I derive too much pleasure from popping my zits in front of the mirror in the morning. Or the afternoon. Or the evening.
Am I just gross, or do other people share this habit?
Anonymous
11:05:50 PM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
I was gonna write a poem for ELO, but it got too angsty, so now it's a Tangsty poem, I guess.
well, it was winter
(dawn, one morning, and i was
eleven. it was saturday)
the hard-slant rays were
cold and golden and they
made blue shadows… darker
than black somehow
i saw my dog lying, sleeping?
no, she was not sleeping
i slid over the grass on my knees
still conscious of my new khaki
pants and touched a flank
with black-gloved hands
i must admit i was little
expecting to see death but a little
curious to see it too—I was so
young then and the glassy eyes
were more beautiful... than painted
marbles, but i could feel the cold
through my glove. so terrible
i screamed
o, i screamed! and my voice
cracked with pain and cold and
puberty and i could hear the footsteps
of my mother on the back deck
(still in her multi-colored curlers, a
magenta nightgown, her glasses on).
and as i looked back at her
i felt her relief that I was not hurt
it was just . . . my . . . dog
how i hated her, then!
(dawn, one morning, and i was
eleven. it was saturday)
the hard-slant rays were
cold and golden and they
made blue shadows… darker
than black somehow
i saw my dog lying, sleeping?
no, she was not sleeping
i slid over the grass on my knees
still conscious of my new khaki
pants and touched a flank
with black-gloved hands
i must admit i was little
expecting to see death but a little
curious to see it too—I was so
young then and the glassy eyes
were more beautiful... than painted
marbles, but i could feel the cold
through my glove. so terrible
i screamed
o, i screamed! and my voice
cracked with pain and cold and
puberty and i could hear the footsteps
of my mother on the back deck
(still in her multi-colored curlers, a
magenta nightgown, her glasses on).
and as i looked back at her
i felt her relief that I was not hurt
it was just . . . my . . . dog
how i hated her, then!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I, at a visit to your site, read the pleas for enlightenment on the subject of philosophy, as well as the discussion about ID.
Although I perhaps am not qualified to suggest this answer, being from a significantly different locale, I will walk into the agora of Socrates nonetheless.
You create and govern your own reality through reason. You may percieve the outside world through your senses, but the way you choose to interpret the outside world literally holds sway over all of your reality, which is different from anyone else's.
Years ago, people believed in ghosts as an explanation for phenomena around them. They would point to events that were cohesive with this theory, and ignore those events that went against their theory to the point of oblivion. Are the laws of physics any different in their purpose?
We believe things to be true because our reason can affirm their validity. Our faculty of reason is what dictates how we understand the world, and our perception of reality completely depends on reason, and not so much on our senses.
If you choose to believe that God or philosophy exist, then they will.Your reality depends on nobody but yourself, and if you allow these concepts into your reason, then they will appear in your reality.
Choose wisely
Anonymous
08:35:44 PM
To my secret love
Jenny was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen,
And I wished that someday she'd be mine.
'Cause it was like dacin' throgh a heavenly dream
Just to look into her deep blue eyes.
And the sound of her laughter was church bells ringing,
and bluebirds singing in the spring.
And every time I saw her my heart would flutter
Like a butterfly on the wing.
Jenny was the sweetest girl I ever loved,
And I secretly hoped she loved me.
Because having such an angel from heaven above,
Was almost too good to believe.
And the sound of her laughter was church bells ringing,
and bluebirds singing in the spring.
And every time I saw her my heart would flutter
Like a butterfly on the wing.
This is for all of you out there who are loving (or being loved) in secret.
Hopefully the day will come when that hidden love will be revealed, and the joy will be worth the wait.
And for Jenny, the one secretly loved: If only I could tell you how I feel inside. I sit by, watching and waiting, always wanting to speak the truth but never able to. Know that I will always be there beside you, supporting you through good times and bad, weathering the storm with you, waiting to tell you the truth.
