Saturday, September 30, 2006

i'm finally happy in the area of the opposite gender.

11:27:42 PM

i don't care if you get a new girlfriend, finally. but i hope we can be friends. hope.

11:27:03 PM

What does it fucking matter anymore? Who the fuck cares? This whole life is amounting to a little bit less then nothing.

09:27:14 PM

We don't talk anymore.

It's as if because there's no more relationship (no more sex) I'm not worth it. That because we've seen each other naked, we can't be friends anymore so we shouldn't try.

I thought we promised it'd never be awkward. I thought we promised to always be friends. Every time I try to remind you, you push me farther away.

Should I just leave you alone?

07:13:56 PM

no matter what you do, you always let somebody down.

07:05:05 PM

Friday, September 29, 2006

Jeremy spoke in class today.

11:44:07 PM

so did we win the homecoming game?

10:19:10 PM

Here's a morehead, there's a morehead, and another little morehead; funny morehead, fuzzy morehead, morehead, morehead, fuck.

Morehead morehead, cheesecake, morehead; tablet, brick, potato, morehead; morehead, morehead, mushroom, morehead, morehead, morehead, fuck.

I was once a senior,
I made a mistake
but I never saw how much time this app would take
I was only three months dead,
so I tell the tale:
and now listen, little child, and while you can--please bail.

Just a word of warning. :p

i'm sorry if i can't control my emotions sometime. it's not my fault. it's just who i am. i know it's annoying, but i'm not the only one who has flaws.

i'm working on admitting them.

12:12:42 PM

Brutal sensations of the flesh being sliced off the bones my fingers have been flashing through my head for the last two days. The pain is excruciating even though I can't feel it and it's not there. I've just started picturing the safey pins stuck in my wrists and all the while my fingers are still being destroyed.

I'll never see a psychiatrist, not if I can help it, but I don't know how much more imaginary pain I can take.

01:29:04 AM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

aches and pains mean nothing compared to the damage done by you.

11:11:26 PM

Now that I know I like you I almost don't want to talk to you--I'm so freaking awkward you will probably decide I'm a complete idiot within five minutes.

10:00:58 PM

I scare myself. More and more I imagine doing violence to people who I am angry with. Lately I've been having disgustingly violent dreams, they feel so visceral and gratifying.

07:25:56 PM

you are much more attractive in girl pants and eyeliner. too bad every day isn't emo day.

06:07:44 PM

Dressing up as another person creates an amazing feeling. How I wish I could be this person every day. Have you ever changed, from one person to the next? It is amazing..

05:51:22 PM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

no one comments anymore. this is lame!

11:32:39 PM

so i've been friends with him since middle school. last year i really got to know him. and now we barely ever see each other but we still talk and complain about how we need to see each other more.

I might like him but...I dont know if I do! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

10:34:15 PM

I really wish I heard from you more.

10:25:27 PM

there are days when i just want to punch people in the face... for being dumb/stupid/annoying/worthless/a waste of time, air, and space, etc.

today i think i set the record for the number of people who deserve to get punched in the face.
one of those people is a teacher. i hate this man. i don't think i've hated a teacher more than him (which is saying something considering my ninth grade geometry teacher had a hate club--all of her students were part of it). i want to throttle him. i know that i'm not going to make it through the semester.

i can't even do anything about it, either.
i feel like it's very abnormal that i'm feeling so violent, but i don't know what else to do. frustration leads me to violence, none of which is ever carried out because im' a good little girl who is respectful and gets all her homework done.
massive sleep deprivation is NOT helping my case.

i don't know what to do; i don't think there is anything that i can do, i just needed to vent.

otherwise i might actually kick someone in the balls/ovaries or punch 'em in the face.

08:13:18 PM

I wish I could just finish this damn college application. Instead I keep getting panic attacks. Well this doesn't help my chances at admittance, now does it?

04:59:28 PM

Your problems make me giggle.

10:24:38 AM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I have come to realise that I still love you. What you have done is beautiful.

Thank you.

11:51:01 PM

I need to know how she feels about me. I think about her all the time, and would love nothing more than to be with her. I just need to know how she feels.

I can't just blatantly come out and ask her, becasue I see her so ofthen that if I screw that up there would be great awkwardness and discord almost all of my day.

So, how? How can i know? There are probably obvious signs one way or the other right now, but i have a problem where I can read people fairly well, but I've fucked this up before with another, and so Im not really willing to make any assumptions.

please help. it's been driving me crazy for a while now.

09:27:43 PM

i just really wish that i would let go easier. i just hold onto things for so long. it's just a little to hard to move on, like everyone tells me to.

