i never understood how it was possible to like the same person for so long (after obtaining them). i never liked the guy as much after we started going out. something always went wrong. but with him it's different. i like my him more and more every day.
Anonymous
11:40:00 PM
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
my moms making a big deal about graduation, inviting all my relatives family friends and everyone I've ever met. I really wish she wouldn't and I've told her so but she just keeps planning. It is really quite bothersome. extended family really annoys me at least if I'm expected to make idle chitchat. So what are you people doing after graduation?
Anonymous
11:21:00 PM
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this;
"I just came to say goodbye.
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine."
But I know it's a lie.
[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
"It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine."
But I know it's a lie.
[Chorus]
The last night away from me
[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight,
Tonight.
[Chorus]
I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.
The last night away from me,
Away from me.
The Last Night-Skillet
I think the "I" might be God.
I hope so...
Anonymous
07:01:00 PM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I have gotten to the point now that I consider any joke about death to be extremely bad taste and not at all funny.
I just had a very good friend of mine die, totally unexpected, and yes that factors into this, but that's not all.
For everyone else, the Virginia Tech Massacre, the countless third world deaths, how can you say "i want to kill my English teacher" or "blah blah blah I have so much work, kill me now"
This also goes to suicides, cutters, etc. Life is always better than death. Always. And people aren't aware how much death can hurt everyone around them. If they are, and they do attempt suicide, they are sicker than just about any form of sick I can imagine.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, maybe I'm not. The point is: Life is always better than death. If only for the reason that you're alive. It's all you've got. It's all you've ever really got.
Anonymous
08:43:00 PM
Monday, May 21, 2007
I can not deal with, or know how to deal with, people that are filled with self hate so much that it consumes them. I have run out of things to say or try. I have tried everything i can think of, I have evne mentioned it to authority that can do somethign about it. It has begun to annoy me (which i know is horrible, but i cant figure out what to do for them and im facing 100% resisitance at every step). what can i do? what should i do? nothing i say helps. nothing ive done helps. they refuse to get better on thier own, or with my help.
and it isnt like they avoid it. it is all dumped on me, so it is obvious that they are seeking something (it might just be a vent) but...what to do?
Anonymous
10:33:00 PM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
I'd like to see a therapist but I worry that my parents would be annoyed at me or disappointed that I couldn't deal with my own problems.
So instead I am thinking I will just try to get through college and get a decent job so I can pay for my own therapist. Only, if I can make it that far without offing myself or dropping out I probably won't need one as much.
Anonymous
06:46:00 PM
Saturday, May 19, 2007
My parents are perfectly capable of paying for the entirety of my colege with no loans.
My parents have decided they are not paying for my college. At all.
They did it because I started skipping the class that gave me panic attacks.
When I was younger father told me I was faking them, even as I tried to explain why he frightened me so. He ignored me and it was "for my own good."
Now as he denies me this, possibly the most important thing I've ever needed in my whole life, I feel like nothing they've ever done for me in life could've possibly been "for my own good."
This will set me behind years financially, this has set me back a lifetime emotionally... As my mother cries and tells me what a dissappointing daughter I am, and how much they loved me when I was younger before I ruined it all...
I wasn't the one "faking it."
Anonymous
02:57:00 PM
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
is it really possible to get over your first, real, serious crush??
I've dated other guys. even liked other guys. but whenever I see this guy when he comes back from college or I see him randomly on facebook...its like I never forgot about him in the first place.
why the hell is he so perfect?
Anonymous
11:51:00 PM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
why are people so messed up?
I know so many people who have so much darkness and sadness inside and it makes me want to scream, WHY CANT YOU GET BETTER? I NEED YOU TO BE OK! PLEASE! but I know I can't just make them better and that it's something they have to do for themselves and that is one of the hardest feelings I have known.
everytime I see your cuts and burn marks I cry. HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF? PLEASE GET BETTER! I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH!!
Anonymous
08:45:00 PM
i liked him in seventh grade and he turned me down after i wrote him a note asking him to the sadie hawkins dance. we didn't talk for two years and it was really awkward. then we got to high school and it was okay for the most part. i've always kind of been into him, he's exactly what i'm looking for in a guy and he's just so damn nice. we don't hang out with the same crowd but every time we talk it feels like there's a spark... or i could just be making this up.
dammit! i don't even know if i like him! i don't know what to do.
Anonymous
06:49:00 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007
I am sooooo upset that Rory didn't accept Logan's proposal, even though I understand her reasons for refusing it. She is only 22, after all, and marriage is a big decision. ...and I'm really embarrassed to say this even to my mother, who's watched every Gilmore Girls episode with me since the series started. I'm ashamed to be so obsessed, and I can't wait for the last show tomorrow night-- Luken'Lorelai, here's hoping!
Anonymous
09:30:00 PM
Sunday, May 13, 2007
For all of you APES veterans,
I'm freaking out like wtfomg about the AP exam on tuesday. Is it really thaaaaaat hard or should I be relatively prepared if I studied my review book and had Mr. Ogren?
Remember, don't tell me anything about the multiple choice questions because you aren't allowed to talk about those EVARRRRRR.
Anonymous
05:26:00 PM
Saturday, May 12, 2007
One week after your girlfriend broke up with you you start calling me to "hang out". It's been two years since I've even talked with you. That was when I liked you. You sort of crushed me back then, I'm not bitter anymore but I still remember how it feels. I'm not attracted to you in the least, I have my own boys to like.The one time I did agree to "hang out" with you made it awkward and kind of obvious that you just wanted to hook up.
