I never really knew if what he did to me was rape, but the fact that I've been questioning whether the act was rape or not suggests it was somewhat questionable to begin with.
I just found out that he raped--really raped--another person last year. I feel responsible. If I had called him out on what he did, or if I had reported him, maybe she wouldn't have been hurt.
Anonymous
09:59:00 PM
11/22/2009
15 comments:
What'd he do to you?
It's NEVER the rape victim's fault. You did not go up to them and say 'hey, rape me'. That's like saying it's a murder victim's fault for getting murdered. You did nothing wrong.
unless you wear slutty clothes but don't put out then its definitely YOUR fault.
Explain.
Obviously Anon5 can't look at things outside the context of gender.
Only a guy would blame a girl for what she wears. Who cares if she was wearing a short skirt or revealing shirt? If she was, it was because she wanted to look 'attractive' for the male population, who generally like that look. So fuck your 'context of gender' high horse.
yea or it could be sarcastic
I could see some conservative females blaming a girl for getting raped
Look, you can't tell me to get off my high horse when Anon3 was clearly just trolling, albeit poorly. You're the one who felt the need to respond to it and you're the one making assumptions based on your own ideas on gender. The first person I thought of when I read that comment was a female who posts here fairly often, so quit spouting your bullshit like it's fact.
Is it rape if you say yes, but only because you feel like saying no would make very bad things happen to you? Like, black eye type things?
Rephrase what you said A11 because I'm not following you.
The situation: your partner really wants to have sex, but you don't, for whatever reason. You know you should say no, but the way your partner is behaving and/or has behaved in the past makes you think that if you say no, your partner may physically or psychologically harm you. (On the psychological side, we're talking things like emotional abuse, calling you a cunt or a bitch, implying that you're a villain for failing to satisfy your partner's sexual needs, etc. Not a black eye, necessarily, but still pretty damn hurtful, especially coming from someone you love.) So, out of fear/coercion, you say yes to sex that you normally would have refused.
I know that this situation definitely does not fall into the category of a healthy relationship, and there's probably some kind of abuse going on here, but since the person who didn't want sex didn't explicitly say no, is it rape?
Things like this have happened to me in the past, and it's driving me crazy wondering if I could have prevented them. I feel like it wasn't rape because it was my fault for not communicating my wishes, but at the time, it sure felt a lot like rape. Maybe it was just bad sex, maybe it was sexual assault. I just don't know.
PS. I am the most conservative woman you will ever meet and I do NOT think that rape is a woman's fault. So anon8 shut the fuck up and stop making ridiculous assumptions about people who think differently than you.
When girls where ridiculous revealing clothing they are implying something with the way they dress. Either "hey look at my chest" or " look at my butt" because that is what that kind of clothing accentuates (if that's not what you want to say when you wear that kind of clothing...wake up honey because people ARE looking). But it definitely does not mean, "hey rape me and emotionally distraught me for the rest of my life". Many guys want to see girls naked, and women wearing revealing clothing makes them to want to see them naked even more because it teases them.
But a rapist does not care about what that message is or what they want to see...they will rape the woman if she's wearing a freaking t-shirt and baggy jeans. If a guy wants to see a girl naked he can just go look at porn. Rape has to do with power, control and taking advantage of someone. It has nothing to do with what someone else is wearing. A girl does not give anyone a right to touch her body because of what she wears. She just gives them a right to look at whatever she wishes to reveal with her clothing.
That is all.
wears*
It was 3am when I wrote that.
^ Another way to think of the whole "whose fault?" thing is that while it might be bad judgment to wear revealing clothing or to get drunk at a party full of people you don't know, these things are still mistakes. It's definitely a bad idea to not watch your drink or to accept one that you didn't pour yourself, but it's still a mistake.
You want to know what's not a mistake? Sticking a penis/hand/bottle/broom handle into a chick who didn't ask for it to be there. That is an act with intention behind it and it is an inhuman sin. The victim may be guilty of poor judgment, but it's the rapist who is guilty of the crime, always.
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