09:25:39 PM

I will never be perfect enough for you. The main reason I can't wait until graduation is not because I believe I'm more mature than my classmates, or because I think I'm long overdue for college life, or anything like that. The main reason is that I want to get away from you.

Mother. Please.
Either cut me some slack, or cut me free from your apron strings.
I don't want to be tied to you anymore.

08:02:10 PM

I realize I have low self-esteem, and that I am very down on myself almost all the time. Does this mean that I can change? or have the capability to change, just because I reconize that I have this problem? Also- I guess it takes some self motivation to change or whatever...

Does it even matter, should I just assume it'll all pass eventually?

07:00:22 PM

can anybody tell me where to get some zines?

06:50:21 PM

My boyfriend now knows I have feelings for another guy. He's lost all trust in me, and I can't blame him.

I'm the most worthless girl ever.

12:42:15 AM

Monday, September 25, 2006

No matter how hard I tried to get over him, it never worked. I figured the only way I could really get over him is to start liking someone else. Well, this time its working, and I'm glad I can move on with my life.

09:46:33 PM

ok....i like a guy. that doesnt' like me back. and that just makes me like him even more. and then he starts liking me and flirting with me. and then i'm like eww why did i ever like him.

it happens ALL THE TIME.

and i hate it.

09:41:47 PM

i want to get to know him,
but i don't know how?

any ideas(he's in two of my classes)?

09:15:30 PM

i'm about to get flamed by all you emo kids but....


Emok Iller
08:38:27 PM

I don't know who the hell trinitystar is, but they leave dumb/annoying comments. hugs4u? wtf. also this site is called TEEN ANGST CENTRAL. for TEENAGERS. Trinity is apparently over 50. Why is she here? I feel like it's an infraction on our site for TEENAGERS to be recieving some 50 year olds opinion. Not even opinion really, just stupid e-hugs.

07:05:51 PM

i really liked him. and now he likes me too. but we went on ONE date and all of the sudden he's had "the best night of his life." kind of scary. and that's made me not like him anymore. why did he have to ruin it with that?

06:35:25 PM

you bitch.

04:03:03 PM

Some days I feel like my parents would be alot happier w/o each other. They fight 5 days out of seven, or rather my mom yells at everyone in the house that much if not more. I have less freee time than she does yet I handle it all. She gets 3 out of 7 days in a weeks off, completely exept for working every fifth weekend. I have 1 free day a week. Why does she feel like she has the right to yell at us all??? She yells at us when she doesn't understand how to do something. She yells at us when we make tiny mistakes, she yells at us when we speak to her SLIGHTLY louder than normal. She yells at us because she can't understand what we're saying when we talk at a normal talking speed. I guess I have so little free time because I spend all my free time being busy to get away from her... Yet on Sundays when im at home getting yelled at and have all the time in the world to do my work, I some how inevitably get none of it done. I'm about to fail math , my grade in social studies isnt to great either, yet I don't care. Cause when I have the time to do my homework im at home- which means I'm not doing it because im putting all energy into not getting yelled at. Thank god you are going on a vacation next week by yourself.

12:40:30 AM

Wow. I feel better. Being straightforward and talking things out really makes sense. People should do it more often.

12:20:18 AM

Whenever I find someone annoying I secretly hope that every small thing goes wrong for them and that it wll slowly drive them insane so that one day they will break into tiny pieces.

(Lately a lot of people have annoyed me)

12:15:20 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Sometimes when I get really happy I have to fight off the impulse to break out in song. If only life was like the movies. I'd love to have a crazy dance montage.

11:28:11 PM

I hate the way I tend to make the most dumbest of asses as friends.

11:16:14 PM

i think boys are better out of my life.

but i would love to have one, just for fun.

10:47:51 PM

He's the only reason I still use IM.

10:14:33 PM

The gods are on my side... they put me in a class with him. and made him break up with his girlfriend today.

I dream about him like, every night.

he is So.Damn.Sexy.


07:09:48 PM

It's done. I'm finally over him. It's done and over and my timing has never been better.

I feel free. And happy. The angst and darkness - it was all worth it for the flying feeling I've got now.

12:41:41 PM

Why is it that even though the way you act when I break up with you confirms every thought I've had, every fear, every heartbreak..

I still just want to be in your arms?

Fucking Stockholm syndrome.

10:50:05 AM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

does anyone know if there is an alternate spirit week schedule?

