Saturday, June 30, 2007

Hey mods, get your heads out of your asses and either get to work or appoint other people. I'd gladly be an admin if you need one and i'm sure other people would too.

09:46:00 PM

I haven't worn underwear for two weeks and I love it!

11:24:00 AM


01:55:00 AM

i can't handle how dysfunctional my family is. i cannot take this for another two months. not to mention the fact that my friends--the people i consider the closest to me, closer than any family--are also starting to fall apart.


01:24:00 AM

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I'm tired of being wrong all the time... mom, that's why we don't talk in this family. We're all tired and afraid of being wrong.

Silence can't be wrong.

11:46:00 PM

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I just get so sad sometimes.

11:23:00 PM

Sunday, June 24, 2007

so basically i'm trying to handle my new-found addiction to celebrity gossip. is it real? is it fake? it's exciting. screw you.

yeah, it's basically all i talk about these days and i really feel like i'm starting to get annoying. but it's really hard to resist when you see something funny or really surreal.

the spice girls might be getting back together?!?!?! what?!?!?!?!


12:38:00 AM

Friday, June 22, 2007

I hate her so much that now I'm having dreams about hating her. This sucks. God, I wish I could just shoot her in the face with a shotgun full of napalm and get it over with! Thank goodness that the politicians she didn't vote for advocate gun control. Otherwise, that whore'd be dead.

09:21:00 PM

gonna go to a party and gonna get real drunk. need a lie to tell my mom so i dont have to drive home drunk. I need to figure out why i need to stay overnight.

05:58:00 PM

Thursday, June 21, 2007

So are SAT II tests supposed to be a lot easier than the regular SAT? I just found out I did a lot better on them.

11:42:00 AM

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

oh it's summer.

oh it's been a while since i've kissed a boy. man i miss it.

05:04:00 PM

Monday, June 18, 2007

Yesterday, my companion to the foreign nation of Japan, his uncle, his uncle's fiance, and I were walking through the harajuku district of Tokyo up towards the Meiji Shrine when I saw a Japanese kid holding a "free hugs" sign. After humoring him he asked me, albeit in broken english rather hard to understand, if I would like to join him in his cause, but let's be real, I'm in Japan, I'm trying to take it all in, I only have two weeks, and the rest of my party is waiting for me, I don't have time.

On the long walk up to the shrine, however, this logic began to bother me. Why shouldn't this be a part of my experience in Japan? Why is anything else more important than this? On the way back down I got my friend to speed ahead of the two others with us back down to where the free hugs people were. We stood there for about an hour giving out hugs and talking to the people around us.

It was beautiful.

I've cried more in the past week than I did all last year. That's not because I didn't cry last year. And I wish I could be just the slightest bit ironic and admit that I've been crying for no reason, but I haven't. I've had so many reasons to cry lately. I'm so tired of it.

01:29:00 AM

FUCK HIM. He didn't have to lie. and he did. Over and over again. I hate him for leading me to believe he was different. He's not different. He's an ass.

12:18:00 AM

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I'm so excited to see you and hang out...but you're going to see me in a swimsuit...:\

10:08:00 PM

I don't know who I'm in love with anymore. Which makes me wonder if this is desperation and loneliness rather than non-platonic feelings at work. I'm so confused.

02:52:00 AM

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I've forgotten how to cry

06:36:00 PM

Friday, June 15, 2007

I'm being consumed by this stupid website (not tangst) and I can't stop it. It's not the porn, definitely not the porn, I don't really care all that much about the porn but it's more the fact that I'm a part of this living, breathing entity that is the festering spawn of the intarwebs. I understand the meaning of An Hero and Do a barrel roll and slowpoke and Anonymous and Grinman. I spent four hours on the website without even noticing time going by. My sense of humor is narrowing to almost specifically what is posted on /b/ and I feel this sense of importance and superiority.

Fuck yeah seaking.
Fuck yeah 4chan.

I hate myself.

05:19:00 PM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Recently, I've started taking care of myself more: making myself a hearty breakfast instead of giving up and eating cereal; spending some of my own money to actually buy things that i like and enjoy; making time for myself; realizing that i can be beautiful. You know what? I really like it. I like myself. Not in a weird narcissitic way, but in a "I'm comfortable with myself/I'm growing up" kind of way.
I feel good.

