always the kind that I or her other friends can give. Basically, I'm really worried about her and haven't been able to get it off my mind all week.

Queen Sekaf
11:23:31 PM

you are making me mad and freaked out and sad and all sorts of things at the same time. i do not like it. i hate that i have to do this. you do not understand how hard this is going to be for me. i hope you are happy.

i sort of wish things could go back to the way they were before, but i know that can't happen now.

10:56:55 PM

Zombies is by far the best way for the world to end.

10:42:21 PM

Just who is queen sekaf, and why does she seem to have good taste in books?

Inquiring minds...

I love how kinky he is. He makes my fantasies become reality without judging or criticizing. He just knows, and god is he good.

09:35:41 PM

Don't be anal about typos.

08:57:03 PM

He will not post it, so I will post it for him:

I vomited tarnished foam from my lungs for you- For want of something tangible, to call emotion: (Alt: For want of something to call it real)

See; self sacrifice has become synonomous with empathy-

Without the penance of one there is no reception from the other. No wic to burn, no end to meet,

Those with hearts that beat are communion masters, dishing out saltine bodies, expunging intoxicating blood.

Inebriated in an alley, white mist seeps around curled teeth, crystallized droplets, myriads gems, in a world too muted for passion.

See; I swallowed the hate of an entire race, and let it germinate in my belly, fell into my rotting bowels- stank and festered into a tree, cut and carbon copied, distributed on TV

There may be no meaning here, but I know what I can see. Put a human in a vacuum, and see how long his heart can beat.

07:00:55 PM

I wished for this secretly, I didn't even tell myself I was hoping or wishing or waiting for it, but now that it's here I'm horrified with myself for ever thinking it.

05:55:17 PM

im so freaking awesome, modest too.

11:46:32 AM

Dear Barry Bonds#2,

Eat a dick.


Barry Bonds#1

Barry Bonds
08:05:09 AM

Im in love with someone I have never met.. And it seems to me he has a Physicological problem.

01:52:46 AM

What does it feel like when a guy orgasims vs. when a girl does it?

12:22:26 AM

Monday, June 05, 2006

Oh, third period, how I love thee!

That was a damn good game.

AIM won't log me in. That makes me very unhappy.

10:15:04 PM

I just got one of the best orgasms I've ever had. I'm still a little dizzy from it. I really wish I could get these when I have sex, and not just on my own. (and if you have to guess my gender, you're kinda dumb.)

09:01:48 PM

Hey, Enloe types.

Just wondering; what's your finals schedual?

do you have block days or just normal ones?

The Watcher
06:47:14 PM

bush is awesome he kills all the muslims.

barry bonds
05:57:56 PM

[Admin Note: The Blogger user who posted this submission may not be who you think they are. Check the comment discussion for more information.]

america, fuck yea

03:48:07 PM

I think I may have failed English this year.

Not the exam, the entire course.What sucks is that I have had one hell of a shitty year. We're talking driven-to-the-point-of-suicide bad. Should I tell my teacher this, and pray for sympathy? Or quit my job, go to summer school and flirt with the depression that almost killed me once?

03:25:28 PM

All matter is merely ENERGY condensed to a slow vibration. ALL things ar comprised of ONE vibration. In as much, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, your energy is simply cycled back into the ONE vibration, the source. So be at peace my friends, and know we are ALL one. Therefore, all that you do positive or negative, to ANYTHING or ANYONE, affects YOU, personally, and metaphysically, because...THEY ARE YOU.

12:11:15 PM

twenty-three hours and twelve minutes.

some say it's The Apocalypse.

others will party like there's no tomorrow.

to me it's just another birthday.

12:48:19 AM

Sunday, June 04, 2006

damn this english exam, damn it to hell.

11:37:09 PM

It's really over. I knew it was coming, but it didn't dawn on me-- it's still not really dawning. There were hints and vague signs, before all of this, but now... This makes it final.

I don't think I can get used to calling her by her (now legal) new name.

11:33:09 PM

so it the chemistry EOC hard?

cuz i feel like I dont know anything.