07:35:13 PM

I can't believe I swallowed your lies this whole time...
So you have to hit on me right after you break up with her...knowing that I've had this weakness for you for the past two years...
so of course i swallow it ALL and begin to think again that you are "the one"
Leading me on this whole scumbag
So you have to hit on my best friend's older sister?? During the time that I'm not allowed to talk to you?? You idiot, you can't even fucking wait for me? for another month????
Well what about [my name]?, she says
"Oh, it's all a game...she thinks there's something going on but there's not

As if that's not enough you have to hit on my YOUNGER FRIEND as well....
and then you write me and tell me that you miss me...

You are so full of shit....
I think you should dig a deep hole in the ground and stay there forever....because you are entirely too disgusting for society...
Here goes two years feeling...down the drain

Nice work, asshole.

12:53:28 PM

Friday, September 22, 2006

Leesville beat Enloe tonight at football...

and I don't even care, I'm just so happy that you came to watch me perform even though you got lost on the way there :)

You are a true friend

10:41:07 PM

I'm really sick. I'm not used to this, i'm used to being strong as an ox, now i can barely stand up straight.

Its just a fever, but it sucks.

06:38:00 PM

Mr Lyttle drives too fast.

04:48:02 PM

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My stepfather called me a nuisance, a black sheep, and a "complete pain in the side of this family." My mom is starting to agree with him, as are my step-siblings.

This,the stress of Junior year, impossibly high expectations, needing to know exactly what I want to do with my life, and the dark future looming on the horizon has finally pushed me over the edge into the murky waters of hopelessness.

I'm starting to believe him too.
I really don't mean all that much and I'm starting to realize that maybe I'm just not good enough.

I feel like I have a gaping hole where my purpose to get up each morning formerly resided.

09:46:02 PM

ah man i completly failed Lyttle's test today in calc.

09:27:16 PM

I wish my physical problems didn't prevent me from doing so many things. Like, oh, staying conscious and not-nauseous enough to get my history homework done.

08:25:38 PM

there are occasions when this is false, but for the most part...
rainy days make me depressed.

06:28:17 PM

What does porn addiction entail. As in, when would one know they have developed an addiction for pornography?

06:08:57 PM

I remember now why life has been so good these past few days. It is because my mother was out of town and I was left to do as I please. I was actually looking forward to her return, but now that I've talked to her, I wish she wasn't back.

Our entire conversation has been her grilling me about school and how my work load is "easier" and so I should be doing better.

03:44:45 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

it may sound lifeless,

tangst has made me open up to people i don't even know.
and i think it's absolutely fabulous.

10:57:41 PM

Where's boxbox, and where are traffic reports?

10:17:10 PM

yesterday was awful.

some really awkward conversation took place on behalf of this one kid who came and sat down next to me and him (i think the kid is mentally challenged...).
anyway, so long story short it was the most awkward, mortifying ten minutes of my life.
and then HE left to go "meet a friend for lunch." and it was the girl. the girl that he went to hc with.
after school someone told me that that girl likes him.
and i think he likes her.

can someone please give me some advice on this? no, he's not a bad guy, and no he's not a scumbag who doesn't know what's "right in front of his eyes" and all of the rest of that usual girl crap. it just doesn't apply to him. he's a fantastic guy... he's just with another girl.


08:45:38 PM

I think, at long last, I begin to see the benefits of a parent-free existence, and look forward to college life.

05:52:58 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Having library fines makes me feel like I'm unfit to be a part of society. And I don't know why.

09:08:13 PM

i just wish that everything would stop.'s gotten to me. and i can't stand it. the possibility of me moving, sounds great. but i don't want to lose the ones i actually care about. it seems like i can only depend on one person. and i'm so worried that i'm going to screw up and i'm going to lose her. but it seems everyone "wants" to help, but i doubt i would care. and if they would even care about me.

and that's just with my friends. i've been stressed, way to stressed, and i think this stress is making me sick.


07:55:58 PM

I was never this self conscious before we met. You're on the most amazing people in my life but I feel so beneath you all the time. It's like I think you're lying when you tell me how interesting you think I am. I've never been interesting before. I've been smart, funny, and beautiful (on the inside) but never interesting, not in the perplexing way you find me. You're the type of boy I could fall in love with. It's too bad you'd never love me back. Can't you leave me alone? Just let me go back to being normal again.

07:14:08 PM

ugh appling for colleges seems so overwhelming.

