I spent the last hour trying to fall asleep. It didn't work.
All I did was end up sobbing into my pillow with the solitary thought of "Why doesn't he love me?" running through my head. I'm all cried out and I still don't have an answer.
But this has to stop. I have too many other things going on right now. I can't waste energy on this anymore. Everything else should be more important. They are to him.
I can't do this anymore. I just can't take it. I'm breaking down. I know that I'm hurting myself with my futile caring.
Yet the foremost thought in my mind is, "I wonder if he'll know it's me when he reads this tomorrow."
(And now I'm sorry if that makes anyone feel paranoid.)
Anonymous
01:32:19 AM
8 comments:
I could have posted this.
"I can't waste energy on this anymore. Everything else should be more important. They are to him."
Jeeze, so just stop it! Women need to learn the male art of repression. We feel inferior too and events can certainly be emotionally draining, but for me personally when I see something as logically impossible to achieve I just push it away out of my mind. When I lose something that I know crying won't bring back I simply don't cry. And then in the normal time that it would take a woman to heal from an emotional wound (which she spent a third of crying, by the way) I will be fine as well but with none of the ill effects. Maybe this is different, maybe I've never been in love before the way you have, but seriously, just let this one go.
I hope the above anonymous is forever plagued with singleness.
I would like to point out, anon2, that it is generally accepted in the psychological realm that emotions do not disappear. Even your emotions from being a child, are all stored in your psyche. You can interpret that as you like, I find it quite wonderful. Haven't you ever had a feeling about something, and remembered the same feeling aroused by a different catalyst in your childhood? Even the same catalyst? Not only that, but the act of repression and dismissal of emotions is damaging to one's livelihood. As a rule, repression and dismissal are never superior ways to deal with situations.
It is in no way bad to express one's emotions. Crying is perfectly healthy, and encouraged. That being said, there is a point when a hyper-sensitivity that is constantly presented in public, or to yourself, can be damaging in a different way. When one cries for something, in no way could it possibly benefit the subject they are crying over. Crying over a dead person will not bring them back, crying over a person who doesn't like you won't aleviate the situation, etc. Crying is a self-indulgence to relieve oneself of frustrations that manifest themselves in many ways.
So! There must be a compromising point, where one becomes a balanced and interesting human being.
And, I hope you feel better. Time heals all. (Well, many things).
Heather, darling, why were you up at 4:50?
I hate being a teenager sometimes. I pitty my parents for not having a website like this to be typical on without feeling stupid.
I was up at 4:50 this morning cause I slept most of yesterday afternoon/evening and my body wouldn't let me keep sleeping through to the morning.
A.K.A. My Body Hates Me, episode 3562
"that it is generally accepted in the psychological realm that emotions do not disappear."
Way to mix bad Frued and even worse pop psychology. Emotions as we see them are a physical manifestation of the mental contents of our brain. How a mental event is stored as a memory and how often it is accessed to bring up these physical phenomena (crying, stomach aches, ect) is barely understood by psychologists but has a lot to do with intention. If a person makes a huge deal about a tragedy and chooses to dwell on it it's obviously going to have a bigger impact on them for a longer period of time, whereas if they dismiss it, it won't. The less you make of something that you know you can't change the less you'll dwell on it later, the less you'll mope and cry, and the more energy you'll have for more constructive endeavors (ie. finding a guy who actually likes you)
Whatever, take it or leave it. But I for one am much more attracted to a girl who's reasonable without all that emotional baggage from the past.
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