Sunday, December 09, 2007

would you give your father a second chance?

a father who hit you and your mom when you were little. an alcoholic, who had an affair and left another woman pregnant. who divorced your mom and when you stayed at his house when you were little...left for two days leaving you all by yourself.

he wants a second chance now.

09:19:00 PM


Anonymous said...

Do not give it to him. Or, if you must, make him earn back your trust. Don't just accept him with open arms. He has to proveyou that he has atoned for his sins and become a better man.

PChis said...

I'm inclined to say everyone deserves a second chance.

Although this does run into the gray area, I would say if he's a better man give him a chance...even if it is a slim one.

Anonymous said...

As usual, I'm with PChis.

Anonymous said...

Yes, give him a second chance if he's sober now and working on sobriety and working to make amends to those he hurt. If that's what's going on, he's a different man.

No, don't put yourself in his power or his sphere of influence if he's not sober and not serious about working on real amends (not just handing out self-serving promises). That's just being wisely self-protective of you, not to allow yourself to be abused.

It really depends on him and his behavior (not lip service). He should be bending over backwards to understand how he hurt you, and to EARN your trust back slowly over time (not demanding it or assuming he deserves it) if he wants you in his life. If he is pressuring you to do all the forgiving, with little coming from him to make you feel good about lowering barriers, do not give in to him.

And, you can still forgive him for past hurts without going so far as to put yourself into his power and being vulnerable to his abuse and neglect again. You can love and forgive your father (for your own peace of mind, if you choose) without putting yourself in harm's way of more of his current bad behavior.

Take care of yourself; you deserve it.