03:53:28 PM

Monday, September 18, 2006

Will I ever get up the courage to tell anyone that you scared the fucking shit out of me? Probably not. Instead I'm just making up a lie that makes sense so I won't have to admit to anyone that you made me more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life. I'm getting out of this relationship with a lie because I dont want to have to tell you that you JUST DON'T kiss a girl whos standing there ridgid as a board and you havent even had a real date yet. I'm not going to tell anyone because, well what if it's ok for most people? What if im just being totally unreasonable? It doesnt feel like I am to me, but what if? I'm getting out of this because you creep me out. You just dont do that, you just don't. Is there any cercumstance under which it is ok to kiss a girl, when id doing so you have to physically move her to a distance where you can. I'm sorry but you have SCARRED ME. Did my pushing you away while you were coming in for it not register in your brain? I really wanted it to work but, it just can't now, now that i'm affraid of what you'll do if we're left alone for any amount of time. Most of all I still want to go out with you but I just don't know how I can. I was finally going to be able to go to homecoming with someone I liked, but I don't know how I can any more. In my mind what you did was NOT OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm making up a story so I don't hurt you. You just hurt me so deeply I can't go out with you anymore. Because I know if I do then you will hurt so much more that I will never be able to be in a good relationship again. I'm sorry. Listen when your next girlfriend says no.

10:53:12 PM

I am so tired right now, and I went on a family vacation. I missed one day of school. I am in all AP and advanced classes, naturally. I am going to be burned at stake by my teachers....
But what could I do?
I want to keep a connection with my family.
I want to have a good relationship with my family...
I feel I had to.
I will pay the price now..

I do not know why I still like him, after all these months when

he liked her, and she is pretty and graceful, and what am I in comparison?

Just me, with eyes the color of evening thunderstorms, who wants to be a philosopher and a poet.

But I am not like she is....

not graceful, really.
I wish I were...

but I think that wishing won't do much...

so I will concentrate on other things
Like AcDec!!

Thank you, USAD!!!

10:50:43 PM

I had a little "moment" today, as I was walking down to my friend's house.

It was really weird: I was suddenly swamped by a powerful, paralyzing fear. I could hardly breathe from terror- it was like thare was a huge hand around my chest and it was squeezing the air from my chest.

Am I nuts?

07:19:11 PM

Today has been horrid... I just want to go to bed and sleep for the rest of this week

03:29:28 PM

When I win the Morehead by way of self-nomination--not through the school--Enloe won't get any credit.

Not from me, anyway.

03:19:58 PM

I need to start playing the starring role in my own life. But I don't know how to start.

02:55:19 AM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

so the pope says that islam is evil and promotes then the muslims gets angry and say..TAKE IT BACK THATS NOT TRUE...and then they kill a nun.

their hypocrisy will never end.

(and that's actually not even what the pope said....btw)

so then people are like omg how can the pope say such a thing? but then the muslims make cartoons about the holocaust and condem the jews like every other day. and tell all americans to convert to their religion and then people are like whatever. no big. let them do what they want. in their own countries....where they are making nuclar weapons. and plotting to kill americans.

10:55:32 PM

My period needs to happen soon.

09:57:52 PM

I cried in my boyfriend's arms two days ago. He held me, told me everything would be ok, and that he loved me no matter what. That I shouldn't hide my face from him, because I'm gorgeous even when I cry.

I feel so lucky. I thought I'd never find a guy I could openly cry with again.

09:40:43 PM

i haven't written in here for a while. even though i have some many things running through my mind, about school, friends, myself.

i'm so stressed about school, that i'm afraid i'm going to let go of my friends, and lose them forever.

i keep getting headaches, and sore throats.

my friends, i don't know them. they're all seeming so fake. it seems like i can only depend on them when i want some fun. not when i really need them.

whatever i guess.

tangst here.

07:57:33 PM


this is WAY too much stress. this year is a bitch and i hate it.

03:01:36 PM

I am so sick of how shallow you are. Grow up a little bit.

02:28:15 PM

Saturday, September 16, 2006

This crush you have on me is getting rediculously awkward. You know that I have absolutely no romantic feelings for you- in fact, you know exactly who I do have romantic feelings for since we've been over this almost every single time we talk. I'm truly at a loss... I don't want to hurt you but I'm sick of this crap you're putting me through. Why do you insist on doing this to yourself?

08:43:23 PM

i should be at homecoming with my friends right now, not sitting at home while my parents are at a wedding and refuse to let me do anything. i can't even sneak out because they could be coming home at any time, and if they find me gone, i am seriously going to be killed.

i just wish there was a little trust. i'm not a slut, i'm not going to go drinking/smoking/partying/whatever the fuck else they thing i'm going to do. i don't have sex with everything, hell, i don't have sex at all. i'm a GOOD girl, i make good grades, i'm respectful and nice and friendly and smart. i was going to go with a group of friends.
what the hell is wrong with that?

here i am, sitting at home alone on a saturday night while every friend i have is going and having a good time, and i'm sitting on my couch feeling depressed, sad, mopey, moody, etc.

i don't even have anywhere to go (and i can't even drive, anyway).

this is one of the most frustrating parts about living my life. i agree that i'm really fortunate for a lot of things, but on days like these, when my parents flip out like this, or when they become excessively conservative... i just want to punch them both in the face.

thanks for reading my tangst.

