I would rather die than have Alzheimer's disease. I hope I'll remember that.

Get that penis cut, baby.

Suck it, PChis.

For the record, when I said "girls with normal BMIs are gross" I meant go fat girls, not go skinny girls... skinny people are mean :(

Well, I guess I won't be applying "Early Notification" to UNC...


I bet I don't get in.

so I was bored. This is what I did last sunday:

The house smelled like the elderly
which is the blunt way of saying it smelled
like mold, and mildew, and the dark earth, covered
lightly with a veil of potpourri and perfume. I entered
second to last, behind my grandmother and father and
grandfather and mother. my brother was behind me and
there were stiff, cold hugs and strained smiles of bodies who
had never met, before us--it was walking in to a wall.

the afternoon stretched on in bars of light that fell
through pink and purple curtains: how the dust motes
were silent and leaden. the words were punctured by
little holes of silence, the kind of hush that settles in a car
when passing by a graveyard and the children hold their breaths.
the hush as she tells us how her daughter died last spring
she was making pancakes as her the aneurism hit her brain . . . the little
boy woke up to find them burning on the oven.

the old woman, my grandmother’s friend, not seen
and out of mind for these 50 years. her eyes were strong, so
strong that I could not tell if the cancer was in her lungs
or if it hung in the air; the cause of it? her radiation. her presence.
I dare anything to come for her. I dare anyone to speak down upon
the human race.

she wrapped her husband in a quilt, a soft bed. she kissed him as he
died! that is to say . . .
he was hit by a car, and she was trained in mouth-to-mouth—
not very well. he was dead before the ambulance arrived. the quilt she
laid him in was
colorful?
large?
warm and just right
or maybe just covered in flowers. yes, the flowers of all 50 states
richly embroidered and she had been offered Six Thousand and
Three Hundred Dollars for it, and it had won First Place at the fair.
Such a bouquet will not fade. Is that a moth’s wing falling to the floor.
We will have to buy more mothballs. We shall have to stay and eat.

My god I want to join the army.



I could never join the army.


I want to join the army.


I couldn't do that.

1. There's nothing wrong with being a brown-noser, which includes being a rat. Now, if someone's cheating, I don't say anything generally. If someone's skipping a class, I don't say anything. But if I think there's some benefit for me in telling on another student (a new curve, I don't get in trouble as a result, etc... then I'll do it.

2. I dislike being overweight. I wish my Total Health Triangle were more balanced.

3. I often regret being a guy who likes guys. And I often regret the fact that I regret it.

Okay, so, that's my life. I'm a pretty happy person overall, there's a lot more that could be wrong with it :D

...and more than half the time I forget to think about this stuff xD

I was gonna write a poem for ELO, but it got too angsty, so now it's a Tangsty poem, I guess.

well, it was winter
(dawn, one morning, and i was
eleven. it was saturday)
the hard-slant rays were
cold and golden and they
made blue shadows… darker
than black somehow

i saw my dog lying, sleeping?
no, she was not sleeping
i slid over the grass on my knees
still conscious of my new khaki
pants and touched a flank
with black-gloved hands

i must admit i was little
expecting to see death but a little
curious to see it too—I was so
young then and the glassy eyes
were more beautiful... than painted
marbles, but i could feel the cold
through my glove. so terrible
i screamed

o, i screamed! and my voice
cracked with pain and cold and
puberty and i could hear the footsteps
of my mother on the back deck
(still in her multi-colored curlers, a
magenta nightgown, her glasses on).

and as i looked back at her
i felt her relief that I was not hurt
it was just . . . my . . . dog
how i hated her, then!

A two part poem, I wrote this when I was feeling particularly exultant and arrogant, and it's an exercise in rigid rhyme and meter. If I were to title it, I would call it "Iambic Tetrameter, Bitches."

I.
O, through the pine-wall'd corridor
Where never man has walk'd before
(except for one last happy night
so long ago), and where no sight
of man is seen, or woman seen,
among the needles evergreen:
that is where we two now must go--
through silver barks and hostile snow
drifts (some are piled five foot high)--
until at last we touch the sky
and you and I become, as God!
The rulers of this earthly sod!
There in the holy sacrement
our days eternal shall be spent
and all shall fear our name.

