Hi Dad,
I went up to the attic today and took down some of your old boxes that Mom told me to clean out. I had forgotten how much I'm turning out like you. You'd be so proud of me, Dad. I'm good at math and science, just like you. Remember how you used to tease me about how I was going to be the most genius girl the world has ever seen? I remember. I'm trying to make you proud, Dad. Each and every single day I think about you and try to make you proud.
I started reading some of your old Asimov books again (I had stopped for a while because they reminded me too much of you). It's so hard, Dad. I miss you so much. Remember the art you were so proud of? The art you hung in my room because it was so pretty? I wish you were still here so I could tell you all about it. Like old times, I'd tell you what I learned at school and you would act like it was the most amazing and interesting discovery you'd ever heard. I know so much more now, Dad. I've grown up so much.
But it only seems like yesterday.
Can you believe it will be four years on Friday? Four years without you. Four years ago I remember Mom sat me down and told me. I remember how she was fighting so hard to keep from crying in front of me. I remember that moment so well, Dad. I'm so sorry for the things I said that day, Dad (Sixth grade was hard!). I didn't mean them. Really. I was just so scared. The only invincible person I knew was gone. I have no protection. My stepdad is no father to me, I need you. I try to do my best each and every day to keep a smile on my face, and truthfully- not a day goes by without thinking of you. Not a single day. I've grown so much, Dad. I'm a Christian now, I hope you're okay with that. It's so hard. I'm sorry for trying to hide you from everyone, and I'm sorry for treating you like a dirty little secret; I just don't want anyone treating me differently. I'm sick of sympathy, Dad. I'm sick of having to deal with everything myself, and I'm sick of being forced to grow up too fast.
I miss you.
Tangstfully yours,
Your one and only Daughter.
Anonymous
08:39:31 PM
21 comments:
I very nearly shed a tear there.
I'm so sorry. Time heals all wounds.
i agree with rashi. and i was about to cry until you signed it "tangstfully yours". bad.
I did that to keep myself from crying. Sorry.
Nah, anonymous 2. It was well written.
I mean, it evoked timeless and somewhat trite themes of family relationships and loss, but put just enough ambiguous spin on it to prevent cliche.
Not to treat your tangst like "product" or anything.
is that an onion near my eye?
thank you for sharing, it kind of puts everything in perspective.
If you believe in a heaven, and specifically in a heaven with free high speed internet access, then your dad is reading this. And he's proud of everything that you've accomplished while he's been gone, and wishes he could be there to tell you himself.
wow, that made me cry... how can u be so strong? i would so weak...
This is one of the most beautiful things I've read. Beautiful, in a sad way. It made me cry.
It's topics like this that need to be added to the "Popular Posts" section, regardless of how many comments it gets. The writing itself should be preserved.
wow. that's incredibly moving, op. you sound so strong, so conflicted, so determined to go on. its really inspiring to me.
This is really sad...I almost cried too.
I'm sorry, and that's about all I can really say. Just think of all the good times you had with someone who sounds like a wonderful person to have as a father.
I don't know what I'd do if I lost my father. I admire you, though, for dealing with it so calmly, on the outside at least.
Sixth Grade + Four years = Sophomore + Christian + Good at math + Reads Asimov + Likes art = God Damn. I know you. How could I not have seen it?
I look back at all the times I've casually talked about hating my dad in front of you, and all of the times you've been really quiet about it. I look back and I'm so sorry. I only wish I could be as beautiful and strong about this as you are. I can't even imagine the pain you have to go through everyday. I look up to you so much, you have no idea. I look up to you even more now that I know. Thanks.
I really admire you for being strong and courageous throughout this entire thing. If I lost my dad, I don't thing I'd be nearly as strong as you are. But wherever your dad is, I'm sure he's proud of you.
Sorry, typo. Change "thing" to "think".
My dear, dear OP,
Like the anonymous above me, I too know you, OP. From the first line. The pieces all fit together so perfectly, there could not be any another human being expressing those words but you.
Look at all the anonymouses (anonymousi?) that cried for you. And then imagine how it was for those of us who know you, those of us who know some small shred of the story.
I think what hit me the most was hte line "and you would act like it was the most amazing and intersting discovery you'd ever heard." It's just so... so very dad-like. So much like my dad.
OP, there are no words left for me to say but... I love you.
Tangstfully yours,
(You Know Who This Is)
Whoops, I meant the anonymous above me who recognized the OP, too. The other comments got in the way. I meant anonymous 10. Yeah.
thank you
*cry*
"....and Death shall have no dominion"
Today.
Post a Comment