i'm finally happy in the area of the opposite gender.
Anonymous
11:27:42 PM
Saturday, September 30, 2006
We don't talk anymore.
It's as if because there's no more relationship (no more sex) I'm not worth it. That because we've seen each other naked, we can't be friends anymore so we shouldn't try.
I thought we promised it'd never be awkward. I thought we promised to always be friends. Every time I try to remind you, you push me farther away.
Should I just leave you alone?
Anonymous
07:13:56 PM
Friday, September 29, 2006
Here's a morehead, there's a morehead, and another little morehead; funny morehead, fuzzy morehead, morehead, morehead, fuck.
Morehead morehead, cheesecake, morehead; tablet, brick, potato, morehead; morehead, morehead, mushroom, morehead, morehead, morehead, fuck.
I was once a senior,
I made a mistake
but I never saw how much time this app would take
I was only three months dead,
so I tell the tale:
and now listen, little child, and while you can--please bail.
Just a word of warning. :p
Brutal sensations of the flesh being sliced off the bones my fingers have been flashing through my head for the last two days. The pain is excruciating even though I can't feel it and it's not there. I've just started picturing the safey pins stuck in my wrists and all the while my fingers are still being destroyed.
I'll never see a psychiatrist, not if I can help it, but I don't know how much more imaginary pain I can take.
Anonymous
01:29:04 AM
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
there are days when i just want to punch people in the face... for being dumb/stupid/annoying/worthless/a waste of time, air, and space, etc.
today i think i set the record for the number of people who deserve to get punched in the face.
one of those people is a teacher. i hate this man. i don't think i've hated a teacher more than him (which is saying something considering my ninth grade geometry teacher had a hate club--all of her students were part of it). i want to throttle him. i know that i'm not going to make it through the semester.
i can't even do anything about it, either.
i feel like it's very abnormal that i'm feeling so violent, but i don't know what else to do. frustration leads me to violence, none of which is ever carried out because im' a good little girl who is respectful and gets all her homework done.
massive sleep deprivation is NOT helping my case.
i don't know what to do; i don't think there is anything that i can do, i just needed to vent.
otherwise i might actually kick someone in the balls/ovaries or punch 'em in the face.
Anonymous
08:13:18 PM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
I don't know who the hell trinitystar is, but they leave dumb/annoying comments. hugs4u? wtf. also this site is called TEEN ANGST CENTRAL. for TEENAGERS. Trinity is apparently over 50. Why is she here? I feel like it's an infraction on our site for TEENAGERS to be recieving some 50 year olds opinion. Not even opinion really, just stupid e-hugs.
Anonymous
07:05:51 PM
Some days I feel like my parents would be alot happier w/o each other. They fight 5 days out of seven, or rather my mom yells at everyone in the house that much if not more. I have less freee time than she does yet I handle it all. She gets 3 out of 7 days in a weeks off, completely exept for working every fifth weekend. I have 1 free day a week. Why does she feel like she has the right to yell at us all??? She yells at us when she doesn't understand how to do something. She yells at us when we make tiny mistakes, she yells at us when we speak to her SLIGHTLY louder than normal. She yells at us because she can't understand what we're saying when we talk at a normal talking speed. I guess I have so little free time because I spend all my free time being busy to get away from her... Yet on Sundays when im at home getting yelled at and have all the time in the world to do my work, I some how inevitably get none of it done. I'm about to fail math , my grade in social studies isnt to great either, yet I don't care. Cause when I have the time to do my homework im at home- which means I'm not doing it because im putting all energy into not getting yelled at. Thank god you are going on a vacation next week by yourself.
Anonymous
12:40:30 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
I can't believe I swallowed your lies this whole time...
So you have to hit on me right after you break up with her...knowing that I've had this weakness for you for the past two years...
so of course i swallow it ALL and begin to think again that you are "the one"
Leading me on this whole time...you scumbag
So you have to hit on my best friend's older sister?? During the time that I'm not allowed to talk to you?? You idiot, you can't even fucking wait for me? for another month????
