Wednesday, December 14, 2005

What is Life but a Perception of Action?

I wake up every morning realizing that I am living a lie. I hide my true self, my true feelings, from all but a few of the people in my life. There was a time when I became someone I wasn't in order to impress people I wanted to accept me. The people passed, and my friendships are no longer shallow, as once they were. But the self-created image has remained, building itself until I feel I am living two lives.

I have created around myself a tough-guy, devil-may-care persona, the person everybody knows me as.

Most who know me would never guess my true self, an introspective, quiet and reserved person fashioned in the style of hopeless romanticism. A fan of soft classical music and watching the stars on a clear winter night. Nobody knows me for who I truly am, and it is my fault.

The worst part is I can't let anyone know. Being burned in the past has made me reluctant to open up at all. If I could have the opportunity to change one thing in my life, it would be my sixth-grade decision, a new kid in a strange and unfamiliar school, to try and become something I wasn't. I often wonder what my life, friends, and relationships would be like today had I not made that choice.

Ok, wow that was a really long post. Think I'll take a break now.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about the past, good people won't care what you are or pretended to be. Perhaps the deepest friendships will be the ones that will still accept you as you truly are.

Anonymous said...

This is... Damn near what I would have posted myself. I wish I had something to say, but... I don't.