Thursday, March 05, 2009

A few weeks ago, I sent him a message telling him how much our relationship meant to me. Both the very short romantic portion and the awesome friendship prior to that. I told him how he helped me through the worst months of my life and thanked him for being there. He never responded to that message.

Since we broke up a little over three months ago, I can count the number of times he has initiated any kind of conversation with me on my fingers, despite the fact that we eat lunch together every day. Casual side-conversation, where we act like we're okay with each other, is usually the extent of our interactions. Today he casually asked how I was doing. When I responded with a "been better", he wanted to know what was wrong. I wanted to scream at him that there was no point in trying to pretend like he cared about me now.

But before all this, he was the only one that helped. When I was around him, I didn't feel like I was putting on the same show of being happy as I was with everybody else. It was genuine. Now that things have only gotten worse, I feel like I should be distancing myself from him, instead of trying to get back what we had before. But I can't. I'm afraid I'll lose the one thing that could maybe help me again someday. So I'm taking this awkward, fake civility over nothing. Not being over him is bad enough, I don't think I could handle losing him forever.

08:18:00 PM


Anonymous said...

It sounds like he might have left because you were always really sad. Some people can handle only so much depression until it starts to affect them. Maybe he finally noticed that you were causing HIM to feel sad, and he didn't want that anymore.

Guys who feel like nothing they do will change the relationship, eventually bail completely. It's sad but it's the truth. Maybe you need professional help to deal with issues that shouldn't be burdened on significant others. When that happens, he'll be proud that you found help.

Anonymous said...

You should definitely distance yourself. It might hurt at first, but it'll be worth it.

Pretend you're curing an addiction.