I don't like the pill. If I slip up and take one a couple hours later than I'm supposed to, I freak out that I'm gonna get pregnant--because it would be totally unfair to tell him he's gotta use the condoms that he hates just because I can't understand the instructions on the pill package. I am so fucking scared that I am gonna screw this up completely and be the only pregnant AP student.
Anonymous
01:07:10 PM
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
yesterday one of my best friends called me a dyke.
um.... i actually don't have a problem with lesbians. i just have a problem with people trying to manipulate me.
but i'm not sure quite how that would work to someones advantage. so maybe she just thinks i'm a lesbian.
meh, oh well!
Anonymous
12:30:46 AM
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
half a chocolate cake, the rest of the popcorn, the bottle of strawberry daquri mix, the rest of the pizza, 5 three-quarters full cans of soda.
all down my sink. because i wanted to eat it all.
being a teenage girl really does feel like the books, and never the movies.
Ultraguy: ....
Ultraguy: and starving children everywhere REJOICe
Anonymous
11:51:39 PM
I am not taking these essays to their full potential and its annoying the hell out of me. I could write something so much deeper and more personable, but it takes time. Then, my parents say "why aren't you done yet? why are you taking so long?" so I use something i've written before and just modify it.
They could be so much more, and mean so much more.
Anonymous
07:06:01 PM
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
I wanted to let you know (just because it's Christmas - and at Christmas you tell the truth):
I love you.
I've been meaning to tell you for a while now, but I can never find the right way to say it. There is never a preface cute enough, or charming enough. The timing is never right, something is always coming up and ruining the moment.
Anyways, and like I said before, I just wanted you to know that I love you.
Anonymous
11:49:14 PM
Christmas Eve is supposed to be so happy--
But the whole service, I couldn't be happy, I couldn't concentrate on anything else except for how you looked, sitting down there while we stood in front.
I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault, and it wasn't really anyone's fault, but I am so, so sorry.
Anonymous
08:24:37 PM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
there are two guys that i'm kind of sort of interested in.... one of them is a slightly stick situation and the other is as old as my sister. and he's a freshman in college (but lives here).
and then all of a sudden random people that i liked before or even never liked at all have started flirting with me [again].... what the fuck?!?!
why are there so many boys?? and what do i do?!
Anonymous
03:06:20 AM
Friday, December 22, 2006
A long time ago (the twenty-seventh of November, 2005, at 8:15 PM) I wrote here, on Tangst, about my crush on you.
Yesterday (the twenty-first of December, 2006, at 11:00 PM) you were there at the dance.
It was odd, to see you there, uncomfortable among the elites, those people everyone dreams of being. It became clear to me then: you are not one of them, however good you are at pretending.
but...
I still love you.
I'm still here,
only a footstep behind.
Anonymous
09:53:31 PM
timing is everything...
me and my shyness and not trying not to come on too strong...
you and your shyness and ex girlfriend...
us..waiting on one another to make the first move...
we were listening to the same song but...you were listening to the trumpet while i was dancing to the flutes...
the one you forgot about...love you..
Anonymous
03:08:22 PM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
It's up to us, '07. We've got to give the new building a name before The Man comes up with something boring, like the "Northeast Building." We need something that will stick, and we need it before we graduate.
Just think, in twenty years, people will still be calling it "The Chill Buil" or something.
Suggestions?
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I don't think you knew how much it meant today when I hugged you and you said "don't let [him] see."
Of course you were joking. Of course I was joking back. Of course I love him and would never leave him.
But if I had to have an affair, it would undoubtedly be with you. It would be very easy to let myself fall in love with your smiles.
Anonymous
10:55:28 PM
Am I the only person who derives pleasure and amusement from "dead baby jokes"?
Man, people need to loosen up.
-What's worse than two dead babies nailed to a tree?....
One dead baby nailed to two trees.
-What's more fun than nailing a dead baby to a tree?....
Tearing it back down
-What's red, screaming, and gets hit by cars?.... (this one makes me wince)
A baby with forks in its eyes.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Today was a living hell. It's like an itchy fire in my veins that you don't know how much I like you. I can't concentrate. I can't sit still. I COULDN'T EVEN EAT, WHICH IS SICK AND WRONG.
But I'm too much of a coward to tell you, and that is hardly something I wished to know about myself.
Anonymous
07:42:28 PM
my senior friends from last year are back and doing the visiting-the-school thing because they have nothing better to do...
i saw this guy today that i have always thought was exceptionally good looking, and really smart, funny, etc.
but he lives a thousand miles away, is too busy with college life, is a few years older than me, and i don't know him that well anyway.
dammit!
Anonymous
07:24:40 PM
he won't like his present...
it's a handmade book/card with a different thing on a each page... going like this...
Dearest ******...
With any luck within the next year i'll be going out with one of these boys...
(Insert collage of hot boys from GQ)
But until then
I'd like to say
Without hope or agenda
Just because it is christmas
And at Christmas you tell the truth
To me you are perfect
And my withered heart will love you until you look like this
(Insert picuture of fat man in bikini)
Merry Christmas
Love always,
******
Anonymous
05:04:29 PM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
I had the most amazing dream last night. In the dream, I was dating what's his face, as I am in real life, and I was completely bored with him, also as I am in real life. You and I were flirting outside the west building in the freezing cold when you pulled me close to you and, in a characteristically awkward way, professed your love for me. It was beautiful. Even in my dream I had to stop myself from kissing your right then and there. Oh god, it was amazing.
I know it's terrible of me to want you so badly, especially when I already have "him". I just can't stop thinking about you. I stayed up until 4 in the morning last night to watch your favorite show just because it reminded me of you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but hope dreams come true.
Anonymous
11:39:02 AM
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Sometimes I feel like i'm completely over him. I can hold a completely sane and normal conversation without freaking out about every little detail. I think this is because now I see him for more then just a glimpse in the hallway.
Then other times, he'll say something small and insignificant, or do something really sweet (like yell at the annoying guy for bothering me) and i'll be the happiest person because of it. At those times I'm not over him, and think about what he's said in the past and whether it means anything.
I'm so ready to be over it and move on because I know for a fact he doesn't feel that way towards me, but for some reason I can't. Whenever a slow song comes on the radio, I still think of him.
Anonymous
10:37:38 PM
Life is like a box of chocolates? That's bullshit!
Sometimes one good thing blows your way
another moment and its gone
What the hell happened to telling the truth...
