So who here has actually had sex and can tell about the experience from a teenage/first time approach? I'm weighing my options.
Anonymous
10:16:08 PM
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2 comments:
Step one: you gotta define your gender. The first time or any time is fundamentally different for each sex. Since I don't know, I'm just gonna assume you're a girl, since I'm a girl, and that's what I can best give advice about.
Warning: graphic content to follow
Trust him. Love him, yes, that's extremely important, but most of all, trust him. If you wouldn't trust him with your life, you shouldn't trust him with your virginity. He doesn't have to be the guy you're going to marry, but be sure that this is a stable relationship, lasting longer than a week, and one that you won't regret consummating in the future. It may seem convenient to lose it to some one-night-stand and figure that you might as well build up some skill for the one you will eventually love, but this will make you feel like a cheap dirty whore in the future if you do it. Trust him, love him, and know that even if the relationship ends, it was a worthwhile one.
Protection is good. Condoms of a good brand (Trojan is popular) do work, so use them if you're not on a birth control prescription. Be sure that you're using protection, because it's not true that you can't get pregnant the first time. Also, if your partner is not a virgin, be sure you ask him straight if he has any STDs. Sure, people lie, but I refer to the first paragraph. If you think he'd be one to lie about having an STD, he shouldn't be your first. Condoms also protect against most STDs, though not all.
Foreplay is also important. He might be up in a jiffy, and gender equalists may staunchly defend the fact that a woman can become sexually aroused just as quickly as a man can, but in real life it often takes a woman longer to become properly lubricated than it takes a man to achieve an erection. Sex will be difficult and painful with an unprepared vagina, so be sure you two have plenty of kissing and petting and general loving before you go in for the big finale.
For a girl, the first time hurts like hell. For the first half of the first time, that is-- second half's not as bad. He shouldn't try to enter you with his penis and just keep pushing until your hymen is broken, because that will hurt a helluva lot. Instead, if he first tries to break your hymen by applying pressure with his fingers (preferably the thumb), the pain is over more quickly and he can actually enter you with less pain. It'll still hurt some because your vagina will be fairly tight and unused to the size of a penis, but it will hurt less than if your hymen were still in place. Any way you slice it (no pun intended), it's gonna hurt, you will bleed some for about a day, and it'll smart a little for a few days afterward while you heal. It's not uncommon for sex to hurt the first few times you have it, but don't worry, you'll stretch out in time. And don't worry that stretching out will make you less sexually desireable-- few men what to have sex with a woman who's grimmacing in pain, and you'll still provide plenty of stimulation.
It's pretty unlikely that you'll get an orgasm from intercourse. If you think you've had one but you're just not sure, that means you haven't. Read up online about clitoral stimulation and other methods of achieving the female orgasm. Wikipedia is, as always, a good starting point.
Your first time, you probably won't do anything all that fancy-- you'll both probably be too scared and excited to try anything unorthodox. That's okay. Missionary (man lying atop the woman) is a good place to start, and later on when you're more comfortable, you can talk to each other about trying different positions and finding what feels best for both of you. There are also tons of ways to spice up sex: toys, roleplay, striptease, whipped cream. Again, feel free to experiment.
But the most important thing is communicate with your partner. How does he feel about this? Is he willing to accomidate your feelings about sex, both physical and emotional? Are you willing to accomodate his? How do you both see your relationship progressing? Do you both feel like this is the right time to begin having sexual intercourse? How bad would your parents ground you if they found out? Where are you going to do this without getting caught, when can you get an alibi, and how will you accquire the neccessary the proper birth control and safer sex items like condoms? (Hey, you asked for a teen perspective, and for a teen, these are important questions.) Until you can both satisfactorily agree on these issues, you should hold off on sex.
Obviously, I'm not telling you to wait until marriage. But you should be sure that when you start having sex, you are ready, emotionally and physically. That may mean waiting for a couple weeks or months or even years for the right man and the right circumstances, but sex with someone you love and trust is worth whatever amount of time you wait.
Sex for girls does nto neccesarily hurt the first time. If your hymen is already broken, it really won't hurt that much. Some girls don't have hymens, or broke them when they were younger through sports or using tampons, with little or no pain. If you already masturbate or have hand sex with your partner, sex won't hurt that much. If that's what you are worried about, you should look online for more about breaking hymens.
There are plenty of ways to have enjoyable sexual relations with your partner without actually having intercourse. If you aren't ready to take on the risks of pregnancy or STDs, oral sex is a really good option. Many girls have better orgasms from oral sex than actual sex, becuase it better stimulates their clitoris. You should become very comfortable with you partner and find out what works best for you. Good luck!
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