08:22:13 PM

RIP ozzie vargas.

06:38:37 PM

I should feel honored. So many people believe in my potential for success. But how do I really feel? Heartbroken. Scared. Alone.
It's funny how people say time heals. The truth is, time has made it worse - it has rubbed it all in and has placed the truth in a very ugly perspective for me. As I continue to try to divert my attention with countless goals and activities, the more I feel like nothing. Am I half full or half empty?


01:21:59 PM

i feel like i've just woken up, and i have no idea how i got to where my life is now.

i just realized how superficial i've been, how badly i wanted them to like me.

it strangely feels like it's all gonna be okay now...

01:01:06 AM

Friday, September 15, 2006

gah tangst is so slow

04:49:23 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

"4 more months of hard work, and then you can be totally relaxed" says my mom.

BULLSHIT. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T. By the time February rolls around it will be "AP study time!"

Plus, all of the fun stuff is in September/October/November. Wtf am I going to do in February?

I am so sick of being compared to my sister. "oh, well, you have so much less stress then your sister did because she was in IB. You don't do anything" WTF, just because i'm not in IB doesn't mean I don't fucking do anything.

10:06:50 PM

"I'm terrififed of being a writer," says the girl who professes to be a writer for life.

What's wrong here?

09:45:40 PM

The Gilmore Girls soundtrack is the best music for bringing me back to earth when I mistakenly reach escape velocity.

09:24:00 PM

I'm in the mood for a humbling experience. In fact, I'm desperate for one.

06:36:54 PM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Love is a many splendored thing. An immensely fickle thing too.

10:44:08 PM

I've been in so many bad relationships - several involving me being the guy that the girl is cheating with, and several being hidden ect. - that now that I'm in a nice relationship with a nice girl, I'm totally lost. I have no idea how to treat her, or what moves to make and ultimatly, she is beginning to think that I don't actually like her, which isn't true.

10:02:47 PM

I've been flipping out on everyone all week, including myself, and it sucks. I hate feeling like this.

Queen Sekaf
07:46:32 PM

I stood up for you, when they called you a backstabbing whore. Even after you went out with the ex of your best friend who she still loved so much, even though she was the one person who would never leave you, i didn't hate you for it. sure i didn't approve, but i thought "she's not as bad as they say, it's okay with her friend, it's okay, she's an awesome person"

and now you say this about me...

it's not even so much what you said, it's just i really thought they were wrong about you.

and they weren't.

don't you just hate it when that happens?

06:56:49 PM

I've done it. It took a long time, but I've done it. I've explained myself and apologized for what I deemed improper about my behavior, and I've explained why I will never apologize for what I think I was justified in saying.

Now I hope she will understand me. I hope she will forgive me. I can't live thinking that she won't.

01:13:10 AM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

imagine how much it would suck to have your birthday on 9/11

09:46:19 PM

People I know:

"holy shit! thats awesome! they crashed airplanes into 2 buildings...sick..."

the next day:
"we'll teach those bastards to fuck with us"

the wonders of social pressure/conformity.

was anyone else thinking this? Appalled I was by seeing it.

09:43:02 PM

As the poster of the very long post about my soldier (a post that, remarkably, no one has flamed yet) I must say I sympathize with Swalest's post about laughing at patriot day. I'm solemn about 9/11, sure, many of you deemed my post appropriate… but in the face of tragedy is it not possible that all some can do is find the humor? I agree with one of the posters in the thread I speak of. Humor is a valid human coping mechanism, and a vital one.

At least we, as Americans, may pride ourselves on being in a country where we are allowed to make fun of our government, disdain its principles, desecrate its sacred things both ancient and new. Frequent reexamination of the things that a country holds most dear and most true is the only safe way of allowing any notion of direct truth to exist at all. A government and its ‘self-evident’ truths are sometimes all the more dangerous when not challenged. It paves the way for things to be carried to extremism. Even something harmless when not taken in moderation, and when not questioned can grow into something more. Think Nazis. Think Iraq. All beliefs worthy of being argued stand up to argument, do they not? So why do those with serious opinions on 9/11 take so much offence at those who do not?