What the hell made us all lose trust...
What the hell forced us to grow up so fast?
Only thing i remember of youth
the feeling of love
honest love
between all of us.
NOW? now we're backstabbing slutaprostabitchahoes waiting to take another swing
aching to see the blood drip
and for the prey to die slow and terribly
hoping it will give an example of some kind of emotion
Feeling
Something we lost when we brought on the dope
when we started sniffing
when we started drinking our suffereing away
Well... let's face it... we've all changed... for the better... for the worse.
All i know that i have changed for good
for always
forever
SO GET OVER IT!
Anonymous
07:07:55 PM
I am not your friend
I am just a man who knows how it feels
I am not your friend
Im not your lover
Im not your family
Yeah.
Take apart your head
Chew it up and swallow it
You wont know:
I love you so much
But do me a favor:
Dont reply.
Cause I can dish it out, but i cant take it.
I could never listen/leaveyou/missyou
Well
Youre beating with the book everyone that book told you love.
And the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail
...Id arrest you if i had handcuffs
Touch me
or
Dont.
Just let me know
where youve been
Space Cadet, pull up
YOU ARE NOT THE SUN!
YOU ARE NOT THE SUN!
I know you'll come in the night like a thief
But Ive had some time alone to hold my lions at bay
I know you think that im someone you can trust
But im scared ill get scared and I swear ill try to nail you back up
So do you think we can work out a sign?
So I know its you and that its over, so I wont even try
I know youre coming for the people like me
WE ALL GOT WOOD AND NAILS
and
we sleep inside of this machine...
I used to be such a burning example
I used to be so original
I used to care i was being cared for,
Made sure I showed it to those that i loved
I used to sleep without a single stir
Cause i was about my Father's work.
Anonymous
02:26:59 AM
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
i'm moving on. i can't sit around waiting for them to break up their absolutely unhappy relationship. I'm hurting myself more than anyone else. I know this is the right thing to do
but why do i still feel like my hearts been torn out of my chest and thrown onto a huge fire of rotting rat carcasses?
Anonymous
10:25:55 PM
i'm just so fucking angry, and so frustrated.
i try my hardest in my math class (precalc C, in the highest track at my school) ... and i've been struggling since pretty much the eigth grade. i try and try but no matter how hard i work or how much i study it just doesn't seem to work out for me. i'm dropping down a level at semester but i always feel like the dumb one of my friends (because i hang out with the smart people at my school).
i hate it, i fucking hate it and i wish i was smarter so i could actually have a reason to be as narcissistic (sp?) as i am.
Anonymous
10:25:46 PM
Monday, December 11, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
there's this cute guy that i would wanna hookup with but all his friends and everyone else makes fun of him for being lame
there's this really nice funny guy who's just really shy around girls who i would kill to go out with, but we've never talked so i doubt it would work.
and there's this junior girl that i feel really connected to, even though i don't really like girls in that way.
and i never know what to say/do about any of it.
Anonymous
05:12:44 PM
Saturday, December 09, 2006
today i went shopping for 248906239045236 hours and the more i tried on clothes (ok, i'll admit i was kind of going for the retail-therapy aspect of it, not so much the i-desperately-need-a-pair-of-jeans-that-fit-my-fat-ass)
the more i realized how incredibly ugly i feel in the winter.
ugly, and fat, and gross looking. does this happen to other people in the winter too? i feel like as soon as the cold weather sets in and winter begins, my body goes into "look-like-piece-of-shit" mode. and i don't know how to flip the switch.
Anonymous
11:36:34 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I dated a guy for almost a year. We had a wonderful, casual, and realistic relationship. When we decided to break up it wasn't easy, but it could've been worse. After we broke up he was a real dick to me for a few months, butgot over it, for the past year we've been good friends. He is now dating one of my best friends, they are in a healthy long term relationship.
However, sometimes he is still really mean to me. He always judges my appearance, making comments that make me feel uncomfortable. He accuses me of trying to "steal" his girlfriend, even though he spends much more time with her than I do. He makes it very clear that she is much more important to him than me, often in rude or unneccesary ways. He speaks very openly about the sexual aspect of their relationship, often in a rude/immature/unneccesary manner. I know she would be offended by that.
My question is whether or not I should tell her about this. I don't want her to feel like I'm making her choose sides. She doesn't really know any of this is going on. I feel like she has a right to know, but at the same time I don't think it would change her relationship with him.
Anonymous
09:29:35 PM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Ben: It’s just this girl I’ve known for a while. She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s awkward as hell, but can still be the life of the party. When she smiles she lights up the room. You can’t help but be happy when she’s around you. I feel like I could just tell her everything and I know that I can trust her with anything.
Boys are so sweet in my plays... and i'm so good with them there... why isn't real life this easy?
Anonymous
09:03:51 PM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
Last year, they pushed me so hard towards that goal. I did everything wrong, forced my way towards it. I cracked under the pressure, and fell apart.
This year, only I push myself. I'm working hard, and doing things right. So why now do they stand in my way?
Why are they so desperate (seemingly) that I not succeed--at least, not on my own?
Anonymous
09:18:52 PM
i sit in front of the computer and next to the phone hoping you'll do something, anything, that is a means of you communicating with me... even if it's only about how to solve a math problem. because honestly, even though every time i look at you it hurts, i would rather feel that hurt a thousand times a day, than be the lonely girl who never knew what it was like talking to you on the phone.
Anonymous
05:08:35 PM
Sunday, December 03, 2006
The Tragedy of a Burden'd Heart
I've been secretly in love with the same person for the last four years. She's become available, then dating, then single, on and off. I wish she knew how I felt but I can't tell her. I'm not sure why, because I think that a relationship could and would actually work between us. And it's not like she hasn't shown an overt interest occasionally. Maybe I'm afraid of commitment, or afraid that she'll discover who I really am inside and not like that side of me quite so much. I just don't know.
It is entirely possible that she is reading this post tonight and wondering if it is about her. Well guess what, dearest.
It is about you.
Why, when I have the chance to reach out and seize that which would ensure my happiness, do I cautiously turn and let opportunity slowly drift away?
Good night and peaceful sleep to all souls, drifting lost in life or love. God speed to those who mourn for tragedy which befalls us all, and may the light of hope grace all our sights with the dawning of a new day.