Well what about [my name]?, she says
"Oh, it's all a game...she thinks there's something going on but there's not
As if that's not enough you have to hit on my YOUNGER FRIEND as well....
and then you write me and tell me that you miss me...
You are so full of shit....
I think you should dig a deep hole in the ground and stay there forever....because you are entirely too disgusting for society...
Here goes two years feeling...down the drain
Nice work, asshole.
Anonymous
12:53:28 PM
Friday, September 22, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
My stepfather called me a nuisance, a black sheep, and a "complete pain in the side of this family." My mom is starting to agree with him, as are my step-siblings.
This,the stress of Junior year, impossibly high expectations, needing to know exactly what I want to do with my life, and the dark future looming on the horizon has finally pushed me over the edge into the murky waters of hopelessness.
I'm starting to believe him too.
I really don't mean all that much and I'm starting to realize that maybe I'm just not good enough.
I feel like I have a gaping hole where my purpose to get up each morning formerly resided.
Anonymous
09:46:02 PM
I remember now why life has been so good these past few days. It is because my mother was out of town and I was left to do as I please. I was actually looking forward to her return, but now that I've talked to her, I wish she wasn't back.
Our entire conversation has been her grilling me about school and how my work load is "easier" and so I should be doing better.
Anonymous
03:44:45 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
yesterday was awful.
some really awkward conversation took place on behalf of this one kid who came and sat down next to me and him (i think the kid is mentally challenged...).
anyway, so long story short it was the most awkward, mortifying ten minutes of my life.
and then HE left to go "meet a friend for lunch." and it was the girl. the girl that he went to hc with.
after school someone told me that that girl likes him.
and i think he likes her.
can someone please give me some advice on this? no, he's not a bad guy, and no he's not a scumbag who doesn't know what's "right in front of his eyes" and all of the rest of that usual girl crap. it just doesn't apply to him. he's a fantastic guy... he's just with another girl.
:sigh.
Anonymous
08:45:38 PM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
i just wish that everything would stop. school...school's gotten to me. and i can't stand it. the possibility of me moving, sounds great. but i don't want to lose the ones i actually care about. it seems like i can only depend on one person. and i'm so worried that i'm going to screw up and i'm going to lose her. but it seems everyone "wants" to help, but i doubt i would care. and if they would even care about me.
and that's just with my friends. i've been stressed, way to stressed, and i think this stress is making me sick.
:/
Anonymous
07:55:58 PM
I was never this self conscious before we met. You're on the most amazing people in my life but I feel so beneath you all the time. It's like I think you're lying when you tell me how interesting you think I am. I've never been interesting before. I've been smart, funny, and beautiful (on the inside) but never interesting, not in the perplexing way you find me. You're the type of boy I could fall in love with. It's too bad you'd never love me back. Can't you leave me alone? Just let me go back to being normal again.
Anonymous
07:14:08 PM
Monday, September 18, 2006
Will I ever get up the courage to tell anyone that you scared the fucking shit out of me? Probably not. Instead I'm just making up a lie that makes sense so I won't have to admit to anyone that you made me more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life. I'm getting out of this relationship with a lie because I dont want to have to tell you that you JUST DON'T kiss a girl whos standing there ridgid as a board and you havent even had a real date yet. I'm not going to tell anyone because, well what if it's ok for most people? What if im just being totally unreasonable? It doesnt feel like I am to me, but what if? I'm getting out of this because you creep me out. You just dont do that, you just don't. Is there any cercumstance under which it is ok to kiss a girl, when id doing so you have to physically move her to a distance where you can. I'm sorry but you have SCARRED ME. Did my pushing you away while you were coming in for it not register in your brain? I really wanted it to work but, it just can't now, now that i'm affraid of what you'll do if we're left alone for any amount of time. Most of all I still want to go out with you but I just don't know how I can. I was finally going to be able to go to homecoming with someone I liked, but I don't know how I can any more. In my mind what you did was NOT OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm making up a story so I don't hurt you. You just hurt me so deeply I can't go out with you anymore. Because I know if I do then you will hurt so much more that I will never be able to be in a good relationship again. I'm sorry. Listen when your next girlfriend says no.