I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything, but if I dont understand some stuff and if my class hasn't even finished the curriculum, how did the kids over at rocksborough county finish?

09:55:06 PM

I think life must be so complicated...because its so simple.

09:03:00 PM

umm, Gore is 58 years old. why on earth would he run anyway?

(and as a sidenote, he is THE least photogenic person i've ever seen.)

07:57:37 PM

STILL waiting to become a contributor. *sigh*.

(seeing as, you know, i asked back before APs.)

07:55:41 PM

Why was the first message in your inbox from cupid @, about new matches found in your area?

I wish I'd had the courage to ask you yesterday. Then you might have noticed that I wasn't as turned on to you as I usually am. I wish I had the courage to sign this post with my real name. I wish I had the courage to actually talk to you about this, instead of aiming the question at you sideways anonymously through a website you may or may not read anymore. I wish I had the courage to look at you objectively and do the math I don't want to do, but I don't.

So I lie to myself to avoid learning the truth about whether you're a liar or not. It's a terrible world we live in where a lie gets you in less trouble than the truth, don't you agree?

But that's the thing... I can't talk to you. I don't want to risk losing you, because I love you. I can't risk finding a reason not to love you anymore. I have to keep it inside, like all the other little nagging questions whose answers I can't know. And I don't want to have to, so I tangst. And then you read tangst, and then drama happens.

I'm blaming the internet for this, because I don't want to blame either of us. Damn internet.

6:13:47 PM

dear editor of chief next year for the eagle's eye.

after the whole controversial fiasco of the latest article about our principal I hope you will not be inimidated and fight for what you want and what the newspaper team wants to put in the eagle's eye. even controversial articles about the administration. since the administration doesn't think they should tell the student body what they are doing to their school, I feel like the eagle's eye is the only source of truth among the rumors that circulate the school and lets everyone know what the administration is really doing since they dont really like to tell us.

and since you've probably never had a class with mr king. I should let you know...he only cares about keeping his job. and nothing else.

goodnight and good luck.

03:56:06 PM

Some days I really

wish there was
hope there is
think there might be
think there must be

s o m e t h i n g

m o r e

t h a n

. . .


03:36:09 PM

If it turns out I'm pregnant, it will be the strangest mix of joy and sorrow in my life.

11:39:51 AM

You know, I really despise you.
I've tried to be nice, because I feel that you should be nice to people even if you don't like them. And also, I used to really admire you.
But now I see're a bastard. Your self esteem is so low that you verbally abuse other people to look important, because you are afraid you can't get attention any other way. You are a common bully. You think your derogatory remarks make you look intelligent, but they just make you look like an ass. You think you are so funny, but I never found comedians who acted like dick-heads to be very amusing.
You need to grow up. Really. One of these days, you'll crack a joke in the wrong place and someone's going to kill you for it.

09:34:14 AM

this blog is getting boring.

12:24:21 AM

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Damn it, maybe I should have taken my chances with you. I probably won't find someone else.
I'm gonna die a hermit.

10:41:32 PM

Sometimes, I think life is like band class. Everyone is playing an instrument, and is in a section with the instruments of that kind. (People switch instruments sometimes.) What you hear the most is your own section -not only are they the closest people to you, but you are sort of tuned into them, so that you can stay together. You read the same music, albiet different parts at times. Second most prominently are the sections directly in front, behind, left or right of you.
When you first recive a piece, you have a hard time at first getting an idea what it is supposed to sound like, because the sections are not together.
Even though everyone in band can read music, trying to play some other instrument's music on your own typically doesn't sound too good. A lot of percusionists can't read the notes that well, and most of the band would be confused about the markings on the percusionists's music as well.
Sice the musicians can't hear everything equally, it is up to the conductor, at the front, to tell them how to play. This can take a while. When the concert comes around, the musicians sit on the stage and play how they were trained, everyone claps, and they leave. To the audience, it was a lovely performance, but the musician still hears his/her own section most of all. Unless there is a recording, they may never know their part in the whole.
Sometimes, there's a really crappy conductor. Many times, not everyone is in tune. But the band plays on...