Everything I said about soldiers everywhere still rings true… but one of the dearest things to that soldier mine in his distant hell is the ability to escape, to smile, to find humor with which to forget that which pains us.

If the president and the nation’s response to this is laughable, why not laugh?

Take heart.

08:24:09 PM

2/28. 4/19. 9/1.

If you respect and revere the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C, these are just a few dates you should know.

September 4, 2004
Chechen terrorists take 1,200 staff and students hostage at School Number One in Beslan, Russia.
Hundreds wounded. 350+ dead (186 children).

April 19, 1995
Truck bomb strikes the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
800+ wounded. 168 dead (19 children).

February 28, 1993
BATF strike force raids the Branch Davidian ranch at Mt. Carmel, Texas, beginning a 51-day seige.
85 dead (27 children).

Just goes to show that time heals wounds, if but with nothing more than indifference. Does anybody on Tangst remember these? Does anyone care?

07:27:15 PM

wondering....what the poltical slant on tangst was.

so like in mr keister's class. please say your name and what you consider yourself as on the political spectrum. except not your name..b/c we're on tangst.

thank you.

06:56:04 PM

crazy piano man's piece sucks. i'm disappointed in him.

04:10:19 PM

And yet the irony slaps me in the face...

By turning 9/11 into a big deal, we've accomplished exactly what the terrorists wanted. I mean seriously,
We're the US.
We're the mother fucking United States of America.
What's 3000 people and two buildings to the US in the long run. It's nothing, absolutely nothing...

At least, it wasn't. Then we got all these speeches about how we shouldn't be afraid because we were going to hunt down the terrorists and destroy them. Then in response all the skeptics asked "well, is that plausible? Can we defend our borders in a serious way? can we destroy all the terrorists?"

No. We can't.

And it's not like we can ignore the child that stole the cookie simply because we can afford to buy more cookies. So we went to oust the taliban. Congrats, we won.
Unfortunately, to keep the idea that America was vulnerable to attacks alive we had to keep going. These things killed more people and cost more money than A LOT of 9/11's.

We could have smirked. We could have said "you destroyed an important symbol of America? Whatevs, we'll rebuild it." We could have said that because we are the US. We have an extremely strong economy and the strongest army in the world.

Or at least we did.

We talk about schools not getting enough funding and old people not being able to afford meds and too many poor people existing, and the fact that we have to pay 60 bucks to fill up our escalades. That's not the terrorists' fault, that's our fault. We're the cause of our own destruction. America "changed" on 9/11 because we changed it, not because of anything else. The terrorists wanted terror and they got it. Our fear crippled us, and it still does as we're constantly updated on all the things that could kill us. Terrorists, germs, genetic engineering, homosexuals, it doesn't matter what the topic is, the fear has made us forget an important fact about America.

We're Invincible.

Or at least, we were.

Monday, September 11, 2006

I feel like I'm never going to get into State.

09:01:16 PM

I really need to meet more women.

08:55:45 PM


i could not stop giggling this mourning when doc cock said that.

07:14:53 PM

Sometimes I sleep just to get away from all the indecision and high school drama. I'm truly happiest when I'm unconscious.

07:06:52 PM

He's off being a soldier. Right now. Right as I type this. Right as you read it.

This simple site. This frail weave of electronic dreams made hope and hate and fears and worries of our own... What are they to a military man? What are they to a sodier on this anniversary of so many things...

Maybe he is sunburnt. Tired. Thirsty. Hot. Does he march harder on this day of days, or does he pause to rest, take a moment to think? Staring up at the strange sky what passes through his mind? all the people gone, the people left behind?

Does he take today to reaffirm his beliefs, or to question what it is he's done? What do the thousands dead in New York mean to him, when compared to the thousands of deaths of his fellow soldiers? What do the American deaths mean to him when juxtaposed with the thousands more foreign people dead in foreign places, or juxtaposed with those dead by his own hands?

Does he see their faces, does he know their know their names? Has he met their abandoned families and looked out over their destroyed villages... Does he feel anger? sadness? Pain?

But maybe he's not pale, or burnt at all. Maybe he's dark, dusty, wrapped in Islamic attire. The opposing soldiers, those mystery men with their alien ways... Do they take silent commemoration of this day that began all the struggle, or redouble their force in its name? Do they fight out of anger at the strange pale men who try to run their lives, shooting at them and cursing at them in heathen tongues?

Do they hate us for our sinfulness in their eyes, or for our takeover of their country? Maybe hate is all they've ever known.