II.
The sun burns high in firmament
An eternal stalwart testament
That sends each ray of light between
The cells of all the grasses green
Helios, omnipresent eye,
You make your route across the sky
And tell me that if I would dare
To look through daunting solar glare
That I could grip your solar flare
And take the rider's fiery chair

But where then would your horses go,
With master whom they do not know?
They’d snort and toss and roll their eyes--
For to me love or me despise--
Or perhaps all things would go well
And with my exultant heart would swell
To look from thence and see the ground
While flying the whole world around
And in my ears the mournful sound
Of glowing angels rustling gowns.

What changes wrought upon my stop,
Which would I find were made atop
The world, upon that golden seat?
Would people I met in the street
Back away from my transcendence
(Moses’ face, out of God’s tents)?
It would be trite and so mundane
To return back to earthly plane
and rendez-vous with shadow’s stain:
The sons of Seth, Abel and Cain

Last night I was reading through this thing I wrote when I was in 6th grade (and I wrote it solely for my own enjoyment, not for any assignment or anything), and one of the things that really struck me about it was when I said:

Things I think would make our country better:

Anti-Gay People Laws! No more gays!!!!!!!

Anti-abortion laws!!!!


To quote Jeph Jacques of the venerable web-comic Questionable Content, "If irony were water, this blog would be Lake Michigan."

i was in the parking lot when
Armegeddon came and you were
gone. everyone was suddenly
gone and where the sound of cars
had been there was nothing but
the sound of crickets.
i was left alone--
the king of the parking lot:
my paved pavilion and the stately
pruned trees watched my parade…
until the sun began to rise.

i fled into the grocery store and hid
beneath a yellow can
of green peas
the silver-fish befriended me
and spoke to me their little language,
(it tasted like pinto beans)
their life span was short
so i was their god eternal
but when the sun went down
(and they died)
i went back to the parking lot

years had elapsed beneath
the green beans
and sprightly pine trees
were pushing up through the cracks
the deer crushed them! crushed them all!
on their mad stampede to get to Me
{their yellow eyes were rollllling
and i admit i was afraid
until they nuzzled me}.

redeemer, they
whispered.

i plucked out their soft gray
tongues and ate them
what delicacy! in the parking
lot and Me alone as the king of
it.

I'm kind of embarassed I've been so obvious on here.

Being a guy and liking guys is not cool. It leads to negative stereotypes about weakness and femininity that I find despicable. I hope people don't feel that way about me. What if they think I'm a Daniel W? Ugh...

I guess most of the time I don't care what other people think, but my secret is: sometimes I do.

Ah, I lost.

Woe is my life.


Ahem, I mean. Yeah! Go team! Woo... hoo?

Ah, screw it.

last sex-driven poem for a while, i promise. i'm just in a hormonal mood, i guess.

i cannot imagine that this is
eden, or that you and i are
both adam, because although
we took (stealthily) from the
hard wood tree at the center
of the garden there is no eve
to tempt us with her curves
(no eve on earth, despite how
much easier it would be to love
her, that feminine softness who
makes me gag)

eden was the place where time moved
too quickly, and here it is stopped:
despite how we arch our backs in
orgasmic pleasure we never produce
anything but dust. the rest of
the world moves
onward with production
but we are alone here in the
garden-of-mostly-evil.

oh god
i breathe (god took enoch, and enoch
was not. but when you take me
violently, then I AM)
and as we approach the rapture
i bleat like a sheep (goats
go to hell) i bleat like
an animal
will i go to hell?
probably
that's what
we're told
did adam go to
heaven? probably
not. and he had
eve.


Eh, I got a little rushed near the end. I don't like this one as much as my last one. My secret is: sometimes you just gotta get these out.

EDIT: I changed some things that bothered me about this poem.

so midterm season is beginning.

he came over but laughed
do you even take biology
he said and i said
no

but ive studied some with
you and i think ill really like

it

he understood--pulled out his
book

we opened it slowly
trembling hands at first
and oh it was warm and soft
the soft warm soft knowledge
of biology
was at our fingertips
and we were (are)
so young
i began to pump my hands over the
pages and pump faster and
faster
trying to rub the information out
of your
biology book

i still didn't understand but
suddenly (so suddenly)
it hit me! from behind--
BAM i understood
and the knowledge came
and came inside of me
(it was the shape of an
amoeba, simple protist)
i laughed (weakly) and said
i thought we'd read
some more of the book before
it just
hit
me like that (from behind)
sudden knowledge can hurt
but its a good hurt
and we lay in the warm after
noon after
glow of our sudden knowledge
of biology

and you were a man
and i was not
quite a man (but i
wanted to be, believe
me)