Anonymous
10:53:12 PM
Hmm....
I am so tired right now, and I went on a family vacation. I missed one day of school. I am in all AP and advanced classes, naturally. I am going to be burned at stake by my teachers....
But what could I do?
I want to keep a connection with my family.
I want to have a good relationship with my family...
I feel I had to.
I will pay the price now..
I do not know why I still like him, after all these months when
he liked her, and she is pretty and graceful, and what am I in comparison?
Just me, with eyes the color of evening thunderstorms, who wants to be a philosopher and a poet.
But I am not like she is....
not graceful, really.
I wish I were...
but I think that wishing won't do much...
so I will concentrate on other things
Like AcDec!!
Thank you, USAD!!!
Anonymous
10:50:43 PM
I had a little "moment" today, as I was walking down to my friend's house.
It was really weird: I was suddenly swamped by a powerful, paralyzing fear. I could hardly breathe from terror- it was like thare was a huge hand around my chest and it was squeezing the air from my chest.
Am I nuts?
Anonymous
07:19:11 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
so the pope says that islam is evil and promotes violence...so then the muslims gets angry and say..TAKE IT BACK THATS NOT TRUE...and then they kill a nun.
their hypocrisy will never end.
(and that's actually not even what the pope said....btw)
so then people are like omg how can the pope say such a thing? but then the muslims make cartoons about the holocaust and condem the jews like every other day. and tell all americans to convert to their religion and then people are like whatever. no big. let them do what they want. in their own countries....where they are making nuclar weapons. and plotting to kill americans.
Anonymous
10:55:32 PM
I cried in my boyfriend's arms two days ago. He held me, told me everything would be ok, and that he loved me no matter what. That I shouldn't hide my face from him, because I'm gorgeous even when I cry.
I feel so lucky. I thought I'd never find a guy I could openly cry with again.
Anonymous
09:40:43 PM
i haven't written in here for a while. even though i have some many things running through my mind, about school, friends, myself.
i'm so stressed about school, that i'm afraid i'm going to let go of my friends, and lose them forever.
i keep getting headaches, and sore throats.
my friends, i don't know them. they're all seeming so fake. it seems like i can only depend on them when i want some fun. not when i really need them.
whatever i guess.
tangst here.
Anonymous
07:57:33 PM
Saturday, September 16, 2006
This crush you have on me is getting rediculously awkward. You know that I have absolutely no romantic feelings for you- in fact, you know exactly who I do have romantic feelings for since we've been over this almost every single time we talk. I'm truly at a loss... I don't want to hurt you but I'm sick of this crap you're putting me through. Why do you insist on doing this to yourself?
Anonymous
08:43:23 PM
i should be at homecoming with my friends right now, not sitting at home while my parents are at a wedding and refuse to let me do anything. i can't even sneak out because they could be coming home at any time, and if they find me gone, i am seriously going to be killed.
i just wish there was a little trust. i'm not a slut, i'm not going to go drinking/smoking/partying/whatever the fuck else they thing i'm going to do. i don't have sex with everything, hell, i don't have sex at all. i'm a GOOD girl, i make good grades, i'm respectful and nice and friendly and smart. i was going to go with a group of friends.
what the hell is wrong with that?
here i am, sitting at home alone on a saturday night while every friend i have is going and having a good time, and i'm sitting on my couch feeling depressed, sad, mopey, moody, etc.
i don't even have anywhere to go (and i can't even drive, anyway).
this is one of the most frustrating parts about living my life. i agree that i'm really fortunate for a lot of things, but on days like these, when my parents flip out like this, or when they become excessively conservative... i just want to punch them both in the face.
thanks for reading my tangst.
Anonymous
08:22:13 PM
I should feel honored. So many people believe in my potential for success. But how do I really feel? Heartbroken. Scared. Alone.
It's funny how people say time heals. The truth is, time has made it worse - it has rubbed it all in and has placed the truth in a very ugly perspective for me. As I continue to try to divert my attention with countless goals and activities, the more I feel like nothing. Am I half full or half empty?
