who still posts on here? how long have you been here?
Anonymous
02:30:00 PM
1/31/2010
Post anything that you want - a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Post twice if you'd like. And then share the site with your friends.
14 comments:
I don't post, but I publish posts occasionally. I've been here since the beginning in one form or another.
I'm still here. I've been here since before I graduated in 08.
I've been here since my sophomore year at Enloe in 05/06. I still post all the time. I feel like I would know everyone that posts.
I still post, have posted since high school. Angst doesn't disappear once you're in college.
i still post. i discovered it probably 01/06 maybe? i rarely post anymore though, just comment. unlike anon 4, my angst has really gone down since college and since i got a grounded serious boyfriend.
I've been here for quite some time now.
^ swoooon
I'm a word person. Phrases dance in my head, letters combining and breaking apart and combining again.
I'm a writer. Melodies and empty pages must be filled.
But you, you take my words away.
Everyone thinks of me as some prodigy with my words. It never made sense to you, because when I was with you my words were average. Boring. Common.
That was because you took my words away.
I wanted to tell you so badly, but the words wouldn't come. You made my mind blank and my words bland.
And if I could force my brain to call the correct words, they didn't seem enough. So generic and not creative enough for you.
Because you were perfect.
(continued)
Not perfect in the blinded, adolescent sense. Perfect in the sense that your faults were not hidden to me, but beautifully obvious. I longed to say the words. To give you that phrase that sat in my heart for 6 years. But I couldn't.
I saw the phrase that everyone knows as perfect as perfectly ordinary, instead of what it really is. Simple and elegant and profound. It would have suited you well, because that is what you were.
But I was oblivious. That is what you made me.
So I tried to tell you in other ways. Hints, painfully obvious, looks, desperate, conversations, hidden intent. I told you in klingon once. Too bad you aren't as 'geeky' as me.
How could you not know? Did you miss the incredibly extended pause between when you asked me and when I denied it? Did you not wonder about that hug? The one where I ran for you. I almost kissed you, but I was scared. I was always scared!
Scared to take that step. I was terrified of losing the tender friendship we had, because I wouldn't make it through. But at the same time this potential, this hope residing inside of me was killing me. What if we could be so much more? What if I ruined it all?
I couldn't risk it. I just couldn't.
And I might never have told you if you hadn't have left.
Details are unimportant, but with who you are pretending to be, I can't be your friend. I have my responsibilities. And I couldn't bear to see you hurt yourself. So I wrote you a long letter, begging you to return to me and everyone that loves you.
In that letter, I told you. But I'm not sure you were listening. You responded around the issue, the phrase that took me so long to say, to just spit out the easy words that refused to come.
And then you said goodbye.
You promised to always care about me, but not in the way I wanted you to. I don't want you to care about me. I'm not sure I even want you to love me now. I want you to REMEMBER ME. Any promise I make would be an understatement. I could never forget you. I remember every moment, every blessed second of those 6 years. I loved you through them all, even though sometime I told myself and others I didn't.
I'm so scared you'll forget me. I wanted to forget you, and was scared I would, but now I know that I can't.
If I ever see you again, I'll kiss you. I'll kiss you and say 'I still want you to come back' because maybe you think I'm mad at you, because I was when I cried into a dirty T-shirt for two hours. I was when I bawled on the floor of my shower, 2 months later, when I couldn't stand up anymore.
And then I will walk away.
(continued)
Not perfect in the blinded, adolescent sense. Perfect in the sense that your faults were not hidden to me, but beautifully obvious. I longed to say the words. To give you that phrase that sat in my heart for 6 years. But I couldn't.
I saw the phrase that everyone knows as perfect as perfectly ordinary, instead of what it really is. Simple and elegant and profound. It would have suited you well, because that is what you were.
But I was oblivious. That is what you made me.
So I tried to tell you in other ways. Hints, painfully obvious, looks, desperate, conversations, hidden intent. I told you in klingon once. Too bad you aren't as 'geeky' as me.
How could you not know? Did you miss the incredibly extended pause between when you asked me and when I denied it? Did you not wonder about that hug? The one where I ran for you. I almost kissed you, but I was scared. I was always scared!
Scared to take that step. I was terrified of losing the tender friendship we had, because I wouldn't make it through. But at the same time this potential, this hope residing inside of me was killing me. What if we could be so much more? What if I ruined it all?
I couldn't risk it. I just couldn't.
And I might never have told you if you hadn't have left.
