Saturday, December 13, 2008

In 9th grade I said I'd never give a guy a "blowjob" because it's such a gross and degrading thing to do, while my friends were like "well I might, depending on the circumstances."

I was dead set against EVER doing anything like that and surprise, surprise- I'm in 10th grade now and I'm the first out of my friends to give a guy head. and what eats me up the most is the fact I was completely pressured into it by my boyfriend. We were fooling around in his room and he had just fingered me and I asked him what I could do for him. I figured he'd want a handjob, but he wanted a blowjob. We'd been dating for a week. He'd fingered me twice. I hadn't even given him a handjob yet. I told him no at first. I told him he knew how I felt about this type of thing, but he persisted telling me "I'd do the same for you."

"It's the only thing that will make me happy. I masturbate everyday, a handjob won't do anything for me. I promise you." I just kept asking are you sure it wouldn't be different if I gave you a handjob instead of you doing it to yourself? "No, no. It won't do anything for me." and he just kept telling me this over and over and he made me believe him.- That a blowjob was the only way. That he would of course, without a doubt do the same thing for me. So I gave in. I did it. and afterwards when I went home and took a shower, I felt so dirty and horrible about myself. I felt raped of my innocence and my pride all at once, all by that simple action.

But more than anything I felt untrue to myself.

Regardless to say, he never ate me out. and we've broken up because he went off telling his buddies that he was getting laid every night and bragging about how he got a blowjob. I wish I had said no. I wish I hadn't given into him. I wish that I could have atleast done that to a guy I loved so passionately that I WANTED to do that to him, BECAUSE I felt so strongly for him.

06:48:00 PM


Anonymous said...

That really sucks, because giving a blowjob can be a really sexy, fun thing to do. I hope you've learned something about your boundaries and will hold your ground better the next time something like that happens. That said, your boyfriend was an asshole for taking advantage of you and your relationship like that. What a loser.

PChis said...

Wow, you ran in to quite the douche bag. I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Don't let this completely jade you though. There are tons of ass holes out there to be sure, but if you persevere you'll find a good guy.

I hope that this experience teaches you that no man's desires are worth your morals or your pride, and next time a similar situation comes up you can tell them you're only going so far. If a man doesn't respect that (especially after a week), I would say he's not worth your time (call me picky, but that's my opinion).

That said, on the matter of blowjobs: I would say depending on the way they're done, they can certainly be clean and intimate rather than gross and degrading.

On masturbation: I would say masturbation is many ways more "pleasurable" (in a raw pleasure sort of way) than a handjob, a blowjob, or even sex. The guy is on the input and the output end, so he knows exactly where he wants what when. That said, things one does with another person certainly have their own wonderful qualities to them, and therefore a handjob should most certainly not be rejected because one masturbates. That's pretty ridiculous.

On hand jobs: I feel like the idea that "it's easy to make a man cum" that permeates popular culture makes women feel like they can just grab a dick and pump it and it works. This is certainly not the case. Giving a good hand job (or blow job for that matter) is something that requires some experience and is different for every person. I would say being open and talking about things with whoever your partner is is the best way to go about getting better.

Sorry to jack your thread with that. It blows what happened to you. The silver lining that I see is that now you're prepared to make sure the loss of your virginity is something wonderful rather than something reminiscent of your current story (which is something that has happened to quite a few girls I know).

Matthew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matthew said...

"Sorry to "jack" your thread with that. It really "blows", what happened to you" PChis said...

I lol'd

PChis said...

Clearly I should pick my words more carefully in the future.

Anonymous said...

It can actually be really fun when it's with a guy you love or care about. I'm sorry that happened though...but at least you will think about it more thoroughly for next time.

Anonymous said...

Blowjobs can be fun, but only when you're with someone you feel completely comfortable with and only if you're comfortable yourself with the idea of a dick in your mouth (and only if he keeps his penis nice and clean!). If you're not comfortable, no guy should make you put your tongue down there. This boy was a complete jackass. I feel so bad for you having to experience that. If someone else tries to make you do something in bed you don't want to, remember that it's always okay to say no. There are a million ways to please another person physically and nobody should ever try to convince you that the only way they'll be happy is for you to do something you find distasteful.