If it is like this for everyone I don't know how they can stand it.
I can't.
Anonymous
09:05:00 PM
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
You have done more in the past three months to help me heal from my sexual assualt than I did for myself in the past three years.
You found me attractive, and approached me, which no one has done since that day, and you've let me go as slow as I needed even though you're much more experienced than I am.
I feel beautiful again. Not used goods, not a victim. Beautiful and a woman in my own right.
Thank you.
Anonymous
11:20:00 PM
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
mostly i'm pretty modest about it, but i really am a good person. it's not even that i necessarily go out of my way to do things, but a lot of times i will. (like picking up trash from the ground, or that time i helped that poor soph kid puking into a garbage can to the nurse.) i'm not trying to gain anyone's approval (i don't think), but it's just part of who i am.
i think i like it the best.
Anonymous
12:17:00 AM
Thursday, April 26, 2007
So, I was searching through some old files on my computer, and I came across this. This was the beginnings of what was originally to be a chronicle of all that had happened on Tangst over its first few months. While I did originally start elaborating on these topics, I never did finish, and if I posted them, it would take up way too much space. So take a look, enjoy, and remember the good ol' days.
1. Tangst forms as an extension of Sithgirl's blog, The Idiosyncratic
2. The teacher posts
3. True Tangst
4. The Great Class Rank Debate
5. The Teacher Posts
6. The Maverick Poems
7. The Christmas Posts
8. Enloe Midterms
9. The Great Homosexuality Debate - With a Tangst Record of 82 Posts Before It Left the Main Page
10. The 300th Post
11. "I fucked my neighbor's dog" - Tangst growing pains, censorship debate
12. Tangst appears on Wikipedia, and is not long after deleted
13. The First of the Cutting/Addiction to Various Things Posts
14. The First Admin Crush Topics
15. The 500th Post
16. thewordofrashi gains Contributor Status. I had to...
17. The Honor Code
18. Prom Posts Begin/Valentine's Day
19. The First Real Cutting Topic (More follow in the coming weeks)
20. Preparations for TangstCon
21. The Uncertainty Period (What if I fail at life?)
22. TangstCon (perhaps merge with preparations?)
23. People Begin to Criticize the Actions of Admins and Contributors
24. Spring Break
25. Ailill_Angra_Mainyu Makes His Consecutive Posts, thus Annoying the Hell out of Tangsters for Weeks to Come
26. The Very First Admin Crush Post, Plus some OTPs (Many, many more to come)
27. April Fools - The Most Disgusting Background in the History of Mankind
28. The Rashi Posts Begin - Both criticizing and loving him
29. The 1000th Post and the Admin Responses
30. Prom
31. "I love _____" Posts Run Rampant
Last night something really bad happened to me.
I called you crying, and all I said was "Can you do me a favor?" you said "of course" and then I asked you to just talk for 10 or 20 minutes about anything. I could tell you were in your dorm with your friends. You might have been drunk, but you always hide it well. But you walked out of the room to where you could hear me. After about 20 minutes you asked me would I be OK and I said yes and then you asked if you were supposed to ask me about it. I hesitated and said no. Then you said "because I want to ask, you know that right?"
I hadn't known that. I said I really didn't want to talk about it, which was true. We hung up and I was able to go to sleep.
You have no idea how much I needed someone to distract me last night. The fact that you dropped what you were doing and talked to me means so much more than you know. And that fact that you wanted to ask what was wrong means the most. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I couldn't. I hope you don't worry.
Sometimes I get frusterated with you when you are too busy or too wasted to talk. I get angry when you are in town and I'm too busy to see you. But I have always known and now I know even more, that you are there for me more than anyone else when it counts. Thank you.
Anonymous
02:55:00 PM
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Talking to you so often, I sometimes feel really guilty. I wonder if, had I not lied months ago, you would be happier, or at least less sad and stressed. That maybe your current and persistent misery is somehow my fault. If only I had admitted things, maybe you wouldn't have gone back to her, maybe you'd be able to be your own person again.
Maybe I wouldn't see the life being sucked out of you on a daily basis.
Anonymous
12:21:00 AM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
some days
I feel like a
dried up carcass, weathered and worn
hardened like a human jerky stick
as my soul is
gone
stifled.
and I realize that what I want out of life
us not the same thing, that
life wants out of me
as this society swoops in like a flock of overbearing vultures
ravenous
they pick me apart
To be.
I can’t.
a heavy sponge of chloroform over my nostrils
until my body functions
but there is nothing left within
Anonymous
10:03:00 PM
We're going to laugh together and be silly. It wil be relaxed and wonderful.
It's exactly what we need after we've put ourselves through so much empty angst over each other.
And it's just what I need. Slow and simple.
Thank goodness I said something.
And thank goodness he cares enough about me to do what I ask. Slow down.
This isn't even a sad post, for once, probably the first time it hasn't been.
I was courageous enough to say what needed to be said. Now I'm going to be happy for a while. If I get any negative comments or whatnot--know this.