Details are unimportant, but with who you are pretending to be, I can't be your friend. I have my responsibilities. And I couldn't bear to see you hurt yourself. So I wrote you a long letter, begging you to return to me and everyone that loves you.
In that letter, I told you. But I'm not sure you were listening. You responded around the issue, the phrase that took me so long to say, to just spit out the easy words that refused to come.
And then you said goodbye.
You promised to always care about me, but not in the way I wanted you to. I don't want you to care about me. I'm not sure I even want you to love me now. I want you to REMEMBER ME. Any promise I make would be an understatement. I could never forget you. I remember every moment, every blessed second of those 6 years. I loved you through them all, even though sometime I told myself and others I didn't.
(continued)
I'm so scared you'll forget me. I wanted to forget you, and was scared I would, but now I know that I can't.
If I ever see you again, I'll kiss you. I'll kiss you and say 'I still want you to come back' because maybe you think I'm mad at you, because I was when I cried into a dirty T-shirt for two hours. I was when I bawled on the floor of my shower, 2 months later, when I couldn't stand up anymore.
And then I will walk away.
Please don't say anything, unless it's 'I'm coming back' because anything else will crush my heart.
I'm barely standing. Sometimes I still can't breathe even though it's been 203 days.
There's so much I want to say. So much I want to put in this desperate internet scream.
But once again you have taken away my words.
I looked in songs to find words to describe my feelings, as there are many, for you. turns out I need about 56 to make a clear picture. But here's the closest.
"Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone.
You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe.
I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise."
Do you even know how beautiful you are? I just want you to know you're amazing. The memories I have of you still fill me with awe. You took away not only my words, but my breath.
I have a box. It sits in my top drawer. It has everything that reminds me of you. Everything you gave me. You never gave me much. But the note, the drawing of my name, they are in there. I couldn't find the ring. It's probably turned to dust by now, but I remember it.
There a note in there that says our song is "All Of Me." I would've asked your opinion, but I can't.
I bought a notebook, and put your name on the front cover. I'll write down everything I remember in it, and put it in the box.
I know you will never find this, you aren't really a 'Tangst' person, and you're with HER anyway, so I doubt it would make a difference, but if you do, I want to make sure you know.
Anthony Jordan B., you know who I am. If you're reading, make sure you really listen to this next part.
Anthony,
You are my only one.
i love you
And I always will.
My first love.
M.
You take my breath away
I'm so scared you'll forget me. I wanted to forget you, and was scared I would, but now I know that I can't.
If I ever see you again, I'll kiss you. I'll kiss you and say 'I still want you to come back' because maybe you think I'm mad at you, because I was when I cried into a dirty T-shirt for two hours. I was when I bawled on the floor of my shower, 2 months later, when I couldn't stand up anymore.
And then I will walk away.
Please don't say anything, unless it's 'I'm coming back' because anything else will crush my heart.
I'm barely standing. Sometimes I still can't breathe even though it's been 203 days.
There's so much I want to say. So much I want to put in this desperate internet scream.
But once again you have taken away my words.
(continued)
I looked in songs to find words to describe my feelings, as there are many, for you. turns out I need about 56 to make a clear picture. But here's the closest.
"Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone.
You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe.
I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise."
Do you even know how beautiful you are? I just want you to know you're amazing. The memories I have of you still fill me with awe. You took away not only my words, but my breath.
I have a box. It sits in my top drawer. It has everything that reminds me of you. Everything you gave me. You never gave me much. But the note, the drawing of my name, they are in there. I couldn't find the ring. It's probably turned to dust by now, but I remember it.
There a note in there that says our song is "All Of Me." I would've asked your opinion, but I can't.
I bought a notebook, and put your name on the front cover. I'll write down everything I remember in it, and put it in the box.
I know you will never find this, you aren't really a 'Tangst' person, and you're with HER anyway, so I doubt it would make a difference, but if you do, I want to make sure you know.
Anthony Jordan B., you know who I am. If you're reading, make sure you really listen to this next part.
Anthony,
You are my only one.
i love you
And I always will.
My first love.
M.
You take my breath away
I'm still here. Still some angst goin' on, but mostly I read it for the memories. With so many years between me and my former angst, it's sort of nice to look back over these posts. The most amazing thing is that I'm not always sure which posts and comments were mine, and which were the frustrations of others in situations exactly like mine. It's heartwarming to know that, in retrospect, the times I felt most alone were the times when I was truly the most in tune with the human experience of my fellow classmates. I don't think I'll ever delete Tangst from my bookmarks.
Post a Comment