Friday, December 01, 2006
today i found myself in a position of incredible power (i was elected to the position). this may sound weird, but i REALLY liked it. i have never before thought about a career in politics, but today i seriously began to contemplate it.
i like being in power. i like seeing other people being intimidated when i walk over. i like to see people trying to kiss my ass (especially when i know that i'm no-nonsense, in-your-face straightforward, and that kinda shiz doesn't fly with me). i like being respected.
the best part is, i'm not a bitch--just incredibly determined.
i like it when things are done my way.
i don't know why, but the thought of being able to wield so much power freaks me out, even though i know that whatever i do i'd be amazing at it.
i'm not really this arrogant, it's hard to keep a cool head when you've been called "madam president" all day.
Anonymous
10:32:56 PM
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Hey, what happened to your facebook group? I tried to join, but you link leads to a 'no matches' page.
The Watcher
06:42:26 PM
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
i have an amazingly strong crush on you. but you dont know it, and are uninterested in me. we are good friends, and getting better, but i know that a relationship between us wont ever happen. i need to stop being so damn attracted to you, even though you are amazing. cant shake the emotions, maybe i should avoid you a bit more again..it helped last time
Anonymous
10:15:13 PM
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
i hate boys who are too dumb to go for the good thing right in front of them.
and i hate girls who are so manipulative of their friends that they don't let go of the guy even if the something could make him happier than he is with her... just as a friend.
and i hate that i don't know if i even like him that much.
Anonymous
10:55:35 PM
Monday, November 27, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I can't respect my brother's new "religion." Some guy invented it on the web while he was tripping on acid. They worship a cockroach.
It makes me so fucking mad that he treats it like some kind of cult of ultimate wisdom, just to rub it in to my parents that he's not a Christian any more.
I know I'm supposed to be tolerant, but the whole fucking thing sickens me. "Principia Discordia" my ass.
Anonymous
08:56:46 PM
I keep having this nightmare that I'm a combination of Arnold Schwarzenegger from Total Recall and Kurt Russell from A Beautiful Mind. Except, that it is completely overwhelming.
My dreams get to point where, in my dream, i stab out my eyes to avoid dellusions but that i start feeling things on my hands too. Its crazy.
God Damn You Descarte.
Anonymous
08:10:41 PM
I see things. Things crawling and grabbing at me. I can feel the pain they cause me but it crawls instead of stings. I know these things are not real. I know with every last bit of my brain they are not really there. But it doesn't really matter whether they are real or not when they are after me.
So tell me, people of tangst who have taken a psychology course and/or have access to wikipedia, what level of delusion must I reach before I count as delusional?
Anonymous
01:24:11 AM
I'm very annoyed right now because I was out tonight and I asked my sister to switch my laundry and she didn't so now I have to stay up late to finish my laundry and I'm very tired.
That's all really. I hope everyone had a lovely break.
Queen Sekaf
12:01:56 AM
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i think the worst part of everything is waiting.
really, is it that hard to pick up your phone and call someone? no.
is it really that hard to say what's on your mind? maybe, but it's not like it's anything dire--just SAY it, goddammit, why do we all play such foolish games of cat-and-mouse?
why can't people bloody say what they're feeling?
Anonymous
11:27:41 PM
Friday, November 24, 2006
Everyone is always bitching to me about their problems. They always tell me that I give such great advice for their burgeoning love lives, etc. (which is ironic considering the extent of mine, but whatever)
Then I end up telling people. Then people get mad at me.
Secrets, secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone.
These are dumb high school romance secrets. Most of what I say isn't even current anymore. Why the hell does it matter to these people?
Urgh. I realize the way I word this here, I look like the bad guy. And maybe I am. But sometimes I just want to strangle these people when they make mountains out of molehills.
Anonymous
07:31:45 PM
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
i know that i'm supposed to be doing the whole "hard to get" deal, but is it just me or is it really HARD?!
i don't want to come off as desperate. i sent him a text last night--no response. another text today--no response. i just want to call him and talk to him... but i know i shouldn't.
dammit, you know how they say that it's okay for girls to make the first move? well what happens when you HAVE made the first move...?
i do think he likes me, though.
Anonymous
10:18:38 PM
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
I love that you're happy. Of all the moods I've seen you in, it's by far my favorite. Remember the days when I would try my hardest to see you like this. I drained myself in the process. I was so light and free, full of love for everything. It's not fair. You sucked me dry with your logic. I'm suppost to be the one everything is working out for, not you. I'm jealous.
Anonymous
06:11:22 PM
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It is really depressing to realize that I don't know anyone who goes to my old school anymore. If I go back to visit, I would walk around aimlessly, with no one to meet. All I would see is how much the school has changed, but that would only make me more sad. I still want to go back and visit though.
Anonymous
08:21:35 PM
i feel like a sellout. i told them everything you said, and it got back to the person who you care about most.
but i didn't mean for it to work out that way, even though it was stupid of me not to think it would.
but even though you aren't mad, we don't talk anymore.
but i know i brought this on myself, and even though i apologized, i know that this is how it's going to work out. and i'll just have to live with that.
Anonymous
01:41:10 AM
Saturday, November 18, 2006
a paradoy of batboy... names have been changed for keeping the identities of these people safe
Becky: How could you tell me you loved me, when you knew it not to be true?
Christopher: How can you say that? I loved you! Can’t you see it in your soul?
Becky: A soul? Is that what you call it,
that empty pit, that wound where my heart should be?
You dug this hole in me bit by bit, nothing is left of me!
Give me one reason why I should stay.
See, you have no reply.
The world is gay or straight, but I am both or neither.
So goodbye!
Julianne: I'm sorry, Becky, really am.
Sorry to hear your life's a sham.
Still, it doesn't have to end this way!
So ask him out and don't be cute.
College—almost here. Don’t be a fruit!
Do it now, no one cries today.
GROUP: Don’t let it reoccur, why do you pity her?
Look at the options- why don't you stop her!
What kinda girl are you?
What are you gonna do?
We oughtta stop you too!
Why don't you stop her!
GET HER! GET HER!
Becky: Don't deny the obvious- such a bad girlfriend.
Everywhere you put me, look what I can’t mend!
(Becky stands on the edge of the platforms in front of the audience)
GROUP: Push her! Stop her! Jesus, Ashley!
Stop her! Push her! Push her! Do it!
Becky: Why don’t you just tell him, and let me release.
If you're not a coward, give me peace.
GROUP: It’s killing you bit by bit, why do you pity it?