I'm happy and I have little to no reason to care if you have something mean to say.
Anonymous
08:07:00 PM
I understand completely how you are feeling. You 'hate' me but I understand. Maybe you like him... I am just guessing. I understand what that is like. I really don't have anything against you. I don't know why you think I do. I didn't make an obscene gesture at you or call you any names. I am not that girl. I am sorry if you miss him and I am sorry if I took him off the market and out of your arms. But he did want you and you didn't want him back. So he moved on. Every time I see you coming I dodge in another direction but as my favorite adult said: "It's your school too" and he is mine too. He does really like me. I am so lucky for that and grateful and I am not looking to hurt him. I understand if you are protective. But things between him and I are good. We really have a good thing going. I think that as 'needy' as I am his desire to fix every problem is comforting. BUT I do agree with you... I have to solve my own problems. But you are missing the point. He wants me. He wants to be with me. So I am not using him for his support. We are supporting each other, feeding off each other. We care about each other. How long is this relationship going to last? Well I don't know but it sure isn't ending tomorrow. I don't understand why you are going to lose your friendship with him over me. But what I realize... is that this isn't about me. This is about him and how much you care for him. But think... if you really cared about him you'd let him be happy. I am sick of seeing him upset over you treating him horribly. I understand how hard it is ... I've been through this. I am a nice person ... get to know me before you hate me. Try to see what he sees. I am not trying to push you out of his life. In fact I want you there just as much as I want my former best friend in my life. Don't be silly. Please talk to him.
Please treasure these last two months and don’t spend them hating on someone whose company you enjoy.
Anonymous
04:25:00 PM
Monday, April 23, 2007
The Crash
It’s
About as
Ironic
As contemplating
Death on
Prom night
All of a sudden
The kid who’s been
Kicking
The back of your seat
Won’t
Get his
First
Kiss
The jackass who
Took up all the
Space
In the
Overhead
Is your
Priest
It’s all floating
Down
Now
And you wonder
If
Even if
They find
Your teeth
They’ll surely
Find
Your nail clippers
Perhaps
A
Wedding band
That resides
In your
Pocket
On these types of
Trips
The oxygen slips
In
Eyes are big
Round
Quarter machine
Prizes
You wish
You could give
Them to that
Kid behind
You
Where is his mother?
Head’s against
The stiff
Two-ply
Polyester
Of the flight attendant
Who the hell lets their five-year old fly?
Alone?
TV dinners
Midnight reruns of Soul Train
In that
Fuzzy color
The beach
The prowling link of
Mountains
Kiss
Touch
Feel
Leave
Arrive
Taste
Smell
Give
Take
Sound
Color
Rhythm
Fly, fly
Fall
Fall
Feel
Fell
Fe--
Anonymous
01:02:00 AM
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Ive got a strange way of interacting with people. Sometimes I'm a socialite who is the focus of the room but then other times I get so nervous just being around other people I cant bring my self to be anything other than "that quiet kid". Its so odd cause the two people are polar opposites. I wonder what makes me change.
Anonymous
12:23:00 AM
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
I vote to change the "topics" so we have fewer ones with only 1 post attached to them.
Why? Well, let's see:
"House" seems like a topic people will post about often.
"Dead babies" ???
"Wisdom Teeth"
How about fitting those into broader topics. Maybe "pimples" could fit into "body image"?
"Dead Babies" into "joke"?
Maybe I'm way out of line but, I think that a little fixing of our topics would help people who search through them.
There are way too many.
Anonymous
08:04:00 PM
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
I think my just-going-as-friends prom date has a crush on me. We've known eachother forever and I always joke about us being soulmates, I mean, we're pretty much best friends. Him having a crush on me changes EVERYTHING. I hate awkward shit. But first I'm going to make sure so I don't turn into a psycho bitch for no reason.
Anonymous
04:46:00 PM
I loved her. That is really all there is to it.
But it could never work. I know what I want, and I know what she wants. Twoo entirely seperate things. So I'm trying to move on. I'm looking away and trying to drift away. She knows it, I think. But now I'm afraid that, once again, my timing is terrible. I have a feeling that now, of all times, she is changing. And I fear that my pulling away is hurting her more than my unreturned love used to hurt me.
My dilema is that I've moved on, mostly. I can't reverse the effort that I have put in. It would kill me, literally.
I want her to know that I'm sorry. But I can't talk to her. I wouldn't know what to say, what to do. I guess I hope that she reads this post, and knows that I'm talking to her in the only way I can.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
No seriously God, it's cute, this little game. I mean take someone like me, one of the most picky people in the world when it comes to girls, and give me "her". That chick, the one who lines up with me in taste and fury and fire. But hell that'd be too easy eh? Here's a thought, throw in a few 659 miles of freeway and monotonous East Coast scenery and one "weekend", make sure its magical, make sure I'm hooked, certifiably so.
No, seriously I wouldnt expect anything less from an extremely bored, omnipotent diety.