Empty.
Anonymous
01:21:59 PM
Friday, September 15, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
"4 more months of hard work, and then you can be totally relaxed" says my mom.
BULLSHIT. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T. By the time February rolls around it will be "AP study time!"
Plus, all of the fun stuff is in September/October/November. Wtf am I going to do in February?
I am so sick of being compared to my sister. "oh, well, you have so much less stress then your sister did because she was in IB. You don't do anything" WTF, just because i'm not in IB doesn't mean I don't fucking do anything.
Anonymous
10:06:50 PM
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I've been in so many bad relationships - several involving me being the guy that the girl is cheating with, and several being hidden ect. - that now that I'm in a nice relationship with a nice girl, I'm totally lost. I have no idea how to treat her, or what moves to make and ultimatly, she is beginning to think that I don't actually like her, which isn't true.
Anonymous
10:02:47 PM
I've been flipping out on everyone all week, including myself, and it sucks. I hate feeling like this.
Queen Sekaf
07:46:32 PM
I stood up for you, when they called you a backstabbing whore. Even after you went out with the ex of your best friend who she still loved so much, even though she was the one person who would never leave you, i didn't hate you for it. sure i didn't approve, but i thought "she's not as bad as they say, it's okay with her friend, it's okay, she's an awesome person"
and now you say this about me...
it's not even so much what you said, it's just i really thought they were wrong about you.
and they weren't.
don't you just hate it when that happens?
Anonymous
06:56:49 PM
I've done it. It took a long time, but I've done it. I've explained myself and apologized for what I deemed improper about my behavior, and I've explained why I will never apologize for what I think I was justified in saying.
Now I hope she will understand me. I hope she will forgive me. I can't live thinking that she won't.
Anonymous
01:13:10 AM
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
As the poster of the very long post about my soldier (a post that, remarkably, no one has flamed yet) I must say I sympathize with Swalest's post about laughing at patriot day. I'm solemn about 9/11, sure, many of you deemed my post appropriate… but in the face of tragedy is it not possible that all some can do is find the humor? I agree with one of the posters in the thread I speak of. Humor is a valid human coping mechanism, and a vital one.
At least we, as Americans, may pride ourselves on being in a country where we are allowed to make fun of our government, disdain its principles, desecrate its sacred things both ancient and new. Frequent reexamination of the things that a country holds most dear and most true is the only safe way of allowing any notion of direct truth to exist at all. A government and its ‘self-evident’ truths are sometimes all the more dangerous when not challenged. It paves the way for things to be carried to extremism. Even something harmless when not taken in moderation, and when not questioned can grow into something more. Think Nazis. Think Iraq. All beliefs worthy of being argued stand up to argument, do they not? So why do those with serious opinions on 9/11 take so much offence at those who do not?
Everything I said about soldiers everywhere still rings true… but one of the dearest things to that soldier mine in his distant hell is the ability to escape, to smile, to find humor with which to forget that which pains us.
If the president and the nation’s response to this is laughable, why not laugh?
Take heart.
Anonymous
08:24:09 PM
2/28. 4/19. 9/1.
If you respect and revere the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C, these are just a few dates you should know.
September 4, 2004
Chechen terrorists take 1,200 staff and students hostage at School Number One in Beslan, Russia.
Hundreds wounded. 350+ dead (186 children).
April 19, 1995
Truck bomb strikes the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
800+ wounded. 168 dead (19 children).
February 28, 1993
BATF strike force raids the Branch Davidian ranch at Mt. Carmel, Texas, beginning a 51-day seige.
85 dead (27 children).
Just goes to show that time heals wounds, if but with nothing more than indifference. Does anybody on Tangst remember these? Does anyone care?
Anonymous
07:27:15 PM
And yet the irony slaps me in the face...
By turning 9/11 into a big deal, we've accomplished exactly what the terrorists wanted. I mean seriously,
We're the US.
We're the mother fucking United States of America.