01:14:00 PM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I want to be able to go through my teenage years without being consumed with the opposite sex. Or maybe that's just not possible. Or maybe it is.

10:06:00 PM

I don't like life.

02:05:00 AM

I should have told you the truth when you asked. Now it's definitely too late for that and I'm terribly sorry for it all. Maybe if I admitted I was in love with you, you wouldn't have gone back to her. Maybe you wouldn't be miserable now. And maybe I wouldn't hate her as much for treating you so badly. I'm sorry for my weakness.

But I'm even more sorry that we are too much alike for anything to have worked anyways.

Besides, we both need friends more than significant others right now anyways.

02:01:00 AM

Monday, June 11, 2007

How likely is a girl to get pregnant without actual penetration of any kind?

Like the worst that might have happened would be slight contact between the semen and the outside of the vagina.

I understand that it is virtually impossible, I just want to hear someone else say it.

07:08:00 PM

I want so badly to be aggressive, punch someone in the face, maybe kill someone, at the very least tell people in no uncertain terms exactly what I think of them. But not all of us can be Lady Macbeth. I'm stuck as a whiny, indecisive Hamlet.

06:46:00 PM

i think i would give anything to shag the brains out of Matt Damon, Leo DiCaprio, Edward Norton, or Brad Pitt .

01:08:00 AM

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Summer senior interviews. Should I go for it? Will it cause me more stress than it's really worth? What do I have to do to prepare?

09:22:00 PM

I want to fight with you more, just so we can make up again.
This is lovely.

09:12:00 PM

Friday, June 08, 2007

how much does birth control cost? the pill, that is...

04:30:00 PM

Thursday, June 07, 2007

I think he's about to break up with me. I don't know what I did, though.

07:08:00 PM

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I've lost my confidence in my ability to be sexy for you. I don't know if I can ever get it back, knowing I'm nowhere as good as your lightning strike lust affair was... how can I ever compare to all the other people who've fucked you before? And I know there's so much more to our relationship than the sex, but still. I want you to want my body, not just accept it as an okay consolation prize that comes with my love. But without confidence, I can't be sexy.

09:59:00 PM

I'm getting sick of the seniors thinking they're better than everyone else just because they're done with high school. In all of my classes, when my junior friends and I would get excited about being seniors next year some senior bastard would come along and say "Oh yeah we'll we're going to college, suck it bitch you have one more year ha ha". Look, I realize you're excited. Good for you. We're excited too and being rude about it just makes you look like an asshole. I want somewhere to be excited about being a senior without someone reminding me that I'm not the one going to college. Have your graduation parties and have your college and have all the other shit you want, all I'm asking is that you stop peeing on our parade. If you feel you need to put us down and brag about yourself please just shut up and have your fiesta somewhere else.

07:50:00 PM

i think my first kiss might have been with a girl...?
i'm not gay, but it sure was interesting. i don't think i'm going to count it, though... hopefully i just won't be so bad when the real thing comes.

04:23:00 PM

Monday, June 04, 2007

school is done. and i dont know what to do with myself. I feel all giddy because i feel like i have something to do. but i dont. i have nothing to do. and its stressing me out.

I think school has ruined me psychologically.

08:45:00 PM

And with the end of Senior year...tangst has, as expected, died.


03:48:00 PM

Sunday, June 03, 2007

What I really want is not to do better but to have an excuse for not doing better.

10:16:00 PM

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I really like this article. It makes me feel much better about my own relationships:

06:19:00 PM

My foreign language teacher used to say "you don't air your dirty laundry in public." I ought to remember that more often. It only creates more problems to advertise your relationship troubles.

11:31:00 AM

Friday, June 01, 2007

I keep thinking about conversations I'll have with my friends at school when I see them again just like always. Then I realize that these conversations will never happen. Its really weird. I'm really gonna miss enloe, or at leasts it's people.

09:44:00 PM

With the last day of senior year...I've realized that I have to grow up. That includes saying goodbye to Tangst.

I can't post on here anymore.


05:28:00 PM

I've figured out how my emotions cycle:

Nov-Jan= sucky. I hate life.

Jan-March= better. life is good:)

March-April= sucky again. frusterated because I don't know why.

Then my birthday rolls around and life is great. And it stays that way until November...

12:03:00 AM