But I swear I better see Jesus Christ himself in the next few days to personally tell me I've been Punk'd.
...because I'm really gettin sick of this "fallen in love" shit.
Anonymous
03:28:00 AM
Friday, April 13, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Tintedfragipan reminds me of that prudish man who writes a column in the N&O on grammar mistakes in the media.
However, as one who will undoubtedly commit some sort of grammatical crime in the very near future (or who just did), I salute you.
Even now I feel myself spurred towards greater grammatic perfection by the thought of your acerbic satire directed at my feeble prose.
Grammarians of the world, I hope you are able to turn back the tide of modernity. Or atleast prevent it from washing away all the conventions of our language.
Anonymous
05:04:00 PM
I really wish my parents would stop buying me presents. It just makes me sad that they have no idea what I really want and just buy me impersonal things that I have no space or use for and have to keep so that they don't feel bad.
I told them they didn't have to buy me anything this year (Easter really isn't the sort of holiday you need to give gifts on) and then they did anyway.
Anonymous
02:14:00 PM
so this is classic- i like him, and maybe he likes me? but he has a girlfriend (that he's been dating for 3 years). we were only supposed to be friends. i never thought i would be the one muscling in on some other girl's boyfriend. and of course i feel badly, but there's this part of me that secretly thinks it'd be great if they'd just break up so we could go out. i wish there was some way to avoid anyone getting hurt. but one of us will, and it'll probably be me. but maybe it would be worse if it were her, because it would make me a terrible person. i dislike this situation, but i do honestly kind of like finally having someone to care about again. i feel like i have an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders. i probably sound like it, too.
Anonymous
12:40:00 AM
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
I'm really happy that we haven't really been talking anymore. I'm glad to be rid of you. I mean, I never thought I'd meet someone more self-obsessed than myself, but time after time you've proven me wrong. I guess this recent time has been the last straw. Your inability to hold your tongue or suppress actions that humiliate others for self gratification and image got really, really old.
I hope all of the friends who like you because you're "cute and fun" realize who you are.
I hope YOU realize who you are.
Anonymous
12:01:00 PM
crap, we broke up
i don't know exactly how i feel. obviously i wish we woulda been able to stay together, but she seems to have some really compelling reasons why we shouldn't be together.
i don't know, maybe she's right
P.S. and i know that your going to be able to tell that this is me
P.S.S. and i hope that when you said you still wanted to go to prom with me, its because u think u'd have a good time, not out of convenience
P.S.S.S. and i'm sorry if i've been a jerk and really stubborn recently, but i just need some time
Anonymous
09:19:00 AM
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
i had sex. thats common knowledge except to the person that should probably know. i had sex with HIM, see the with HIM part is not common knowledge and by with HIM i mean the scum of the earth, the alchoholic, the failure, the lustful HIM. HIM who no one knows. The HIM who is seperate from my world at school. The HIM who i continue to lust for no matter how much the HIM hurts me. the HIM hurt me for the last time tonight. He wants to forget it happened ... he wants to forget me. well ok. he can forget me. and i'll try to forget him. but its hard to forget your first time. I am a sexual person. there will be more sex. That's not the issue.
Now to this new amazing man. he is great. i feel wonderful around him. But his exit from my life is so soon but oddly comforting. Do i tell the new man about HIM. Do I? HIM happens to be a big factor in my life. I don't want to forget HIM. I just don't. But this new man is turning out to be unforgettable. oh how glad i am.
oh how i tell myself to please not screw it up.
Anonymous
12:39:00 AM
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
my dad just pisses me the hell off sometimes. his stupid critical jokes ARENT FUNNY ALL THE TIME. and he doesnt realize that hes being an asshole. and if you point it out he denies it and just thinks i cant take a joke. hes so irrational fucking hell. ARG i just wish i could do what i wanted without having to be around him. we have this immediate "forgive and forget" policy just so we can coexist.
Anonymous
11:38:00 PM
I know I should be happy for all the people in our graduating class who overcame the mediocrity and got into ivy league colleges, overcame whatever issues they had at home and with friends and in relationships, and didn't let it ruin their chances.
But I did let it ruin my chances. I just needed a few more months, and it happened anyway.
All the great-college-goers have a great life ahead of them, so it doesn't matter when I say that
I
Hate
Them.
And that it doesn't matter. This April fool's the joke was on me.
Anonymous
11:35:00 AM
Monday, April 02, 2007
N.C. State said no.
Which means I'm going to Appalachian... hours away from evryone I know. It's not like many of them even talk to me anymore, but it's not any better knowing that now I'm losing everone I know.
Everything my father ever told me about me failing to suceed in this world is now proved true. I wanted so, so badly to prove him wrong...
More than anything though, it means that I'll be far away from whom I love. It didn't matter that it wasnt' returned, just as long as I was close...
But now like everything and everyone else in my life, I have to leave that, too.
I don't even know why I'm going to college, now. Not like this. Not so alone.
Anonymous
05:41:00 PM
Sunday, April 01, 2007
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