May faith keep you all, and forever hold the magic of your minds.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Whenever I read "Everyone will know who this is" or "I'm giving myself away with this, but...", I realize exactly how anonymous this all is. I go to Enloe and have probably met most of you at one time or another in real life. But I have never been able to figure out who any of the Anonymouses are, unless I've been told about it in person.
Anonymous
10:55:49 PM
One of my best friends had an eating disorder and used to self harm. I lived with her for the past year. I put up with everything, I helped her with everything to make her feel better, I even prevented her from commiting suicide. Twice. I ruined a whole school year because I missed lessons to stay at home with her, scared she would kill herself, or shopping cause it made her feel better. I spent loads of money on food, transportation and all that just to make her feel better. I don't regret it because she's better now. She eats normally and doesn't self harm anymore.
But when I go to visit and she says
"I know I used to be self absorbed. And I thank for all the people who really helped me... like my mum and my boyfriend" and I'm not even mentioned... well, that really pisses me off! That b*tch (not that I mean it when I'm not mad)! Her MUM doesn't know half the stuff she did... her boyfriend doesn't know either, and if she's still with him she can bloody thank me for it... but no... apparently I don't deserve acknowledgement for everything I did. It's like it was my JOB to do so. To ruin a whole school year just because I cared about her.
And she didn't even thank me for the presents I gave her last week. No form of thank you. Not even a hug or kiss on the cheek. Ungrateful b*tch. She can bet I'm not helping her anymore. F*ck her. She can ask her MUM and her BOYFRIEND for help.
P.S.: Her mum and her boyfriend are great people and I'm not mad at them by any means. Just her. Because I care about her. And she doesn't care about me.
Anonymous
07:36:55 PM
I lie a lot. It’s like an addiction. I can't stop. I lie about everything - for attention, to cover my flaws... to stay out of trouble, to get out of situations, because I'm lazy... it’s a real problem. I wish there was a rehab center or something... because I am losing the truth in the lies, losing my self... lying without hesitation... its bad... very bad...I need serious help.
Anonymous
07:00:15 PM
Monday, January 23, 2006
Some of you know who this is.
I saw a doctor today who told me that at the age of 16 my peculiar mix of horrible family history and my own bad eating habits have led me to a place where I am highly at risk for heart attacks, strokes, blood clots, and adult-onset diabetes.
At 16. Not at 50.
So now its excercise or die, if I may wax melodramatic. (When it's life or death, melodrama is always within one's bailiwick.)
Anonymous
10:13:04 PM
Oh, god, I am such an idiot. I am stupid fool.
stupid stupid stupid.
WHY AM I SO DUMB? I just messed it all up. I'm sorry. I can't even look at the mirror anymore without feeling ashamed.
Why do I mess everything up? just when things were floating along nicely I had to poke a hole in the proverbial ACME inflateable raft of my life, just to see what the ocean floor looked like.
why, why why why why why?????
Anonymous
10:10:38 PM
A Quaker church was spreading information about non-violence at an anti-recruitment booth at a local Florida high school, and what does the FBI do? They send in operatives and wiretaps to monitor their meetings, /obviously in the interests of national security/.
Someone dare me to get anti-recruitment posters approved by the administration for the next time we have army guys visiting. I'd love to hear B-Choch's response.
Anonymous
08:23:47 PM
i'm so so SO angry at my mom right now and i don't care that this post isn't interesting or specific or anything and that nobody's going to comment on it, i just needed to let some anger out by a different means than punching a hole in the wall.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her
she sucks she ruins my life i wish she would go away
aaaaaaaaaahhalsdkfjlskfjl;dskafjdl;akfhasdlkfghakdfutuyoroitgj;arsd
lkfgvjna;d bnm
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i hate her.
thank you tangst for that free therapy.
Anonymous
06:37:51 PM
Last Night I Swore I Saw Myself In The Gravel
Click-click.
The slick slip on the tip of your tongue
Tapping your teeth
The taste of love on a cold city street
Everything is over when the sidewalk loses its substance.
