Friday, September 12, 2008

wow so Im in quite a situation, My girlfriend who is madly in love with me and I with her, believes that I have had sex with two girls before her, I told her this early in the relationship because she asked me and I was too nervous to tell her that I am in fact a virgin. Now our relationship has become much more serious and we are probably going to have sex pretty soon. The problem is this lie, she thinks I have experience because I made up a back story for the two girls and everything, Each piece was a white lie but together they have created a monster. Its not that big of a deal or it wouldn't be except that she is a virgin too. I want to tell her that she will be my first because I hate lying to her and the more she ask about my past the more I have to lie to keep up the previous lie that Im not a virgin. I know it will hurt her to find out that I lied to her and that is the last thing I want to do, But I hate lying to her as well. What should I do, If I tell her how should I?

01:01:00 AM


Anonymous said...

Lies like this will get you screwed. And not in the way that you'd like.

If you tell her, she might understand. If she does understand, she might not break up with you. If she does not break up with you, it may set things back a bit for the two of you. If you tell her, I recommend doing so before you're in bed.

Were you to keep up the charade: It all depends on what you've claimed to have done. Since you've had sex before, she will expect a certain level of experience. If they were one-night stands, she'll understand a total lack of experience. If you've had a good amount of sex (ie. in a relationship), she will expect a good amount of experience.

Here's the thing: Sex is intimate, regardless of it's meaning or motives. The problem for you is that when you get that close to someone (physically), it's all about how you behave and what you do. It's going to be difficult for you to convince her that you know what you're doing if you've never been with someone before, because you will *feel* like you don't know what you're doing.

Since she hasn't had sex before, she won't know exactly what she likes, so this is sort of an advantage (if you were to keep with the lie), but not much. Remember, you're lying about your sexual history; what if she is lying about hers?

The thing about sex is that many people do it with people they trust. Trust is generally built on truth, and the feeling that you "know" someone.

If you've established a large base of trust, telling her (in a considerate way) what you did could strengthen your bond and be a self-healing event.

If you want anything out of this relationship other than the sex, you should probably tell her, because it's not going to go away. She will probably ask you questions about what you liked to do in the past, and have you suggest things based on your experience.

Anonymous said...

Tell her the truth. Apologize, explain to her why you lied, and be sure to specifically ask for her forgiveness. I don't know if she'll give it, but it's likely that she would understand you wanted to sound mature. Absolutely do not have sex with her unless she knows you're a virgin.

She will probably feel a little relieved knowing the truth. Guys sometimes think that girls want a guy with a ton of experience, but that's not the case. It's scary as hell to be the one in the relationship with less experience, especially if you're a virgin. It's not just about the fear of your partner having an STD, it's the (often unfounded) fears of not being good enough, not living up to all your partner's previous partners, embarassing yourself through your lack of knowledge. It's the fear that he's thinking about somebody else while he's having sex with you. Tell her you're a virgin. It will mean a lot to her.

Also, if you're both virgins and you feel ready to have sex with one another, you absolutely have to be up front about being a virgin. Sex is INCREDIBLY non-intuitive. You guys should get some books or find some websites about sex, read up together, talk about it frankly before you take the big plunge. Don't be upset if you don't get it right the first time-- it's not as easy as just "stick tab A into slot B". There's a lot you will need to talk about with one another before you can make sex work for both of you.

In conclusion, tell her the truth and hope she appreciates your honesty. If not, better luck next time, and don't make the same mistake.

thewordofrashi said...

Remember the genie in Aladdin?

Tell her the TRUTH!

p.s. to anon 2 ("stick tab A into slot B"), clearly, you had mr. ogren.

Anonymous said...

Don't bang her if you don't tell her the truth.

anon2 said...

clearly, I did. study early, often, and in short amounts :)

Anonymous said...

How long have you two been dating?

Anonymous said...

Now I miss Mr. Ogren D: