I have been in limerence over one person or another for almost eight years straight. I've managed to keep it mostly under wraps, with exceptions regarding the close friends in whom I confide. But recently I've found myself dropping thinly-veiled (or not veiled at all) hints among everyone -- friends, acquaintances, even some strangers. Like Patrick Bateman, I feel my "mask of sanity" slipping. I hope that expressing my troubles here will help channel my frustration away from the areas of my life where it could irreparably damage my interpersonal relationships.

Being a limerent hurts. So much so, that any attempt to explain it is nearly futile -- especially for someone with my limited literary abilities. I shall thus resort to expletives in an attempt to get my point across, to vent:

Limerence sucks. It hurts so GODDAMN much, especially on Christmas -- and ESPECIALLY when I realize how illogical, pathetic, and downright stupid this whole thing is. I can tell how happy they are together and that there's no way in HELL things could work out the way I think I want them to. And I DON'T WANT MY HAPPINESS TO BE DEPENDENT UPON ANOTHER PERSON. I'm ashamed at my lack of self-control.

I just want this whole mess to end. I want to GROW THE FUCK UP and to move on with my life.


Anonymous
03:06:00 PM
12/28/2010

Here's something frustrating:

My whole life, I've been that brooding, artsy poet girl. I write sweet, delicate poetry for my boyfriend, who I also thought was brooding and poetic like me, and he calls me "cheesy." Cheesy!! And he sees me as the elementary school girl handing him a valentine! And I hate that! And I am totally capable of looking at my writing from a neutral perspective, and honestly, I really don't think it's cheesy. At least not this past one. So I'm trying to decide if I just shouldn't waste my efforts on him any more, or if I should keep vying for his affection and recognition that I am NOT CHEESY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous
07:32:00 PM
5/13/2009

I just found myself sucking face with my best guy friend in a closet in my dorm who I feel close to nothing for and who apparently loves me.

Is there some way that I can let him know that I don't ever want that to happen again?

Anonymous
3/01/2009
07:36:00 PM

I just got back from being DD at this beyond huge kegger. Being DD usually sucks, but this time was just so, so bad. My boyfriend got plastered and kissed 4 different girls and then when I called him out, clung to me the entire fucking night. He was one of those crying drunks too, he kept crying and hugging me and spilling his nasty beer all over me. Very unattractive. So then I'm trying to round everyone up, and I guess I just didn't realize how uncontrollable drunk people are. It's sort of funny, but I just get in this existential state of mind when this happens. Arghh just needed to vent about my crazy night. Thank you.


Anonymous
2/22/2009
02:00:00 AM

I have literally sat at my computer for an hour and 17 minutes trying to figure out which admin you are. Because I KNOW you are one. And I can't figure it out although I have a hunch you may be knight_racer... Arghh this is driving me crazy!!


Anonymous
10:22:00 PM
1/02/2009

I'm on academic probation, and I just to drop out. I spent eight hours studying for a test I got a fifty on. I failed a class because I slept through one of the exams. I have ALWAYS been a bad student. I have ALWAYS felt stupid at school. I have ALWAYS felt out of place around people. Eating meals in my room, avoiding answering my phone.

So many people I knew, so many of the people who came here when I was in highschool are so talented and beautiful in so many ways and I'm not like them. Being around people like them, sucesful people, happy people... it just reminds me of all the things I'm not.

I'm so scared of life outside of college. Panic attacks and all the important things I forget and being turned down when jobhunting all the time.

I have been at the edge of killing myself for so long because I'm just NOT fit to be here. I AM a burden and there's no guarantee at all of ever being able to hold myself up. and it HURTS. It hurts so damn bad every single day to be so incompetent and different. Not even different in an interesting or 'cool' way.

People would cry if I died... but people cry over people they don't even know. If I just move somewhere, lose contact, and never speak to them again, they'd never shed a tear.

So what's the difference?

I'll be twenty in a week, and this will be teenage angst no longer. Just the same stupidity there's always been. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm a coward and the things I feel so strongly never seem to amount to much, so I doubt these feelings will either, but it's true. I don't want to let those numbers roll over and face the person I've become. The way my life goes... I'm not living anyway.


Anonymous
10:09:00 PM
12/31/2008

I left my house the other day out of frustration and I realized I had no where in Raleigh to go. So I dropped by cookout and went to Best Buy right before they closed and drove around the beltline.


