Monday, December 08, 2008

So this is quite a bit late, but still the source of some angst on my part.

I hate that admins/contributors on this site know who I am. I originally joined as a mysterious figure, and I enjoyed it. Sithgirl correctly weeded me out, but other than that I was just a faceless voice. At some point in a gathering of Tangst people I made the mistake of revealing myself to a few others. As one admin said at the time, "Knight_racer's posts were so much cooler before I knew who was writing them."

I wanted to say, "I claimed them because I'm proud of what I've done. Look at who I really am. I can't be real here, and now. But look at what I write, and look at what I think and feel. Know me for who I am, don't judge me for who I've become."

But I didn't. I should have remained anonymous, a faceless voice in a sea of anonymity. But I didn't.

So I say to all of you now. Congratulations. You on here have come to know me for me, not for who I pretend to be. And for all those who do know me, I beseech you to look back. Take a second look. Forget to judge, and read my words with fresh eyes and an open mind.

Not all is as it seems.


Anonymous said...

the real knight racer: someone who couldn't get into college, still has no plans on going, and lied about getting a scholarship for two years.

aww, sad/embarassing :(

Anonymous said...

Is there some kind of vestigial instinct in humans to attack weakness? This whole website is supposed to be about SHARING angst. Why do so many people snap at each other for doing exactly that?

Anonymous said...

Ouch. That's a little harsh, don't you think?

Anonymous said...

The level of pretense in this post is obscene.

Anonymous said...

I agree, anon 1. That was pretty infuriating.

knight_racer979 said...

Not to mention completely inaccurate.

I'm not really sure hwere your information comes from, Anon1, but in the future you should refrain from commenting on what you don't understand.

A) I'm currently in college, about to start exams.

B) I had a scholarship and lost it due to complications that you could not possibly understand.

I thank you anonymous flamers for attacking me on the basis of...well...nothing. Please feel free to let me know who you are so we can discuss the inaccuracies you cling so firmly to.

PChis said...

You know when you have that feeling that you missed something?

knight_racer979 said...

What do you feel you missed, P?

Let's break it down. I posted legitimate angst. I was attacked by some anonymous poster. I responded with facts that directly contradict what said poster seems so sure of.

Sorry guys, I'm a tad emotional about this. The time period between June of '07 and now have been some of the hardest times in my life.

I fucked up my high school career, and thus jeopardized my ability to get into the college of my choice.

I lost not only a scholarship but also an admission to the only university I've ever wanted to attend through sheer stupidity.

I am just now getting my life back on track and I am taking steps to regain what I've lost.

So to those of you who presume to know me, I say fuck off.

That was kind of the point of the original post. You seem to have missed it

Anonymous said...

Yeah but the whole time there were just all these lieeeeees. I got into UNC, I got this scholarship, I got into MIT, blah blah blah.

none of it was true, there was just no reason to believe that each more and more ludicrous claim about why things were being deferred or changing was true.

that is the sad part. not the not going to college so much. and good for you at least trying.

knight_racer979 said...

Once again, let us examine the facts.

I never got in to, or claimed to have gotten in to, MIT. MIT wanted me to apply, but I never did.

I planned on taking a year off after high school because of personal issues I was having. I therefore deferred my admission for a year, something that I recommend to anyone that is unsure about college.

Again, I had a scholarship to UNC. That was the ONLY reason I was accepted. It wasn't a merit-based scholarship and my grades weren't anywhere NEAR good enough to get me in. When the scholarship went, so did the admission.

If you are so convinced that I was or am lying about anything that happened, then I doubt that anything I say can change your mind.

I'm done discussing this. What happened, happened. It was painful enough to go through once, I'm not inclined to go through the whole thing again while being attacked on the truth of it.

If you would like to hear the whole story from me, contact me somewhere outside of here, where I can respond to something other that an anonymous keyboard jockey. I am more than willing to fill you in on the gaps in your knowledge that you seemed to have filled in on your own.

knight_racer979 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

If you can still get this upset, I'm not sure you are over it.

knight_racer979 said...

Now that I've had a chance to calm down, let me try this again.

I don't remember ever, ever lying about anything that happened regarding college. I only spoke very sparsely about what was going on, and I'm sure some of what I said was confusing.

I certainly did not disclose all the details of my experience. Forgive me, but I was extremely embarrassed about not having good enough grades to make the UNC cut.

