Sunday, February 17, 2008

You know what really grinds my gears?

The gross mistreatment of condoms by so many people.

I saw a group giving out free condoms the other was about twenty degrees outside. This is not okay.

Condoms should be kept at room temperature.

Don't leave them in the glove compartment for long periods of time. Putting them in your wallet or in your back pocket is not okay. I don't care if it's only going to be there for a night; your ass is a hot thing that can weaken the latex. If you need to take them out with you, at least put them in a purse or something.

As for the rest, just read the damn box: it tells you EVERYTHING...

Except this (which is my little gift to you): To test your condoms (after you're done boning), just fill them with water; if water leaks out anywhere, you know you have a breach, and you can go get some emergency contraception and use it when it's most useful (which is as close to the event as you can possibly get, btw).

I'm not gonna pull any of my philosophy on when and how you should have sex (at least in this installment), but if you're going to do it, realize that babies are a serious possibility.

Take your safety that seriously, alright?

I'm sure some of you will come back at me with "well I did such and such and my girlfriend isn't preggers." Well I congratulate you. That doesn't mean you're not stupid.


Anonymous said...

I don't use condoms, nyah nyah nyah. I'm on the pill and my boyfriend doesn't have any STDs. From this post it looks like I don't really want to use condoms anyways :\

SwalesT'shooth said...

^That's exactly what I thought, Anon1. It didn't turn out well. Condoms are a good thing. Use them.

Thank you for this PSA, PChis. It's crazy how many people don't know how to take care of a condom. If I may, I'd like to add something to the condom information:

Do not flush condoms down the toilet.

I don't care if they did it in Fight Club, I don't care if you think it's gross to see them in the trash can, DO NOT FLUSH. Condoms are built to withstand breakdown in high-moisture environments and will not disintigrate in the sewer system the way toilet paper does. Condoms clog sewer lines and could give you a nasty overflowing crapper next time you flush.

Also, if you are somebody's college suitemate *coughcoughahem* who already annoys her other suitemates with loud noises of amorousness at all hours of the night, do not let your boything flush his condoms down our shared toilet. It will clog, and we will make you clean it up. And yes, we know you know nothing about bathroom maintenance. You've already made that quite clear.

PChis said...

Was I talking about the pill?

I was under the impression that the title of my complaint was something along the lines of the gross mistreatment of condoms.

But no, the pill's great. If you know for sure your boyfriend doesn't have any diseases, and if you feel comfortable with it, the pill is wonderful.

I recently had the realization that a mechanical, testable barrier just seems so much more convincing than a chemical process, so we're phasing condoms back in (after about 9 months of only the pill). It's probably more for my nerves than anything else, but getting nervous about that time of month is never a good feeling (especially if she's a few days late).

Anonymous said...

this has every birth control method out there, even the really weird ones. i highly suggest reading it.

Anonymous said...

^Jeez PChis way to be an asshole

Anonymous said...

mm i'm abstinent. is that bad?

Anonymous said...

pchis said to take your safety seriously.

i say to think about the poor little bugger you will create just to kill off because you're not ready to be preggers.


thewordofrashi said...

Pchis, will you have sex with me right now? I promise you can use a condom. Haha.

Anonymous said...

This is such a weird post.

Anonymous said...

I prefer abortion to condoms or the pill and after you can have taco night.

Anonymous said...

nothing better then killing babies. eh, anon 7?

Anonymous said...

amen to that down with he babies