AP tests are six weeks away and i'm ALREADY freaking out.
help with bio?
p.s. i am the worst junior ever. even though i'm not really, i just feel inadequate compared to all of the crazy smart people i hang out with... i'm way too much of a slacker/procrastinator.
Anonymous
06:19:00 PM
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Whenever you're bathed in light,
it will forever remind me of this night.
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust.
And I was swept away,
with nothing left to say.
Some helpless fool,
yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace.
Come to me; love will lead us.
Anonymous
11:33:00 PM
[Admin note: "Dolphins Cry Chords" by Live]
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Everyone around me is in a relationship except one friend of mine. That's complicated because he loves me and I don't love him, (which is stupid because he's a nice guy and all, but this stuff is supposed to happen, not be forced...) and now apperantly so much as agreeing to hang out with him now is 'leading him on'.
The person I do love just got a girlfriend last night to match up with all the other 'friends' who all hooked up over spring break and never told me about it.
Thanks guys.
I deleted all the information off of my facebook, removed my aim profiles, privatized every livejournal account.
I'm going to dissappear off of the face of the planet socially.
...and none of them are actually going to notice.
Anonymous
11:23:00 AM
Sunday, March 25, 2007
i love him. why is that so hard to admit? maybe because he doesn't love me. well sure thats nice thats really nice. to let someone love you but you not love back... thats like letting someone buy you a gift and then you not giving them one. ok so maybe he loves me just a bit but we will never mesh again. nope never. then why does it feel like we are still in love but without all the good stuff?
Anonymous
08:14:00 PM
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
So ive enjoyed the single life for awhile, its fun, because i didnt have to feel like this.
(I also didnt know what you felt like...that changed)
So we've been talking for months, its great, the saftey of never having to look a confident in the eye.
(but of course when we did lock eyes it was obvious who God gave first pick too, at least in the eyes department, and to think i was on this bouncing ball before you were)
So you were always the first to break the conversations off, sleep, you said was of high importance.
(And I swear after sleeping with you its gained a few notches on my ladder, yeah we didnt go beyond eachother's warmth, i didnt think to venture until later)
So I asked you then, when the lighting was just right, and we were both comfortably in bed "If i kissed your lips, would you slit my throat?"
(Yeah its a morbid sense of humor, and a lovely band allusion, and you did give me the answer I had been praying for....if only you gave it to me a closer....then 659 miles away.)
Ive learned from my mistakes
(i think about them enough)
You told me afterwards i needed to stop playing it safe
(little late for that eh)
I apologized.
And told you that you had to understand that
You burn so bright
For so many...
I have to be so very very careful with someone that beautiful.
forgive me.
Anonymous
02:17:00 AM
Thursday, March 22, 2007
I'm gonna stop obsessing over you, stalking you, delighting in your every flaw and cursing every positive trait you have. I'm getting help from a psychologist soon. Nobody knows I'm so pathetically enslaved to comparing myself to you, trying to surpass you in every field, trying to prove to myself that I'm at least your equal if not your better--when I've never even met you face to face!--and hopefully, no one will ever know. I'm ashamed of this, it's ruining my life, and I'm gonna try to stop it.
Anonymous
10:06:00 PM
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I read all the articles about the Wakefield HS drinking scandal, just so that I can sigh at the end of the article because your name wasn't there.
I miss the days when we were best friends, and I miss the days when I heard from you.
I hope you haven't gotten stupid in high school. I don't ever want to read your name in one of those articles.
Anonymous
05:35:00 PM
I didn't believe in true love, I still don't believe in it as far as mutuality is concerned, but I do believe in one person's ability to love truly with the complete fullness of one's soul.
I think I was really, am really, and maybe will always be in true love.
I'm not that young, I'm not without experience. Older friends of mine are already getting married, starting out in promising careers, moving on in life.
It feels like I've already lost The One.
Anonymous
02:49:00 PM
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
I hate girls (and boys) who are overly romantically sensitive and think that every single boyfriend (or girlfriend) they ever have must be the one they're going marry and be with forever and ever. They post grotesque make-out/dry sex pictures of themselves all over the place as if it's some gorgeous new phenomena. They become one self-centered blob, sucking on each other every where they go, even the principal's office.
Please grow up and get a hold of yourself. I know what falling in love is, and it's not whatever the hell you're doing.
Anonymous
11:18:00 PM
These lyrics remind me of you:
"She's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster
The kind who tell you she's bipolar just to make you trust her
She's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser
Just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her"
I wonder if you know who you are.