Anonymous
09:43:00 PM
12/24/2008

this guy liked me and he certainly showed it. and i do too. i liked him too. then we reciprocated flirtations. until we hung out, and hooked up. but at school, he's not consistent with his feelings. at school he can sometimes be aloof and sometimes he'll pay attention. and sometimes he'll be affectionate. and then last weekend we hooked up again. but he's just still inconsistent with his feelings to me. i just don't what to do. he makes me so confused and i don't need this stress my junior year. i've got others things to worry about. i don't want just a friends with benefits/hook-up thing, i really really like him. he's absolutely amazing.

what should i do?


Anonymous
09:57:00 PM
9/16/2008

Have you ever liked someone so badly that it hurts just to sit beside them? I can't even explain how badly I want to be with him. He lives on the floor above me in the dorm and he calls me all the time and there are times when I'm absolutely sure he likes me but others when I'm not so sure. It's driving me insane. Blarrrrg.


Anonymous
10:47:00 AM
8/20/2008

I've been horny for a few weeks now and I decided to give masturbating a try.
I've tried at least 10 times now and I still haven't had an orgasm. I've read up to see what objects I might use and tried a few(pen,pencil,hairbrush,etc.)
And I'm getting pretty frustrated at this point. any suggestions or ideas? anyone?


Anonymous
01:24:00 PM
8/10/2008

You know, it was much easier to deal with the fact that I'm attracted to you when you were off-limits. But now that you are single, I find it almost hard to be around you. Should I listen to reason, which tells me I'm leaving next semester and I don't want a long-distance relationship anyway? Or my hormones that tell me that doesn't matter?

But you don't know
Because I am afraid to tell you.


Anonymous
03:12:00 PM
4/23/2008

I definitely put myself out there last night and, surprise surprise, there wasn't much on the other end. It actually WAS kind of surprising because I thought he liked me too. This is just one in a string of almost-something heartaches. I'm not bitter (well, yes I am, but it's not so bad, because I "learned" from it) but I just wish something would come my way.

All people can say is "at least you have the guts." Yes, yes I do. But it hasn't gotten me very far, has it?


Anonymous
02:54:00 PM

i've always been an outspoken opponent of long-distance relationships and even though i refuse to believe i am in a "relationship" this is so ridiculous. i haven't seen my "boyfriend" in over two months, haven't spoken to him for over a week, i am not even sure i like him anymore, and i don't know what to do. should i "break up"? it's not even a breakup, we haven't even done anything, not even seen each other. and he's going to college anyway... i just feel bad because i know he likes me a lot. but how can i change what i feel?
dammit, this year was supposed to be easy.


Anonymous
11:28:00 PM

FOX cancels all the good shows

I'm sick of this reality tv crap and those shows that are totally unbelievable


Anonymous
09:33:00 PM

Agh!! I wish she would just have her period already so we can stop worrying about it. There's no way she's pregnant (no penetration, no direct genital contact), it's just sort of a mental thing.


Anonymous
06:45:00 AM

everyone around me is hooking up and i am always the socially awkward person who never knows what to do (but i'm happy and friendly with everyone). ahhh i'm getting sick of it. either i can leave this place (soon) or hook up with someone myself (can't happened soon enough).

Anonymous
11:55:00 PM

angst angst angstangstangstangstangstangstangs
tangstangstangstangstangstangst

AAH!


Anonymous
07:23:00 PM

There is nothing I hate more than feeling helpless.


Anonymous
10:15:00 AM

No seriously God, it's cute, this little game. I mean take someone like me, one of the most picky people in the world when it comes to girls, and give me "her". That chick, the one who lines up with me in taste and fury and fire. But hell that'd be too easy eh? Here's a thought, throw in a few 659 miles of freeway and monotonous East Coast scenery and one "weekend", make sure its magical, make sure I'm hooked, certifiably so.

No, seriously I wouldnt expect anything less from an extremely bored, omnipotent diety.

But I swear I better see Jesus Christ himself in the next few days to personally tell me I've been Punk'd.

...because I'm really gettin sick of this "fallen in love" shit.


Anonymous
03:28:00 AM

They're taking my brother away from me
They're taking my goddamn best friend away from me and putting him in fucking wisconsin

FUCK he belongs at home

god damn it why the fuck is this happening