Stop calling me plzthx. I'm over you and very proud of it.
Anonymous
12:49:00 PM
Friday, May 11, 2007
I love the fact that on a 12.5 hour drive to the most southern tip of this country I will come across about 350,000 cars. And in each of these cars there are people with just as many memories of how their cousins tormented them during those ageold family reunions in the middle of nowhere. With fears of the future coming forward and the past coming back. With allergies to pollen, cats, and assholes. With some opinions of religions, where Humanity is going, and how great an impact we have. I love the fact that its not all background noise. And the grit of growing up is fully romanticized (and justly so!).
I love the fact that "love" itself isn’t entirely bullshit. Sure, I hate how the word has lost a lot of its glory from being thrown around all the time, but the fact that the concept hasnt been swallowed up entirely gives me a bit of hope. I really hate tossing that word around though...when you say it, you should know the weight it carries. And if you do mean it, and know the weight it carries, say it to who deserves it...too often people forget...
I love those iconic things that people have. One of my close friends wears a beanie almost as often as he wears skin. My sister will always have a guitar in her hand and a grin on her face. My arch-nemesis has a cigg on his ear, plaid shorts on his legs, and douchebag rolling off his tongue at any given nanosecond. I have this map of New York about 1.5 feet from my keyboard right now...because one of these days this scene will cave in and smoke me out from NC, and put me in a car or (if summer pays well) on a plane to JFK. Hopefully I'll go with someone I hardly know, like one of those people on a 12.5 hour road trip. Or someone from college I know only through that ridiculously distancing head nod of acknowledgement that guys are famous for committing. Or maybe even you, whoever the hell you are, and whatever the hell you stand for/against.
I love the brutally honest. The "spill your guts" people. Mind games are a bitch for both sexes. The extent of my detective skills stops at mastering "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" on my computer in 4th grade, I cant decipher what your cat-and-mouse games mean. Too much communication is caught in redtape and caution. Though I'm being hypocritical, because I do it a lot, I get tired of playing verbal diplomacy like it was a card game. It seems sometimes you're sacrificing trust for personal safety. And it seems that the older you get, and the more convoluted your problems become, the more valuable trust gets. So for those of you who speak your mind, congrats, my red, ace-of-spades wielding Fedora is off to you.
Anonymous
11:46:00 AM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I'm obsessed with picking scabs. Sometimes I even cut myself to make them, but not because I want to hurt myself, just to let them heal over and pick the scab it makes. I mostly do it on my chest, but whenever I'm with a boy and we get hot and heavy I always stop before he sticks his hands up my shirt. I'm not a prude, I just have this strange obsession.
I've always told myself that the day I get into a stable relationship I'm going to stop.
Anonymous
05:08:00 PM
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Will you stop fucking claiming how you do no work whatsoever, don't study, etc...yet you still do so well. You even claim you are a failure, and this seems like it is under the guise of "I'm better than you". You use every opportunity you can to tell me how well you did and how you didn't study for it at all, when you knew I worked for it, but still did not do as good.
Why don't you consider the way i feel? You know I work my ass off and try my hardest, because I'd be failing if I didn't. And yet you still fucking gloat. Stop.
Anonymous
04:47:00 PM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
to the tune of "So Long, Farewell"
so long, farewell
our wiener dog will bite
the fish has died
so flush him out of sight.
So long, farewell
our wiener dog will poo
he poos hes poos on you and you and you
so long, farewell, our weinerdog
made mudpie , he cries and cries and cries and cries goodbye.
Goodbye
Anonymous
10:19:00 PM
I finally decided: I will spend the next three months weaning myself away from him. No more talking unless he initiates it (the only exception is when I actually have things to talk about). No more emails. No more calls. No more favors. No more movies. No more late night talks until four in the morning.
He's leaving and there's nothing to stop it. I might as well prepare for this now.
Oh well. It's not like he's mine anyways.
Anonymous
07:53:00 PM
i'm so tired of being unattractive. i think a boy likes me and then i realize, wait, he wouldn't like you. i don't want to think that anymore.
it would help though if you asked me out sometime.
i mean, i can actually see if you're calling now since i can see the screen of my phone.
so really, there's no excuse except for that unattractiveness. but do you really see me the way i see me?
Anonymous
05:46:00 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
there are two potential guys that i could have a "thing" with, and i kinda/sorta have had a thing for them in the past. neither of them seems likely to make a move any time soon. i'm not even sure if they both like me.
the only problem is, i'm leaving for two months. should i even try to start something? i'm thinking it's not worth it, considering i'll be a continent away. but it'd sure be nice... =)
Anonymous
12:25:00 AM
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Lately, I've been having a really hard time and wanting to get back into some old habits. So in attempt to purge thoughts from my system I'm going to do some self therapy and identify issues (I know it's being posted on here...but on here I kinda feel like I'm talking to someone...lame, I know).
Reasons I used to cut/feelings that make me want to again: Self punishment, lonliness, helplessness, hopelessness, attempt to escape emotional distress
Reasons I stopped/Reasons I won't (can't) start again:
1) Theatre- 5 shows per year...I'm always in my underwear around people...they'd notice
2) Fear of ruining my parents' perfect image of me
3) Trying to stay strong and be there for other friends...I'm the group therapist.
4)Vanity..don't want scars
5)Summer's coming...and I don't wanna have to hide it
6)If I start again...it'll be 300 times harder to stop.
Reasons not to outweigh reasons that I want to, right? Let's just hope I can maintain this self control.
Anonymous
08:56:00 PM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)