10:28:18 PM

if you're one of those people who worry about exams a lot...stop! you're most likely a person that doesn't need to. just relax and you'll do fine.

10:00:17 PM

ah tom sawyer you devilish fox you.

05:05:26 PM

I've thought about you a great bit today (it was completely inevitable given my surroundings).
Around my ever-so-encouraging friends I pretend to find your existence irksome and painful- I pretend that you've become a burden for me to handle. I pretend to be angry at you and I pretend to want to scream at you for everything you've done to me (nothing- which is precisely why I'm perturbed). I even start believing it at times, but it's Not True. I could never be angry at you, I'm just...sad.

Sad that we never talk. Sad that we never see each other. Sad that everything kind of fell apart. Sad that I act distant. Sad that you've distanced yourself. Sad that you have no initiative and sad that I haven't said anything to you about it. The only way to take my mind off of this sadness is to act hateful because anger blinds.

I'm also sad that I'm too sheepish to say this to your face, so I have to post it on Tangst.

03:23:26 PM

good party to bad i had to come home so early.

12:29:41 AM

So what WAS the senior prank??

12:11:54 AM

i love penis.

12:09:20 AM

Friday, June 02, 2006

I posted on here a few days ago because I was afraid I was beginning to come between my friend and her boyfriend. Well, he broke up with her yesterday (I knew I had a bad feeling about it). Im not sure I should do - I might be interested in him if I got hang out with him more, but my friends really upset about it so I definitely want to stay away for at least a while.

10:53:32 PM

After all the hugging and goodbyes I went through today, I miss being in a relationship more than ever. Just having that physical intimacy, that closeness, that security, is something I've found I hate living without.

I kind of want to weep from the lonely dispair I'm feeling, but that would make this even more pathetic than it already is.

How did I become so good at hiding what I actually feel? Why did I reinforce the walls of my heart so well? What's so wrong with me that I couldn't show him how much I love him? How come I can't let him see how miserable I am without him now?

Damn it. I am crying now.

10:29:33 PM

can I kill you guys now? THANKS.

09:24:31 PM

The senior prank was extremely lame.

05:28:24 PM

What was with the paint?

03:47:55 PM

I could not remember his phone number today to save my life. We dated for a year. I think that says something for high school relationships, no matter how great they may seem.

03:38:05 PM

God. It's over. It really happened.

I can never go back.

03:23:47 PM

14 hours left as an official enloe student...

holy cow.

12:41:08 AM

one of the (male)waiters at work went out and bought a box of tampax pearl tampons for three of the bar waitresses. aside from being one of the funniest moments of the evening, it was also one of the sweetest. props to him.

12:38:15 AM

On at least 2 times today I've looked at people that I've know forever and been reminded of all those stories they make lifetime movies about involving "real teenagers" lives. My friend today was slapped on the ass about a thousand times in a row and didn't even give it a second thought. It was discussing. They grabbed her boobs and kept making jokes about how they wanted to fuck her. She was soaking it up. I can't see her as my friend today. I see her as a slut. A dirty trash receptical for sperm. Even though that's how everyone else sees her, I can't help but feel bad for thinking it. I should be mad at my guy friends for taking advantage of the fact that she has no self respect what so ever like I normaly would be but I'm not. I honestly wanted to throw up watching it. Later, I was listening to some kids talk after school on the ride home. The where making fun of this girl they all knew. The things they said were too terrible for me to repeat, even on tangst. How does a person bring them selves to say such horrible things about another human being without feeling ashamed? I really don't understand the world sometimes.

12:20:20 AM

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I try to pretend that I have it all together, but sometimes I get a glance on just how effed up my life really is and I just want to hid.

10:48:41 PM

And the Carolina Hurricanes are going to the Stanley Cup finals!

to ban Barry Bonds or not to ban Barry Bonds... THAT is the question!

not barry bonds
04:36:10 PM

man i hate this conflict of school getting out versus missing all my friends during the summer and never seeing some again. i cant be happy or sad i guess im just sappy. damnit

04:08:02 PM

one more day of school...

03:54:19 PM

Iraq has NEVER attacked America.

12:48:09 PM