Can’t take an upheaval-- God, you're both evil!
What kinda girl are you?
What are you gonna do?
Ashley, he wants you too!
Push her or we will!
(Ashley moves to push Becky off the platforms into the audience, but
can’t do it.)
Becky: Coward.
Ashley: I'm sorry.
Becky: You know...
One thing alone saved me from despair,
back when I was with Chris.
Adam: Becky...
Becky: Once in a while he would meet my stare.
Then I had nothing i would miss.
Adam: Becky, don't!
Becky: But surely his smile wasn't meant for me.
Adam: Becky no!
Becky: Easier to dismiss. But, tonight he kissed me, here.
(General gasp)
Becky: Tonight he gave me this. (She takes out Adams’s pants)
Group: Huh?
Becky: I smell his old spice and his sweat...
Ashley: Oh my God...
Group: Jesus!
Becky: Look what a gift he gave me- (Takes out condom)
Ashley: Is it true?
Becky: Almost enough to save me.
Adam: Yes!
Becky: And I imagine you're upset...
Ashley: Oh my God!
Becky: But I would sleep with him again!
Group: Stop her! Slap her!
Becky: And do you know what he did then?
Group: Stop!
Becky: He offered me his pain.
Group: No!
Becky: He offered me his love!
Group: God!
Becky: He offered me everything!
(Ashley runs to strangle Becky. Christopher stops her.)
Ashley: Christopher, I'm sorry. All of this is me.
Chris: Ashley, please.
Ashley: (overlapping)
I can't bear to look at you. She are all I see.
Her eyes, Chris, its in her eyes.
It hurts too much to put behind me... the way I lost you.
Chris: (overlapping)
Ashley, don't.
Please, oh Ashley, don't deny the obvious, leave the past behind.
We can start again, love. We have both been blind.
Julianne: Becky, damn you... Becky, you dirty horror...
Chris: Ashley, I forgive you. I know, my love, I know.
Ashley: And every day her eyes remind me.
Group: Slut! Slut! Slut!
Chris: Ashley, come here. Ashley, let it go!
hahah... the rest would spoil the end. oh well. guess you'll have to come see the real show before i post the next part.
Anonymous
07:51:55 PM
Friday, November 17, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
its been a while, and nothing ever happend in the first place. im supposed to be over this whole thing, yet its getting to the point where i cant look in peoples profiles because its a quote from her. i dont listen to certain music because it reminds me of her. i have delayed or hurried walking routines between classes so i dont have to see the other guy. not talk to him. just see him.
im not supposed to feel this way. why do i have such a problem with moving on (even if nothing happened)
Anonymous
11:23:04 PM
I've told both of them that I like him and asked them both to stop flirting with him.
They won't stop and they say they aren't flirting but they are constantly all over him and I'm jealous and I shouldn't be
They're a junior and a sophmore and he spends lunch with me everyday almost. I just wish I knew how he felt
Anonymous
10:33:35 PM
I'm so fucking tired of not doing as well as i should be. Even if I buck up and actually study my ass off this year I feel like it won't do any good.
I hate that fucking bitch. She can't teach and she acts like she knows everything when, in all actuality, she uses the powerpoints prepared by the AP people and answers "you know, I don't know" to every single question we ask. She thinks she's doing us all a bunch of big favors but she doesn't teach us a goddamned thing. And I'm totally sucking it up in that class right now.
Fucking a.
Anonymous
10:22:10 PM
I have no right to post here. I haven't lost a sister, a brother, a father, or a mother. I've never seen a death. I've never tried to kill myself. The worst thing I've ever done happened tonight when I left home for two hours during an argument with mom. I have no right to post here, but my post is still welcome. Thank you tangst for requiring no excuses.
Anonymous
03:30:37 AM
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I am an attractive person. I get a lot of attention from good-looking boys, and people always tell me I'm pretty. I never have problems finding someone who whose interested me.
Recently (say in the past year), I've noticed that I'm attracted to plenty of guys who just...aren't attractive. Some of them are actually ugly. I just think they are so funny, smart, or interesting that well..I'm into them. I'll occasionally mention it to another girl, and it's usually met with a repsonse like "are you crazy? he's really ugly!" and I'll be thinking "well yes he is, but it somehow doesn't matter".
Is this normal? Does anyone else find themselves attracted to people they know are not actually attractive? I can't seem to figure it out.
Anonymous
09:07:57 PM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
so... yelling at a girl in response to them telling the boy they like them... that means they don't like the girl? or that they're just an ass?
especially when it happened to be like this:
1: i was scared to tell you.
2: you shouldn't be scared.
1: you just looked so happy-- (cut off)
2: WE ARE HAPPY! WE ARE SOOOOO HAPPY! (yelling at the top of his lungs)
Anonymous
10:09:43 PM
Monday, November 13, 2006
i'm diggin' on him and it's really cool because for the first time ever, i'm really chill about it: if it works out, alllllright, but if not... meh, it's cool too. i think he's into me as well.
i really hope this works out, or else i'll have to swear off feminine intuition for the rest of my life.
advice for nabbing my first man?
Anonymous
11:23:34 PM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
There's pain there, where my heart is. was. broken into a million tiny pieces. It hurts so bad.
He likes her. He does. He just confessed to us.
I'm heartbroken. I never understood the term before, but I do now. I have to go to school tomorrow, and see them joking and laughing together. I don't know if I can face it. After so much hoping, talking to him again will be like stabbing myself.
And he'll be gone soon, to some college far away, never knowing. And I'll be trapped here, where the memory of his smile haunts my steps, and the ghostly laughter fills empty classrooms. And I'll on my own. Again. Abandoned by those I loved best.
I'm crying on my keyboard...
I love you.
Anonymous
11:57:10 PM
i go and freaking work my ass off everyday 2 hours everyday and spend 5 hours of my saturday at your studio. then you cast the dance everyone in the company is supposed to be in and you leave me out of it? what the FUCK? DO i suck that much? because if I do please tell me now so i dont continue waisting my time.
so then I have to friggen walk into the studio again and pretend like i dont care. its just one dance. who gives a shit? EVERYONE gives a shit. and look at everyone while they smile and pity you and lie continuously and they say oh its no big deal....i wish i werent in it so i wouldnt have to go to rehersal. and its so akward and its your friends pitying you like that and they have no fucking idea what its like. and they really don't care fucking care ata ll. all thats going through their minds is....I'm glad I'm not her.
