Monday, December 22, 2008

I have never been attracted to another girl until now.

We smoke cigarettes together and weed whenever one of us has any. We've drank together. She's the only girl I've ever had sexual thoughts about. And god, I want her so badly sometimes. We get into deep conversations, revealing things we've never told to anyone else, sharing our fears and our dreams with each other. We connect on the deepest levels on the deepest subjects. And I might let all this go except sometimes I get the feeling that she feels some attraction towards me too. I think about wanting to kiss her when we have sleepovers together. I honestly would like to let this go, but I can't when she asks me to come sleep on the couch with her at sleepovers with our friends or when she tells me I look good and almost flirts with me in inconspicuous ways. It gets exhausting sometimes not acting on what I feel. I'd like to kiss her just once to see if there really is anything there.

05:09:00 PM


龙年 said...

Acting on romantic/sexual thoughts always makes things more complicated when the romantic/sexual attraction dies. Platonic friends don't act on all of those feelings with one another, but they can retain the same tight emotional friendship like you're describing, with no romantic/sexual complication to harm it.

Life's complicated. Have fun thinking about this one; you're the only one who can know what's right for you.

Anonymous said...

talk about it when you're drunk

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the exciting world of Repressed Bisexuality!

Anonymous said...

What's the point? Are you ready to go all the way into a sexual relationship with her? Or do you want to keep what you have, a pretty good friendship? Think through how it might end.

Anonymous said...

so, you connect on the DEEPEST LEVEL, huh? I recommend exploring the cave of wonders.