Sweet respiration
After a night’s desperation
Find salvation in penetration
Lovers always linger at the train station.
Flickering street lights
Cut through the black
Like a butter knife
Spread the rumor with a bang.
Just remember that it’s best executed
When your thumb is folded
Back into your hand
TransferStudent7
12:39:01 PM
Sunday, January 22, 2006
my old school is asking for "alumni" to write statements and share a few memories. How do you share a few when that school changed your entire life? how do you share a few when living in India (so much for being anonymous) was the best thing that ever happened to you? How do you condense everything you learnt, everything that had an effect on you, and everything that has made your life better into a few sentences? how do you thank every person that made your experiences, and hence your memories, just so much better?
Anonymous
09:13:12 PM
A two part poem, I wrote this when I was feeling particularly exultant and arrogant, and it's an exercise in rigid rhyme and meter. If I were to title it, I would call it "Iambic Tetrameter, Bitches."
I.
O, through the pine-wall'd corridor
Where never man has walk'd before
(except for one last happy night
so long ago), and where no sight
of man is seen, or woman seen,
among the needles evergreen:
that is where we two now must go--
through silver barks and hostile snow
drifts (some are piled five foot high)--
until at last we touch the sky
and you and I become, as God!
The rulers of this earthly sod!
There in the holy sacrement
our days eternal shall be spent
and all shall fear our name.
II.
The sun burns high in firmament
An eternal stalwart testament
That sends each ray of light between
The cells of all the grasses green
Helios, omnipresent eye,
You make your route across the sky
And tell me that if I would dare
To look through daunting solar glare
That I could grip your solar flare
And take the rider's fiery chair
But where then would your horses go,
With master whom they do not know?
They’d snort and toss and roll their eyes--
For to me love or me despise--
Or perhaps all things would go well
And with my exultant heart would swell
To look from thence and see the ground
While flying the whole world around
And in my ears the mournful sound
Of glowing angels rustling gowns.
What changes wrought upon my stop,
Which would I find were made atop
The world, upon that golden seat?
Would people I met in the street
Back away from my transcendence
(Moses’ face, out of God’s tents)?
It would be trite and so mundane
To return back to earthly plane
and rendez-vous with shadow’s stain:
The sons of Seth, Abel and Cain
I hate it when I start crying because the reality of life hits me.
I was so close to telling him I loved him. I mean, he knows I love him, but until recently, I'd never been in love with him.
He'd been waiting for me for months, maybe longer. He'd talked to my best friend about how much he loved me, and I never knew until after everything was over.
And now I can never tell him everything I know because I'm too afraid of messing up his life. He's happy now and I have to live with it.
I hate having to plaster a smile on my face when I see them together.
I hate that she's everything I couldn't be for him.
I hate that this is so cliche.
I hate having regrets.
Anonymous
12:55:56 AM
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Anyone who knows me can pretty much figure this out, so it's not all that anonymous.
But fuck I hate politics. I hate working in local politics anyways. Sometimes I wish that me and all the nice productive people could go to our little utopian island where we can shoot at the asshole blowhards while they float on a raft in shark-infested waters.
Anonymous
04:03:04 PM
Vagino-centric chivalry pisses me off big time.
There are millions of girls out there that expect doors to be opened, chairs to be pulled back, and hats to be tipped in their direction with them doing absolutely nothing in return. Maybe that made sense back when women couldn't have jobs, drive cars, or lift heavy objects because of their corsets, but nowadays it's a moot point. Equality is a two way steet. You can't have it both ways.
I open doors for people when I see them coming behind me as a rule, but the only way I'm going to run to open doors for every girl I see is if strange women are also running to bake me cookies and hem my pants.
Anonymous
01:48:08 PM
Alright guys, so here's some weird thing I've noticed.
It seems that almost every girl I know had some sort of good/best friend before middle school, but during middle school they both had a fight or developed irreconcilliable differences and had a falling out and no longer talk to each other.
Maybe it's just confirmation bias, but is this true for most of you?