Anonymous
10:31:11 PM
To quote someone i know "If I didn't believe in love i'd just die."
It's true. If i didn't believe in love at first sight, love forever and always, i don't know what i'd do with myself. no matter how stupid boys are being, or how horrible my friends are to me i know that.
no matter how much i curse love and the gods for hating me so much, i know deep in my heart that if i didn't believe there would be no point anymore. i would just die.
so... thank you person for saying that. i didn't think there was anyone else who felt that way. and i hadn't told you how much i value your friendship... even when you can't console me over the phone. haha.
too bad it hurts so much.
Anonymous
10:20:27 PM
I'm really tired of explaining myself.
Tonight my mom threw a dinner party and I had to babysit (for free, mind you) ten snotty nosed brats who kept spilling and screaming and running around... and basically being pain in the asses.
I realized i turned into the girl that everyone hates at dinner parties. I was the bitch; i kept yelling at the little kids to just shut the fuck up (not in those words but i certainly thought it several times). I felt really bad, but I didn't know what else to do.
and then one of the older, brattier ones said: "wow, you look dead, and like crap."
well thanks, you stupid seventh grade slut. i feel like shit, and it's YOUR fault, so it makes it totally okay for you to insult ME.
you know what? fuck it; i'm going to be the bitch that everyone hates, and i'm going to be moody and grouchy at random times (no, not because i'm PMSing either), and i'm NOT going to explain myself.
because i don't have to.
Anonymous
01:36:33 AM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I just spent a lot of time and effort to install Yahoo Messenger on my computer.
I hate Yahoo and never wanted to get Yahoo Messenger. I did it to stalk someone.
Then I find out that to add someone to your friends list they have to approve you. So much for stalking her.
I feel like a loser.
Anonymous
12:21:06 AM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
A year ago, I thought you were a great friend, but as I spend more and more time with you, the more annoyed I get.
You are a black hole, sucking all the attention from anyone else. Jealous of the stars for their light, you steal their glory away into your abyss. You seem so imense, because your gravity is so awesome. But behind this charade, your matter is small and dense.
You've been hurt, I realize this, but do not think that simply because you were hurt that you deserve honor. Their is no honor in pity, and seeking pity will only leave you with a sickly-sweet, but brief feeling of importance. But the high you get is addictive, and since it is easily obtained, you prefer this drug over honest work for respect.
You are a salesman who talks too much, hopefull to sell us something. And we listen for a time mesmirized, not because of your product or eloquence (for in truth, you lack both) but because of the natural gifts (not earned) of a powerful voice and a pretty smile.
You want to be everyone and everything, but you spread yourself too thin. And when others best you, your defences rise to obvious hights.
Your have many who care for you, but few that you care for when they leave your sight, and thus your mind. Always looking for an ear to hear you, but never offering one to a friend in need -perhaps more need than you.
You create drama, and molehills become the Alps under your eyes, so you claim the worm is a snake and must be killed.
Or else, when bored or when your spirits are low, you slander others over imagined insults and unfounded suspicions.
Worried about your own status (though you need not be, since your friends would love you no matter what) you consantly seek the shadows for the eyes you know can look in your very soul.
But you will not find them there, for they lie in the shadow of your heart, which you can barely stand to look at for the shame you know that it would give you.
Anonymous
09:51:38 PM
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Ok well here goes.
So I really liked this girl for like 2 years. Finally ask her out. Go out for 7 months then she dumps me. That's all fine and shit if you want to do that to me it's your right to break up. But at least have the fucking honor to do it to my face not in a fucking email. Then on top of that hurt me worse by getting a new guy within 3 fucking weeks. Alright now you want to act like everything is ok. Well guess what honey, their is a reason why I cant look at one side of the room. And why I leave any possible chance I get. Truly I don't really know why i'm still mad. I cant stay mad at anyone, other than my family, for more than 10 minutes so if I'm still fucking mad at you it must be for a reason. I don't think I've ever felt this angry, sad and just fucking betrayed before. I guess it's got a lot to do with me being angry at myself for letting myself care that much about you and on top of that thinking that you might actually have ever cared about me. The only problem here with the above portrait of anger is that I still feel the exact fucking way about you as I did when we were going out and that pisses me off more than anyone could possibly comprehend.
See yuh
Anonymous
10:02:03 PM
last night i stayed up talking 'til 2 am to a girl that i consider a really close friend of mine. she's so laid back that she is just friendly to everyone, and it's pretty cool because there's never any drama involved with her--we're just friends, that's it, we can hang out and laugh til we piss our pants but there's never any juicy steamy stuff (not between us anyway).
anyway so the past couple of weeks have been kind of weird, mostly because she's been really busy and stressed out, but i felt like i hadn't talked to her in ages; we're even in the same math class together. so we talked and talked and it was really good because we haven't just TALKED in ages.
i really like reconecting with old friends!
there wasn't any point to this, really, i just woke up from a nap (hey, sleeping at 2 am gets to ya) and i'm in the foggy stage when there is no way that i'll comprehend my spanish homework.
Anonymous
07:30:57 PM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
he calls me every night. and most nights, i don't answer. and then the next night i make up an excuse about why i couldn't talk to him the night before. and i feel really bad about it. but the truth is, his clinginess is making me not want to talk to him. i don't know how to tell him this without sounding mean. i don't know if i even like him at all anymore. i wish it was like it was in the beginning.
Anonymous
09:34:13 PM
As much as you are overall an excellent friend and as much I do not want to overreact, it drives me absolutely fucking insane when you take my stuff. Please, I have tried to explain this in simple non-misinterpretable terms and it seems like you understand but then you do it again. Do I have to scream at you to get you to realize that I greatly dislike this?
Anonymous
12:15:08 AM
Monday, November 06, 2006
Words from my my mind:
"You deserve so much better than me... You deserve someone who could help you, someone who could be everything you need them to be and more... someone who could..."
I am Interrupted by Him.
"Could you Love me?"
"Because if you could love me than you'd be everything I need, and if you can love me than I'll fight to be everything for you as long as you'll let me, as long as I can."
~*~
When I learned that you could accept me for who I am, all my flaws and imperfections and everything that I have been and could be...
I fell. I fell so far into you I lost myself. I stopped worrying about you. I stopped thinking about the inadequacy of me.
FELL in LOVE with YOU.