What's 3000 people and two buildings to the US in the long run. It's nothing, absolutely nothing...
At least, it wasn't. Then we got all these speeches about how we shouldn't be afraid because we were going to hunt down the terrorists and destroy them. Then in response all the skeptics asked "well, is that plausible? Can we defend our borders in a serious way? can we destroy all the terrorists?"
No. We can't.
And it's not like we can ignore the child that stole the cookie simply because we can afford to buy more cookies. So we went to oust the taliban. Congrats, we won.
Unfortunately, to keep the idea that America was vulnerable to attacks alive we had to keep going. These things killed more people and cost more money than A LOT of 9/11's.
We could have smirked. We could have said "you destroyed an important symbol of America? Whatevs, we'll rebuild it." We could have said that because we are the US. We have an extremely strong economy and the strongest army in the world.
Or at least we did.
We talk about schools not getting enough funding and old people not being able to afford meds and too many poor people existing, and the fact that we have to pay 60 bucks to fill up our escalades. That's not the terrorists' fault, that's our fault. We're the cause of our own destruction. America "changed" on 9/11 because we changed it, not because of anything else. The terrorists wanted terror and they got it. Our fear crippled us, and it still does as we're constantly updated on all the things that could kill us. Terrorists, germs, genetic engineering, homosexuals, it doesn't matter what the topic is, the fear has made us forget an important fact about America.
We're Invincible.
Or at least, we were.
Monday, September 11, 2006
He's off being a soldier. Right now. Right as I type this. Right as you read it.
This simple site. This frail weave of electronic dreams made hope and hate and fears and worries of our own... What are they to a military man? What are they to a sodier on this anniversary of so many things...
Maybe he is sunburnt. Tired. Thirsty. Hot. Does he march harder on this day of days, or does he pause to rest, take a moment to think? Staring up at the strange sky what passes through his mind? all the people gone, the people left behind?
Does he take today to reaffirm his beliefs, or to question what it is he's done? What do the thousands dead in New York mean to him, when compared to the thousands of deaths of his fellow soldiers? What do the American deaths mean to him when juxtaposed with the thousands more foreign people dead in foreign places, or juxtaposed with those dead by his own hands?
Does he see their faces, does he know their know their names? Has he met their abandoned families and looked out over their destroyed villages... Does he feel anger? sadness? Pain?
But maybe he's not pale, or burnt at all. Maybe he's dark, dusty, wrapped in Islamic attire. The opposing soldiers, those mystery men with their alien ways... Do they take silent commemoration of this day that began all the struggle, or redouble their force in its name? Do they fight out of anger at the strange pale men who try to run their lives, shooting at them and cursing at them in heathen tongues?
Do they hate us for our sinfulness in their eyes, or for our takeover of their country? Maybe hate is all they've ever known.
Maybe it's fear that drives them. The massive tanks, the gunshots in the night, the fearful blasts and cool calculations of the men in splotchy uniforms.
Is it mere resentment of the invasion, in your mind? Do they have feelings beyond their fanaticism, as you can see it?
Somewhere beyond the media masks and the gag of a language and a history we can't understand, there is more. Beyond he propaganda, the misunderstandings, the mistakes of the white man and the darker man alike...
The soldiers are all human, a race one and the same. They've all got families they've left. They've homes deserted... for what? For Hate?
For Pride, For Vengeance, Honor, Love, or Fear?
What of Mercy? What of understanding?
What does the soldier see?
...
I have a soldier, mine. But not one that I truly know. There are so many unanswered questions in the letters he sends home... and in the letters on my part. What he tells me, what I tell him...
What can I tell him, really?
I have so many worries of my own that add up to nothing compared to his, but those worries make up my world.
My silly, superficial, flimsy fallacy.
He has so much strength.
He deserves so much better than my weakness. These secrets of mine. These doubts and fears and actions that I dare not speak of lest I be the last thing to collapse in his unstable world...
9/11 woke up the world...
On this anniversary I dream of sand, and sun, smoke, and dire. Collapsing buildings on both sides of the world, separated by time.
But mostly, I dream of him.