Friday, January 20, 2006
"“the farmer theory”
and, how many days has your
socialite hand flourished?
black fingernails have found their way into
your breast pocket;
the rustic-plaid flannel
with ragged holes on the elbows
has endured all your
cadaver mistresses, one
by one.
and oh,
whatever happened to your
stoic nature?
epicureanistic tastes overwhelm me
slowly
d.r.a.w.i.n.g
this frame
black & white--
you add red.-and white.-and blue.
personable natures are so alien in your bubble and you don't know how to cope.
maroon petticoats flash
above my knees,
and your geisha
-hungry ice-eyes forget your place.
i like to paint my fingernails black.
what do your all-american levi's think of that?"
I didn't write it, but it made me happy on this night of all other nights. It just goes to show that some days, when you're so lucky it's unbelievable, you can find something worth reading on FictionPress.com
Anonymous
11:04:05 PM
The girl you see on the outside is just a shell. Sure- I'm the girl who looks for the good in things. I'm the girl who's never pessimistic. See whatever you want. But the girl on the inside is in agony. She feels cold and morose. She longs to seclude herself from the world around her. She need to dwell on what has happened to her family and to herself. She misses how things used to be and hates the way I have become. I only see this girl whenever I look at a mirror. Or a photograph. Or a friendly face.
I hate my past. And she hates me.
I also miss her, I think that's why I keep her around. She keeps me company. I'm afraid to let her go.
I try to keep my chin up, but the rain keeps getting in my eyes.
Anonymous
10:47:28 PM
Thursday, January 19, 2006
a little rose petal for your bedside
Nocturne for a Soprano
It's not my heart I feel in my throat
Whenever you deign to glance
On a lost companion --
One of better days.
Instead I feel his liver
And bilious anger coursing through
When we have all found our way...
Will we yet remain lost too?
I, child, am in the proverbial candy shop.
Discouraged by my elders
From sampling the goods arrayed above
Stacked haphazardly on translucent shelves
They smell so sweet, perhaps just a taste...
But I am commanded to refrain.
Would the best man try this well?
Every childish misconception
May never be erased.
I spoke to Pan on the subject
He said that time is not given
By the alligator's clock.
But it is given by sweet needles
That thread us to our shadows.
Will I ever find a shadow?
Shall you dream about
What you will never be allowed to touch?
The choicest morsals
Are out of my reach - forever.
But sometimes our lives last longer.
Your judgement is not wanted
But still I understand.
Our roles are not so laid out,
That we can shift the duties around.
But sopoforics are recommended
Whenever I step lightly.
Whole lives concealed in a single wor(l)d.
You conceal them too.
The childish sadness descended
"He cries at the strangest things."
The thought of every day
Brings a bone-weariness
Exhaustion cannot be tamed -
It finally re-asserts itself,
The earth begins to slip.
But who can blame such a one
Weren't you ever hungry yourself?
all you tangsters seem so much wiser than other kids our age. so i wanted to ask you:
how do you define "being in love"?
i think i am (or at least was) in love, but everyone else my age seems to think it is impossible to fall in love when you have only known the person a year and you are only 15. but what i feel for this guy is not just a crush or lust, i feel like we have this really big connection, and like he is one of the best people in the world.
someone please explain
Anonymous
08:20:15 PM
For he whose name was writ in water
" A quarrel in the streets is a thing to be hated, but the energies displayed in it are fine"
-John Keats
-John Keats
Alas, Grecian urns are forever more cursed
to be fated with the same avaricious consumption
as the Potter himself.
How fickle is man to boast his origins of clay.
And still how radiant that earthen odor is to he who knows
not yet his beast is broken.
Alas, the astral titans grow weary in their chambers
Begging for a banquet of sound to satiate their solar tongues.
The stardust of their gardens blinked their way
and the silence screamed in violent contortions
the void shrieked (with heart of harpy and health of dove)
Through stalwert and stoic labor pains
to be fated with the same avaricious consumption
as the Potter himself.