To let go and not know if there's going to be someone to catch me, not knowing if we're plummeting to some unknown disaster, or be like children digging to china, falling all the way to some foreign land...
Falling so far that you know longer know if you're falling or flying, floating away on a dream that is so beautiful that you think your heart will breat with the beauty of it.
Wrapped in your arms, laughing and crying with all the time we've lost and all we have to gain... You carried me from the couch to the bed and we dreapt while we were awake...
No dream could be as beautiful as you.
I know we don't know. I know every day you could be taken away from me and every moment with you is precious...
~*~
Words from my HEART:
"I don't think I couldn't love you"
And I couldn't.
Here is Love....
I know we're falling, and it's the greatest freedom I've ever known.
Anonymous
09:55:51 AM
Sunday, November 05, 2006
i did a stupid thing tonight. i've gone since august completely ignoring him... and i know he's seen me around school and i've definitely seen him...but we expressly ignored each other.
and then i saw him tonight.. and i looked so good... and i just wanted him to tell me.
anyway, he left and didn't even get to see my performance, but i talked to his family (they all love me). but then i sent him a text. it was so lame: "hey i saw you tonight and i wanted to say hi but didn't get the chance. Hi, and hope everything is going well."
well obviously he didn't respond and now i feel like the biggest fucking dumbass on the face of the planet.
Anonymous
12:46:33 AM
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
tonight we have the opening night of our school play, "The Laramie Project".
and guess what? Fred Phelps (reportedly) and his congregation, the Westboro Baptist Church from Kansas is coming... to picket us. They're picketing like 9 churches (just in time for all the masses) and then picketing outside our school Saturday night and the Sunday matinee show.
Basically, they just want to get a rise out of people so that they can get into an argument (hopefully a physical one) and the people can sue us. That's how they get their money to do this.
What the fuck must be going on their heads? "God hates fags"; "God hates Jews"; "the gays caused hurricane katrina"... seriously, i'd like to ask the guy what the fuck is wrong with him, and without giving him a chance to preach any more religious crap to me (i've been approached by jehovah's witnesses three times this week) ... i'd like to knock him out cold.
but at the same time, i kind of just want to have a conversation with him, and see if he was like beaten as a child or something, and if that's what caused his ridiculous ideology.
i really hope our school doesn't make a spectacle of itself... i hope we become models to how the rest of the nation should be. I hope no one starts a fight, or eggs him, or anything. i hope we get the strength to walk by coolly (maybe make a snarky comment or two), and just ignore that fucker until he just goes home.
Anonymous
04:55:15 PM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
i've always been just one of the guys... only the guy's best friend, nothing more.
but lately a lot of guys have been paying attention to me and i don't know if i like it. especially since its not the guy i want to like me.
and all of them are starting to get jealous over me being friends with other guys. like suddenly i can't have ANY guy friends without there being something sexual there.
i can't go to a party and dance with one of my oldest guy friends, my first kiss, without some guy saying he's disappointed in how much i flirt with other guys.
i can't say someone looks hot with their new hair color and no glasses without someone saying i'm not paying them enough attention
GOD DAMN IT!! If you like me so much, why don't you just fucking ask me out and get it the hell over with!?!?
Anonymous
08:43:36 PM
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
So this is how things are, then?
We were friends. We promised to be best friends forever, remember that? Remember all the nights we sat awake, eating candy and talking of out future weddings? Remember?
But you...you dropped me like a used kleenex for her friendship, and now, where are you? Friendless, ugly, and overweight, failing your classes at some prep school for rich republicans. And I? I have friends, good ones who care about me and would never hurt me like you did. Even at the public school, I have done well, better than you. My future is bright.
I can't say I hate you, because somewhere inside of you is the girl I was friends with, the sensitive, beautiful girl who I idolized and would have followed anywhere. The girl who drove away the bullies, gave me her protection.
But I do pity you. I pity you, but more than that...
I miss you.
Anonymous
06:49:32 PM
Monday, October 30, 2006
I feel like I'm a zit, and if anyone knows I'm here they'll pop me. I feel like a blemish on the face of society.
I am a girl. I like girls. Is there really something tremendously bad about that? If so please TELL ME WHY PLEASE!!! I truly want to know why society has pumped into me so much that sraight is the way to be that when I accept what makes me happy I feel like a pervert. Thinking about females makes me HAPPY, it's not like I'm thinking about raping young children.. so why does society give a damn!
Ok so I'm not in the social norm. Do you really think that I don't know that? Why does everyone have to rub it in my face? A majority of females think about malees when they have sexual fantasies. I diviate from this pattern. But 10% (studies say) of people are like me and deviate to, in the same way that I do. So it's not like it's an uncommon deviation or anything. IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO THINK ABOUT GIRLS. It may make you happy to think about the oppostie gender, do you want me to ruin YOUR happiness??
Please, please just think about it when you say "that is so gay" next time. Think of the person around you who is weeping inside because you are using their orientaion as an insult. Please.
Anonymous
11:40:10 PM
How do you get over someone that you love so deeply? He has a girlfriend already, but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get over him. To me, he is just so perfect. I don't think I will ever find another human being as wonderful as he is. Perhaps I should let him know that, then move on.
Anonymous
05:07:52 PM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Ive met her a few times before, but we never talked that much and it was always in a group. Today she met some boy for the first time and flirted alot with him. Later that night she and I seemed to connect and we started flirting and getting close. I realized that I was quite attracted to her, but I'm confused about the situtation and I think she is too. I suppose I'll just let things play out...
Anonymous
11:26:32 PM
I have Dermatillomania, and it disgusts me.
I pick at my scabs, peeling thm off in one piece, and eat them. I pick at my pimples compolsively, even though I know it just makes them worse. I bite and eat my fingernails, and when they're too short, I peel away the skin around them and eat that.
A dentist could tell how stressed out I am by th condition of my cheeks and lips- the more stress I have, the more I bite, and suck on them to make them bleed.
I think it's so gross, but I just can't stop myself. Today I tried to go the whole day without picking or biting: I made it to third period. I need therapy, or something.
Anonymous
10:57:29 AM
I just realized how much I look up to you guys. Our friendship means everything to me, everything that you stand for in my mind is aboslutly amazing. I wish I could tell you this in person without being awkward, yet I know that you guys embrace awkwardness. I'm learning though! Someday I'll reach your levels. Thanks so much in the mean time, your friendship means the world to me.