Anonymous
09:36:00 PM
In that dark room I lay on your chest and listened to our heartbeats together that one last time. Our breathing grew quickly together, too, together. From the shadows I watched the graceful arc of our dreams as they fell.
I was calling down those stars. In my blindness I thought I saw a way clear before me. From a distance I couldn't see the horrible flaming meteorite those falling stars would become.
The tears came down our cheeks in terrible agonizing slowness and as they fell I knew the mortar of our relationship was washed away, all our future was burnt out like a fragile ash, and blown away on the breath of the whispered word 'no.'
A hurricane of words, a maelstrom of thoughts, and a torrent of tears cannot wash away the solemn power of that word!
What sin! What regret! Is there no peace, no penance with which I could change that past? I would do anything, anything. Slay a dragon, walk on fire, swim a river, or die trying if it meant I could be with you again! I would bleed, I would die. I would and I mean it. I never thought I could fall in love so hard, so true, so brutal that it lay like an open wound before the world.
Oh how I HATE the world that let me be this way. How I Despise the God that made me so broken as to reject the only part of me worth anything.
Thsi final year, the applications, the work, the stress, the family that rejected me, the friends that left me, my last floundering attempts to get it under control were voiced in my small request for time.
TIME.
Not forever. Never forever.
But from that moment it was broken. I stand now at the mouth of the gaping abyss and am torn RAW by the openness and the nothingness and the meaninglessness of that forever without you.
Please.
Please come back to me. I'm sorry I ever left you and I'm sorry the stress and the goals and all the stupid frivolous things that don't matter kept me from realizing how important to me you were.
I needed that lesson. I did. I needed it because I would've never realized how dear you were to me before this. I would've never known how special or pure or beautiful and all those things I should've known the INSTANT I laid eyes on you.
Now I know, I know them and they settle in my stomache with a sickening finality.
Please. Please, oh please, I am so sorry.
Any way that I can help you, I will. Any aid you need, I'm there. A shoulder to lean on, a hand to lend, an ear to listen... My mind, my soul, my body belongs to you.
You won't accept it. You shouldn't. You should fidn someone who cantreat you the way you deserve from the very beginning...
...
But I want that person to be me.
The thin thread of hope is wrapped around me, cutting off my blood and air and thoughts and holding me in a tentative agony of uncertainty and a deep, deep fear of never.
Its cold, cold, so cold to be so alone, and the only thing warm is the way this heart burns for you.
Please...
Be happy. My selfish hopes have hurt you enough.
((but really, in my core, in the depths of my bones, I want you to be happy with me... to see you smile at me again... to feel your embrace...))
Give me the opportunity to prove myself to you or let me die trying....
My mind is forever caught in that hour of darkness, in that one moment I so long to change...
...
Please.
Anonymous
03:08:00 PM
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
i don't even have real opinions, i just do what everyone wants me to do. and now the chickens have come home to roost because someone wanted me to do something that other people didn't want me to do so instead i lost all of them.
i can't tell if it's that i don't have real opinions, or if i just don't care.
Anonymous
09:57:00 PM
i took this quiz thing and i guess i didn't realize how rare people like me are, it pretty well fits me.
***Your Personality is the Rarest (INFJ)***
Your personality type is introspective, principled, self critical, and sensitive.
Only about 2% of all people have your personality - including 3% of all women and around 1% of all men.
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.
Anonymous
06:04:00 PM
I am terrified.
I have never had sex, but my boyfriend and I have had genital contact. I know that it's possible to get pregnant without sex, though.
And my period should have come a few days ago.
Could I be pregnant?? I can't even remember a time in the past month that we've done anything that risky.
Anonymous
03:48:00 PM
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
your so self centered nowadays , it seems everything is about you and your girlfriend. What happened to the time when it was just us guys? The two can coexist if you'd let them but no your pussy whipped into leaving your friends for a girl. Just because its the first one you've ever had doesn't mean we all need to hear about it. Bros before hoes man, Bros before Hoes.
Anonymous
09:48:00 PM
so i went to the interview today not really wanting a job and not really expecting to get hired because of my own inflexible schedule...
but the manager was so impressed that she hired me right away. and gave me a $.50 higher pay than she gave my friend who started working there like 9 mos. ago. hehe.
first job!
advice?
Anonymous
06:54:00 PM
It's a dangerous game I could be playing. I can either risk everything or nothing, but until I make my move, nothing will happen.
We've had this discussion and I know that neither of us will ever start anything.
