Saturday, March 21, 2009

After moving cross country for college, thinking it would make me a happier person, I realize that I've never been more miserable in my entire life. Completely broke, all of my classes dropped, and on the verge of eviction (from my dorm!), I'm at the end of my rope. Further more, I lack a proper social network, choosing to purposely alienate myself with the knowledge I'll probably have to leave. At the same time, going back home would make me feel like an utter failure in the eyes of my mother and peers. I don't even have any idea how to begin moving back, I just feel so hopeless and lost. I just want to drop out.

Of course on top of all of this there's relationship drama. The boy of my dreams is on the coast I moved from. Before we parted ways he said that he thinks "We'll be OK" but I don't know what that means. He's all I think about and I haven't the slightest idea how he feels about me now, even after dating for nearly a year. I'm positive he's going to find someone a million times better than me.

I've totally F'ed my life up, I just felt so pressured even after realizing that I didn't want to leave anymore, I did and now I don't even know why I'm here.

10:42:00 PM


Anonymous said...

If you're not there to get an education, and don't want to or can't work at that now, I think you should go home and get a job. Eventually you will find out if you are a person who wants to just work at that level, or a person who wants to get an education and better jobs, and/or a career.

It's okay if college is not for you right now. Some people need time away from school to realize its advantages. You should work on learning to be independent and self-supporting, and big decisions like relationships, career and school choices will come more easily to you. Lots of people return later to college when they are more motivated. It's best to admit what's going on, and move forward.

Anonymous said...

Get a co-op or a year-long internship in a field that you're most interested in. You'll find that school is more interesting after.