Maybe it's fear that drives them. The massive tanks, the gunshots in the night, the fearful blasts and cool calculations of the men in splotchy uniforms.

Is it mere resentment of the invasion, in your mind? Do they have feelings beyond their fanaticism, as you can see it?

Somewhere beyond the media masks and the gag of a language and a history we can't understand, there is more. Beyond he propaganda, the misunderstandings, the mistakes of the white man and the darker man alike...

The soldiers are all human, a race one and the same. They've all got families they've left. They've homes deserted... for what? For Hate?

For Pride, For Vengeance, Honor, Love, or Fear?

What of Mercy? What of understanding?

What does the soldier see?


I have a soldier, mine. But not one that I truly know. There are so many unanswered questions in the letters he sends home... and in the letters on my part. What he tells me, what I tell him...

What can I tell him, really?

I have so many worries of my own that add up to nothing compared to his, but those worries make up my world.

My silly, superficial, flimsy fallacy.

He has so much strength.
He deserves so much better than my weakness. These secrets of mine. These doubts and fears and actions that I dare not speak of lest I be the last thing to collapse in his unstable world...

9/11 woke up the world...

On this anniversary I dream of sand, and sun, smoke, and dire. Collapsing buildings on both sides of the world, separated by time.

But mostly, I dream of him.

Don't forget,
But don't forget to think, either.
The losses aren't over yet.

04:41:51 PM

I hate myself. Look at the world today, people make themselves fit the ideal of a circle. We all conform. Those that don't are refused all comforts of society. I can't say, look at the goths or look at the emo here because they too have conformed to the nonconformist ideal. I do fit one of these steriotypes. I know where I belong, but it's not here; it's not where I am. And, I'm a coward.

12:39:40 AM


does the new Vernon Robinson TV ad make anyone else sick to the stomach, or is it just me?

All these years later, we still remember.


12:12:52 AM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

so i liked him. and i really wanted him to make the first move. this was the first crush that i've ever had that i wasn't really obvious about liking him and i was trying my hardest to be nonchalant but still express interest...

and then on friday i found out he's going to homecoming with some girl who's a grade younger than us... he said that she just lives in his neighborhood and he's known her since the 3rd grade.
is this good news or bad?
we're obviously not going to the dance together, but he seemed interested too...

do i give up the crush as just one of those "things" and try to battle through the awkwardness of seeing him everyday or do i keep hope alive and hold on to the dream that maybe he will ask me out...eventually?

sigh. high school romances... suck.

11:26:07 PM

Sheesh. I was beginning to think I was never going to be able to do it.

I'm growing weaker by the day... temptation is kicking in again and all I want is to get away from this place... Fuck senior year

12:06:24 AM

Saturday, September 09, 2006

if you try so hard for something, and you finally get it, is it ever really worth it?

07:11:01 PM

I wish it wasn't so awkward between us... You're so much fun to hang out with

12:32:46 PM

And as these passing days ensue,
with autumn suns afire,
"what have all you been up to"
is what I now inquire.

04:26:21 AM

Friday, September 08, 2006

What the fuck have I been doing my whole life? I have SATs this year!

11:53:13 PM

Just be yourself is terrible advice. If I acted like myself everyone would hate me.

11:21:33 PM

(sn changed): yeah well you're anti anything like yourelf

it's true, i am.

does this make me a hypocrite?

08:01:31 PM

you know those times when you feel like the biggest douche in the world, those times blow... a lot!

04:35:33 PM

Thursday, September 07, 2006

I didn't always think this, and I'm not sure of it now, but girls and boys think the same with regards to relationships (we don't know). Maybe this only applies to tangst because that's pretty much where this comes from. What I mean is that it seems like no one really likes anyone and that we only do what people expect us to do. Even when we do something seemingly original (for example being 'in love' with some one you hardly know), we launch into a series of actions that might constitute an obsession until we find something socially unacceptable about them or find something indicating the lack of mutuality of the relationship. Personally, I have a crush (for lack of a better word, it's more of an amusement principal than love) on someone in every single one of my classes. We really don't know what we feel and I don't know if we feel anything but lonely anymore.

No offense tangsters, but I think this is the first tangsty post in a while. Forgive me those of you who shouldn't be here.

11:28:49 PM

nothing is turning up Milhouse.

10:36:31 PM

If none of these people I talk to are my friends, or really care about me, why should I care about them? I feel sad but very, very free.

07:16:05 PM

Perhaps I shall go to Wake Tech.

Or join the circus.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

confusion about boys, it sucks. you kinda like him, but you like him. and one of those hims is your ex-boyfriend.