So I guess the answer is nothing. I wish we were braver.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Anonymous
06:38:00 PM
For as long as I've known you I've only known you from a distance. From a distance everything looks amazing, I'm told.
Today, though, you looked into my eyes (something you almost never do) and I couldn't help but think of how amazing those eyes were, not even a foot from mine.
You're going far far away, soon, soon, too soon.
I know it's hopeless.
I can't help but think, though, that you'll still be beautiful,
Even from a distance...
Anonymous
06:06:00 PM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Administrator Resignation
I would like to use this post as my chance to announce my decision to relinquish my duties as an administrator for tangst.blogspot.com
I've enjoyed my time here and, while I may not have been good to Tangst, Tangst has been good to me. Really, regardless of how it may have seemed, I did enjoy moving posts from the main page and reading about your problems. Usually.
Anyhow, you, the Tangsters, are welcome to use this final post of mine as a thread for taking some final potshots at me, though I can't guarantee that I will read them.
Take care.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
There are several possibilities:
1. Just when I get a steady boyfriend, more than one suitor starts showing amorous attentions toward me, and it is a cruel twist of fate that I have to turn so many nice guys away simply for being too late.
2. These attentions are completely platonic and I, in my self-centered mind, perceive them wrongly as being of a romantic nature to make myself feel more desired.
3. I feel trapped in a long-term relationship to which I committed before realizing exactly what that commitment meant, and I deal with those feelings by inviting the attentions of other paramours and subconsciously engaging in emotional affairs with all of them.
4. I'm just a bitch.
More and more I believe in number four.
Anonymous
10:30:00 PM
"I told him I loved him. Quietly, under my breath. And then I kissed him really hard so he wouldn't have a chance to say anything back, because I knew he didn't feel the same way.
I'm just glad he didn't say it back without meaning it. It means that when, or if, he does...it will mean so much more. I like that he's frugal with love. I like that I have to earn it.
And I especially liked the intensity with which he kissed me back. Fear, lust, uncertainty, and yes...the slightest hint of the beginning of that dirty four letter word. It was beautiful."
UPDATE: He said it. :)
Anonymous
03:55:00 PM
I love my parents to death, but I'm so angry at them for never teaching me to speak, read, and write proper [insert my first language]. I tell people I'm fluent because I would be ashamed to know any less. I mean, it's not completely FALSE. I can listen to pretty much everything (except some super "intellectual" stuff because of the vocabulary, but I think that's pretty normal in all languages, even English) and speak very well, but not as good as I wish I was. I wish I could say that I was fluent and meant it from the bottom of my heart. But I know it's not too late.
Anonymous
01:55:00 AM
Saturday, March 03, 2007
preface: this is really lame and cheesy and probably incredibly stupid, so try hard not to judge.
he finally checked his facebook (not that many people have them over here... obviously they don't understand that if you're not on facebook you're practically nonexistent) ... and he finally friended me.
we can only go farther from here! first, a few posts. then a private message! and then i'm just going to ask him out. bahaha.
Anonymous
11:34:00 PM
Friday, March 02, 2007
They are so amazing, so glamorous. They live a life of flirting and intrigue. They are the best of the best, the valedictiorian, the salutatorian, the tennis star, the chess champian, the theater children, the elite. They can get away with wearing evening dress to school while not looking like complete idiots. They can talk back to the teacher, and everyone loves them for it.
I want to be one of them. God, I want to be one of them.
Anonymous
01:04:00 PM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
I don't know why it bothered me so much to hear it aloud. I've always known he's smarter. He learned things at a younger age than I did and learned more. He took on intellectual hobbies. But it's still sad to know (and know that you think)that I am not the smart one. I never was and I never will be.
By the way, it didn't help when you laughed for a very long time afterwards and said "It's okay, you're smart too."
Anonymous
11:32:00 PM
I don't know how not to apologize, for everything. I know it pisses people off, but I just can't stop. I feel like if I don't apologize all the time, even if it's just for standing where someone needed to walk or for mistakenly interrupting a conversation or even for existing, I'll come off as arrogant and self-centered.
I really do feel like my existence is a crime, and that maybe a lifetime of "sorrys" will make up for it.
Anonymous
11:25:00 PM
i'm starting to slip in school.
not terribly, but i've basically stopped doing the majority of my homework and i don't feel like i have the will to do anything. i think it's more than senioritis, because i've had that before and that's just laziness. i don't know why i do this to myself. i missed a day of school and now i'm ridiculously behind in almost all my classes especially my harder APs and i don't want to do ANYTHING.
crap. i hope this goes away soon.
Anonymous
09:47:00 PM
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