Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Lately, I've been having a really hard time and wanting to get back into some old habits. So in attempt to purge thoughts from my system I'm going to do some self therapy and identify issues (I know it's being posted on here...but on here I kinda feel like I'm talking to someone...lame, I know).

Reasons I used to cut/feelings that make me want to again: Self punishment, lonliness, helplessness, hopelessness, attempt to escape emotional distress

Reasons I stopped/Reasons I won't (can't) start again:
1) Theatre- 5 shows per year...I'm always in my underwear around people...they'd notice
2) Fear of ruining my parents' perfect image of me
3) Trying to stay strong and be there for other friends...I'm the group therapist.
4)Vanity..don't want scars
5)Summer's coming...and I don't wanna have to hide it
6)If I start again...it'll be 300 times harder to stop.

Reasons not to outweigh reasons that I want to, right? Let's just hope I can maintain this self control.

08:56:00 PM


Anonymous said...

It is really good that you can identify your reasons etc. It is always helpful to do that, and to get it out there, even if it is on tangst.

I'm sure you can control yourself, because those listed reasons are worth it

Anonymous said...

If you're in enloe theatre, you have a friend with long blonde hair who would be happy to talk with you any time of the day or night.

Anonymous said...

most of those reasons are not really aimed at yourself. "the parents perfect image" "fear of people seeing" "for your friends"

all of those are nice and all but what about you? You are the most important in this situation. You are the one who deserves to be happy. cutting yourself out of punishment is cruel, especially since if you sit down and think about it, you are an amazing person. why should someone like you be punished. You are amazing. You deserve to be happy. cutting yourself is not going to reward You for being...You!