11:22:20 PM

"It's not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts."

10:31:02 PM

What would you do if you asked out this girl who totally likes you but cannot really date well because of crazy parents, and if there was another girl liked you a lot and you liked her back as well?

09:55:51 PM

My Self-Imposed Exile Has Ended

Much to the dismay of some, I have returned from my extended leave and will once again supply advice and commentary to Tangst.

Not that this all really means something in the long run, but I am happy to be back.

Good luck to all in Life and Love, a sincere wish to all who are lost in the darkness of despair or who float freely on the wings of an unburdened spirit.

psh, i wish i could be half as promiscuous as my stupid ass friends.

they tell me to be but uhh

i'm kinda too ugly for that.

oh well! at least i have my frozen yogurt.

don't hate mann, frozen dairy products are the stuff.

08:54:42 PM

Is it okay to ask him what I am, in comparison to his ex-girlfriend?


has tangst been wonky for anyone else lately or just me?

06:07:57 PM

I was having such a good time with you that I completely forgot to ask you out.

01:31:56 PM

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

School has been going for seven (7) days. That's one (1) week spread over twelve (12) days, if you include weekends.

How the hell have I fucked it up already?

09:34:21 PM

now the NSA doesn't even need to wiretap our phones...they can just use facebook to track our every moves.

05:52:17 PM

Monday, September 04, 2006
(For the Wikiphiles.)

This is not spam. This is my Tangst. I'm not telling you to buy products. I'm asking you to learn about the Invisibile Children.

Northern Uganda. Children as soldiers, as sex slaves, desensitized to violence and other atrocities.
And most of us have never even heard of it. Hence the name - Invisible children.
Please don't allow these cries to fall on deaf ears.

10:57:34 PM

[Admin notice: Hyperlinks added.]

Last year, around this same time, i had a minor crush on this guy and i kind of made it into a bigger deal than it was in order to get over this other guy. well the first guy was going to ask me to homecoming... but chickened out... and i was crushed.
so here i am, a year later, completely over the guy i was trying to get over last year, and i have a minor crush on someone else for the first time in a year. he and i have kinda/sorta/(maybe i'm reading too much into this?) been flirting and i know he doesn't have a date yet to HC. and i'm REALLY scared that the same thing is going to happen again... i'll get mixed messages and won't end up going again because i'll be feelin' so crappy.

they say it's "funny how history repeats itself." well i don't think it's funny at all--it's a bitch.

09:51:20 PM

Could I get some input on what a girl thinks the implications of a hook-up are? No sex but pretty much everything else.

06:57:12 PM

"Closing Time" is playing. I miss you.

11:42:52 AM

The crocodile hunter is dead!

11:41:12 AM

i'm confused...did you leave them for me...or for her?

03:43:20 AM

Someone really needs to get PhilC up and running before we get too far into the school year. You know who you are. Get on it.

12:32:03 AM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I wonder if she feels guilty right now.

09:21:00 PM

I finally accepted my body for what it is. Now I'm insecure about everything else. Because of you.

I am no longer smart enough. Witty enough. Interesting enough. Talented enough.

I want to go back. I'd rather be smart than pretty. Any day. Poor body image is better and more manageable than crippling social anxiety.


06:51:29 PM

You wondered why best friends don't last.

It's because of shit like this.

05:10:10 PM


sometimes an away message is just an away message

01:41:09 PM

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Crazy piano guy is coming back!

(I am so excited. I need not even post anonymously)

why does she have to keep talking to her ex-boyfriend? especially when i asked her not to. what do i have to do to get through to her?

01:46:08 AM

Tomorrow won't make things any better. But maybe on the next day things will improve.

Keep repeating to yourself that things always resolve themselves.

01:16:39 AM

It's rather terrible that my entire day was ruined in the last hour. The taint of it all is miserable. It had been going so well too.

12:44:33 AM

There's a lot of hurt being spread around tonight. I know because I'm both an active and a passive participant. I wish I didn't have so many people's secrets in my head. My own are overwhelming enough.

12:34:15 AM

Friday, September 01, 2006

I'm in love with Elena. But it's more.I'm in love with Elena and she knows I exist. She knows I'm a friend. She knows I don't love her.I'm in love with Elena, and I'm a coward.

11:02:23 PM

So I went in expecting the worst, but i guess it isn't the most horrible experience of my life. it's just something new. something unexpected. but i suppose it isn't half bad. =)

ncssm isn't all that bad now is it?

09:03:44 PM

what is going to happen when all the senior admins go to college? cuz aren't most of them seniors?

3:56:46 PM