Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A Good Knight’s Ideal

I’m as sleepless as the New York skyline
And just as weary of the morning fog
Oh! But what an entrance for a sun such as the one outside
The mercurial urbanity of this place will soon be lost

The sun only leads to pale moonlight
So your glow may be glorified throughout the night
And the snow only falls, knowing ahead,
That your brilliance will transform it to dewdrops instead

I will discard my Yankees cap for a tophat
And my scrawl for the cursive
That echoes your curves
I will be the smell before rain
The calm before the storm
Aramaic
A good knight’s ideal
The silhouette of every good thing that has graced this earth.
But never for myself
No, never for myself


Maverick
08:55:41 PM

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like the weather, and the good use of sound. I'm a big sound user myself.

"mercurial urbanity" and "aramaic" were your best uses of sound. occasionally I think you could make your imagery better (like like the yankees cap / for a tophat) if you used words that have more dissonance or harmony.

Also, I like the theme. Though I'm not a big fan of curves.

Dr.A said...

you totally stole "smell before rain."

Dr.A said...

but, i liked it a lot, seargent. work harder and maybe you can be promoted to general.

Maverick said...

I appreciate the comments, but I personally think that no one can steal the smell before rain, Dr.

Anonymous said...

However, Dr. A makes the valid point that "the smell before the rain" is a cliche.

I think it's appopriate, especially if it expresses what you feel. But if we were evaluating your poetry for maturity, structure, originality, we'd have to cut it.

Dr.A said...

oh well I actually meant that I know exactly what song maverick stole it out of, becausve I've listened to that same song with him, and i know that he likes it a lot. not just in the general form of a cliche.

"You are the smell before rain, you are the blo.od in my veins." -- Brand New, Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot, Deja Entendu.

knight_racer979 said...

Brilliant as always, maverick.

Excellent use of emotion.

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful... we have some rather talented poets on this site.

Anonymous said...

Maverick, you are a hero.

Anonymous said...

Too much reliance on fancy words, and it's structurally choppy.

Anonymous said...

its sweet

Anonymous said...

2 Above: I get the choppy, but re: the first post about the fancy words. Don't you think they add something?

Anonymous said...

I'd have to agree. Especially "aramaic".