My First Post of the New Year
Greetings to all in the New Year. Hope everyone had as safe a travel as I did.
I have a question, or a request for advice rather.
How do you tell someone that you love them, I mean truly love them in the depths of your heart, that you can't think of anything but her when she is with you, when you're not sure she feels the same way? What if you're afraid that the relationship you have now will be ruined if you've misjudged her?
I'm caught here, friends. Don't know if the risks outweigh the possible benefits, but she's all I can think about.
Maybe she's out there and she's reading this right now, not having any way to know that it is her I'm thinking of. If so, I hope she'll leave her ideas here, and look for me.
Maybe.
11 comments:
I really want to know who you are, knight racer.
This seems like a tough situation, like you have lots to lose and lots to gain.
Could you sort of test the water, maybe? See her reaction to a suggestions of a relationship, or just tell her you care strongly for her? Saying you outright love her could be slightly overwhelming....maybe?
I wish I could help you. I know you aren't the only one in this situation.
Take it in steps. I don't know how close you are to her, but if it's at all possible, then try to get to be one of her better friends. Big news of this sort is a lot easier to take from a good friend than from a casual acquaintance. And getting a good solid friendship is an advisable foundation for any romantic relationship, anyways.
Patience is a virtue, o KnightRacer.
Well I just had this exact situation. If you truly feel all these things about her I would say talk to her about them, no matter how sure or unsure you are about her feeling the same way.
Of course, to look at a measured view of it: If she doesn't share the feelings she might retreat from you and your current relationship will stop. But that seems to me to be the least likely thing that could happen. Even if she doesn't share your lo.ve, maybe she can at least appreciate the depths of your feelings and you'll be able to keep your friendship.
And the possible benefits... that you would be able to spend more time with this person and truly let them understand how you feel. And that she might feel the same, and you could have a long and fulfilling relationship with her based on those feelings. It seems to me that even betting against the possible lost of your friendship would be worth this possible reward.
If you lose her in whatever capacity she currently is, then I would say better the short sharp pain of rejection than the long dull ache of unrequited lo.ve.
I would have to agree with PoeticRetreat. Unrequited love sucks. There really isn't a refuge from it. Tell her how you feel. It's better to just do it. The waiting and the uncertainty end up hurting worse over time, especially if that time is wasted because the final answer is "no."
You shouldn't be so worried about losing her as a friend. If she's as wonderful as you think she is, she'll stick around and work to make things okay with you as a friend. If not, then she probably wouldn't have been worth it in the long run.
Good luck.
Write a poem.
Or tell him or her over tangst.
I would have to agree with all the previous ladies and gentlemen who have donated their opinions. Furthermore I would like to quote a song from a "hip" band:
"And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to never lain beside at all"
What Sarah Said
by Death Cab for Cutie
Album: Plans
Sir, it is truly more admirable to actually live your life, than to have other circumstances live it for you. Sacrifices must be made, battles must be won, and scars must be in sight, so that you may die having death's only prerequisite: an air of life. For when one is only a host for outside dictators then death is no more numb than the dull comatose that they have so long swaggered through.
Do not write a poem without first delivering her the work of another. Try John Keats or the universally romantic Shakespeare. Then it would be wise to envelop with your own ink.
But to speak my mind with personal experience of your predicament, first be a name, then be a friend, then be a best friend, then be lover. It would not be in your best interest to skip ANY of these steps unless you can get away with it (and in that case you should tell the rest of us that secret).
I wish you the best.
Alas, but if life were only that easy.
I read your thoughts and realize that you are all right, yet when time comes for actions I find that words fail me, that this is the proverbial "looks good on paper" situation.
Woe the weakness of the human nature, says me.
plan of action from a veteran of broken hearts
(looks long but is quick to read)
i know it's really really REALLY hard to love someone and not be able to tell them, because you feel like you SHOULD be able to tell them and they SHOULD love you back. but it just doesn't always turn out that way. i agree with the first person who said "test the waters." but i have a slightly different approach. tell her what you REALLY REALLY want to tell her, but with an extra word or two added in.
Example:
you want to say: "i love you"
try saying: "i love talking to you" or "i love your smile"
you want to say: "i miss you so much it hurts"
try saying: "i miss hearing your voice" or "it would be so great to see you soon"
you want to say: "you mean EVERYTHING to me"
try saying: "our friendship means a lot to me" or "you are important to me"
these more edited versions of your emotions will be especially appreciated if she's feeling down, whereas making an enormous statement would just weigh her down more.
saying things like this will help you release some of your feelings, and will also start to give her the idea without making you seem too desperate or scarily passionate.
feel free to use any of the exact quotes ;). good luck, and i may take my own advice...
Well good luck to you Veteran, and thanks for the ideas, might just have to use them sometime.
The anonymous who posted above KnightRacer-you are my hero.
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