Anonymous
01:00:53 AM
A ticking time bomb
Insomniac and a slippery soap salesman
Channel primal male agression
into a shocking
new form of therapy
their concept catches on
with underground "fight clubs"
Forming in every town
until a Sensuous
and mysterious woman
comes betwen
the two men and
ignites an out of control
spiral towards
oblivion...
Anonymous
12:52:55 AM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
I just almost burned down my house trying to do a wiccan love spell. I also am sporting several blisters on my right hand, a slightly ashy spot in the bathroom where I ran with the papers I accidenly set aflame, and am searching for an excuse as to why I set off the fire alarm. I never tried to do this before.
God, I'm such a freak. I may as well let myself go 'cause I'm dying alone.
Anonymous
11:56:05 PM
Friday, October 27, 2006
I don't want a relationship. I'm not ready for one and I probably won't be for a while. But I still find myself longing for that sense of physical intimacy. I want the broad chest to rest my head against while I'm curled up in his arms. Shoulders to lean on and rest my head against. A person I can go to when I'm upset and will just hug me and not ask questions I can't answer. Someone who accepts I'm a mess, can deal with it, and not really care.
I know how unfair that entire situation would be, but I can't help wanting it. I'm ashamed that I feel this way because I always thought that I was better than this. Apparently not.
Anonymous
01:41:30 AM
Thursday, October 26, 2006
i work out and i try to eat healthy but i'm not losing any weight.
and i HATE it. i don't want to lose the weight to get attention from guys, no it's so that i can finally feel comfortable with myself again. the last year has been pretty rough and i put on a couple of pounds... i'm by no means fat... in fact most people just shut me down when i try to talk about my weight. but i hate that i'm trying (apparently not hard enough) but everywhere i go people are just shoving food down my mouth thinking that it's okay.
blah.
Anonymous
07:13:29 PM
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
people say that i'm a compassionate person... and i think i am. no... i know i am. i love with every part of my being and i'm willing to trust that there is good in people. but lately i just keep getting walked all over. i keep getting hurt and i'm not sure if i keep remain the person i am. i want to be able to love with every fiber of my being. but the relationships i have keep tearing me away from this person i used to be.
Anonymous
05:20:06 PM
Let's just say that life isn't exactly turning out well for me. I'm in love with my friends boyfriend who i was going to ask out the day she asked him out. And he seems to like me more saying things like "*****... do you think **** would be happier without me?" or "Sometimes I think you love me more than **** does!" or "***** I love you so much... You need a good guy in your life." He's always all over me in our classes... and teachers have told me we're a cute couple... the problem lies in the fact that we're not.
Another way my life sucks... There's this boy from another school who keeps trying to get with me... and so do a lot of other guys. And i'm not talking about in the relationship kind of way... i'm talking about every other way. Ew. Plus... I really only have eyes for one guy... the guy who is already taken by my friend.
He acts like he really does like me...
what should i do?
Anonymous
05:17:52 PM
[Admin note: Names have been censored in compliance with Tangst policy.]
i haven't posted in a long time. i've been too busy with
homework,
friends,
and boys.
typical right? well, it's hit me so hard. and like everyone else, i want to break down. now. and i'm in school. where there are plenty of people around. but they're hopefully not looking at what i'm doing.
but i'm worried about failing
and getting bad grades,
which to my perfectionst parents,
are anything below A's.
i'm worried about losing my friends because i'm becoming annoyed with everyone. every single little thing annoys me. or i'm so worried about if my actions are what's good, so they don't get angry at me.
and boys.
well don't get me started.
tangst here.
longest post ever for me.
Anonymous
12:09:09 PM
fuck you, perfect people. fuck you.
i may not have a 4.5 gpa and be taking eleventy bajillion APs and i may not even be that good at the sport i'm in or the activities i'm involved with. my test scores may not be high, and i probably won't get into the college of my choice.
but you know what? i'm a good person. i'm nice, funny, and friendly--to everyone. i can make people feel comfortable, i can be the one to stand up and say what needs to be said, or be the one who has the extra large ear for people to talk to.
i'm a damn good person. i'm just not perfect.
so why do i constantly bring myself down, compare myself to other perfect people, and curse how dumb i am?
Anonymous
12:56:19 AM
so I was bored. This is what I did last sunday:
The house smelled like the elderly
which is the blunt way of saying it smelled
like mold, and mildew, and the dark earth, covered
lightly with a veil of potpourri and perfume. I entered
second to last, behind my grandmother and father and
grandfather and mother. my brother was behind me and
there were stiff, cold hugs and strained smiles of bodies who
had never met, before us--it was walking in to a wall.
the afternoon stretched on in bars of light that fell
through pink and purple curtains: how the dust motes
were silent and leaden. the words were punctured by
little holes of silence, the kind of hush that settles in a car
when passing by a graveyard and the children hold their breaths.
the hush as she tells us how her daughter died last spring
she was making pancakes as her the aneurism hit her brain . . . the little
boy woke up to find them burning on the oven.
the old woman, my grandmother’s friend, not seen
and out of mind for these 50 years. her eyes were strong, so
strong that I could not tell if the cancer was in her lungs
or if it hung in the air; the cause of it? her radiation. her presence.
I dare anything to come for her. I dare anyone to speak down upon
the human race.
she wrapped her husband in a quilt, a soft bed. she kissed him as he
died! that is to say . . .
he was hit by a car, and she was trained in mouth-to-mouth—
not very well. he was dead before the ambulance arrived. the quilt she
laid him in was
colorful?
large?
warm and just right
or maybe just covered in flowers. yes, the flowers of all 50 states
richly embroidered and she had been offered Six Thousand and
Three Hundred Dollars for it, and it had won First Place at the fair.
Such a bouquet will not fade. Is that a moth’s wing falling to the floor.
We will have to buy more mothballs. We shall have to stay and eat.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Tomorrow I'm going to put myself out on the line, I'm going to do what I've been draming about for a long time. I've decided that I just don't care what other people think know and I am who I am and they will just have to accept that. I am gay/lesbian whatever you want to call it. I am in love. I am going to ask my significant other out tomorrow. and tonight I am most likely going to tell one of my goodfriends who I really am. I'm tired of living a lie. Good luck to me tomorrow. Good luck to all of you on all your journeys in life.
