I only allow myself to go for the guys who will screw me over in the end. It hurts.


Anonymous
01:20:00 AM
9/26/2009

My one excess
is playing my music at the threshold of pain.


Anonymous
02:34:00 AM
8/24/2008

i'm going back to school on wednesday, and the very thought of being around all those people that i used to care about makes me want to go jump off a bridge.

people don't change.... do they?


Anonymous
09:47:00 PM

He makes my heart break, sometimes.


Anonymous
7/26/2007 12:06:00 AM

He makes me feel like a fritter plunging into boiling oil.

Oh magical realism. Suddenly it doesn't seem so magical. It makes absolute, perfect sense.


Anonymous
08:42:00 PM

I'm so alone I can't stand it.

I really can't. I've never thought this hard before about what it takes to end the pain of it.

I'm never going to be loved.


Anonymous
06:39:00 PM

If only I had lockjaw
Instead of something as insidious
More so than the ever-feared tetanus
Burrowing into my nervous
System, there is a virus.
If only I had chewed up
A bag full of rusted-up nails
And swallowed
My fear of the pariah’s status
My mouth hurts enough as it is.
But I don’t want to talk about it
But Lord, I want to talk about it.


Anonymous
06:29:00 PM

I trusted him. He assaulted me and burned me with cigars. I ended up in the urgent care room. I took my anger out on someone completely undeserving and it feels like my life is crashing down. I don't know how I'll ever return to normal life, I just want to lock myself up in a box and never return.


Anonymous
11:30:00 AM

fucking wisdom teeth.


actually i'm not bad at all, i can talk perfectly well and they only gave me laughing gas so i don't even have any good "when i was high" stories.
but they hurt.

... extra strength painkillers to the rescue!
too bad they won't do my mountain of hw for me.


Anonymous
11:41:58 PM

There's pain there, where my heart is. was. broken into a million tiny pieces. It hurts so bad.

He likes her. He does. He just confessed to us.

I'm heartbroken. I never understood the term before, but I do now. I have to go to school tomorrow, and see them joking and laughing together. I don't know if I can face it. After so much hoping, talking to him again will be like stabbing myself.

And he'll be gone soon, to some college far away, never knowing. And I'll be trapped here, where the memory of his smile haunts my steps, and the ghostly laughter fills empty classrooms. And I'll on my own. Again. Abandoned by those I loved best.

I'm crying on my keyboard...

I love you.


Anonymous
11:57:10 PM

To quote someone i know "If I didn't believe in love i'd just die."

It's true. If i didn't believe in love at first sight, love forever and always, i don't know what i'd do with myself. no matter how stupid boys are being, or how horrible my friends are to me i know that.

no matter how much i curse love and the gods for hating me so much, i know deep in my heart that if i didn't believe there would be no point anymore. i would just die.

so... thank you person for saying that. i didn't think there was anyone else who felt that way. and i hadn't told you how much i value your friendship... even when you can't console me over the phone. haha.

too bad it hurts so much.


Anonymous
10:20:27 PM

Everything that has built up over the past months have been crashing down. Dammit. Sometimes I wish I could cry, it seems to relieve everyone else. too bad I can't.


Anonymous
10:19:22 PM

Even a simple conversation with you is incredibly painful. I had a dream that I shot you in the face and it was lovely.


Anonymous
06:13:45 PM

I hope you realize how much torment you're causing me each day.


Anonymous
10:37:07 PM

I hate it when I start crying because the reality of life hits me.

I was so close to telling him I loved him. I mean, he knows I love him, but until recently, I'd never been in love with him.

He'd been waiting for me for months, maybe longer. He'd talked to my best friend about how much he loved me, and I never knew until after everything was over.

And now I can never tell him everything I know because I'm too afraid of messing up his life. He's happy now and I have to live with it.

I hate having to plaster a smile on my face when I see them together.

I hate that she's everything I couldn't be for him.

I hate that this is so cliche.

I hate having regrets.


Anonymous
12:55:56 AM

The girl you see on the outside is just a shell. Sure- I'm the girl who looks for the good in things. I'm the girl who's never pessimistic. See whatever you want. But the girl on the inside is in agony. She feels cold and morose. She longs to seclude herself from the world around her. She need to dwell on what has happened to her family and to herself. She misses how things used to be and hates the way I have become. I only see this girl whenever I look at a mirror. Or a photograph. Or a friendly face.

I hate my past. And she hates me.

I also miss her, I think that's why I keep her around. She keeps me company. I'm afraid to let her go.

I try to keep my chin up, but the rain keeps getting in my eyes.


Anonymous
10:47:28 PM

I'm sick of all the reminders that we're "just friends." I know they're unintentional, but that doesn't stop it from hurting.


Anonymous
12:37:20 AM

Even though it happens rarely, and I'm no longer five, it still scares the shit out of me when my dad has a meltdown. He ends up doing things like calling my mom a "stupid bitch".


Anonymous
07:19:18 PM

I just thought I would give you a poem to think about

Trip's Contemplation
She laughs, she moves
Bright lights flash the window
Illuminate her lips
My heart, for a moment, leaps.
She pauses and she smiles.
I miss a beat.
We go on talking, we're having fun.
Our life together has just begun.
How cute when she speaks.
I know that she'll always make me smile.
That 's eyes tugged at me that night.

We walk up her stairs.
She begins to hypothesize.
On things of unknown importance.
Her stance suggests my hope
Her easy glance.
She reaches down and touches my hand.
All the scenarios never equated to this.
I pause for a moment and believe.
Life is love, it isn't pain.
Everything in the world is right again.

or is it...
reality hits.

I'm as always, all alone
Bright lights blind me, remind me
Illuminate the empty seat.
An empty place inside
Like a mouth poised to devour my heart.
I'm just driving, no emotion.
Block it out ****(my name), too much pain.
What could have been... stop.
I can't express the pain inside
I try:
grinding gears, acid-etched, destroy my heart.

I walk to my room
Blurry-eyed imagination of a never-life.
Never knew how much I wanted this before.
Her smile.
I reach up and wipe encroaching tears.
For years I've wanted that
Times before, disappointment.

I knew it would happen eventually. But knowing that he's happy with someone else hurts so fucking bad.


Anonymous
10:13:17 PM