Tuesday, January 04, 2011

I have been in limerence over one person or another for almost eight years straight. I've managed to keep it mostly under wraps, with exceptions regarding the close friends in whom I confide. But recently I've found myself dropping thinly-veiled (or not veiled at all) hints among everyone -- friends, acquaintances, even some strangers. Like Patrick Bateman, I feel my "mask of sanity" slipping. I hope that expressing my troubles here will help channel my frustration away from the areas of my life where it could irreparably damage my interpersonal relationships.

Being a limerent hurts. So much so, that any attempt to explain it is nearly futile -- especially for someone with my limited literary abilities. I shall thus resort to expletives in an attempt to get my point across, to vent:

Limerence sucks. It hurts so GODDAMN much, especially on Christmas -- and ESPECIALLY when I realize how illogical, pathetic, and downright stupid this whole thing is. I can tell how happy they are together and that there's no way in HELL things could work out the way I think I want them to. And I DON'T WANT MY HAPPINESS TO BE DEPENDENT UPON ANOTHER PERSON. I'm ashamed at my lack of self-control.

I just want this whole mess to end. I want to GROW THE FUCK UP and to move on with my life.

03:06:00 PM


Anonymous said...

ugh limerence, what a terrible thing. You know it wont work yet it wont disappear, persistent, and bothersome. The only way to vanquish it, to separate yourself as much as possible from the one thing you want to be near. ugh the worst solution

Anonymous said...

I feel ya.

Anonymous said...

Well I learned a new vocab word today!

Anonymous said...

It's been a while since you posted, so I hope you have been successful in your non-limerence efforts. If not though, I suggest implementing a zero tolerance policy regarding thinking about this person, in any context. Do not have inner dialogue with this person. Remember that you have other things to listen to (because you do!), and so you need to spend some quality time with another voice as your centralizing force. It will be hard, and likely confusing, but in the long run you MUST be able to live your life with joy and success. Once you get a breath of fresh air, you will never, ever, go back. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I totally learned a new word today that describes my present situation PERFECTLY.