How fickle is man to boast his origins of clay.
And still how radiant that earthen odor is to he who knows
not yet his beast is broken.
Alas, the astral titans grow weary in their chambers
Begging for a banquet of sound to satiate their solar tongues.
The stardust of their gardens blinked their way
and the silence screamed in violent contortions
the void shrieked (with heart of harpy and health of dove)
Through stalwert and stoic labor pains
i know i am thin, i know i am healthy.
but that is not why i don't eat breakfast, that is not why i always "forget" my lunch, that is not why i do 200 crunches everytime i slip and eat a piece of toast.
i am anorexic because i am a control freak, a perfectionist. i feel like it is the one thing where i have absolute control. why can't you understand that?
Anonymous
06:10:08 PM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Last night I was reading through this thing I wrote when I was in 6th grade (and I wrote it solely for my own enjoyment, not for any assignment or anything), and one of the things that really struck me about it was when I said:
Things I think would make our country better:
Anti-Gay People Laws! No more gays!!!!!!!
Anti-abortion laws!!!!
To quote Jeph Jacques of the venerable web-comic Questionable Content, "If irony were water, this blog would be Lake Michigan."
I got drunk at my ex's house... Now she might be pregnant and I know if she is she won't get an abortion. I'm trying to get her to put it for adoption, but thats not what worries me... I'm in love with a girl 1200 miles away and I can't stop worrying that she'll up and leave the second a pregnancy is offical. I mean, she said she would stay but... I just don't want to loose her
Anonymous
04:45:15 PM
i am a 15 year old girl, i don't go to enloe. if guys could post a short reply to this it would be great.
i was just wondering....
is it more appealing if a girl:
1. a)is shy&polite or b)is loud and talkative?
2. a)has brown hair or b)has blonde hair?
3. a)wears noticeable makeup or b)looks clean&natural?
4. a)dresses slutty or b)dresses cute?
5. a)plays easy-to-get or b)plays hard-to-get?
6. a)tells funny jokes or b)says suggestive things?
7. a)is a good friend of yours or b)is "on a pedestal"?
8. a)talks to you about deep, thoughtful things or b)talks to you about silly, amusing things?
if you could just post with answering either a or b to each one, that would be great =) thanks
Anonymous
03:30:22 PM
My mother doesn't like him, I can tell. (She may even know, by now.) I love him, and I love him to the point where I don't care--this is amazing for me--what she thinks of him, I will be with him.
I don't want this to turn into Romeo and Juliet (due in no small part to the fact that they committed a double-suicide at the end of the story), I want my parents to love their future son-in-law as much as I love him! But they don't know him, they don't trust him. How can they? He swooped down into their daughter's life and changed things forever.
I don't know if they realize just how much he's changed their daughter's life. How he makes me want to sing whenever I see his face. How I long to be with him, every moment of every day. I don't know if they realize that their daughter has fallen in love, that their daughter has found her One.
And that finding her One has given her something she never had before: reason to disobey them and the backbone to do it.
Anonymous
01:38:23 PM
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
I wasn't quite as icily strong as she was, didn't take my leave, write my exhilarated message on the statue in bright red lipstick (I don't wear it--chapstick only goes so far for graffiti), jump into the plane. I wasn't as brilliant as she was, to know what she wanted (though I did) and stick with it all the way through. I slipped and forgave (is that bad?) and pretended to forget (ignored his looks, his sighs, spoke behind him, not to him).
But I left him there all the same.
And I waited (though I know she didn't) to see what would happen. Ready to take it back, in an instant (I'm not her, I'd cave) if I thought the wheels would crush him.
But they didn't.
One Eddie Willers saw the two beacons of the train's lights, and stood up, and walked away.
Dagny hugged her knees to her chest from behind the computer monitor, reading the words of elation, and felt herself smiling.
Someday, he would be another girl's Galt.
My best friend just had sex. With a freshman. Who has a girlfriend that he's cheating on with two other girls. She says she "loves him more than anything else in the world"
and I want to smack her teeth out of her face.
