i know i am thin, i know i am healthy.
but that is not why i don't eat breakfast, that is not why i always "forget" my lunch, that is not why i do 200 crunches everytime i slip and eat a piece of toast.
i am anorexic because i am a control freak, a perfectionist. i feel like it is the one thing where i have absolute control. why can't you understand that?
Anonymous
06:10:08 PM
20 comments:
Yes, I can understand that.
I was there.
I hated myself.
I was proud of the fact that I never got hungry, that I never broke down.
Until the night I wrote my suicide letters.
You can't be perfect, but you can be free.
I'd rather have free.
Except you don't have control anymore. Why don't you take control of yourself and eat something.
Normally I'd say that the individual can do whatever they want as long as it's not hurting anyone else, but there's no denying that this problem will be unhealthy in the future. You need food to grow and live (much more than you're currently getting I promise) and even if the side effects are subtle at first they're there.
As the last anonymous said, when the disease (yes it is a disease) starts controlling you that's when you know it's time to make a change.
anonymous two...you obviously don't get it...when you're anorexic you just feel this VICTORY, this sheer joy, whenever you refuse food, whenever you exercise like a maniac to burn off 20 calories. it is not that you have control over yourself, per say. you have control over that hunger. the hunger is this nagging, insistent voice that everyone else has to obey. but not you. YOU have power over the need to eat, instead of it having power over you. that is what is gained through the thing called anorexia.
"why can't you understand that?"
Others have the right to pass judgement only on the grounds that they love you and want the best for you. The fact that 20% of people not treated for anerexia will die becasue of the disorder is sobering enough that the people around you have every right to intervene. If you want control get good grades or build model ships or something. You have no right to toy with your life when everyone else is counting on you.
"YOU have power over the need to eat, instead of it having power over you."
But ask yourself: Could I ever go to a party and just pig out like everyone else and feel completely fine in the morning? It's when that guilt and the -need- to be hungry start overpowering your behavior and rationality that you have to admit that this is a serious problem.
Sure I could probably train myself to only breathe every three minutes to just barely stay alive. Maybe I'd even get a feeling of power and control about it, but that wouldn't change the fact that I'd be killing off my brain and driving myself into an early grave. Can you see from an outsider perspective how silly it sounds?
Haha I love analogy.
That was like the blindess analogy in the world-famous homosexuality post.
I personally could totally stop myself from eating. I would feel more in control if I could, I suppose, but I'm fine with the current state of things.
Your body has things like "hunger" to take away your control of letting you die complacently, just like it has a reflex that takes your hand away from hot thigns, and the gag reflex to stop you from inhaling water and sitting there to drown.
It's good to let your body have control.
The gag reflex can be suppressed if you force yourself to throw up enough times.
And the reflex to pull your hand away from a hot stove can be supressed if you shove an ice pick into your brain stem. That doesn't mean it's a good idea.
I... get it. I don't agree with it. But I think I understand where you're coming from.
I don't have that control and so I couldn't be anorexic or bulimic or whatever, even if I wanted to. (And honestly, I'm not sure that I don't want to, either.)
I get it.
I've never been anorexic but I get it. I know what you mean to want control. Just to see if you can. Like, to sit there and hold your breath to find out how long before you give in and breathe.
wow, some of you really do understand. don't worry about me, the anonymous blogger. i copied that entry from my friend's blog because i was extremely worried about her and i just didn't understand. but now i think i do, and now i think i can help her out a little, or at least try. last anonymous person (i have no idea what number) i think identified with what you said the most, and by letting my friend know that i understood her (at least now i do) i think that was the first step.
as someone wrote in a post earlier today, i believe:
i love tangst <3
i'm so glad i have you guys to bounce stuff off of and get help.
love,
~the original poster
Hmmm, just to say this: Tangst really seems the good place for "waa my girlfriend doesn't like me," or "what's your take on god's existence?" But real problems like eating disorders should probably be handled by proffessionals?
Hell, we're just a bunch of kids. I'd advise at least asking someone "wiser" and more worldly than the rest of us on actions you should take, or at least do some research. Somehow I imagine just friendly intervention may not be enough.
Then again, this is just an observation from a kid so, take what you will.
take biology and you'll see what anorexia really does to you...
not eating DOES NOT necessarily make you skinnier
it eats away at your muscles, which personally- is disgusting.
if your body is not given fats or the like it will make them itself...
i know it's control and sure it must be great to not pig out all the time, but maybe you could just have the control to eat healthily AND excersize. eating healthy foods is way better than not eating at all... and tastes great!
last anonymous person, you apparently didn't see that i am not the one who actually authored this post, it was my friend.
pchis, of course i have talked to people to try to get help for my friend in real life, it's just harder in real life to explain the situation in enough detail to get help, but not so much that her secret gets out to people who would hurt her because of it. copying that blog entry to tangst was of course not the only step i have taken to help her. it was just another little thing to try to help me understand/help her more.
gotcha... sorry
good luck with your friend though!
thank you :)....i think she might not be doing quite as badly with it as i thought she was. i just have to keep on trying, but i think she will be ok.
Never underestimate the anorexic mind. They'll do anything that they can in order to keep their control; lying is nothing if it means they can keep doing what they're doing without interference.
Not all human reflexes work though. Humans naturally crave sweet things because they used to exersize a lot more and didn't have as much food. This doesn't really help people (well americans generally) because we never get off of our lazy asses and have so much food that we become obese. That was random. Just saying.
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