I again invite you to contact me outside of here if you are interested in learning the whole story. Otherwise you can go back to the beliefs that, while incorrect, allow you to uphold your obviously low opinion of me.

My first comment from today will remain, as it is relevant to the discussion. The second was made purely out of anger and is irrelevant, so it will be deleted.

EDIT: Yes, surprisingly I can still get this upset when someone attacks me with inaccuracies and degrades my character with fiction.

Anonymous said...

I used to know who you were but I seem to have forgotten over the past three years :/

Anonymous said...

yea i have no idea who the fuck you are. nor do I care that much...

PChis said...

I mean I didn't really lose any respect for you over it. That was two years ago and I completely understand the reasons behind it.

That said, you did tell me that you got into MIT and that you had a scholarship there (something about a computer program you had written).

It's cool that you're getting your life back on track.

knight_racer979 said...

Sent you an email, Pchis.

Still waiting for the original poster to take the initiative and allow me to defend myself properly.

Anonymous said...

just to clarify, i'm not the original poster. i'm just a casual tangster who read and posts on occasion, ab 2x a month. or more during exams.

i never knew who you were until the first anon revealed it. no i dont take your comments any differently, and quite frankly i shouldve seen it before now. so i would never judge you for something like that.

however, i went to the website the year you graduated and you were not on the list of scholarships. i dont believe you and will never believe you. i was the one that did the research and told people about you not getting the scholarship. so if youre mad blame me. but people wouldve found out either way.

and no where is wake tech anything close to carolina. nice try.

and that was gonna be the end of my post but then i read all your comments, and you did NOT speak sparsely, but rather bragged about getting into carolina with the scholarship.

Anonymous said...

i wrote the last comment and i'm just adding to it...

"...2007 high school graduates who will enroll in UNC's College of Arts and Sciences this fall, are Cynthia Burton, a violinist from Banner Elk; Jessica Kunttu, a bassoonist from Cary; Daniel Hammond, a horn player from Raleigh; and Lauren Schultes, a soprano from Grosse Pointe, Mich."

knight_racer979 said...

No doubt I can expect to incur more criticism here, but you found info on the wrong scholarship. I was selected for the Kenan Choral Program, which is a seperate and less substantial scholarship.

I would have loved to get the Music grant, and am very jealous of Dan Hammond who is a friend of mine.

and no where is wake tech anything close to carolina.

I'm confused. Are you saying that Wake Tech isn't college? I know I'm not at Carolina, but I'm trying to get there. Wake Tech is the best I can do right now.

You believing me is your choice, and I'm sad that you choose not to but evidently there is nothing that I can do about it.

I'm not mad at anyone, except myself, at the moment. If I bragged about anything, that was wrong of me and I shouldn't have done it.

And with that I believe I am done commenting in this thread.

Loneliness and Despair said...
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Anonymous said...

i just think its silly to apply for anything of the caliber of unc/ncsu/whatever with a failing english grade and expect to get in and only apply to that school.

maybe thats just me.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. You shouldn't even try, because there's no chance of getting in. Great message. You might consider that there were other factors. I failed an elective class my junior year and I still got into NCSU.

I don't know who you are but there clearly are some issues here. Messed up high school experience? You also seem to have made a lot of enemies. That's sad. Overall I've liked your posts on here.

Good luck with the life reconstruction.

Anonymous said...


That's all I see in this topic. Show some sympathy, people.

Anonymous said...

Hooooooly shit.
1)I thought this was a place for people to come together, to trust strangers with their secrets, and not to be completely bashed about their lives.
2)Wasn't there some rule about not disclosing the identity of posters? Good job following your own rules, admins.
3)Spoiled fucking brats. We are super fortunate to live within the small percentage of the population that actually gets to go to college, and you have the nerve to think it's SAD to be going to Wake Tech? It's education! It's good education! Just because it doesn't cost your mommies and daddies 15000 a year to go doesn't make it any less of a good basic studies place.
4)So what if he lied? Have you guys never lied in your lifetime? If he was embarassed about not getting into UNC (which he shouldn't be) then cut him some fucking slack, let him say what he needs to to feel better.

You guys make me sick. We have enough bullshit going on in the world today and for you to come here and attack someone because of a lie? Get a fucking grip and look at yourselves. Nobody is perfect. Leave him alone. What little faith I had left in people is now gone because of you, tangsters. Thanks.