I don't want to be this angry at her- but how could she be so stupid! I hate having to be the always caring best friend. Now it falls on me to comfort her for her bad decisions. It's -MY- responsibility to make sure that she feels ok.
Anonymous
05:58:36 PM
i'm in love with him and he doesn't know it. i appreciated him before anyone else even gave him a second glance. i was his friend, the person he could always trust, the person he could laugh with for hours. and now this past week,SHE, her perfect, popular, way-better-than-me, self has decided that she likes the guy too. guess who he picked?
he never even notices me anymore. life sucks.
Anonymous
10:57:10 AM
Part of me wishes that my family would have stayed in the States.
I love my country... Incredibly beautiful, friendly, fairly open minded...
And yet even as I'm about to graduate (with decent/mediocre marks), i curse the substandard education i received here.
Lotsa love from the Great White North.
Where an A is >86%...
Anonymous
01:25:22 AM
Monday, January 16, 2006
I've noticed that certain immensely popular posts have been left off of the tangst popularity hall of fame. /Hm, I wonder why?/ Nonetheless I demand an explanation from our moderators. We should keep it fresh in our minds if only to prevent that kind of fiasco from happening again.
Anonymous
02:34:44 PM
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Saturday, January 14, 2006
i was in the parking lot when
Armegeddon came and you were
gone. everyone was suddenly
gone and where the sound of cars
had been there was nothing but
the sound of crickets.
i was left alone--
the king of the parking lot:
my paved pavilion and the stately
pruned trees watched my parade…
until the sun began to rise.
i fled into the grocery store and hid
beneath a yellow can
of green peas
the silver-fish befriended me
and spoke to me their little language,
(it tasted like pinto beans)
their life span was short
so i was their god eternal
but when the sun went down
(and they died)
i went back to the parking lot
years had elapsed beneath
the green beans
and sprightly pine trees
were pushing up through the cracks
the deer crushed them! crushed them all!
on their mad stampede to get to Me
{their yellow eyes were rollllling
and i admit i was afraid
until they nuzzled me}.
whispered.
tongues and ate them
what delicacy! in the parking
lot and Me alone as the king of
it.
Friday, January 13, 2006
my dad smokes pot, and let me tell you, it is NOT cool, so why are people always so lighthearted about drugs? it ruined my life, even tho he is not abusive and now my parents are divorced. i'm so happy becuase my mom is going to start dating again, but how can i tell my dad that i want him out of my life? the hard thing is, i still want a dad, and he's the only one i have...
Anonymous
08:32:44 PM
Dang. I don't check the tangst for a day, and I've missed so much. And then I comment on the old posts, and no one ever reads them again...sad. I guess you have to do this thing religiously, or not at all.
Secondly....I feel like maybe 1/4 of tangsters are gay? Um...is this correct? Maybe the gay ones just post alot? Hm. I don't really know, but all this about "hey, it's great you're coming out and all"...mmm, lemme just put something out there.
I realize that Enloe is probably the most liberal school in the Wake County area. However, that does not mean that every student agrees with homosexuality, or even thinks it's ok. I am one of the students who strongly disagrees with it.
Usually, I find strong resistance to my beliefs at Enloe, however I always state them because I think it's important to hear all sides of things. So, because there has been recent posts about guys w/ guys etc...and possibly someone coming out? I'm not sure, apparently the tangsters know this kid and I really am just really really lost, so...
But I just wanted to put it out there-don't get stuck in your little world where everything is good, and everything is right, including coming out and deciding you're homosexual. That's a false world right there and eventually, you'll have a run in with reality.
I understand that we want to support everyone on tangst and all, and I'm not degrading whoever may be gay, or what have you. However, I just don't want the impression to be that everyone is fine with decisions like that. Because that is simply not the truth.
(P.S. I know this post will probably get a lot of crazed liberal responses....however, I would like to ask that you keep the criticism polite, if anything. Thanks anyway.)
Anonymous
12:43:34 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006
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