I feel a bit that way too.

My Sighs

Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I let myself be dragged in time and time again?
He has no idea what he does to me
Every time he speaks, every time he smiles
Every time he laughs, or even breathes.
How come when I think of him,
I can't help but smile?

Why does this happen to me?
Why do I get that fluttery feeling when I hear his name?
I'm the only one who knows
That I get thrown off kilter
Every single time.
How do I fix that,
Make it stop?

Why does he do the things he does?
Why do I fall for it every time?
I can never be mad at him.
He'll frustrate the hell out of me
But then he cracks a joke
And with a smile, the world is right again.
How do I end this cycle?

Why does this keep happening?
Why do I keep drawing these scenarios in my head?
I should just talk to him already.
Let him know his actions have consequences.
Let him know that he's driving me insane,
Slowly killing me, my soul.
How do I tell him that?

Why do I go on this way?
Why can't I end it, once and for all?
I need to, I've got to, and I must.
Before this thing becomes my doom,
Eating me alive until I disappear.
But my problem is the leaving, the absence.
How do I say goodbye?

Why do I let him continue on?
Why does the cycle repeat on for forever?
I thought this would be over by now.
It's lasted long enough, the relentless torment.
This self-torture, this self-pity, this self-loathing.
I should have walked away months ago.
But how can I do it alone?

I'm glad I let that out.


Anonymous
11:17:56 PM

This might violate rules, but I wanted to post it all the same.

What I Would Tell Him...

I would tell him that I think I'm in love with him,
That I'm not quite sure, but it's probably true.
I'd tell him that I think of him at odd times
And that the strangest things remind me of him
Like Greek food, or The Daily Show, even Strom Thurmond.
That whenever I hear the sound of deep, stunning laughter
I get this funny, aching feeling in my heart.

I would tell him that I miss him whenever he's not around,
That I miss him to a point somewhere beyond distraction.
I'd tell him I can't focus on anything except him
And when I try, I end up feeling frustrated, confused, and alone.
So I'll go for a walk, which is stupid of me
Because I'll start thinking of him again, his voice in my head
Telling me to enjoy the calm, the silence, despite the fact I hate it.

I would tell him that this is too hard,
That I need him to go already, and break my heart.
I'd tell him that he should leave and never come back.
And that yes, it is necessary.
That I don't think I can go on with this existence.
Smiling, pretending everything is alright while I'm screaming inside.
Maybe I just won't tell him anything at all.


Anonymous
01:58:27 PM

some of these comments make me wonder if its people i know, or just random people who flip through blogs...because i can relate to many of these. is everyone around me thinking the same thing?


Anonymous
09:51:36 PM

I had a dream in which I murdered someone. Brutally. When I woke up I was dissapointed that it wasn't real.


Anonymous
06:27:04 AM

I need to get a life.

Anonymous
2:33:36 AM

My pet died a few months ago, and I'm still not over it. I cry about it sometimes. And it makes me afraid that if I ever lost a human member of my family, I would never be able to get over it. I feel weak-minded and inferior.


Anonymous
3:54 PM

ever since i saw the ring i can make myself believe anything is true. i take a straightup random unreal fact that could never happen and convince myself it can and freak myself out.

i cant stop it.


Anonymous
09:20:15 PM

i still hook up with my ex sometimes. i act like it doesn't mean anything.

inside my heart is breaking.


Anonymous
5:45 PM

It seems to me that you dislike me in some ways but I have all intentions of getting to know you because I find you a very awesome person.


Anonymous
09:29:33 PM

I loathe my body sometimes. I feel like it fails me.


Anonymous
09:09:33 PM

When I talk to people I see ways of killing or seriously injuring them, same as when I'm driving down the road I have sudden urges to swerve into oncoming traffic. I won't see a psychiatrist because I'm afraid it would ruin my chances to be a doctor.


Anonymous
10:41:55 PM

i dated this guy who didn't care a thing about me. while i was absorbed in him i wouldnt want to talk to anyone else but him.

i wasted 7 months of my life with him.


Anonymous
08:04:52

My greatest fear is letting others down, and I know I always do it.


CajunExplosion
12:01:29 AM

I want to be the number two on your list of ten people...


Anonymous
10:35:22 PM

i sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a girl


Anonymous
09:09:17 PM

I feel semi-obligated to post these now. I've been battling myself all night over whether I should or not. But I can't sleep so I'm guessing my conscience is saying "Yes, do it."

Various Abuse Resouces:

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (teen page)

See It and Stop It! (Teen Action Campaign)

Scarleteen (Crisis Hotline)

Stop the violence. Love doesn't come with qualifiers.

i loved him. he hit me. hes with another girl. and i worry about her. i still love him. and i do get jealous. even though im with someone else too.


Anonymous
08:56:22 PM

I might as well start this off right

I never know what to say in online circumstances.

Now no one knows how it happened... but one day there was a little kid named ... well... never mind. There was a little kid, nevertheless. And he figured out that though he was one of the funniest people ever... s just don't like funny guys. They like hottt(t x 10^6) ones. But this wasn't such an unwelcome opposition to the little boy's plans... mostly because he didn't quite understand the ramifications. I mean this is only third grade we're talking about. The word hott hadn't even been invented yet.

Skip forward a couple years.

Now everything has been made clear, and someday i'll find out what those s really want. But it's obviously nothing I have at this marketplace to sell. But the commodities market changes fairly quickly... if i sell this stock before it crashes maybe I'll make something of a profit.

My English essay is going to kill me. I swear it.

Shoot, I used the word "is". I really am going to die from this.

And now I've used another verb of being. Kill me. Kill me now.

Heather, I just wanted to tell you that I think you are pretty much a genius/extremely cool person for creating this blog. I don't feel like I have to do this anonymously. Anyway, kudos kudos kudos. IM me sometime.


Annie Lane
09:50:48 PM