Anonymous
09:37:04 PM
Relationships have to be the most confusing and stressful events that have ever taken place in my life. Even when it isn't even that serious the moment you're "dateing" i becomes awkward or feelings on both sides become confused. Ugh! Maybe all these random hookups are what people really need? (I wouldn't know, I havent ever had one)
Anonymous
09:04:13 PM
he told my friend that he wanted he didnt want to go to winter formal with me b/c he was afraid if i went to wf with him i wouldn't want to go to prom with him.
but then he still likes some other girl.
so how does that even work? if he liked someone else wouldnt he want to go with them to wf and prom? am i like his second choice or something?
Anonymous
06:02:47 PM
Monday, October 23, 2006
him:tells a story about some girl in raleigh who he could possibly have something with. says "what do you think"?
me: well you know im opposed to long distance relationships...they are basically always bad ideas
him:well thanks
me:what?
him:so youre saying that me and you could never work? becuase i disagree
This is the first time he has EVER mentioned us in a romantic way...ever. I'm (secretly) in love with him...how am I even supposed to respond to that?
Anonymous
10:35:24 PM
Stroll in
He’s with her
Move
Walk
Alone
Find a room
and sit
in silence
SUDDENLY
lights out
Fear
Lost
His hand finds mind
We move
closer
Hearts pound
Arms wrap around
Eyes close
Want
lust
warm breath
hands glide up and down back
lie down
sweat
touch
bite
kiss
on top
moving slowly
then faster
speeding
quickly, panting, moaning,
SCREAMING, gasp, sigh
silence
whisper
“Don’t worry…I won’t tell her.”
Breathe
Together
Hearts beat as one
Sweaty palms
Looking into his eyes
knowing what i want
CRAVING
Longing to be held
he does it
Waiting
Silence
Darkness
I wish i was her
Anonymous
08:28:20
[Admin Note: I'm still futzing with the margin codes and trying to decide if it's more important to have the lines right or the stanzas right.]
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I hate you two together. It's fucking annoying. I want your relationship to crash and burn. I want it to go to hell. Yeah, you're "perfect for eachother," whatever. What fucking ever. I miss you being a best friend and I miss him being a good guy friend. The only time I can talk to you now is when you're alone since you turn into an octopus around him.
Fuck you. This is a general consensus. Everyone thinks this- I know since we talked about you when you wandered away with him.
Ugh. Now I have to go be nice to your face.
Anonymous
11:26:50 PM
how could i have been so hearless.
i wasn't there for you when you told him you didn't even want to be friends anymore.
i wasn't there when you cried.
i wasn't there for you when you b on a test happened.
no i am to caught up in my own world to help.
to caught up in my own reality.
to caught up in wanting a boyfriend. no hun not him. the JE**.
to caught up in english reading (the chosen) to listen to my friends needs
i must be a total witch.
its no concidence that witch rhymes with B**CH.
Anonymous
12:44:58 AM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Remember this guy?
"I'm the guy that most girls look for, I know this because they tell me. I can make them laugh and cheer them up and be there when they are most in need. The only thing is IM POOR! not just a little, ALOT. I live with my mom and she doesnt work, so I work to pay partial rent for our place. Its so embarassing, that I dont tell anyone where I live or what I do after school.
I never get close to a girl ever and have her find out how pathetic my life is, so ive never had a gf because of that.
If you were in my situation what would you do?
"
That was me, ever since the day I posted that, i got so much positive feedback from you guys, that I finally got the never to ask out the girl that I really liked, and turned out she really liked me too, and all the other stuff really doesnt matter. I am the happiest guy on earth tonight, because we kissed for the first time. I never thought tangst would help me fix anything, but it really did. Thank you, so much!
Anonymous
11:51:58 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
I didn't really know him very well. Our AP Bio class only has 12 people in it, though, so I did know him even if only as an acquaintance.
He moved here this past summer, from a nearby school district but he was born in South Carolina.
I was the first person to say hey, and find out his name, the first person to reach out and be his friend instead of treating him as the "new kid" (i know what it's like to move and know no one)... at least in our class. He was so courteous and nice--from the very beginning, I noticed that he was a gentleman and so tranquil, calm and gentle in his manners. There are so many little things about him that you wouldn't expect people to remember... but lately, they keep surfacing.
On Tuesday night he was driving back from Ames, from his girlfriend's volleyball game, and was hit by a drunk driver (37) who was on the wrong side of the interstate--he swerved back and forth between the median before hitting his car head-on. His car was spun around and then hit by a 70 year old couple from the back. He was prounounced dead at the scene. He was a senior.
He was taking four college level classes, and working 30 hour weeks at Toys R Us, to support his family. His dad, a pastor, had recently been let go. He had twin brothers in ninth grade, a younger sister in junior high, and a brother in fourth grade.
Not many people knew him because he was new, but the people who did were truly affected by his kind, considerate, and huge heart.
I never knew him well, barely as an acquaintance. He went out of his way to say hello to me in the hallway, and always had a smile on his face--even with the pain of a broken ankle (and crutches).
I'm sorry, Jon. You were loved. I hope you're at peace.
Anonymous
07:59:52 PM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
I met what seemed to be the most absolutely perfect guy over the weekend. The chemistry was instantanious, we just kind of clicked together. We spent 90% of the weekend together flirting and he initiated all of the relationship-ish stuff that happened between us. HE kissed me first. HE held my hand first. HE put his arm around me.
I went pretty far with him over the weekend- the furthest I've ever been with a guy.
The next day he told me that he was extremely confused about his actions over the weekend and that, while he "liked me", he wanted our relationship to be real but deep down inside he knew his feelings were false because he's gay. He stopped talking to me and kind of drifted away.
I'm still in the "Wait... What?" phase and I've been tearing myself up over it ever since.
Guys are dumb.
Anonymous
07:29:01 PM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
there's this guy that sits next to me in one of my classes, and he's pretty cute... the whole school year we've had this friendly flirting-joking sort of relationship... and i know he has a girlfriend, but he doesn't really talk about her that much. and hes SO nice, and just a wonderful guy. well just today i realized that he kind of might be into me and that he isn't necessarily joking around... he actually is flirting.
and then he was talking about how he got out of this meeting early so he went to go hang out with his gf and i asked what they did, and then said "wait do i not wanna know?" and he said,
"oh no, we didn't do anything. we never do. yeah, the relationship's pretty lame."
and then continued to flirt with me.
what do i DO? what does this MEAN?!?!
ahhhhhhh.
Anonymous
10:12:45 PM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)