Monday, October 06, 2008

I've cheated on him, smoked weed against his wishes, smoke cigarettes and hookah and got plastered and I've done everything that I know he would hate me for..
But I've only ever loved him.
We broke up for good last night, and he says I'll never have him back, and I'm worried I'm going to start freaking out and panic like I did last time we broke up (it only lasted for 3 weeks before I couldn't take it any more.) Maybe it'll be different since I'm in college now, but it's weird not talking to him every day, no having someone to say I love you to. He's been in my life for four years, as a boyfriend for two, and I feel weird and empty without him. I love him so much but I want to do what I want to do without someone being there to mother me.

11:50:00 AM

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Um... from what you say, it sounds like he deserves someone better than you. Yeah, college is about doing what you want, but it's also about learning to be responsible for what you do. Cheating on someone and getting drunk or high when they don't approve isn't exactly responisble if your goal is to stay in the relationship.

Also, it sounds like you're way too dependant on this guy. You need to either learn how to be single and happy with it or find another guy who you don't cheat on and who doesn't care what drugs you use. Clinging to this old boyfriend when he's clearly over you is only going to do you harm.

Now I know that breaking up with the first great love of your life is a hard, hard thing. It hurts. It hurts like a motherfucker. I know the emptiness, I know the despair, I know how much it sucks when the breakup comes right on the heels of getting to college and starting a new part of your life. You feel completely alone. But it gets better with time.

You'll find out how to be yourself-out-of-a-relationship, which is something you've probably forgotten. You'll fill the emptiness you feel with new friends and experiences. You'll become more self-reliant, and you'll realize you don't need him like you thought you did. Hopefully, you'll come to appreciate the time you had together, and accept that while those times are over, your life is not. Life goes on and so will you.