9/11.
Don't forget,
But don't forget to think, either.
The losses aren't over yet.
Anonymous
04:41:51 PM
I hate myself. Look at the world today, people make themselves fit the ideal of a circle. We all conform. Those that don't are refused all comforts of society. I can't say, look at the goths or look at the emo here because they too have conformed to the nonconformist ideal. I do fit one of these steriotypes. I know where I belong, but it's not here; it's not where I am. And, I'm a coward.
Anonymous
12:39:40 AM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
so i liked him. and i really wanted him to make the first move. this was the first crush that i've ever had that i wasn't really obvious about liking him and i was trying my hardest to be nonchalant but still express interest...
and then on friday i found out he's going to homecoming with some girl who's a grade younger than us... he said that she just lives in his neighborhood and he's known her since the 3rd grade.
is this good news or bad?
we're obviously not going to the dance together, but he seemed interested too...
do i give up the crush as just one of those "things" and try to battle through the awkwardness of seeing him everyday or do i keep hope alive and hold on to the dream that maybe he will ask me out...eventually?
sigh. high school romances... suck.
Anonymous
11:26:07 PM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
And as these passing days ensue,
with autumn suns afire,
"what have all you been up to"
is what I now inquire.
Maverick
04:26:21 AM
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I didn't always think this, and I'm not sure of it now, but girls and boys think the same with regards to relationships (we don't know). Maybe this only applies to tangst because that's pretty much where this comes from. What I mean is that it seems like no one really likes anyone and that we only do what people expect us to do. Even when we do something seemingly original (for example being 'in love' with some one you hardly know), we launch into a series of actions that might constitute an obsession until we find something socially unacceptable about them or find something indicating the lack of mutuality of the relationship. Personally, I have a crush (for lack of a better word, it's more of an amusement principal than love) on someone in every single one of my classes. We really don't know what we feel and I don't know if we feel anything but lonely anymore.
No offense tangsters, but I think this is the first tangsty post in a while. Forgive me those of you who shouldn't be here.
Anonymous
11:28:49 PM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
My Self-Imposed Exile Has Ended
Much to the dismay of some, I have returned from my extended leave and will once again supply advice and commentary to Tangst.
Not that this all really means something in the long run, but I am happy to be back.
Good luck to all in Life and Love, a sincere wish to all who are lost in the darkness of despair or who float freely on the wings of an unburdened spirit.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php
-or-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_children
(For the Wikiphiles.)
This is not spam. This is my Tangst. I'm not telling you to buy products. I'm asking you to learn about the Invisibile Children.
Northern Uganda. Children as soldiers, as sex slaves, desensitized to violence and other atrocities.
And most of us have never even heard of it. Hence the name - Invisible children.
Please don't allow these cries to fall on deaf ears.
Anonymous
10:57:34 PM
[Admin notice: Hyperlinks added.]
Last year, around this same time, i had a minor crush on this guy and i kind of made it into a bigger deal than it was in order to get over this other guy. well the first guy was going to ask me to homecoming... but chickened out... and i was crushed.
so here i am, a year later, completely over the guy i was trying to get over last year, and i have a minor crush on someone else for the first time in a year. he and i have kinda/sorta/(maybe i'm reading too much into this?) been flirting and i know he doesn't have a date yet to HC. and i'm REALLY scared that the same thing is going to happen again... i'll get mixed messages and won't end up going again because i'll be feelin' so crappy.
they say it's "funny how history repeats itself." well i don't think it's funny at all--it's a bitch.
Anonymous
09:51:20 PM
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I finally accepted my body for what it is. Now I'm insecure about everything else. Because of you.
I am no longer smart enough. Witty enough. Interesting enough. Talented enough.
I want to go back. I'd rather be smart than pretty. Any day. Poor body image is better and more manageable than crippling social anxiety.
Thanks.
Anonymous
06:51:29 PM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
why does she have to keep talking to her ex-boyfriend? especially when i asked her not to. what do i have to do to get through to her?
morethanjustajock
01:46:08 AM
Friday, September 01, 2006
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